Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Merry Christmas, One and All!
Chapter Three: The Death of the Aliens and the Dead Worms
With Everyone Except Shikamaru, the Sand Siblings, and Dead Bob…
"…" Everyone stared up into the sky, but saw nothing. Sasuke sighed and shrugged.
"Oh well. Two less annoying people, I say."
"I agree." Tenten said, shrugging too. "Neji, now YOU HAVE TO BUY ME ANOTHER CUP OF TEA. And wring out your shirt."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Neji stopped, turned around, and grabbed Tenten's hands again. "Of course, my dearest Tenten! I will get a cup of tea for you! Which kind would you like?"
"The kind that is on your shirt. Mint."
"OF COURSE, MY DEAREST!" Neji ran away.
"…" Ino looked away. "That is just plain weird…"
"Oh well! That means I don't have to pay!" Tenten said.
"WAIT. YOU ARE TRICKING AND CHEATING BOTH NEJI AND MY SASUKE INTO PAYING FOR YOUR DRINKS. TIME TO DIE." Sakura said.
"…" Tenten looked at Sakura. Sakura started to punch wildly. Tenten looked at her. Sakura started to do complex and impressive moves, powered with chakra. Sakura started to stab with kunai. Finally, exhausted, Sakura flopped down on the ground.
"You are indeed a strong opponent." Sakura wheezed.
"…maybe you'd think differently if you weren't ten feet away from me." Tenten said.
"HELLO, MY DEAREST TENTEN! I AM BACK AND I AM WELL!"
"You mean you are unwell." Kiba said.
"ONLY MY DEAREST TENTEN KNOWS, KISHA!"
"KIBA!"
"AH!" Neji gave a bow and handed the cup to Tenten. Tenten sweatdropped. Neji started to scream again.
"Never bow with a full cup of hot tea, folks! If you do, it will spill onto your feet!" Naruto said.
"Yeah, obviously, dobe." Sasuke said.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Neji started to run and scream again. Then the other person inside his head said,
"You fool! Now Tenten will think you are weird! Act cool!'
"YESSIR!" Neji straightened and proceeded to walk coolly over to Ino, and took her arm COOLLY, and then walked over to Tenten COOLLY.
"Neji, why did you stuff snow into your shirt?" Tenten asked.
"Because it is cool!"
"…" Tenten looked at him.
"N-Naruto-k-kun…I-I saw t-that y-you a-are going o-out with S-Sakura…" Hinata said, walking over to him and covering her eyes, although they were already sufficiently covered by her little cloud of mist. Actually, on the way, she walked into several lamp-posts and walked over several people.
"Yeah!" Naruto said, pulling on his pants and pointing to the downed Sakura.
"W-Why d-do you l-like h-her?"
"I…I like her because…she's really pretty…and smart…and all sorts of other stuff…"
"Yeah, her intelligence sort of evens out your dumbness, huh? And her beauty evens out your ugliness." Kiba said.
"Hey! What, do you like her too?!"
"No!"
"Good, because you have Hinata!"
Hinata began to cry again. The mist grew thicker. She tried to wave it away. Then Temari barged into the scene and used her great fan to blow the mist away, then she jumped back. Hinata was blown away, and Kiba cried out and chased after her.
"You know," Neji said COOLLY to his inner ego, "I am very chilly."
"YOU IDIOT. I MEANT COOLLY, NOT COLDLY! COOLLY AS IN COOLLY!"
"…oh. Gotcha." Neji proceeded to pull snow out of his shirt. Tenten looked at him. Ino looked at him. Sasuke looked at him. Naruto twiddled his thumbs.
"Who are you talking to, Neji?"
"Hng…" Sakura struggled upward and faced Tenten. "Tenten! Although you have much skill, I shall still defeat you for Sasuke's love!"
"Wait. So if you defeat Tenten, Sasuke loves you?! Count me in!" Ino cried. Sakura and Ino dived at Tenten, who moved aside. The kunoichis dove into a snow drift and screamed their heads off, which bounced out of the snow drift and then screamed themselves back on.
"Wow. Not pretty." Sasuke covered his eyes.
"…" Naruto and Tenten looked on. Neji continued to throw snow out of his shirt. All of a sudden Ino and Sakura bounced out of the snowdrift. The light glinted off of Sakura's shiny, large forehead and temporarily blinded Tenten. Ino swung around to try and hit Tenten with her large bang. Tenten blinked and then in self-defense, cut off Ino's bang and Sakura's hitai-ate so that her hair fell into her face (unfortunately she missed and cut off most of Sakura's hair.) Ino screamed. Sakura screamed. Tenten looked at them both, thinking.
"Ah." Tenten brought out a shaver and shaved the rest of Sakura's hair off. "Much better." She looked over at Ino. "You know, you guys should be twins." Tenten shaved Ino's hair off, too.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" the kunoichi screamed.
"MY HAIR!!! MY HAIR!!!" Ino screamed. "MY ATTRACTIVE BANG!!"
"I HAVE BEEN DEFEATED BY TENTEN, AND IT HAS COME AT GREAT COST!" Sakura screamed. "MY HAIR!! MY HAIR!!"
"…" Sasuke looked on. Naruto cried. Neji was now heaving snow out of his shirt by the bucketfuls.
With Gaara and Kankurou…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! OH, HELLO, GAARA!"
"HELLO, KANKUROU! IT LOOKS LIKE WE ARE STILL HURTLING THROUGH SPACE!"
"INDEED, MY BROTHER!"
"INDEED MY BROTHERS!" Kakashi and Jiraiya cried, flying through the air. Gaara looked at them and whacked them with his giant peanut. They fell down to earth.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE LANDED! AHHH!! PERVERTS!" Kankurou immediately pulled his mini-skirt down and looked at all the aliens around them.
"It seems we are in quite the predicament."
"Uh-huh."
"Put down your weapons!" the aliens cried. "And take us to your leader!"
"Leader?" Gaara asked slowly. All of a sudden Hinata crashed down upon Kankurou, who screamed.
"HINATA!" Kiba cried, sort of swimming through the air toward the stunned Hyuuga.
"IT IS THEIR LEADER! SHOOT!" the aliens took out large rays and began to shoot at Kiba. Kiba screamed.
Gaara looked at them, squished them with his demonic sand, and then proceeded to make a little pile of alien gelatin. After he was done he turned to Kiba, who was full of little holes and looked similar to Swiss cheese, Hinata who was unconscious, and Kankurou who was under Hinata and looking very happy and gay.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! HINATA! I WILL SAVE YOU FROM THAT PERVERT!" Kiba swam forward and lifted Hinata up bridal-style. Which he could do only because there was no gravity. Then he fell down to the ground and his arms were crushed. Then he was lifted back up. Then down. Then up again.
"WHO IS PLAYING WITH THE GRAVITY SWITCH!!!" Kiba screamed.
"Not me!" Orochimaru called.
"Thanks!" Kiba cried.
"YAY!" Gaara was now covered in the gelatin remains of the aliens due to the upping and downing. Kankurou tried to swim around. Then all of a sudden SOMEONE pulled the gravity switch and the little group plummeted down to earth.
With Shikamaru and Temari…
"I troublesomely think that troublesome you might troublesome want to troublesome look at troublesome this…" Shikamaru said.
"What, Shika-kun?" Temari turned around. Her eyes widened.
The duo was surrounded by many dead worms that reeked. In front was Dead Bob, who was looking as angrily as he could at Shikamaru.
"I have come to reclaim my woman! The beautiful girl with the incredibly dangerous and ugly hairstyle!"
"But Shika-kun and I belong together!" Temari hugged Shikamaru. "He has a dangerous and ugly hairstyle, just like me!"
"Never! I got one, too!" Dead Bob pointed at his miniscule head, which had a mohawk on it. "Now, prepare to be defeated, Thou of Deer!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Jiraiya and Kakashi fell down upon the worms, crushing them. Dead Bob cried out. Then Temari and Shikamaru continued on, stepping on him.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"