Falling in love wasn't part of Poe's plan. He had been in love before. He had a few serious loves but all ended badly. His job didn't make him stay anywhere for far too long and that caused a major strain on all of his relationships. He tried to make things work but the girls he had been with weren't satisfied. They wanted all of his time - they wanted him to always be there every second and that was something he couldn't do. By the time he was twenty five, he gave up on serious relationships and began having casual relationships to make things easier. No heartbreak.

He met Rey when he was thirty two and when she was nineteen (he's thirty three now and she's twenty). She immediately caught his eye (other than her looking after his BB-8). She caught his eye by how independent she was, how self reliant she was. He had never met another female pilot before that was down to earth like him. There were female pilots but most were either engaged or already married. Poe also made a vow to himself to never date anyone from his work to avoid any awkward tension if things went sour. He wanted to be professional.

Loving someone wasn't part of his plan.

He didn't want to fall in love with her. He was attracted to her yes, but to let it be something else, it would be nothing but heartbreak. But despite his warnings and conscience, he didn't follow them.

Poe should have listened to his conscience - he shouldn't have been using BB-8 as an excuse to see her on his free time or flirt with her. He shouldn't have done many things but he couldn't help himself. On the rare times they were assigned to work together, she was fun to be around. She brought such a warm and spiritedly energy. She was a great pilot and fighter and she was great at leading and taking orders. He couldn't help but to be drawn to her. She was so easy to talk to, so witty and rough around the edges. She wasn't refined. She was her own woman. Such a strong woman, he thought. He couldn't help but to find her cute. She looked so cute when she smiled. She looked so cute and eager when she does something right.

Rey's nineteen, he told himself whenever he finds eyes wandering at her, stealing glimpses of her.

She's never been with anyone else. She's going to get attached easily if anything happens, he tells himself again. So he tells himself, that they're just friends and that he wanted to get to know her better. It was a bald face life but he makes himself believe it until they ended up kissing each other in the heat of the moment.

By that time, they had been flirting with one another for some time now and they shouldn't be surprised but they are.

Both never really expected for their flirtation to escalate to anything else.

Poe leaves the next day. He goes back to the Resistance base and flies away to Takodana. It's a long trip and so he lets his mind roam to pass the time. It was really lonely being out on missions - being on separate ships and so Poe thinks of things to keep him busy.

He submerges himself into the past again.

Most of the time, he thinks of the the present - of his wife and his daughter back home but it causes nothing but sadness in him. And so, he remembers the past, before he was attached to anyone.

He remembers the first time he kissed her - how clumsy she was when she kissed him. She missed his mouth twice on their first kiss and her shoulders were tense. Poe remained in control and calm, and guided her, easing her nervousness. He remembers how shy she was kissing him. He had to be very slow with her, very gentle. It almost killed him to be so gentle - he was used to experienced women and kissing Rey made him feel sick with himself - like he's too old for her. Like he shouldn't be kissing her until she had experience with a few men.

It wasn't just a peck on the lips, it became a deep kiss that lasted a couple of minutes.

Poe pulled away from her and blinked several times. "I should be going," he said smoothly, concealing his mixed emotions. He was panicking on the inside but he remained calm. He shouldn't have kissed her. He shouldn't. She was his colleague. She was his friend - she was the last person he wanted to end things on a bad note.

Rey nodded. She's dazed and a bit hurt but she doesn't let it get to her. "Yeah, you should," she said indifferently. To his surprise, she looked at him and spoke to him reasonably instead of acting like a lovesick girl.

Poe stiffly nodded and walked away from her.

To his surprise, she didn't make it a big deal. After that kiss, they went on with their lives, as if it never happened. They didn't speak about it and things were the same but it left Poe unsatisfied as well as mystified. He was relieved that things returned back to normal but a part of him wasn't. He wanted her to want him. He wanted her to be like the other women he had been with - to chase after him and want to be with him.

He had never met a woman that wasn't wrapped around his finger before and it frustrated him.

He wondered if she liked the kiss - if she enjoyed kissing him as much as he enjoyed kissing her.

"Do you like me?" she asked him out of nowhere. They were alone, playing with BB-8. He had made yet another excuse to see her, this time he used the BB-8 card.

Poe raised his eyebrow and stared at her. She doesn't look shy at all and there was assertion and boldness in her tone. He blinked. He doesn't know what to say. It had been a month since they had kissed and he assumed she had forgotten about it.

"Well if you do, we should date," she responded sharply, a blush developing on her face. Her eyes went to the ground and her skin was red.

He chuckled to himself, amazed by how forward she was. But then again, the words must have been bottling up for some time now. By her face, he could tell that she was sort of waiting for him to do make a move but got tired of waiting and decided to take matters in her own hands. "I suppose we should," he answered, patting her hair.

Even when they were dating, he didn't want to love her. He really didn't. They agreed to keep it casual from the start. They would date others and it wouldn't be an issue. Rey was quick to agree with his proposition but he knew why. She didn't want to get hurt as well. She didn't want to get attached to him. But, he did fall in love with her.

Poe didn't fall in love with her right away. He didn't fall in love with her when they slept together. He fell in love with her sometime after they slept together, a month after they did.

They were stationed to another Resistance base and it was the middle of the night when she called him to come to her room. There was a storm that night, the worst storm in centuries.

"Where are you?" he asked, finding her room empty. She had called him on his communicator to come over but she wasn't there. He was about to go back to his room until he sensed her presence.

Something was wrong.

He looked around her room and found her in the closet, curled up in a corner. Her eyes were shut closed and her hands were pried to her ears. Poe's heart skipped a beat. "Rey, what's wrong?" he asked in a low voice.

She was shaking - she looked so small. He had never seen her afraid before. He was about to open his mouth until he realized - she was terrified. She was terrified of the lightning and thunder. She must have never encounter lightning before, he thought to himself. "Come here, Rey," he whispered. "There's nothing to be afraid," he coaxed. "I'm here."

She didn't hear him. She was too numb. She was trembling and her breathing was becoming uneven.

The lights went out and the wind started to hit the walls.

"It's okay, I'm here," he whispered. Poe went inside and crawled to her. He wrapped his arms around her quickly and held her tight, burying her face into him. He held her tight as if his life depended on it. He stroked her back and soothed her. "It's okay," his voice was like velvet. "It'll all be over soon." His eyes lowered, she was crying now. Whimpering.

He had never seen her like this, so scared. So vulnerable. He could feel her loneliness and the years growing up without anyone. She doesn't want to get hurt and yet she wanted him here to be there for her, to see her like this. His skin tightened and his throat began to burn. He doesn't want to get close to her. He doesn't want to get close to anyone but this was different somehow.

This was Rey. She didn't need him the way other women needed him. She was able to take care of herself but see her like this, to feel her loneliness at his fingertips, pained him. Why can't she take care of herself now? Why does she want me here? Why not anyone else? She can take care of herself without me -he was barely breathing but he keeps up with his relax facade. Poe carried her out and laid her on her bed. She grasped on him, holding on to him.

"I'm not leaving," he told her gently. He laid himself beside her, watching her curl into him. Rey buried her face into his chest and sobbed. Poe struggled to breathe. She looked like a heartbroken child and her fingers, they were holding on to him. He kissed the top of her head and held her hand firmly.

Poe stroked her hair and continued to comfort her. He was blinked frantically, his mind was running wild. Everyone she had ever loved had left her while everyone he had ever loved, he had left them.

It scares him so much that she trusts him enough to see her like this.

I'm going to hurt her, he thought to himself. He should end this but Poe stays with her. He still holds her. He still kisses her head and whispers sweet things to her. Poe's humming now, letting his voice soothe her. He hummed her a song.

Before he knows it, she falls asleep in his arms. He could leave but he doesn't want to. He pulled the blanket over them and stroked her cheek. He should leave but he doesn't want to. He wanted her to wake up to him. He should end this but he doesn't want to either. He supposed he loved her.

The sight of gray clouds pulls him back to the present. He looked around and realized he was still stationed to the ground. He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't left yet. Poe bit his lip, examining the clouds. It was going to rain. There was going to be a storm, he knew by the sound of thunder. He was able to fly the ship regardless of the rain but that wasn't on his mind.

Without a second thought, he got out and ran back to home.

He was supposed to leave but he's worried. He's worried about Rey and Ava. The image of Rey having an anxiety attack, holding Ava as she curled into a ball - it scared him to the death. Poe rushed back and opened the door and searched for them.

He hears Ava crying as the lightning was getting louder. "Rey!" he called out for her. He frantically searched the house but finds them in Ava's room. Rey's sitting in the rocking chair, holding Ava firmly as she rocked their daughter. BB-8 was next to him, mumbling about.

"Poe," Rey blinked. "What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to go to-

"I was worried about you two," he answered, blinking several times. Rey was relaxed, unaffected by the thunder. She was soothing Ava, humming a song to their daughter. She was humming a song he had hummed to her.

"We're doing fine," she laughed, unaware of his thoughts.

"I wasn't sure," he admitted. "I thought you two would be scared -

"I'm not scared of the the thunder," she chuckled to herself. It was sweet of him to rush back - he was worried for them.

"You used to be -

"I'm not anymore. I'm not anymore because of you," she smiled. She tugged him by the sleeve of his shirt and kissed him. "We're fine," she said calmly. "You should go before they wonder where you went."

Poe breathed but smiled to himself. He had forgotten how she was used to adapt. "I'll be back as soon as I can," he whispered to the both of them. "I love you Rey."

To be continued.