Disclaimer: I don't own the legal copyrights to Soul Eater. I was not involved in the production of the anime or manga in any way. This is just for fan purposes and me seeing what Soul Eater would be like with a female Spirit and male Kami.
Author's note: There is some more canon dialog, albeit modified for a female Spirit. Also, Spirit was better able to hide her cheating in this story then in canon; Maka didn't know about Spirit's cheating until the divorce.
-oooooooo-
She couldn't sleep. Spirit had gotten ready for bed, brushing her teeth and donning long green pajama pants and her long-sleeved pajama top that read "DEATH SCYTHE SPIRIT" across her breasts. Maybe it was the five cups of iced coffee she'd had at dinner keeping her awake. She yawned, rubbing at her eyes before getting out of bed and pacing around the apartment.
That damn flower arrangement sat on her kitchen table, mocking her. She'd brought it inside, and it wasn't like Stein had picked flowers she hated. But it wasn't from Kami. She didn't know how to feel about the flowers; they were pretty, and Stein had done a nice job choosing them, but Kami hadn't gotten them for her.
She went to grab the photo albums from the living room. On nights like this, which were more frequent then she'd like, Spirit would look at photos of Maka and Kami. God, she missed them. She grabbed the top album, which held the most recent family pictures, and opened it up. It felt different in her hands then usual, but she didn't know why. She always put the most recent family album on top of the stack.
She saw a note in familiar scrawled handwriting attached to the first page. Hey, Spirit. Sorry for rearranging your photo albums when I broke in today. Do you miss me? I miss you. Franken Stein.
Gah! Stein rearranged her stuff! Now she had to look. Spirit needed to know what he'd done to her albums. She flipped open the first page and saw a picture of a little redheaded girl with pigtails in a blue dress. It was the picture her mama had taken the first day she entered second grade! How had Stein found that album? The next few pictures were of her climbing trees and with her second grade class, but the fifth picture made Spirit pause. A redheaded little girl with pigtails and denim overalls was hugging a younger silver-haired boy dressed all in white. That was taken the first day she and Stein met!
She felt tears start forming in her eyes; for the first time since she and Kami met, she felt the weight of a seven year old girl's promise. She'd been so happy back then with Stein as a friend. Back before he started dissecting her like some kind of monster.
-oooooooo-
Spirit Albarn was seven years old, and she didn't like not knowing if she was a weapon like Mama yet. Mama was a scythe, a really huge scythe, and Spirit wanted to be just like Mama when she was big! No, better! She wanted to be a Death Scythe! Lord Death was the coolest! He was cooler then Batman!
There were some kids from her class making a circle around a little boy at recess. What did they want? Spirit wondered if they wanted to play with her, but maybe they just liked that boy. Nobody wanted to play with her cause she always wanted to be Lord Death when they played superheroes. Lord Death was so a superhero! And he could kick The Hulk's butt!
"You're a little freak," one of the kids said to the one in the middle. That was a mean word! Spirit's Mama would be so mad if she heard Spirit call someone a freak! She walked up to the group and stared.
The one in the middle was all white. He looked sad. Mama always told Spirit to think before she did something. Spirit didn't think. She pushed through the circle. "Don't call him that!" She reached out to take the boy's hand. She wanted to help. Spirit helped good, Mama always said she helped good.
Then the next thing she knew, she'd fallen, fallen, fallen into a scary dark place. Where was she? She felt the boy's hands on her. Like he was holding her all gentle the way Mama did, so she felt safe. It was like he was hugging her, and she loved hugs!
"You're a weapon," the boy said. His voice sounded all happy. Spirit pushed her way out of the scary place. She looked at him and grinned.
"You're a meister." Spirit glared at the kids around them. She yelled, "Stay away from my meister!" They ran. Maybe they didn't want to be with the boy? Why? Meisters weren't scary! They were the good guys! They fought Kishin for Lord Death, who was the best good guy ever!
She stuck out her hand for a shake once they were gone. "I'm Spirit Albarn. What's your name?"
The boy didn't take her hand. Awww. What did she do wrong? "I'm Franken Stein." He looked so sad. She hugged him, and he hugged her back. Her soul felt all funny, like there was a tug in it. He needed her. Weapons and meisters needed each other.
"Nice to meetcha, Franken! You're my new best friend!"
"Nobody wants to be my friend. I'm a freak."
Spirit shook her head. No, no, she needed Franken for a friend. He felt nice to her. She didn't even have any other friends. Everyone thought she was too weird. "Silly, silly Franken. You're not a freak. You're my meister friend."
He didn't look too happy and she wanted to make him happy. "I've got extra Madness," he said.
"Well, that just means you need me!" She wouldn't leave him. Madness didn't mean someone was a bad person. Not really. Right? He was so nice, she felt his soul, it was all nice, nice, made her feel safe. Good meisters had souls like that. Mama always said weapons found the right meisters with safe-feeling souls.
"Really?"
"Yeah! I promise. I won't ever, ever leave you for another meister, Franken Stein. You're my new best friend forever! And my meister forever too!"
Mama found them hugging when she came to pick Spirit up. "Who's this, Spirit?" she asked. "Did you make a friend?"
Spirit grinned with pride and hugged Franken closer. He hugged her back, smiling shy like Mama scared him. "Don't take Spirit! She's my weapon!" Franken cried.
"Hi, Mama! This is Franken," Spirit said. "He's my meister forever!"
Mama took out a camera from her bag. "Aw! So cute! My little girl's found someone she can play meister and weapon with! Smile for the camera!"
Spirit didn't smile for the camera. She smiled cause Franken was hugging her. All close! He was so cuddly!
-oooooooo-
Memories were such a pain in the ass sometimes. Remembering how she'd been happy with her only friend made Spirit almost miss Stein. Gah! She didn't know what to think about him! She turned the page. There she was, standing next to Stein at a Halloween party. He'd shown up in her second grade class the day after they met and declared that he was staying with Spirit.
More pictures. She and Stein were together in almost every one, typically hugging or holding hands. One was of her in baby-scythe form, being wielded by Stein as they showed off what they could do. There was a valentine she'd stuck into the album at some point. It was from him.
She moved to the next album. Pictures from her DWMA days. Her arms around Stein and Sid as they posed for the camera. She, Marie, and Azusa were dressed up for their first Death Ball with their meisters. Spirit had on a nice black tuxedo while the other two wore a black dress and a skull-print kimono.
Oh! And there she was at thirteen, fist pumped up and grin on her face as she won the first (and last) annual DWMA pie-eating contest. If she remembered correctly, Azusa had eaten the last piece of chocolate chip pie the night before, and Spirit decided that she must win the pie-eating contest against Azusa as revenge. Stein had been so proud of her for winning.
-oooooooo-
She yawned, feeling herself start to drift off to sleep. Stein showed up in her dreams. They were having sex. Gah! Why did this have to happen to her? She was starting to think she was the victim of a recurring nightmare! She woke up screaming; the Spirit in her nightmare had screamed in pleasure, but she was scared! What had being around goddamn Franken Stein done to her? He really messed with her head!
Her phone was ringing. God. Why? It was too early to be up. Spirit got to her feet, grabbing her iPhone and letting out a groan before she pressed the answer button. Caller ID said it was from the DWMA, so it was probably important. Least she wasn't having the Stein nightmare again. "Hello. This is Death Scythe Albarn," she forced out.
"Are you Ms. Spirit Albarn?" the DWMA secretary lady asked. Kami had taken Spirit's last name when they married. She sighed. Oh shit. Last week, she'd promised Sid that she'd take over his classes whenever she needed to. And now Sid needed someone to teach for him.
"Yeah. I'm Spirit. Is this about Sid and the statue-to-the-forehead incident?" She wasn't happy about this at all. Yeah, she got a job, but Sid was her friend. She didn't want him dead!
Spirit could hear a sniff of annoyance at the other end. "Yes. Now, Ms. Albarn, Sid indicated that he wanted you to teach his classes until a new teacher is found. You'll be teaching Class Crescent Moon and following his lesson plans today. Understood?"
Spirit grinned. She'd be teaching Maka's class today! Oh, here was a chance to show off to her daughter just how cool she was! Yes! She didn't want Sid dead, but this was so awesome! "I'll be there!" she yelled into the phone. "You can count on me!" She pressed the end call button and dropped her phone on top of the discarded photo albums. Now she had to get ready and look nice for her Maka!
Searching her room yielded no clean pairs of pants. She must have worn them all last week and forgotten to do laundry. Damn. She'd have to wear a skirt. The ones she had hugged her ass better then her pants did and practically clung to her wide, curvy hips. This sucked. She hadn't worn a skirt since the divorce.
Spirit sighed and pulled on a clean pair of black skull print panties and a matching bra. She donned her olive green shirt and black cross tie before putting on a black blazer and knee-length black skirt. Then came her socks and brown loafers. Ugh. She felt so naked in that skirt!
Sid would have his lesson plans at the front desk. She hurried to eat breakfast and brush her teeth, running out the door when she saw that she was late for class. Oh god! She was late! Why did this always happen to her?
She drove to the DWMA and ran into the building soon as she parked. "Hi! I'm the substitute for Sid! I need his lesson plans!" she yelled.
The secretary looked at her and scowled. "You're late, Ms. Albarn."
"I know! I'm so sorry! Just give me his stuff and I'll teach class!" She beat her hands against the secretary's desk, pounding them hard as she could. "Please! I won't be late tomorrow! Promise!"
"Fine."
Sid's attendance clipboard got shoved at her, and Spirit grabbed it. She started to run off to Class Crescent Moon, only stopping when she reached the door. Right, this would be Maka's class! She'd show her precious Maka just how cool her Death Scythe mama was!
She opened the door to a room of noisy teenage meisters and weapons. She sighed. This job would be harder then she'd thought. "All right, kids!" she snapped. She strode into the room. "Quiet down! Class is about to start." She placed the clipboard on the desk and scowled at the lot of them. Spirit stood with her hand in her pocket and barely making eye contact. Cool and nonchalant, right? Maka would be so proud of her! "I'm not gonna bother taking attendance, but I will tell you one thing right now. Anyone who thinks the bell decides when class is over is wrong." She dropped the clipboard and gestured to herself. "I do. Clear?"
The students were all looking at her in shock. Hmph. Guess they'd never had her as a teacher before. Her entrance was so cool! Maka had to think her mama was cool right now! She grinned. Oh, yeah, life was starting to look good again!
Then Maka's stupid weapon spoke. "What gives, Death Scythe? Are you our new teacher now or something?"
She looked at the attendance sheet, avoiding meeting anyone's eyes. She'd just mark everyone as here. "No, no. I'm just a substitute until they find a permanent teacher to fill Sid's position." She sighed and glared at the students. "But that still means I'm in charge of this class. So as long as I'm here, you will all call me Professor Death Scythe," she snarled. She straightened her tie and smiled. "Now. Let's take attendance, shall we?"
"You said you weren't going to take roll!" snapped Maka's weapon. Spirit laughed and waved her hand. So many handsome guys in class! No, bad Spirit, they were her daughter's age or younger!
"I won't for the girls. We're all punctual, right, ladies?" She laughed. "But I think I will for all the handsome men." She grinned, feeling blood trickle down her nose. Dammit, why couldn't she carry tissues at a time like this? Teaching was no time for her to act perverted!
"Dammit, quit being a perv!" Soul yelled. Maka just looked like she was so disappointed in her. Oh, Maka! She'd taken this job so that Maka would think her mama was cool! No! Maka hated her now!
"Oh, gimme a break," Maka growled.
Spirit looked on the sheet for Soul's name. She was tempted to give him a F just because he was her daughter's weapon and she didn't approve of him being a pervert. No, she wanted to be a good teacher, and good teachers didn't fuck up their students' grades. "Fine then. I'll take roll for everyone. And would someone please get me a tissue for my nose? I get really bad nosebleeds sometimes! It'll be the easiest extra credit assignment ever!"
"Get your own tissues!"
Spirit glared at Soul. She still had a nosebleed, dammit. "I didn't bring any tissues! I didn't think I'd have a nosebleed today! Okay! Let's get this class started!" She turned away and pressed her sleeve to her nose. The bleeding didn't stop. Damn! Spirit groaned and rolled her eyes. "Oh, that reminds me. Maka, Soul. Lord Death wants to see you in the Death Room. You're excused from class! As for the rest of you…"
She watched as her daughter and that horrible weapon walked off. "I'm going to the bathroom to get tissues for my nose! Stay right in your seats and don't you dare move!" What was wrong with her? Was she that sexually frustrated that she'd go for Maka's classmates? She wasn't a cougar! Argh. She either needed sex really soon or to work off her sexual frustration some other way.
-oooooooo-
Teaching Class Crescent Moon was a lot harder then Sid had made it sound. She managed to write down her name and the lesson plan on the board, but she kept hearing whistles when she turned around. Dammit! Why hadn't Sid told her there were so many perverts in this class? Spirit wanted to line up the pervs and hit them all with a Spirit Chop!
No. She had to stick to Sid's lesson plan. "Just try to get your wavelengths to match!" she snapped. "That's your lesson. Match wavelengths with a partner. Focus on your souls. And for god's sake, close your eyes and sit across from each other while you do this! That's what the lesson plan said!"
At least the little punks listened to her when she yelled. When class was over for the day, she breathed a sigh of relief. Ah! Now she could get out of there and take a break until the next day. When she'd have to teach class again and hopefully have some pants on this time.
She walked into the Death Room, rubbing at her eyes and yawning. "Lord Death, where the hell is my daughter?" she asked. Lord Death's son and his weapons Liz and Patty were there. Spirit shared a nod with the two young women; they weren't who she'd have chosen for Kid, but she liked them. Patty, with her childlike personality, reminded Spirit of herself at thirteen.
Lord Death looked at her and seemed to have sad eyes. Spirit still couldn't really tell what his expressions were like. "Oh! Hello, Death Scythe! They're off doing remedial assignments!"
"Which assignments?" Spirit growled. If he sent her baby on any dangerous remedial assignment, Spirit would so be unhappy with him.
"She and three other students have to fight meister Franken Stein!" proclaimed Lord Death. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Spirit felt her heart seize up and start beating so fast that she couldn't begin to think. Her Maka was in trouble! No! She couldn't let her baby be in danger of being dissected! What kind of mama would she be if she let Maka get anywhere near Stein?
"Hang on, Maka! Mama's coming to save you from Stein!" She started to transform. Liz tapped her on the shoulder; the sixteen year old girl let out a sigh.
"I've reached my limit of weirdness I'm willing to put up with for one day. Kid rearranged all the furniture so that it was completely symmetrical. Again. So please don't go do anything crazy." Spirit forced herself not to transform.
"The chairs were slightly to the right side, and the sofa wasn't perfectly in the middle!" complained Kid.
"Lord Death, please tell me if my Maka dies," Spirit begged. He didn't say anything. Spirit showed herself out of the Death Room and sighed. Poor baby…she needed her daughter safe.
-oooooooo-
Teaching class had been hell. Too many pervs in one class…why had she ever agreed to fill in for Sid whenever he needed her? And her baby had ignored her! Maka was on some mission, and she didn't even call Spirit to tell her how she was doing! This was the worst day in her life since she got assigned Stein as a partner.
She needed something to cheer her up. She felt like her heart was ripping and she couldn't think of how to best spend her time. Bad habits? No, no, she had to be a good mama. But she couldn't think of anything else that would cheer her up!
Spirit craved beer from Chupa Cabra's right now. But she'd made a vow that she was never going back to the damned host club with all those handsome men. So hot, so tempting, so cheating on Kami. At least there was a nearby liquor store. She hadn't been in it, but maybe she could go buy something to drink.
She took her wallet and walked the two blocks to the liquor store. It looked kind of classy, but she wasn't sure what kind of alcohol it sold. Spirit stared in shock at Blair's human form working the cash register. "Holy shit! You're that magic cat my daughter fought!"
"You must be Maka's mama. I really can't see the family resemblance."
Spirit scowled. She walked over to the cold beer in coolers and picked out a six-pack of canned strawberry-flavored Hard Lemonade. Well, she didn't know what that meant, but the name was interesting enough that she'd give it a try! "I'm buying this," she snapped.
"Oh! We're having a buy one, get one free sale! You can pick out another six-pack of beer, Mama!"
Spirit had intended for the beer to last her the entire week. Drink two today and the rest later. She doubted she could drink as much as she did before quitting Chupa Cabra's host club. But that damn Blair lured her in with a sale. She grabbed another six-pack of the strawberry-flavored stuff she'd picked out and walked back to her apartment.
When she got home, Spirit put her beers in the fridge and pulled out two cans for right now. She took a drink and sighed. Her partnership with Stein was an absolute hell. He used her as a lab rat while she was sleeping! That bastard didn't even think to ask her permission! It made her sick to even think about it!
According to Kami, he'd done it for five years. Ever since Spirit was twelve. The only strange thing Spirit ever noticed back then was that new scars appeared on her body every day; she'd just assumed she was clumsy or cut herself during practice again. If Kami hadn't found out, she'd probably still be the subject of his experiments! That bastard! Stein was mad, but he was a genius. He was able to master any weapon easily if he took an interest in them. But his only interest had been in her. She'd considered herself so lucky that her childhood best friend was still her best friend and meister before meeting Kami.
She drank the rest of her beer, moving to the next one. Ah! Her life was so much better now! She knew the liquor store! Soon, she fell asleep on the couch, body not used to so much alcohol after her being sober for a month.
-oooooooo-
Spirit was so worn out from drinking, but she woke up to get ready for teaching anyway. She had to prove to Maka that she was an awesome mama! Her phone rang. God. People had to abolish mornings when she had a hangover.
The caller ID once again said that it was from the DWMA. She sighed. Yawning, Spirit groaned, "Hello. This is Death Scythe Albarn."
"Great news! Your daughter used Witch Hunter twice yesterday!" said Lord Death. Spirit felt pride swell up in her heart. Her Maka had fought Stein and survived! She had such a strong meister for a daughter! Oh, Maka!
"Yes! I knew she could do it!" Spirit sat right up on the couch, hoping that Lord Death had more great news. Like maybe Stein was dead.
"Oh. We found a permanent teacher. Dr. Franken Stein will be teaching at the DWMA in Sid's position. You're no longer needed as a substitute. Bye!"
Gah! Stein! He was going to be near Maka on a daily basis! Spirit felt so pissed! Why didn't Lord Death hire her as a permanent teacher? Spirit would so be a better teacher then Stein!
She was going to visit the DWMA soon and check up on her daughter. Just to make sure that Maka was okay. And maybe she could spend time with her little girl! Good mamas checked on their daughters!