A/N: Thanks to Prawn Crackers for reviewing! I'd love to hear from some more of you dear readers.

Opening Up and Being True to Yourself

Abby could be strong and independent on the outside, perhaps more so than any of the other women working at the ARC. It came across in all the tomboyish clothes she used to wear and the short skirts she wore with leggings and laced-up boots. But as she'd once told Connor, she could 'do the girl thing' too. On the inside, she supposed that was perhaps more who she was. She was kind and compassionate, though fiery and determined at the same time. But most of all she was defiant of other people presuming to hold any authority over her. What people most remarked upon was her gift with animals and her deep-seated care for them. She was loyal and willing to stand up for anyone.

But there was a difference on the inside. Abby had never told anyone about her past, about why her brother was so precious to her and why they were all the other had. She was sure Lester would know – she had a personal file and all her background was likely to be on it. The Civil Service, the Home Office in particular, would have done very thorough background and security checks on her before she'd even signed the Official Secrets Act with them. So that meant Connor could know, as she knew for a fact that he'd seen her personal file a number of times, though he'd never broached the topic with her. Abby thought it was something that would have cropped up in conversation at least once if he knew.

Her past was one of the reasons she preferred animals to humans. Nobody ever asked her why she'd worked at Wellington Zoo either. But that was why. The animals there wouldn't hurt her, not the lizards or snakes or insects. It was also why she was so tough, why she did kick boxing and karate. She wanted to make sure that nobody ever hurt her again, and she succeeded bar a few nasty, dangerous boyfriends along the way.

Now that she was with Connor though, she was happy. He'd never willingly hurt her; he was devoted to her. Every time she seemed to be descending into a more depressive state, he worked his hardest to pull her out of it, pulling crappy joke after crappy joke and whisking her off to obscure places to just enjoy the wildlife and being together. Sometimes he'd even bring Rex along with them, and the lovable lizard would help her too. She was happier than she'd ever been with Connor, but at the back of her mind she knew it wouldn't be right until she'd told him everything about her, until she'd completely opened herself up to him.

But that was easier said than done. Her irrational fear was that if she told him, he'd judge her, he'd think differently of her. Everyone did. The only one who could truly understand was Jack because he'd been there and experienced it with her.

That inner fear sometimes threatened to drive her mad, and she knew the only way to get past it, to overcome her fear, was to tell Connor. She'd tried so many times but somehow always ended up telling him about some new science fiction show that was starting on tv instead. She got the feeling that sometimes he seemed suspicious and wanted to ask her something, but he never piped up. It was to be expected really, wasn't it? After so long keeping to herself and hardly offering up any personal information, even when asked, why would he bother to ask anymore? There were times where he would open his mouth only to close it seconds later, looking so crestfallen.

Other people seemed to have noticed it too.

One day at the ARC, Jess commented, "Connor seems a little down today. Are you guys okay?"

Abby nodded. She and Connor were okay. They weren't arguing or screaming at each other. They weren't ignoring each other. There was no obvious problem.

"Jess, can I ask you something?" Abby asked, hoping her friend would be able to give her some advice on whether to tell Connor. After all, there was no point in worrying him if he didn't need to know. And, Abby was keen to avoid all the sympathy. It had happened long ago and she was largely over the trauma, she just couldn't stand it when someone brought it all back up.

"Of course, you know me," Jess answered. "I'm always willing to listen."

"Right," Abby murmured, beginning to lose her resolve. "Well…it's just do you think that you should share all of yourself with someone, even the parts you don't like, or is it okay to just share part of yourself with someone?" Before Jess could even answer, Abby continued, "Actually, you know what? Just forget I even said anything. It doesn't matter."

But back at the flat that night, Abby couldn't help feeling she wasn't being very loyal to Connor by not giving him all of her. He had always shared himself with her: his past, his present, his future he'd given and shared with her. Was she betraying him by shielding him, or rather herself, from this one last history she had? If he could be brave enough to distract future predators away from her so she could rescue her brother, didn't she owe it to him to find some of her own courage and tell him?

When he got back from the takeaway with two fresh pizzas, she'd made up her mind. They ate the pizza in companionable silence, munching away deep in their own thoughts. Whilst Abby tried to figure out a way to broach the topic, Connor was pondering for the umpteenth time with little success what Abby could possibly be hiding from him. It didn't take a genius to work out that there was something bothering her. He'd noticed it as soon as they got back from the cretaceous. She would often stare at him intently and then suddenly disappear somewhere. He'd catch her staring out one of their windows, yet the moment he came up behind her and asked what she was looking at, she would reply, 'nothing.' Nobody stared at nothing. Not even the mentally unstable. They could see something; it just wasn't there for everyone else to see.

"Abby-"

"-Connor," she said at the same time, pausing as she realised.

"You go," he muttered, grabbing her plate and his to take them to the dishwasher.

"I've been meaning to talk to you for quite a while…"

He nodded.

"…About my childhood." She paused again, unsure what else to say.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Connor offered, sensing her reluctance.

"No, I do or I'll never do it," she replied. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "When I was a kid, I was a-"

"You can tell me anything," he reminded her, his hands softly running up and down her arms from wrist to elbow in what he hoped was a soothing gesture.

"I was abused," she finally whispered.

His hands froze and he looked at her with wide eyes that held all the pity she hated seeing.

"Oh, Abs," he said, just as quiet in their suddenly overly-large flat. "Come here." His arms moved behind her back and he pulled her into the warmest, most secure hug, one of his hands smoothing down her hair as she trembled in his arms. He'd never seen her so vulnerable. Even in the cretaceous she'd been the strong one. She was always the strong one. But, he realised then that sometimes he might have to carry some of the load and be tough too.

"It must have been so hard, but you're here and you got through it just like you get through everything."

Relief at finally having got it out in the open washed over Abby. She felt free all of a sudden, as if she could go anywhere and do anything. There was no dark cloud hanging over her and holding her back. She'd opened up about herself and now there was no going back. She'd become too fearless for that.

A/N: I wrote this for Abby because apparently Hannah Spearritt has said that Abby was abused as a child. I'd love to know what you think about that and the chapter so review if you've got time.