A/N: Hello again my lovelies! So I finally got this completed about an hour ago, had to proof read and do a couple of other things first before I could publish it but here it is. I apologise for the delay, I wanted to get it out a few days ago and I thought I'd have it finished because most of it wrote itself, but then when I went through and read it I realised I'd missed a couple of important areas, even though we know how it happens thanks to the book and movies they needed to be addressed here, so I had to try and get those pieces written.

I'm not 100% how I feel about the very last part, I'm happy with it in the fact I don't think I could have done it any other way, but at the same time I feel as though it might be kinda clunky, like it doesn't flow as well as everything else so I might look at fixing it at some point. Highly unlikely though. I'm not sure but if you have thoughts on it I'd love to hear them, and thoughts on the chapter in general :D

Also, despite how it may come across it is not a durincest fic, there is no relationship between the pair just major brotherly feels. The pair trust each other with their life and would do anything for the other. If you're confused by my need to clarify you'll see why a bit further on :)

Oh and totally no regrets for the LOTR quotes used in here. I've been listening to Two Towers and FOTR on my Ipod as I clean the kitchen at the lodge I live at of a night time so they may or may not have influenced certain parts of this and the next chapter...

A special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: DreamElm, RGAukema, LonelyEscapeArtist, Silhouettes Of Starlight and Jest'lyn Tal, as well as everyone who has commented, followed and favourited, you guys are awesome!

As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien

**WARNING! Depictions of war. Not graphic but giving you a heads up regardless!**

Chapter 3: I Would Have Followed You To The Death, But You Are No Longer The Dwarf I Once Knew

Fíli stood at the top of the stairs and watched as Kíli hurried towards their uncle, a smile gracing the normally gruff features as his nephew approached him.

"Uncle!" Kíli's relieved voice echoed through the large stone caverns and the only reminder that he had still been injured not a day before was the slight limp as he moved.

Thorin grasped his nephew's arms before looking him up and down checking him over for other injuries. The last time he'd seen him Kíli had been pale and sickly, barely able to support himself or put any weight on his leg yet here he was, still slightly ashen yet a warmth in the chocolate brown eyes he had feared he might never see again. Satisfied that Kíli was well he cupped the back of his head and pressed their brows together, both taking comfort that the other was alive after facing the dragon.

It is your fault they were in danger

Forget them, the gold is more important

Find the Arkenstone

Thorin pulled away abruptly and took a deep breath. The voices in his mind that had made themselves known the moment they set foot in Laketown had yet to cease; it was as though someone was murmuring in his ear endlessly and only on rare occasions did they leave him be. He gave Kíli a warm smile, allowing his fingers to run down the brunet hair once as a soothing gesture before pulling away completely.

"It is good to see you well nephew."

"And you Uncle," Kíli responded before stepping forward and embracing his Uncle in a hug. He would never admit it but when Smaug bragged that he had slaughtered the dwarves in the mountain Kíli had been terrified, his mind struggling to come to terms with the thought that he would never see his Uncle or friends again.

Thorin pressed a kiss to Kíli's forehead before withdrawing once more. He turned, his eyes searching for his eldest nephew and when he spotted him a sense of relief flooded his system. He went to step forward, moving to embrace the blond when the malicious voice returned.

You abandoned them

He does not trust you

He is disappointed you did not die

Despite wanting to assure himself that both his nephews were there and uninjured he found himself giving the blond a nod, just a small tilt of the head as his eyes assessed his nephews face looking for proof that the voice was lying.

It hurt to do so, to look to see if Fíli was still loyal to him but it hurt even more to see the nod returned without a flicker of emotion, as though it was all he expected from Thorin. But whilst Fíli's face remained neutral his eyes hardened slightly and Thorin couldn't help the tightening of his own as though they were sizing each other up now that nothing stood in the way of the crown. He didn't know what Fíli could see as his eyes roved his face, yet he wondered if perhaps he knew of the voices in his head; the voices that called for gold and had driven him away from their sides when Kíli was injured and they needed him most.

No, Thorin told himself half-heartedly, Fíli is loyal to me; He swore allegiance to me.

You are no longer King in his eyes

Thorin gritted his teeth, trying to block out the voices in his mind but the more they talked the more he listened, and despite desperately trying to ignore what they were telling him the small cut of betrayal had been made and was left to fester and grow in his mind.

He will take the crown from you

Thorin bowed his head, trying to stop the voice from getting a firm grip on him for if it did he knew he would be lost. Just as he thought he had managed to push it to the farthest recess of his mind Kíli's comment brought it back like a wave crashing on rocks.

"We feared the worst when the dragon attacked as he claimed to have killed you all! But Fíli stood up to him, told the dragon that if you were all dead then that made him King and he ordered that snake to leave."

A dark look passed over Thorin's face and the change was so sudden it had Kíli, who had moved into his line of sight once more stepping back in surprise. Thorin looked at his heir again, the flicker of warmth that had been in his eyes moments before replaced with a barely concealed fury Fíli had not seen in a long time.

"Is this true, nephew?" He asked slowly, his voice rumbling like thunder in a valley of mountains.

Fíli looked at his uncle from his place on the stairs, fighting down the urge to swallow and hide from the look that was directed at him. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, looking at his Uncle as though he were standing beside him and not towering over him due to his place on the stairs.

"I only did the duty required of me my King. I fulfilled my role as heir to attract the dragons attention to give us time to kill it, nothing more."

The firmness of Fíli's tone as he responded had Thorin glaring at his eldest, the voice whispering sweet words of malice and betrayal in his ears.

Already he works to supplant you

He claims a title he is not worthy of

You are the King

"And that best be all you did," Thorin hissed up at the blond. "Know your place sister-son. You are not the King, I am."

With that Thorin turned on his heel and stormed away from the gate to the treasury leaving a group of stunned dwarves in his wake.

"FIND THE ARKENSTONE!" He bellowed over his shoulder before he disappeared from sight.

Over the next two days had Fíli watched from afar as Thorin began to change. No longer was he the gruff, stern and occasionally kind hearted uncle he had known all his life; instead a harsh, angry and unloving shell of a dwarf took his place. The deep yet calming voice was lost to the relentless mutterings as Thorin picked his way through the piles of gold in search of the Arkenstone and the eyes that once burned bright with love for his brother and rare flashes for him were filled with ice.

It had come then, as both a shock and relief when Bard, Thranduil and Gandalf marched to their doorstep and revealed that the Arkenstone was in their possession because of Bilbo. The stone was out of the mountain and in the hands of those that Fíli hoped would be able to talk sense into his Uncle. But after roars of betrayal and Bilbo nearly being thrown from the parapet it was clear that there would be no reasoning with him and that Thorin was willing to risk all of them to obtain his coveted gem once more.

Dain's arrival shortly after Bilbo had joined Gandalf's side had started off as a celebration for Thorin only to turn to exclamations of treason. The Iron Hills Lord paid heed to Gandalfs' warnings over the ravings of his cousin and left with the small group to discuss what to do when the Orcs arrived the next morning, all of them determined to save as many lives possible and all grudges temporarily forgotten.

It was early evening and Fíli was sitting on the parapet, his back against the stone and enjoying the last touches of sun for the day as he watched as braziers in Dale were slowly lit for the evening. He couldn't help but wonder if Bilbo had found somewhere safe to stay for the night; after all being cast out by Thorin would have undoubtedly shaken the gentle Halfling and hopefully Gandalf or Bard were taking care of him and had at least provided him with a warm meal if nothing else.

He was caught up in wondering if there was a warm meal also awaiting him when Kíli joined him. He kept his gaze on the ruins but could feel his brothers' eyes on him, as though he were unsure of his welcome and debating whether to stay or go.

"You know," Fíli said after a moment of silence "you could ask whether I desire the company rather than trying to read my mind. You might get your answer quicker."

"Do you?" Kíli asked, his voice unusually quiet for his normally excitable temperament.

"When have I never wanted your company Kee?" Fíli replied quietly, finally looking at his brother with a soft smile.

Kíli's shoulders sagged in relief and he seated himself next to his brother, his head falling onto an all too familiar shoulder and he relaxed completely when Fíli lifted his arm and hugged him to his side. The pair sat there quietly enjoying the warmth the other brought them. Much had changed since they had arrived and finding quiet moments for themselves had become a rarity.

"How is your back?" Kíli asked softly, his forehead pressed up against his brothers throat and he allowed his own arm to circle his brothers waist for comfort; the fear of thinking his brother dead had yet to leave him and it was the cause of the nightmares that had plagued him since arriving at the mountain.

Fíli took a deep breath, huffing from his nose as he thought and his own arm tightened around his brother unconsciously.

"It is not the worst injury I have dealt with Kee, granted it can pull something awful if I move too quickly but it will be fine with time."

"Fee, Tauriel told me she could see bits of bone when she was cleaning your wound, it was no mere scratch and she had no time to heal it completely as you insisted on getting to Erebor. My leg still aches and I was only struck by an arrow, I was not sliced open like you."

"Your arrow was dipped in poison remember" Fíli reminded him.

Kíli pulled back enough to glare at his brother, not missing how he refused to meet his gaze. "She had to try and knit your back together brother; that is not something to be brushed off lightly."

Fíli sighed and tightened his arm around his brother pulling him back to his side as he dropped a kiss on his forehead.

"It will be fine Kee, promise." He whispered into the brunet locks before resting his cheek there.

It had been awhile since they had been able to spend time together, just the two of them. Between fleeing for their lives and dealing with the company Fíli had missed the closeness he used to share with his brother, the love and faith the younger one had for him making him feel as though he had some worth in the world.

As though he mattered.

The pair sat silently for a long while, enjoying the comfort of the other and watching the outlines of refugees moving amongst Dale's ruins when Kíli broke the silence again.

"What has happened to Thorin Fee?" He asked in a quiet and uncertain voice. "Why is he acting the way he is?"

"It is a sickness." Fíli said softly, his heart clenching in pain at the memory of his uncle's hateful glare.

Kíli pulled away from his brother and looked at him in alarm. "Sickness? What kind of sickness?"

"A sickness of the mind," Fíli whispered. "A sickness of obsession."

"What do you mean?"

Fíli turned to face his brother, sadness on his face as he looked at the younger dwarf who had been sheltered from the truth by the stories they had been told as they grew up.

"When I began my training as heir," Fíli began "Balin told me about the day the dragon came, everything about the day the dragon came. It seems the tales we grew up on were altered facts to make it less… dark. Before Smaug came Thror became obsessed with the gold, locking himself away in the vaults and doing whatever he could to add to his hoard. His family, his duties… everything lost importance to him except for the treasure. Balin calls it gold sickness; where the gold is all that you can think about. It was the gold that drew Smaug in, and it is the gold that draws Thorin in."

He sighed sadly at the look of horror on Kíli's face and ran a hand through his hair, tugging on a braid as he thought. "I fear Thorin is losing himself to the sickness if he has not lost himself already. War is coming, Gandalf said it himself yet we hide within our walls, content with Thorin's decision to let others fight a battle for this mountain."

"We are not cowards," Kíli insisted quietly "nor should we hide like ones. This is our fight as much as it is the Men or Elves. We owe it to the others to stand and fight."

"Agreed," Fíli said quietly. "He called for aid to defend us against Bard and Thranduil yet Dain's army will end up fighting this war against the orcs should it come to pass." He got to his feet pulling Kíli with him and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, looking into his eyes as he spoke his next words carefully.

"If war is to come I will fight to my last breath. Will you stand with me brother?"

Kíli pressed his forehead against Fíli's, his fingers lightly brushing against the braids he helped put in that very morning. "You are my brother, my captain, my King," he whispered. "I will stand beside you to whatever end."

"To whatever end."

Fíli stood beside his brother on the inside of the wall as they listened to Thorin in his gold-mad state rant about moving the treasure to a new hall, one that they could fortify to stop foul creatures from tunnelling up and taking what they wished. Thorin refused to listen to any of them who told him that Erebor was safe, or in Dwalin's case that they should stand and fight, not hide away and let others do their duty.

"Thorin! War is coming to Erebor, and as much as I hate to say it we must work with the Elves, Men and Dain if we wish to survive this."

They will take the gold from us if we help them

"Let them die!" Thorin bellowed, his face clouded with fury as he looked at his companions.

"Since when do we forsake our own people?! You called Dain to aid us!" Dwalin growled back "And now you leave him to be slaughtered on our doorstep like a dog?"

"Many die in war, life is cheap." Thorin scoffed "but a treasure such as this cannot be counted in lives lost. It is worth all the blood we can spend."

Kíli let out a growl and rushed forwards, fury on his face as he moved to confront the maddened king.

"You sicken me Thorin, how can you place gold above your own kin?!" Kíli roared, struggling against the arm Dwalin had thrown in front of him to stop him from getting any closer to Thorin. "I will not hide as others fight our battles for us!"

Thorin stalked towards his youngest nephew, eyes wild and pure hatred on the once loving face and he raised his hand to strike the brunet across the cheek.

Only his arm was caught mid-air before he was shoved backwards.

Fíli stood in front of Kíli and Dwalin and glared at his uncle. "You are lost Thorin!" He hissed. "The uncle I know would never put gold above his blood; would do anything to protect the ones he loves but here you stand, a lesser king than you have ever been." He shook his head, looking at his uncle in disgust. He straightened his shoulders and despite the anger that was boiling beneath the surface Fíli looked at his uncle sadly.

"Bilbo was right; you cannot see what you have become."

Insolent dog

He thinks he is better than you

He thinks he deserves the gold more than you

Thorin glared at Fíli and moved closer until he towered over the blond, the anger rolling off him in waves as he snarled at him.

"I have never been more disgusted by a dwarf in my life than I am with you Fíli," Thorin spat, Fíli's name flying off his tongue as though it was a vile taste in his mouth.

"You are not worthy of being my heir, all you have ever done is fail me. I should never have named you my successor, and I am ashamed to call you my sister-son."

He has always worked for your approval

He has always failed

"You disappoint me."

Silence rung through the hall and Fíli kept his back straight and a neutral look on his face, ignoring the dozen eyes on him and the hollow feeling in his chest as though Thorin had physically gutted him. He knew it was the sickness talking, he knew Thorin was not in his right mind yet everything that had come out of his mouth fed the flames of his self-doubt for his worth to his family.

When he was certain he could speak without his voice wavering he drew himself up to his full height and spoke in a low yet calm and steady voice.

"There is only one disappointment in this company Thorin, and it is not me."

And with that Fíli turned on his heel and left the hall and the deafening silence in his wake.

That night, the night before they charged blindly into battle Fíli snuck into the chambers that Balin had said would belong to him when he was officially titled crown prince. With a lantern swinging from one hand and his other pushing the door open Fíli slipped into the room silently knowing that his companions slept close by. They had all gone to find him after his confrontation with Thorin and despite his protests that he was fine the others had been reluctant to leave his side for too long.

Especially Kíli.

Fíli had had to wait for his brother to fall asleep beside him before getting the chance to slip away quietly; Kíli had refused to let his brother leave his sight due to both the nightmares that had plagued him since Laketown and fear Thorin would try and seek vengeance on the blond whilst they slept.

With what Fíli had planned he needed privacy to complete his task, away from prying eyes or curious questions for what he was about to do would show everyone that the mask he had spent his whole life perfecting and hiding behind was exactly that,

A mask.

He closed the door as much as he was able before finding a spot on the floor to settle down. He placed the lantern down and pulled a piece of parchment as well as ink and a quill out from his tunic, his hands smoothing over the piece he had obtained from Ori distractedly as he thought about what he needed to write, knowing they might be his final words.

As he thought about what he wanted to say he found that despite the jumbled emotions inside of him the words came easily, and in order not to lose them to the darkness he quickly began writing.

Thorin,

We go into battle tomorrow and I know in my heart that it is a battle I will not come back from. It is a battle that I will lay down my life in order to protect you and Kíli for that is what is expected of me, for it is my duty.

All my life duty has always been more important to you where I have been concerned. I wonder if you could have loved me like you do Kíli. The love you hold for him is clear, he is your nephew, your pride and joy and the one who reminds you of happiness and love in dark times.

What did I ever do to lose your love I wonder? What did I do to convince you that I was unworthy? Whatever it was know that I am truly sorry. If I die tomorrow I hope that you find it in your heart to be proud of me Uncle. I go to die hoping that to be true.

Everything I have ever done has been for you.

Fíli

Satisfied no more could be written Fíli pulled out a second piece of parchment and quickly wrote on it, writing without thinking for he knew exactly what needed to be said. Once the second note was complete he tucked both into a pocket on his coat as he stood and crept back to his brother before he was missed. If he died they would find the letters and give them to the right people, and if he survived he should have time to destroy it before anyone saw it.

After all, why shatter a mask that he'd spent years perfecting?

Blood

Screaming

Agony

Where are they?

You swore to protect them!

They are all that matters

All his life Fíli had trained for war, had trained to fight yet he had never been prepared for the exhaustion or terror that would accompany it. Thorin had regained some of his senses and had led them out into the fray, Khuzdul war cries on his lips and a murderous look in his eyes for every Orc that crossed his path.

Despite his best efforts Fíli found himself fighting for his life alone after having been separated from Kíli and Thorin. He needed to find them, it was the only thought on his mind for how could he protect the ones he loved like he had promised his mother all those months ago if he were not by their side?

He found his blades tangled with an Orc whilst another tried to attack him from behind when a flash of red appeared beside him and Tauriel took out one whilst his blade hacked through the neck of the other. He stood back to back with the elf, all differences forgotten as they fought to survive this hopeless battle and prayed that her height might give her an advantage in spotting his missing kin.

No sooner had his question left his lips than her hand grasped his shoulder and spun him to face north, her blade decapitating an oncoming Orc before she pointed ahead of them.

"There! On the hill over there! Your brother and Uncle are engaged with Azog and Bolg!"

The horror in the elf's voice had Fíli leaping onto the back of a nearby Orc and as he drove one of his many knives through its skull he looked to where she had been pointing and sure enough there they both were; standing back to back and struggling to defend themselves.

"We must help them!" Fíli roared over the din, leaping off the dead Orc's back and racing towards his family, a brief glance over his shoulder showing that Tauriel was right behind him.

How a blade touched neither of them as they made their way to the hill Fíli did not know; it was as though both of them were like water amongst rocks, flowing easily between the enemy without pause. It was as they got close to the base of the small hill and the fighting bodies thinned out that Fíli saw Azog's club connect with his Uncles chest, sending him flying whilst Bolg's connected with Kíli's head a second later sending him down in a pile of limbs.

"NO!" Fíli and Tauriel's voices screamed in unison.

As they sprinted up the hill they watched as a group of elves and dwarves charged at the Orcs, distracting them from the fallen warriors.

"Tauriel!" Fíli yelled to the elf urgently as he watched the group who had come to the defence of his kin fall one by one. "Grab Kíli and get him out of here! Get him to safety!"

"I will not leave you!"

"Tauriel you must get him out of here! He must survive this! Please!"

Tauriel looked between the Orcs who were quickly killing off the group who had come to Kíli and Thorin's rescue to the blond-haired dwarf seeing the desperation in his eyes. She was losing precious time; the chance to get Kíli to safety quickly evaporating for every second of her indecision. Knowing her choice was likely to be one she'd regret for the rest of her life she scooped Kíli into her arms and raced away, her parting words to his brother hanging in the air.

"STAY ALIVE FÍLI!"

Fíli spun his blades as he twirled to face Azog and Bolg, both who were making their way towards him with feral grins on their mutilated faces, and he answered with an identical one on his own.

"You will never hurt my family again."

Blinding pain erupted in his chest as he was sent flying and his head cracked painfully on the ground as he landed. Thorin let out a cry of pain as he fought for breath, determined to get back up to destroy the foul beasts once and for all.

He turned his head in time and watched in horror as Bolg's club collided with Kíli's head; his young carefree and loving Kíli who had blindly followed him to the hill after losing sight of his brother and who was desperate to end the war so that he may find him again.

A group of dwarves and elves hurrying to defend him caught his eye and he knew that they would fail; he knew that Azog would slaughter every last one of them in a bid to end the line of Durin once and for all.

He needed to get up, he needed to destroy this scum and survive to right the wrongs that needed fixing so badly. He needed to make it through this so that he could beg Fíli for forgiveness and spend the rest of his life earning back the trust he had so violently destroyed. Just thinking of his nephew brought an ache so fierce to his chest; his golden, bright, fierce Fíli whom he had broken with his harsh words, the sickness that had possessed him gone, bringing with it a horrifying clarity as to what he had done to his nephew.

It was a losing battle however; between the blood loss, pain and fatigue his mind was quickly slipping towards unconsciousness and the sight of Azog fighting his way towards him was to be his last when a cry from a familiar voice had him turning his head in shock.

It was Fíli, his cherished nephew standing with an elf beside his brother, yelling at her to get Kíli to safety as he took in the battle around him. With the blood quickly beginning to pound in his ears it was difficult to hear what passed between them yet he couldn't help the sigh of relief when Kíli was scooped up and the elf ran from Azog and Bolg and away from certain death.

He lay there, praying for his nephew to either come closer so that he may beg forgiveness or to run; to save himself yet Fíli did neither. As he lost his grip on consciousness his last view was of Fíli as he whirled on Azog and Bolg, twirling his blades out of habit as he snarled at his foes and despite knowing he would never hear him a single word slipped from the King under the Mountains lips for the final time that day.

"Fíli."