A/N: The first paragraph of the last chapter was being stupid, and kept messing up on me. No, I'm not a retard, it's my keyboard. It wouldn't erase the mistakes, and kept putting in the wrong letters. So stupid, right? Anyways, if I don't update for a while, it's because I'm swamped with something, not because I'm giving up. If I give up I'll simply say 'I GIVE UP!' or something a little more colorful. Here's the next chapter. I don't know if it's too short or not. I haven't written it yet :) Happy Good Friday! Well wishes to all!

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Death and Other Sad Businesses

Julia Robinson was a crier. A class D crier, but a crier at that. Ever since she'd entered the home, her thin party trailing gloomily behind her, I'd sensed the inevitability that she would sob until her fake blond hair fell out. As Jasper greeted the guests, I'd run to the storage cupboard and grabbed more rough Kleenex to put in the viewing room.

Now Julia rested her head on my husbands arm, tears soaking his jacket. Her husband, Ronald, hadn't been able to make it to Seattle for the funeral. The rest of the party was gathered around Ms. Robinson's corpse, tears running down their faces as well. But none like Julia Robinson. I was starting to wonder if the birdlike 40 something year old was just putting on an act to get closer to my husband. It wasn't working, of course. Jasper was tear-proof.

He shot me a stressed look from across the room, and I gave him a short nod in response. Julia didn't hear me as I drifted behind her and placed one of my hands on her shoulder. She looked back at me and Jasper receded to the corner, then disappeared into the office. Julia's crying seemed to slow as she noticed Jasper was gone. She went from an A class crier to a D class once again.

"If it's any consolation," I said soothingly, "you're mother went peacefully."

That was a lie. Ms. Robinson had died of a violent allergic reaction to cashews. Her throat swelled shut, causing her to run around the house for at least three minutes, struggling for air. She'd shoved a pen down her throat to try to get airflow again with no success. With difficulty she'd crawled to the front door to get help from a neighbor, but had fallen down before she reached the door, causing her to hit her head off of a table. The table lamp, which was turned on, had fallen onto her. She couldn't move from the fall, which had damaged her spine. For her last minute on Earth she'd felt not only the horrors of suffocation, but the lamps hot light bulb had singed into her flesh. Then, because Julia thought she was too important for her poor mother, she'd been left to rot for two days. Luckily the smell had clued a neighbor in to call the police. The fact of the matter was that Ms Robinson had died a horrible and painful death. But it was my job to shield Julia from the truth.

I watched Julia cry, her tears smearing her mascara, and made my judgment. She wasn't sad about her mothers death. Even if she had known how ghastly the poor cat lady's demise was, she wouldn't have truly felt bad about it. Julia was more concerned with herself. She felt guilt at how she hadn't said goodbye to her mother, and how horrible she'd been. But if she was given the chance to have her mother back, would she take it?

No.

My mother had died when I was seven. She'd tripped on one of my stuffed animals and fallen down three flights of stairs. That incident obviously made an impact on me. I would sell my soul to have her back. Julia wouldn't. There was a difference.

I felt sorry for Ms Robinson, but not for her daughter. When you lose someone you love, you shouldn't care about nothing except yourself and how you're going to get over it.

"Thank you." Julia finally said. "I hope you're right."

I'm not, I thought. And neither are you.

---

"Okay, are you ready?" I asked. Jasper looked at me and solemnly nodded.

"I think so. Just one second."He replied, putting on his 'I'm going to climb a mountain' face. "I have the pregame jitters."

I rolled my eyes. This was his idea. Why was it that he always made the plans, and I was always the one who followed through first? It was so annoying!

"Come on. You said you wanted to do this."

"I do, I do!" Jasper agreed, rolling his shoulders. He put his head down and took deep breaths. "Okay. I'm ready."

The mansion that stood in front of us was gluttony incarnate. From the prim manicured lawn to the restored Elizabethan wannabe columns to the million dollar cars parked behind the electric steel fence. And inside this palace of expense sat one man. The only person who lived here. James Milan, the notoriously rich card shark and actor. Or as he would be forever known afterward, our first victim.

We'd planned this well, extremely well, over the past two weeks. The planning was alright. Illegal, but still alright. At first it was a little awkward, contemplating murder with him. After a while it got easier. By the end it was even a little fun. But now, staring at the mansion, it was almost to terrifying to even consider. As much as I razzed Jasper, I was just as nervous.

"Okay. When I give the signal." I said, and took a deep breath. Jasper nodded, and slipped into the dark, while I straightened my dress. It was sparkly and showed enough skin to count as lingerie.

I pressed the little blue button on the gates intercom, then waited for a moment. Right about now James would be heading to the similar looking keypad inside, but this one didn't have the screen connected to the camera that would be showing me. There was a moment of silence, and then a voice.

"Hey." The voice was smooth, and sly. James. I smiled innocently and said the lines I'd been practicing for weeks.

"Hello. I'm Laura Bennett from Bennett jewelers. We received a call that you wanted a representative to look at your jewels?" That line was priceless. Jasper had written my little script, it was plain to see.

"Huh... I don't remember calling, but I suppose you could take a look at my jewels." James said. I could almost hear the smirk.

There was a buzz, and the gates swung open. Triumphantly, I made my way over the lawn to the wrought iron front door. It opened just as I reached it to reveal James Milan, dripping wet in a towel. Oh man this was perfect. I grinned when I saw him.

"Well hello." He smirked, looking me over. He was so preoccupied he didn't notice Jasper slip in through the gates before they closed.

"Hello, Mr Milan." I began, but he cut me off before I had a chance to continue.

"Please, call me daddy." He opened the door wider. "And come... inside."

My grin widened, but that was simply the result of trying not to laugh in his face. He was half the man Jasper was. But regardless, I had to play the character of horny little Laura, and not murderous little Alice. So I bit my lip, and slid into the house, James not far behind.

The house was huge, black floors and red walls with chandeliers everywhere. A modernly square staircase lined the one wall, showing a living room in the back.

"So, daddy," I said as sultrily as I could, while turning around to see the ripped superstar, "where do you keep your jewels?"

"Upstairs." James replied, taking me by the small of my back. Slowly, but surely, it slid down to my butt, and squeezed. Now normally I would have punched him in the face, but since he wasn't going to make it through the night I decided not to bother.

"Someones frisky." I giggled. He laughed, a forced chalky sound. All boys just want one thing. We got to the top of the stairs, and he led me into a dark bedroom. Low lights flicked on. James came up behind me and put his hands on my hips.

"Now lets get to business." James chuckled.

"Right." I replied brusquely. "Now, Bennett Jewelers is offering a great deal for the care and replacement of any diamonds, jewels, gold plates, and silver plates, as well as the purchase of new diamonds."

James looked a little flabbergasted. "Huh?"

"The diamonds, Mr Milan. We're talking about diamonds." I said coldly, and pulled a folder of paper out from under my arm. "If you'll sign, the deal will be done, and we can move on to other activities."

James scratched his head and took the papers, only reading the title of the first one. The one that read 'Lifetime Guarantee'. "You really came up here for business?" He asked with a sigh.

"Partly." I replied with a smile, and innocently ran a finger down the neckline of my dress. James grinned.

"If I sign this we'll fuck, right?" He asked. Well, that was straight forward.

"Definitely."

James grabbed a pen off of the desk in the corner and scribbled a signature on every line in the stack of paper. Little did he know he was sealing his own fate. James was, after all, signing the forms for his own funeral prearrangement's. And more than that, Jasper had gotten my signal. Definitely.

"There." James said. He handed me the papers. I took them, and set them in the briefcase. "Would you like to take a shower, Laura?"

I nodded, smiling again. "A shower would be to die for right now."

He took my hand and pulled me into the big steamy bathroom across the hall, walking backwards. I let him flick the light on, and laughed out loud when I saw the tall blond man standing in the shower behind James.

"What's so funny, Laura?" James asked, laughing as well. It was then that he caught sight of Jasper in the mirror. Before James could do anything, Jasper swung a baseball bat into his spine, splitting his vertebrae, rendering him paralyzed.

"What's funny," I said with a giddy grin, "is that my name is Alice."

--

Jasper and I made it look really natural. We lifted the immobile James up by his underarms, stood him in the shower, and then pushed him forward. He knocked his head off the corner of the counter and bled everywhere. Then we positioned his legs so the vertebrae separation looked natural.

After that it was all clean up. First, we got rid of all physical evidence that we'd even been there, except for the yellow copy of the funeral arrangements in his will. Second, we erased all video tape of ourselves, and the past six weeks so it looked like an unfortunate mistake on the security companies part. Finally, we went home.

And that was that. By the time we got home, I was in shock.

"Jasper." I whispered when we were in the garage. "We just killed a man."

He was silent, staring straight ahead at the little door that led to the basement. His skin was looking even paler than usual, and a little sweaty.

"I know." He finally said, and looked at me a little stiffly. "I...I... thought it..."

"Was fun?" I suggested. He nodded palely, and swallowed hard. "Me too."

"Okay." Jasper said. There was another silent moment. "You look good in that dress."

I blushed. "Thank you."

--

And that was that. We didn't speak about James until a call came to the next day saying we had a big funeral to prepare for. The home was swamped with people three days later, all mourning over James Milan. His funeral was proclaimed in tabloids, and the tragedy made an obsessed fan off herself, but she lived in Houston.

During the funeral I saw Jasper across the room, helping James mother away from the gleaming white casket.

"Who ever killed him is going to die!" She exclaimed. "Die a horrid, horrid death!"

My heart went cold at her words, but I didn't show it.

"Ms Milan," Jasper said in the familiar griefless voice that came with funeral directors, "if it's any consolation, your son went peacefully, and quickly."

Ms Milan burst into tears. Her husband took a hold of her, and pet her hair.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

Jasper nodded. "Certain. He felt no pain."

But I knew that was a lie. His last moments were excruciating. First with his spine, and then his brain. Once again, I felt nothing for the family.

Instead, I was filled with surpressed glee. Once again, there was money in our bank, and food in the fridge. Turning my back on the funeral, I looked at the casket, at the cold white face of my first victim.

And it was a feeling I could get used to.

A/N: HAPPY EASTER! And review!!!!