Well this was exceedingly uncomfortable. Raimei-san was glassy-eyed and staring me down, as if I've done her some great injustice.
"I just want to be alone right now okay?" she started, her voice straining with the effort of trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy in tone. Her voice had cracked and her face a strong red hue from the potential onslaught of tears. I felt torn. "I don't like it when people try to comfort me when I'm crying. Like they don't think I can handle my own tears. 'Cause I can. I appreciate it," she doesn't sound like she does, "but unless you're my brother, I'd like it more if you just keep your distance." That was cold and I know she knew it, but her eyes pleaded for me to understand.
"Okay." She should let me help her. It would be nobody's loss.
She smiled a twisted smile, a smile which contained pleasure at my compliance, and unrelenting sadness in equal parts. With one last meaningful look, I turned and walked out of the props room, now empty of people save for one downcast girl.
The coach had decided that the trapeze acts should practice, earlier that day. It had been close to three weeks since they had last rehearsed and the coach did not want the persistent lack of ice to compromise the quality of the acts. Raimei-san was a trapeze acrobat, sharing her performance with only one other acrobat. As expected of one going so long without practice, she was shaky with her routine, failing to latch her legs around the trapeze after her partner swung her toward it. I was there watching the rehearsal when her partner, perched easily on the fixed metal trapeze, slipped and fell eight meters onto the semi-frozen ice rink below. She had had no safety line. It was so fast and unexpected it took a moment before anyone could react. The partner had broken her leg and there was no way she could perform then. Raimei-san's act was taken out of the overall performance.
It had been a few hours since that incident had passed and left Raimei-san completely devastated. The Swan's tour was her debut, and on the most important performance of the tour, she was rendered unable to perform. Although I had exitted the props room, I stayed outside the closed door to the room, careful to be quiet. I didn't feel right leaving, despite what Raimei-san had expressed before. I had never met someone who felt extremely insulted if someone tried to comfort them. Leaning with my back against the door, I could hear the gasping sobs of Raimei-san in the props room. An ideal place to cry, since the rest of the troupe was out in the stadium practicing their routine without skates. No one would bother her here. I could hear her mumbling to herself, trying to ease her turbulent emotions. It was as if there was a stake driven deep into the center of my heart, and as each minute slithered by, a force increasingly applied pressure to the part of the stake jutting out till, little by little, like a lever, it split my heart cleanly into two.
***
Tap, tap, tap. It was night time. I thank God that Raimei-san's room is on the first story. It makes sneaking out at night so much easier.
She doesn't come to the window. I sigh. First story rooms also mean that it's occupants get hit hardest by the blare of traffic. A vehicle honks loudly on the street adjacent to the building Raimei-san and the rest of the troupe were staying in. I wince. Maybe I should tap harder. TAP, TAP-
A face looms from behind the dark glass of the window. I would have squeeked if I wasn't expecting it.
Blinking blearily and obviously confused, Raimei-san slides open the window, raising her eyebrows at me. "Aizawa...? What are you...? Why didn't you just use the front door?" she slurred, her mouth still heavy having just woke up. Her hair was unbound and unkempt, her fringe framing her face in a most unflattering manner. She had on an old long-sleeved shirt and grey sweatpants. As she rubbed her face with both hands to wake herself up, I took the oppurtunity to smile at how charming she looked. I let my smile fall the moment her hands fell to her sides. I didn't want any awkward questions.
"Knocking your door and risk waking somebody? Not the smoothest idea. You feeling good?"
She laughed. "You did NOT come all the way here just to check that I wasn't crying anymore. And it's so cold out!" Hell yeah. She's grateful.
"Like you're that important," I joked.
Raimei-san smiled twistedly again, but not in the way that broke my heart. It was a smile that asked for a challenge. "Yeah, I'm pret-ty awesome. So glad you noticed." Boasting was like a jest between us, one that neither of us were to take seriously. "No really, what are you here for?"
"Get your coat Raimei-san. I want to do a little sight-seeing."
After Raimei-san changed into something warmer, made sure her roomie was sound asleep and clambered out of her window, we dashed down the streets.
My heart was pumping unevenly, erratically. I could hardly breathe, and there was a feeling of pain following a distinct line across my chest. It felt like running together with Raimei-san had caused an unseen scythe to descend through the air and slash savagely at my torso. I was bleeding; red, hot blood dripping to the ground at my feet.
It felt great.
"Shijima would be coming," I started.
"Oh! Well I shouldn't have expected anything less from you," she said, almost laughing in surprise. "Virtuous and all," she drawled. Eversince the incident with the old lady, for which we were caught in the end, the coach had been cautious with us. Normally, according to Raimei-san, he would have punished anyone acting out of line without a heartbeat of hesitation, but considering that I was a guest performer and not exactly under him, his sentence for us both was lighter- Shijima was to watch over us constantly. I just worried that it was a bother to Shijima.
"So you expected less of me?"
"Get used to it. So where are we going? Hey, where's Shijima? Wait a second. And she agreed to come with us? What level of bribery did you have to resort to to bring her?!" As with everyone she's ever met, Shijima exudes the impression that she hates missing sleep.
"---- Park (A/N: obviously, I don't know Taiwan). She's meeting us there and, between you and me," I lowered my voice as if discussing some manner of treason, "there are some things friends are willing to do for each other without accepting bribery."
"Wow. You know how to get there?"
"No. We might get lost." Where I had expected to see bewilderment and irritation on her face in reaction to my words was only an instant flash of delight.
"Oh, it's okay! I don't mind getting lost. Are the cabbies here... dependable?"
"Yes?"
"Then brilliant! You know, back home, the transportation system is so efficient and.. how do I say it. It isn't sparse you know? Sparse as in only a few places have train stations and bus stops. The complete opposite. Where I lived, the the whole town is so well-connected that you could get lost, without actually getting lost. You just march right over to the nearest train station, which is never really far away, and if it is, you just ride a bus to the station, and you just ride a train back to your neighbourhood, 'cause every neighbourhod had it's own train station."
"So you're never really lost." We had slowed to a walk now. Although I had never been to ---- Park, I was glad I could rely on the signage. It made it plain where we had to go to reach the park.
"Yeah," she said. Her eyes were distant as she smiled, as if looking beyond her surroundings and into her memories of her homeland. Her homeland.. She must miss it. I wouldn't know, I've never missed my home, but from past friendships, with people who have expressed their homesickness to me, and watching numerous movies that Shijima has dragged me to, I have sort of inferred that people in general tend to yearn for their homes. Odd. "You know I've always wanted to get lost on purpose. Just hop on a bus and let it take you where it may then get off and have a look around. Just relishing that feeling of freedom that being lost gives you. 'Cause you're like, no longer bound by any objectives or destinations. It's just you and a nameless place with a promise of the unexpected."
"Thursdays would be a good day to get lost then," I mused.
She pursed her lips to the side, her eyes dancing with expectation. "Hey, what day is it today?"
"It's..," I jogged over to a news stand and checked the day on the newspapers, "...Thursday." Shock. It can't really be. I had not intended to say that Thursday was a good day to get lost because that day was Thursday.
"What a coincidence," she chimed.
***
She wanted to get lost, right then, right there, and I was helpless to object. As friends, we took pleasure in each other's pleasure, and her thrill became my own.
"Hello, Shijima?" I said into my cell phone. "There's been a change of plan. You can go back now... I have become your responsibility, I am aware... I'm sorry, I made you wake up for nothing I know, but this is important... Yes, sleep is important too. Okay, I owe you big time I get it. I know what the number is, you don't need to-" I sighed. "----- (A/N: the number to call to contact the police). Bye."
A snapped my clamshell cellphone shut and smiled apologetically at Raimei-san.
"Well now that that's settled," she declared loudly, "ONWARD!"
Five minutes later, we were in a cab meandering down the streets. The prior thrill I had felt was short-lived. I re-adjusted my glasses on my nose. I was having my second doubts on this plan. I thought of the heap of tirades waiting for us when we got back and the heap was mentally piling up in my head. The prospect of it washed over me and engulfed me so completely that I was astounded at how I managed not to consider it before undertaking this plan of getting lost. I was sure as anything that the coach would not exercise the same restraint when punishing us if he found out what we were doing this time. And what image would he have of me and Shijima then? I turned to Raimei-san to voice my views.
"Raim-"
"Alriiiight...," she said softly, almost trembling in her seat in pure, unadulterated excitement. "I've never done something this serious before. You know we are going to get so busted if Coach finds out."
"We will."
"But who needs him!" She proceeded to release an inelegant laugh. "Now all we have to make sure of is that we have a great time so this is all worth it." It was here that she paused to scrutinize my face in the dim interior of the cab.
"You're not worried are you Aizawa?"
"Yea-"
"Wait. This is gonna be great. We have to do this. We-um- we're only.. young once right?" I raised my eyebrows. That was a highly uncharacteristic remark for Raimei-san to make. "Aizawa...! Come on, can't you feel the adrenaline rush?! And what the heck right 'cause...."
"'Cause what?"
"Ah!" she exclaimed, batting her last few solemn-toned words away as a smile shone from her face. "Never mind."
I relaxed into the upholstery of the cab seat. Fine. I was convinced. We'd go ahead. She was my best friend after all. If I risked something for her I wouldn't be risking anything at all.... I am cheesy.
"Alright so you asked this cab to take us to ----- Centre in the next town right?"
"That's what I did."
"Brilliant. 'Kay, we're gonna ask the driver to stop mid-way through the trip and let us off."
"Serious?"
"Yeah," she sing-songed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "How else are we gonna get lost?"
She was right. I I had taken up residence in Taipei for some months now and I did know where everything was in general, even if I didn't know how to get to those places specifically. "And now we will spontaneously choose an unplanned destination?"
"Yeah we are. Now close your eyes. We both will." A gossamer blanket of woven silence swathed us in it's soft material as the silence lengthened. Aside from the rumbling of the cab and unnamed music spewing from the radio, all was quiet. We continued on like this until soon the only reminder that Raimei-san was sitting next to me was the feeling of her faint body heat. "Please stop the car!"
Screech!
***
I blinked and I blinked as I took in the scene before me. We had stopped at a small village where a fair was being held. I remembered then, that it was the festive season. I was unbelieving of how Raimei-san could have conveniently picked this place with her eyes closed. There were a good many other empty plots of land before this village but this village was the one she picked.
"Oh wow! Would you believe it? We stopped at a fair! God, this must be fate," she said, shaking her head. It was a standard-issue fair. The air smelled like food and the stalls, though arranged in straight rows, managed to look haphazard. We could hear voices raised over the voice of the crowd as stall-owners yelled to fight for the attention of potential customers. Rides were to the left of the fair. The paint was peeling from the rides but they was sturdy and that was good enough. The harsh glare of the lights from the fair lit up the night and the light was different somehow. It struck me as unnatural. Of course, all electrical-powered lights were unnatural but the fact had never struck me before.
I glanced at my watch. "Damn," I whispered. Just a little over an hour and a half before daybreak. Considering the amount of time we would need to get back to the hotel, we only had fifteen minutes to check this carnival out, excluding time taken to get another cab.
Following my lead, Raimei-san checked her watch too. She raised her eyebrows and smirked. "Well this is bad. We'll have to speed through what this place has to offer." She grabbed my arm and grinned, giving me a thumbs-up. "Let's kick it into overdrive."
***
I chose the ferris-wheel. I hadn't the first idea why. The ferris-wheel was not fun, it was overrated and it was only good for seeing the sights. "Would you mind riding this?" I asked.
"Oh? You like ferris-wheels?" Oh. You're the kinda person who likes ferris-wheels?, she meant.
"I don't know how to say this.. We're lost so..."
"Yeah! ...That's a great idea! We're purposely getting lost so we're deviating from the normal conduct of our lives so because we're deviating, we should do something that we don't normally do! Awesome," she said, patting my shoulder in approval.
I laughed. "We really are best friends."
When we boarded the small-ish wheel, we were among the very few who did. It was late, and people mostly came to the fairs for the food. We got a compartment to ourselves. It trembled as the ferris-wheel began it's slow revolution.
"I wanna try something."
"Don't you always."
"Shut up." Raimei-san smiled as she gave me a look that said, Watch. Her brown orbs were alight with glee as she leaned out of the compartment and cupped her hand around her mouth. "Hey! HEY!!"
The man manning the controls of the ferris-wheel jerked his head up to the source of the yelling. "YOU WANNA DIE OR WHAT?! GET YOUR HEAD BACK IN THERE!"
"COULD YOU MAKE THIS GO FASTER?"
"OH YOU WANT FASTER?"
The change in speed was apparent. I held tight to the railing of my compartment, a smile pulling the sides of my mouth. Whoops and shouts came from the other people riding the ferris-wheel.
"FASTER!" Raimei-san yelled. Her cheeks were dusted a light pink from the thrill of success.
"What?! Wait!" I shouted. The ferris-whell creaked ominously as the revolutions picked up speed. I had no idea that ferris-wheels were manufactured to go this fast. I would later wonder what would be the point of being built to go fast if it was made to spin agonizingly slowly every time. Our compartment swayed dangerously on its hinges. The air was alive with the yelps and laughs of the two of us as we gripped the rail of our compartment for dear life, the scenery blurring all around us as we reveled in the ridiculous situation of being in a fast-moving ferries-wheel. It was a while a while later before Raimei-san started to look uneasy and spoke.
"AIZAWA?"
"YEAH?"
"YOU KNOW, IN THE CAB I WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT?"
The memory of Raimei-san smiling as she dismissed the words "And what the heck right 'cause.." flashed in my mind. "YEAH."
"WELL..," for a moment there I thought she was about to swallow her words again but, "I WANTED TO SAY THAT WE SHOULDN'T CARE ABOUT THE TROUBLE WE'LL GET INTO AND JUST GO CRAZY 'CAUSE AFTER NEXT WEEK, WE MIGHT NEVER BE ABLE TO DO THIS AGAIN. WE'RE BEST FRIENDS BUT I'LL BE GOING SOON. I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN WOULD BE THE NEXT TIME WE MEET, OR WHETHER WE'D EVEN HAVE THIS SAME THING GOING ON AT ALL EVEN IF WE DID MEET. SO BEFORE I LET YOU INTO THE PLACE IN MY HEAD WHERE I KEEP THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE, I WANT US TO HAVE JUST ONE MORE GREAT MEMORY," she paused, thinking, "IS THAT OKAY?"
"...RAIMEI-SAN?"
"YES?"
"DON'T WORRY," I smiled, "IF DISTANCE AND THE LENGTH OF TIME SPENT WITH ANOTHER PERSON DEFINES THE INTENSITY OF FRIENDSHIP, I WOULD'VE BEEN BEST FRIENDS WITH MY SKATING COACH A LONG TIME AGO."
Laughs. Raimei-san was glassy-eyed now. It felt funny saying all this, of all things, in raised voices so we could be heard over the shouts of the other ferris-wheelers. Raimei-san raised both her hands to shoulder-level, palms outwards facing me. I smiled wider and touched both her palms with my own.
***
The ride was over and the both of us were waiting anxiously at the side of the road, waiting for a fateful taxi to come around so it could take us home. Considering the time, it would be fateful indeed if a taxi came around. It was so very late. The sounds of the fair had died down already. Many had left in the time that Raimei-san and I were on the ferris-wheel.
"Are we ever gonna get home?" Raimei-san whined, pushing her fringe back from her face.
"We will get home," I said firmly. There's no need to worry about that.
"Wow. How optimistic of you! That's good, that's good," she commented, nodding in approvement. "Oh wait," she said abruptly, her gaze fixed at a point behind me. I turned and I saw the headlights of a car speeding down the road. It was a cab, no less, and it would drive us right by if we didn't stop it. I felt consoled as relief washed over me. We might make it back in time. Raimei-san threw her hand out to flag the cab. "There isn't anyone inside the cab. This is great," said Raimei-san.
She was nearer to the approaching cab so maybe she had realized something that I didn't.
"Oh my-" she breathed. I felt her yank on my arm so hard it hurt. She was pulling me back, reacting to the road like she just saw the promise of our deaths on it. She hadn't pulled me far enough though.
My vision was filled with the unforgiving glare of the cab's headlights as it veered onto the side of the road Raimei-san and I were on. The world was completely a uniform white and I heard a the screeching sound of tyres that was so close it couldn't possibly have been that loud if those same tyres weren't right in front of me. It was exactly like how movies portrayed traffic accidents to be, except without the gut-wrenching despair and the all-consuming pain.
All was dark.
Hurt. So much.
I'm going to die.
At the back of my mind, I could hear the scream of a sorrow so strong it was a solid entity. I think I felt that sorrow brush my cheek.
Black.
***
I think this chapter was a little choppy. Too much editing. *sobs*
I'd sincerely like to thank Animegirl Yuki Minamoto for inspiring me to continue with this story. I had truly, truly given up on this before she reviewed this. I know this isn't very much of a story and the reason there are virtualy no reviews is because there isn't really much to say that won;t be completely negative, but thank you so much Yuki!!! *sniffs*
Okay enough with the crying. *ahem ahem* So.... I was kinda thinking of turning this fic into a high-school fic, something I've totally never done before but I've always found fun to read. What do you think? should I go with that or should Kouichi die forever?
He rocks by the way.
Bye,
afiqah