Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

Robot:

It was a typical day at the Fairy Tail guild hall, which meant a lot of drunken revelry that would rapidly devolve into a lot of drunken brawls—all before noon. And of course, it was noisy as hell. Although being at the guild hall for more than two hours at a time had given him headaches his first few weeks in this world, Lily had slowly adjusted to Fairy Tail's unique ambiance.

The girl who sat across the table from him looked up from the book she had been reading. "Hey, Lily?"

The company wasn't so bad either, the cat thought. "Yes, Levy?"

"I've been wondering, why have I never seen you flying around with Gajeel?"

Lily tilted his head in a quizzical manner. "I'm not sure I understand the question."

"Well, Happy is always carrying Natsu around in the air, especially during battles. Charle does it with Wendy too, sometimes. But I don't think I've ever seen you flying with Gajeel."

"Ah," he said, comprehension dawning. "There's actually a very good reason for that." Levy leaned in closer to hear the answer. "I try to avoid it as much as possible, because he's too heavy."

Levy's eyes widened in surprise. "Sure, Gajeel is bigger than either Natsu or Wendy, but he can't be that heavy, can he? And you're a lot stronger than the average Exceed."

Lily smiled, pleased by her comment. "He's a lot heavier than he looks. All that iron he eats weighs a ton."

She appeared to consider this piece of information. "But he doesn't ever appear to put on any weight. Where does he put it all?"

Lily watched as Levy appeared to consider her own question. A moment later, he saw her bite her lip while an amused sparkle lit up her eyes.

"What is it?" he asked, curious to know what had caused this reaction.

"Oh, nothing," Levy waved a hand dismissively. "I was just thinking… What if Gajeel was actually a robot? You know, a mechanical man made out of metal. It would explain so much." She dissolved into giggles.

"Oh? Do tell," Lily said.

"Well," she inched closer to share her theory, "he's just made to appear human on the outside. His iron dragon scales are part of his true form. Being made of metal is how he's able to turn parts of his body into the material. And he would have a storage bin on the inside, instead of the usual organs, to keep all the iron he eats."

"He would also need a voice box," Lily added.

"And a voice box," Levy agreed. "One that is perpetually set to maximum volume."

It was true. Gajeel could be awfully loud without even realizing it, although Lily had noticed that it was mostly around Natsu when the yelling got really out of hand.

"What else?" Levy pondered, tapping her chin.

Gajeel strode into the guild hall at one in the afternoon. Giving the room a once-over, he was pleased to see that it was mostly people he recognized from the guild, even if he didn't know all their names. The tavern could get pretty hectic sometimes, since it was open to the public for lunch and dinner. If he had arrived an hour or two earlier during the rush, he would have been stuck in a room packed with people he didn't know, all of them invading his personal space. Since he didn't like people as a general rule, he preferred to avoid the establishment during the busier hours, and only made appearances when he was sure the place was fairly empty.

"Hey, scrap metal idiot!" Natsu ran over to him. "I heard you really are made out of scrap metal!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you being a robot, of course! You did a pretty good job keeping it secret for so long, but I know the truth now!"

Gajeel could only stare at Natsu blankly, trying to comprehend the words that had just come from the other's mouth. It was like the person had spoken in a foreign language.

Natsu raised his fists and shouted, "Fight me, Gajeel!" No response. "Come on! I've never fought a robot before. Fight me!"

Gajeel didn't like the strange gleam in the other dragon slayer's eyes, and decided this was one confrontation he'd rather avoid. "No," he said, shoving past Natsu to walk toward the bar.

"Why not?" Natsu demanded, grabbing the stool next to him.

"Because I don't know what you're talking about and you're creeping the hell outta me," he growled.

Gajeel motioned for the barmaid to bring him his usual. The woman behind the counter placed a set of utensils in front of him before heading back to the kitchen to place the order. He was just beginning to think Natsu had been quiet for too long when the fire dragon slayer spoke up again.

"So you're not going to fight me because I'm creeping you out?"

"That's right," he said, snacking on a spoon while he waited.

A sly grin spread across Natsu's face. "Is that just another way of saying you're scared?"

There was an audible crack as the utensil snapped between Gajeel's teeth. He turned in his seat and glowered at the other dragon slayer, who was grinning from ear to ear.

Before Gajeel could think the action over, his fist had connected with Natsu's jaw, sending the mage hurtling through the air and into a table. The table's previous occupants had managed to scramble away in time to avoid being crushed by the flying mage. They watched as Natsu jumped back up, fire shooting from his mouth in his excitement.

Gajeel barely had time to roll his eyes before Natsu bounded over and countered with a punch to the stomach. The air rushed out of Gajeel's lungs as he doubled over, but he managed to lock Natsu's arm in the crook of his elbow as he delivered his own punch to the gut. Natsu gasped, a stream of fire escaping with the air. The flames went over Gajeel's head, but stray tendrils lingered on the long strands, catching his hair on fire.

"Damn it, Salamander! Don't you know how to control your power?" Gajeel yelled, releasing the mage to put out the fire on his head.

The commotion attracted the attention of the rowdier mages in the room, and they headed over to the bar to join in the tussle. Pretty soon, it had become a mass of limbs punching and kicking anything they could hit.

As Lily and Levy watched the fight from the opposite side of the tavern, the Exceed noticed that Fairy Tail brawls were a lot like tornadoes. They roved the area, sucking in everyone and everything in its path, and occasionally spat them back out; eventually, enough people grew bored or got knocked out that the force lost momentum, during which time the fight fizzled and died.

When that happened, they saw Gajeel extricate himself from the pile of bodies across the room. He limped over to their table, breaking up their conversation with grumbles about fire-breathing idiots and crazy guild mages. Lily wrinkled his nose at the smell of singed hair that lingered on his person.

"Are you okay?" Levy asked.

"I'm fine." She looked at Gajeel's leg in concern as he grabbed an empty chair and sat down. "It'll be gone by morning."

Lily was aware of his friend's speed for recovery, and therefore not too worried about the various cuts and bruises. He was more upset by the lack of damage to Gajeel's hair. They had witnessed the moment when his head caught on fire, and a small part of him had hoped that it would warrant a haircut. When that hope was crushed, he cursed Natsu for his poor aim.

"What happened?"

"Salamander was picking a fight. Damn idiot somehow got it into his empty head that I was a freaking robot."

Lily saw understanding dawn on the girl across from him.

Levy clapped a hand to her mouth. "I've got to go. Hope you feel better. Bye!" she uttered quickly before turning around and dashing away, her shoulders visibly shaking.

Lily thought she was probably going off to a private corner to laugh. He couldn't blame her; the fact had raised his spirits as well. Perhaps if they instigated a few more fights on Gajeel's behalf, his dream could be realized yet.

The cat immediately wiped all traces of amusement from his face when Gajeel turned back to him with a bemused expression.

"The hell is her problem?" Gajeel asked.

"I'm not sure," he replied casually, struggling to keep the laughter at bay.

Gajeel frowned, but dropped the subject when his food arrived. As Gajeel dug into his meal, Lily's eyes roamed the tavern, taking in the broken furniture and unconscious members all over the floor, and deemed it just another typical day at Fairy Tail.