Dangerous

Love is ultimately selfish…

Kirah couldn't stop pacing. Her fingers threatened to pull out every strand of her persimmon hair, that hair he loved to touch so much. Sure they've become close and yes, she certainly enjoyed those sneaky kisses, but love? Love was dangerous.

They were supposed to be mage and templar. He was supposed to protect the world from her, not fall in love with her. Andraste's knickers, that stupid stupid templar Kirah groaned through grit teeth. She couldn't blame only him however; she was the one that kissed him after all.

It was that ridiculous rose. Now there was something she could blame. She hated it and she told him. She wasn't a gentle flower or a wildflower of any kind. Not anymore at least. She was a weapon and he dared to tell her otherwise. Those puppy dog eyes and broken voice of his got the best of her though, like they always did and always would. Eventually Kirah told him of her past, of her curse. She almost slapped him when he had the audacity to laugh, but he had to go and ruin it. He stubbornly had to hold her. Had to tell her how wonderful and rare she was. As much as she tried to deny it, tried to push it aside, his words made her feel special. By the end of it, she was asking to keep that sweet ridiculous rose and kept it she has.

She was on the brink of screaming. How could she not have noticed? They were always together. She could've prevented this if she wanted to…had she wanted to? Whenever she had watch duty there he was, waiting to keep her company. They would waste away the hours talking, just talking. Well, mostly talking. He would tell her stories of the other Grey Wardens or laugh about the tricks he would pull on the Sisters at the monastery. She would confine in him, tell him about life in the wilds and that of the tower. He would put his arm around her and tell her how happy he was that she was who she was. She would place her head on his shoulders and tease him about how cute he was in his naivety. It was their routine and that was all it was supposed to be. She should've caught this before it spun into what it was surely becoming. She should've seen it in every endearing smile, every heart filled glance, every emotional kiss. She should've felt it.

The problem was she did feel it. With every mission and every errand, she made it a point that Alistair came along. At first she believed it was out of necessity. She needed her portable templar and no one else was better equipped for defense. As time wore on, she came to realize that she didn't need her portable templar, she needed him. He made life fun and worthwhile. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. She was addicted and that made her head want to explode.

Wynne was right. She needed to put an end to this; if not to protect him then to stop all of the excessive bellowing. Her noises rivaled only that of her mabari. Collecting herself and her heart; Kirah made her way to the only man capable of driving her positively insane.

"Alistair?" Her voice cracked with nerves she swore she didn't have a footstep earlier.

"Something you need my dear?"

Why does he have to call me that now? Cringing, Kirah couldn't bring herself to look at him. If she looked at him, she would melt and that would only lead to danger.

"Can we talk in private?"

"Uh-oh, am I in trouble? I said you could eat the stew, I didn't mention anything about it being edible." Alistair's shoulders rumbled with the stifled chuckle he was containing.

"It's not that" she shuffled through her thoughts trying to find the right words.

"Is it the smell? I swear it's not coming from me…at least not most of it."

"No I just…I…" She didn't want to do this. She wanted nothing more than to laugh, tell him he's adorable and curl up in his arms, but that would be selfish and Wynne was right.

Wynne… This was all Wynne's fault. Wynne and that bloody rose. Tag teaming me like this, shameless. Maybe they should be the ones doing this instead of me. Kirah's mind was stumbling as much as her words were.

"What's wrong? Do I need to gather all my manly pride and have a bout with someone for hurting my…"

"We need to end this" Her heart ached, but she needed to do it quickly. Love was like an arrow wound. Pull it out quick and then concern yourself with the bleeding.

"…girl. What? Could you run that by me again?" His jovial tone and warming smile faded with his words.

Kirah refused to look at him. Hearing him refer to her as 'his girl' nearly broke her. If she was going to save him, she needed to be strong; even if all she could do was whisper "It's safer this way."

"I don't accept that."

"You don't have to."

Grabbing her elbow across her body, Kirah turned from Alistair and sulked away. She kept telling herself not to look back, not to run to him and tell him it was all a bad joke. He was the comical one, not her. He would have to believe it. Applying pressure with her thumb to the middle of her brow; Kirah reaffirmed herself. This is for the best. Love is dangerous. On the verge of tears, she retreated to the one man that wouldn't expect anything of her. The one man she could curl up with forever and have nothing come of it.

"Hafter, come here boy." Kirah tried pitifully to mask her anguish behind a faint smile.

Bark! Hafter trotted over to his human with stubby tail wagging and tongue hanging out.

She could no longer suppress her tears. Dropping to the ground, Kirah wrapped her arms tightly around her mabari and let her eyes flood her sorrows. Hafter whimpered and tried to lick her face, of course it didn't help. She was too far gone.

"I had to let him go. I didn't want to, but I couldn't be selfish." Her speech was slurred and muffled by the fur she tried to hide within.

Whimper, Hafter tilted his head as he lifted a paw to her shoulder.

"It was either hurt him now or hurt him later. Later would've garnered a greater consequence. I did what was right…right?"

She knew questioning what she had to do was silly, but she couldn't help it. She didn't want to or mean to, but a part of her cared deeply for that frustrating, stubborn, adorable, lovely man. That was the point though wasn't it? She did care for him and she needed to cut ties before either of them got into the danger zone. Deciding to not fight it, Kirah hugged Hafter tighter and let herself cry.

The moon was almost directly overhead. She must've been in this same position, arms wound around her mabari's neck, for nearly an hour. Kirah shook her head laughing bitterly to herself. She wondered if she would ever grow up or if she would always be that little flower that wilts at the first sign of heat. She was a Grey Warden for Maker's sake, uniting a country to defeat the Blight. This was no place for a little girl and her crush. Sighing, Kirah wallowed in her emotions.

"You know, I was thinking about how wrong you are and let me tell you, it's a lot."

There was that voice again, always catching her off guard. How does he do that anyways? He's not exactly Mr. Stealth or anything. Burying her face into Hafter's fur, Kirah tried casually to wipe away her tears.

"Alistair, please…just go away." She would have to be an idiot to think he didn't hear the misery in her tone. Good thing for her she wasn't an idiot, gullible maybe, but not an idiot.

"Little miss grumpy girdle rears her head once again I see. At least you didn't call me Morrigan this time, that would've left a mark."

She couldn't understand how Alistair could be so nonchalant. Perhaps she was an idiot. Maybe he didn't have feelings for her and it was all just …routine. She didn't know if that hurt more or made it easier, all she knew was she wanted to be left alone with her dog.

"Please, not now. I don't want to talk." Talking leads to conversation. Conversation leads to cuddling. Cuddling leads to kissing. Kissing leads to…love. And love leads to danger. Bad bad bad, all bad.

"Ok fine, I'll do the talking." Like the vexatious man he was, Alistair took a seat right next to her. He was so close she could practically feel his presence leaning against her. It took all of her willpower not to fall back into the safety of his arms. Controlling herself, Kirah listened to what her templar had to say. "So a little birdie told me you had an interesting chat with Wynne earlier about a certain handsome Grey Warden you've been spending time with. A certain Grey Warden whose heart you insist on shattering for no good reason."

"It's safer…"

"Here I thought you didn't want to talk. Where was I? Oh, that's right. Through my own ingenuity, I've learned something."

He was baiting her; trying to get her to play their game. She knew he was and she fell for it anyways. Foolish girl…

"Ingenuity? You mean you threatened to cover Wynne's bed roll with all of your dirty socks unless she told you?"

"Ingenuity, dirty socks, how are they not the same again?" he was flashing her that crooked smile of his. She loved that smile and under normal circumstances she would've returned with one of her own. This wasn't normal by any means. This was dangerous. "Anyways miss interruptions, I was trying to say something. Love isn't selfish. It's only selfish if you go about it by yourself. It's supposed to be a partnership, and I say we are not ended."

"Not sure if you noticed my track record, but I tend to kill those I love." Her breath caught in her throat. Did I just say love? She had been so worried about whether Alistair was falling in love with her that she never bothered to stop and consider that she was falling for him.

"I'm not asking you to love me. If you don't love me, it'll be something for me to deal with. My feelings for you are…well, I'm not going to give up on us just because you are scared. I can count the number of people I would do anything for on one hand…on half a hand even, and you're one of them. I'm not going to just let you go like this." He reached out to her, turning her head to face him and taking her hands from her mabari. Hafter whined in jealousy as he moved to lay his head in her lap.

"I don't want to hurt you." Her voice trembled.

"Then don't. It's ok to forgo rationality once in awhile and let your heart win. At least give us a try before you dance the remigold on my one little manly feeling. I may not always look like one, but I am a man…with a sword. I think I could take a 110 pound girl, even if that girl is a temptress of a mage."

"Oh, you think so do you?" She fell for the trap again. He was much better at this than she ever gave him credit for and that was simply maddening. Betraying her will, her fingers poked and pinched and tickled all of Alistair's sensitive areas. She knew them all of course.

"Alright I give I give. Really though, you're not going to hurt me, Hafter and I will make sure of it."

Bark! Hafter looked up at Kirah, giving her his famous 'I protect you!' smile.

"I want to believe you, but…"

"Then believe me."

Caressing her chin, Alistair forced Kirah's eyes to meet his. His hazel eyes bore into her hazel eyes. She wondered where that fumbling chantry boy went. If he was still here, none of this would've happened. It dawned on her who truly the one at fault here was. The one she could blame without question was sitting right in front of her. That sodding templar and his heart melting methods. Kirah swallowed hard. Pointing fingers was pointless. She knew it was her fault. The truth was she did believe him. She trusted him with her life, why should she not trust him was his own? He was a grown man. If he was foolish enough to risk it then why shouldn't she?

She should've told him; told him of all of her concerns, all of her gluttonous desires. Instead she pressed her lips breathlessly against his. It felt so natural and right that Kirah didn't fight it. She knew she was making excuses and being selfish, but with his lips on hers, she found it hard to care. She felt that maybe, just this once, a gift could just be a gift. No curse attached.

"So, is all the drama over? Did I win?" Hope was written all over his jocular face.

"It's your funeral." She meant it more as a warning than a joke, but Alistair's beaming expression told her he took it as the latter.

"There's my girl." He pulled her in close, fingers curling, threatening to never let her go. "By the way, have I told you that I love you? I did? Well it wouldn't hurt you to hear it again will it?"

"No, but I might hurt you." It surprised her that she meant it in jest. She's never spoken so lightly about something so personal before. He was undoubtedly rubbing off on her, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Mood spoiler." He stood, dusting his trousers "Well now that that's sorted out, I'm going to go rest up for our watch tonight. Don't you even think about skipping out on me or else the sneaky sock brigade will find you. Just you wait." She always found it cute when he waggled his finger at her, especially when he did so close to his own face.

"You are such a disgusting man" A smirk befell upon her.

"And a lucky one at that. I love you Kirah Amell…all of you." His voice was so sweet and sincere that goose bumps blanketed her body.

Petting Hafter's ear, Kirah listened to Alistair's fading footsteps. She was going to risk it, but that didn't make it any less of a risk. Maybe if I never tell him aloud it will be enough to protect him. Her thoughts still circulating, Kirah lowered head and muttered under her breath.

"…I love you too."

"I heard that!" His voice carried with bashful giggles from inside his tent.

Dropping her shoulders, Kirah smacked herself on the forehead. Maker…I'm in trouble