Story Time with Akito!

Alright, I know that this isn't a "A Day in the Life of…" Chapter, but it's written kinda the same way! It's still an insane parody! It's a holiday gift for all of my readers (and especially my reviewers!!!!!!) So since I already had it written in my SUPER GIGANTIC FANFICTION FOLDER in my room (see my profile… it basically restates what I said… except longer… so you don't HAVE to, but if you want to, by all means!) Any way…

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Baskets… but I'm working on it, so it might change… *evil grin*

First, thanks to those who reviewed my last chapter!

akatsuki-NIN-itachi, Kaorin Tamaki, i-luv-kyo-kun, iluvkandygrl, Skitty 2004, ryomaeijiarehot, Cheeseeatingsurrenderrat, DarlingKittystar, Master Fifer, RainingCats

Thanks so much! Hope you all like this one too!!!

Please Read! Please REVIEW! ENJOY!!!

"I demand a story!" Akito proclaimed, standing in the door way of Hatori's office.

Hatori looked up from his computer slowly at him and back down at his intense game of minesweeper… I MEAN important doctor work… and sighed, clicking the minimize option on the side of game … er… official medical document… he had been so close to winn-… diagnosing his patient… yes… that it pained him to turn away from the computer and pull out Clifford the Big Red Dog from his book shelf.

Akito knocked the book away from him with a vase. "No! I will be the one telling the story today!" Akito exclaimed. He had grown weary of Clifford the Big Red Dog's adventures. And as that was the only storybook that Hatori had (because the all others reminded Momiji of Tohru in one way or another) Akito had it heard it every time he randomly walked into his office and demanded a story.

"Wait… you want to tell me a story?" Hatori asked, as Akito look through a jar on Hatori's desk for candy. I mean… it was a candy jar after all, but all Hatori had in it was three stray tic-tacs, a handful of pennies, paperclips, safety pins, and an unwrapped Halls cough drop.

Akito scoffed "Of course not" he said as if the idea of entertain Hatori was as laughable as Kyo's equality to Yuki. Akito knocked over the jar, deciding it wasn't worth his time. "Get the children."

"… The children? You mean the ones who're all in school?" Hatori asked.

"…Yes. Make it quick." Akito snapped.

So after Hatori wrote several fake doctor's notes and picked them all up, Kyo, Yuki, Tohru, Haru, Momiji, Hiro and Kisa sat in front of Akito, who was perched ontop of Hatori's desk. Hatori stared longingly at his computer.

"So, do you all want to hear a story?" Akito asked.

"Yes Akito." All the children said together, which would have been rather creepy if they hadn't all been practicing it on the car ride over. What would have been more impressive, however, would be if they harmonized! But Yuki's not much of a singer… so we've put the blame on him.

"Good. I'll tell you one then. This story is about me…" Akito said as if that alone makes a good story. "And it's about why I don't go to school…" He trailed off as if a voice over would start speaking (possibly Morgan Freeman, Haru hoped) and they'd all journey to memory world.

After about twelve minuets, Yuki coughed slightly. You know… bronchial asthma and stuff. Everyone turned to stare at him. He blinked and looked back at the group, covering his mouth, his cheeks pink, as the full feeling of embarrassment came crashing down on him, making this the most awkward moment ever imaginable, he's rather die a slow an painful death then endure another minute of their judgmental eyes, even though to most people, it would have been nothing at all. Akito threw a fist full of Hatori's unwrapped halls coughs at him.

"Now back to the story." Akito said as if Yuki had rudely interrupted him. "When I was a young child, oblivious to the dark and twisted world I was born into, would spend hour and hour wandering the inner estate and sitting with THE MABUDCHI TRIO!!! …And Kureno." He shrugged as he mentioned the rooster. Everyone nodded as if they understood.

Kureno sighed from the open doorway "It's alright, Kureno, he doesn't mean it…" Hatori tried to comfort the younger man, who sulked away.

"-For they were always there. Always willing to listen to what I had to say." Akito digressed.

"One day, while I had been sitting next to Shigure, I turned to him and I was like… WOAH!!!!" Akito cried, making everyone but Haru jump. Haru jumped thirty seconds after everyone else, or rather… made a slightly surprised expression. "Shigure wasn't there anymore! A maid told me he went to school and I told her shut up and mind her own business because I didn't ask her! GAWD! People can be so nosy!"

Instantly, thirty easy droppers ran away from the windows, doors, vents, and secrete passage way bookcases they were listening from.

"Shigure came home awhile later and explained to me via puppets what school was. Instantly I was interested, so I applied for the local school. They told me to go home because school was over for the day so I camped out on the sidewalk until morning to get in first the next day. Isn't that what the kids do to get a guarantee entrance? Camp out in front of things?"

"Does Shigure still have the puppets?" Haru asked, because that's all he really cared about. Akito glared at him, which made him hesitate and think about rethink what he was going to say next a little.

But only a little.

"Because if he did, you could use them to make this story more interesting."

Once Akito stuck Haru's head in a vase, he continued with the story. "I refused to wear any sort of uniform because it was, of course, beneath me." He looked pointedly at all of the children in their tacky, school issued uniforms. Who are they trying to fool? They are most certainly not sailors, so why make they're uniforms resemble that of those who work the sea! I mean… Torhu had never even SEEN a sea until she met the Sohma's! She hadn't even seen a lake! The closest she's come to a body of water is when Kyo flooded the kitchen out of spite, and that was just annoying! And she defiantly didn't wear her sailor-ish uniform to clean that up! That's just impractical…

"And because of this, I can safely say I received my first detention the moment I walked through the door. At the time, I didn't know what detention slips were, and of course, automatically assumed they were the equivalent to the tickets you receive at Chucky Cheese."

"You mean they're not?" Momiji cried, shocked. Thank god all the teachers thought he was just too darn cute to give him a detention to begin with.

"I know! Surprising isn't it? Anyway, I made it my goal to pick up as many of these detentions a possible." Akito continued. Hatori put his head in his hands. He should have known the story was going to be like this. He should have just kept playing minesweeper and pretended he didn't see him; maybe he would have gone away and bothered Kureno. What did he do all day when he wasn't entertaining the head of the house anyway?

In another office in the estate Kureno was on his computer, illegally downloading music… I mean… doing important household paperwork that the head of the household should me doing if he wasn't insane and telling children stories. Defiantly not putting Cascada onto his ipod…praying that he wouldn't get busted by the feds for the thousands of dollars of music he's downloaded (which he could easily afford. Come on, he's a Sohma, he's loaded! This makes him feel… dangerous… if only Uo could see him now. He's such a badass.) No… defiantly not… he was hard at work… yes yes…

What terrible moral was Akito to force feed to the children, Hatori feared.

"For some reason it wasn't hard for me to acquire these detentions." Akito explained. "After I was introduced to the class, the teacher explained to me some of the school rules. And then I got my second detention for throwing a vase at him. NO BODY TELLS ME RULES!" Akito shouted at Tohru, who flinched away. He glared at her for a second and mouthed the words *I dislike you*

"P-pardon?" Tohru asked softly, with a confused smile that made Yuki and Kyo smile. Yuki's smile made Haru smile and Kyo's smile made Momiji giggle, which made him smile, which caused Kisa to smile which of course made Hiro smile.

All this smiling made Akito scowl and pointed at Tohru. "Stop that." He said and then continued. "I got my third detention for carrying vases and using them as weapons, Whateve." He shrugged "You know what I mean, right?" He held up his hand toward Kisa for a high five.

Kisa stared at him startled "What?"

"Don't make me repeat myself" He said, his hand still raised. "I know you're true nature…" (see ch.1)

Kisa gave him a confused look, clearly having no idea about what he was saying, but didn't argue, lifting her hand. Akito dropped his away before she made contact with his, leaving her 'hanging'.

"At lunch, I made a point to stand upon a table and establish my position as leader." Akito said turning back to the rest of the group. Kisa lowered her hand timidly. "Some… foolish child threw food at me and a food fight began while I attacked him with a vase I made in pottery class. Six more detentions." Akito smiled with the memories.

After Akito explained how he received his next twelve detentions, he yelled at Yuki for glancing out the window, claiming the window was his to view only. Hatori was a little upset by that comment, since this was his office. But he didn't say anything; he wanted his story time to end so he could get back to… Work… yes… work… and he wasn't sure how much more of this his young cousins could endure.

"Finally, we were asked to write an in class essay about what we wanted to be when we grew up and read it aloud. When it was my turn, I explained that I wanted to be god and that my reasons were not for their ears and thus… I did not write an essay. I got my final detention for making wild claims and not doing my homework… but you know what…?" He asked, leaning in. The kids leaned forward.

"What?" Kyo asked, curious (like a cat. Lets hope it doesn't… kill him… ha ha ha , get it? Yeah, you guys get it. It was a funny one, right? Yup.)

Akito frowned slightly and didn't respond, his eyes scanning the others, landing on Haru.

"…what?" Kyo asked again, because he really did want to know.

Akito remained silent, staring straight at Haru. Haru glanced from side to side, confused. Yuki nudged Haru slightly, trying to get him to say something.

"… What?!" Kyo asked loudly, slamming a fist to the ground, frustrated and irritated. Akito glared at Haru.

Hiro sighed "What Akito-san?" He asked in the most disinterested voice ever, examining his finger nails, bored.

Akito looked over at the boy with a smile "I'm glad you asked." He said. Kyo looked like he was ready to tug out his hair, murder Hiro, verbally abuse Yuki, bring out the Black Haru, insult Hatori, torment Momiji, accidentally make Tohru cry, regret it, but not before Yuki gets a chance to beat him to the ground. But he bottled it in. He'd take it out on Shigure later on today, the next time he mentions the words 'leeks' around him… oh… that dog is gonna get it…

"Well, I did become god!!! God of the zodiac! So beat that Sensei! You can go take you're rules and shove it! Ha! What now?!" Akito laughed manically and everyone shifted uncomfortably.

"Now, I went to the office with my detention slips to collect my prize. Upon learning their was nothing to win I smashed every breakable object in the office and was expelled. I decided then that I hated school. I don't like it. And that's why I don't go to school." Akito ended with a triumphant look.

He then drove the children out of the office by sending a swarm of those tiny white birds he chills with after them. Hatori ducked as the kids ran by him and the birds flew over him. All but Haru, who got up off the floor about minute after the flock of birds flew out of the room and followed it out. "Peace." He said.

"Don't worry children! I'll tell you another story some day! "Akito called after the fleeing group, the birds, and the strolling cow.

He hopped into Hatori's chair and looked at him with a smile "That wasn't to hard. Shigure's a novelist, isn't he? Maybe I should become one too. I bet that story right there was better than anything he's ever written." He said. "I could win an Oscar."

"Those are for movies"

"When my book gets a movie deal. Stay with me Hatori." Akito said, rolling his eyes. He looked at his computer and took hold of the mouse.

Hatori could hear clicking and then a "Damn… so close."

The doctor looked over at Akito who stood up from his desk and strolled past him "I'm getting better at that game, but I can never seem to win. I should stop clicking spaces with reckless abandon." He said, and turned down the hall.

Hatori stared at his computer horrified and went over to it. Minesweeper, yea I said it minesweeper, was already up. Hatori's a hardworking guy! He deserves a break every now and then! But the smilie face at the top was… alas… no longer smiling. 'X's were over its eyes.

Game Over.

Hatori had a strategy. Hatori knew how to play. Akito was NOT getting better. You can't just click blindly! Hatori marked spaces! Hatori counted out the mines! HATORI PUT THE EFFORT IN! And now… it was all gone.

It was over.

Hatori clicked the 'X' on the corner and sighed, picking up Clifford the Big Red Dog once more and stared at it. He stared at the door and opened the book to the last page, tearing it out.

Sweet revenge

Followed immediately by guilt.

"Where's the tape…" He murmured.

THE END!!

This one was longer than all the others! I hope you don't mind!!

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Peace! Love!

SACHI-CHAN!