Disclaimer: Not mine.

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"You should be more like Queen Elizabeth." Gestured the tiny hitman sensei.

Tsuna dropped the soapy sponge but at least managed to hold onto the plate, "I-I don't think I understand at all…" Uhhn, another weird idea has popped up. He picked the sponge up and began scrubbing faster, in hopes of making a speedy getaway. Far away.

"Hmph, stupid Tsuna, Queen Elizabeth reigned England and Ireland for forty-five years. In all those years, she never once married."

Tsuna was rinsing now, as fast as he could wash off the bubbles. Must…get away.

"Known as the Virgin Queen, she held off suitors and named no successors as a diplomatic ploy. It ensured her control and protected her throne from a coup—"

Something is brewing, something dangerous is brewing. Tsuna breathed in relief as he finished the plates and began to put them away, dishes clinking in haste.

"Done!" Tsuna said.

Fwip! Rope that had mysteriously appeared around Tsuna's feet and hands suddenly tightened and bound him to the ground and ceiling. A look of terror flitted past his face.

"Trying to skip my next mafia lesson? Tch, I should punish you for trying to abandon your duties as a Vongola heir."

In a tiny voice, Tsuna said, "In the first place, I didn't really want the position —"

"Hmm, what? You're muttering again. It's annoying."

Wha! What a blunt person! Tsuna wriggled frantically but could not dislodge the ropes tied onto him.

"Listen, Dame-Tsuna, don't you get a lot of problems from the people around you?"

Mainly from you!

"Don't you get teased a lot?" Reborn asked.

Tsuna paused and began fervently nodding. "Aah, stop calling me rabbit-chan, Squalo-san!" "I'm not little! And did you escape from Vendicare again?" "Stop calling me cute and compact, Spanner-san…"

"Don't you get bullied a lot?"

Again, the mafia student nodded. "H-Hibari-san, stop pulling my clothes off! It's tucked in the proper four inches…" "It's not too hot for me to take off my shirt, Gokudera-kun…" "Can you let go of my hand now, Yamamoto-kun?" "I really don't wanna eat the cake, Byakuran-san."

"And the strange threatening letters and gifts, right?" Reborn said.

"I'll die without you, Jyuudaime." "I'm going to devour you whole, herbivore." "I will possess your body, little Vongola." "Stupid imposter, you'll learn your place. Underneath me."

Tsuna still shivered everytime he remembered the unsigned letters.

Reborn's eyes gleamed, "There is a WAY to circumvent all of these."

Tsuna stared on, Why do I get a strange shivering feeling creeping up my spine?

"An one hundred percent guaranteed method to control your subordinates and manipulate both ally and rival—"

Tsuna began praying to every known god for a second chance at a normal life. Just one, just one normal, violence-free, de-Mafia'ed life. I swear, I'd even stop whining!

Reborn continued on, "—and that is to be a Queen, Tsuna-student."

The brunette sighed in agony. Someone. Please translate this person's words for me.

"You see," the tiny teacher took out a choc cigar, "our world, the Mafia, it's a men's world. Full of men, dangerous and violent and rough. There are hardly any women in it since it's too dangerous. The relatively few ones that are in it, well…Like Bianchi, see? Or even the Cervello."

"Eeeh?"

Reborn began chewing on the cigar, "You need to use that to your advantage. The men around you need an outlet, so...use your looks, your feminine wiles, right?

Tsuna in his Mind: There is something wrong with your brain. Something very wrong. Like a cancerous tumor of, of, something. Something big, and stupid.

"You see, you have that untainted air, from your mother, I think. So, use it. Be like the femme fatale and the queens from the past: smile and seduce and sieze control!" Reborn said, rubbing his palms together, diabolical plans hatching.

This time, the Tsuna-mind did not stay silent, "What is that bullcrap coming out of your mouth?"

Smack! Reborn's rolled up newspaper hit him on the head with pin-point accuracy.

"Useless student of mine, you can't afford to blush and be squeamish. With that attitude, you're just asking to be attacked again by perverts."

~It just keeps getting stranger!~screamed Tsuna in his mind.

Reborn wiggled his fingers in front of Tsuna's face, "Don't be a squealing virgin, idiot. Especially with that pouty face of yours, it practically screams Take me, take me, I'm yours!"

Tsuna's jaw could not get any lower without seriously damaging ligaments. "How can you say that with a straight face?

"Look, you ungrateful brat, this is my advice for you to hold off the hordes of drooling perverts. Number one, don't show them anything cute, that's a weakness. Like blushing or fidgeting or trembling. No, none of that moe stuff."

Tsuna wondered, moe? He was moe?

"Number two, never lose your composure. You need to be majestic, you need to have an aura about you that inspires awe and fear and respect. Those bastards should revere you, yes, like a Queen."

Tsuna wondered why he had a strange vision of a woman in full S&M dom leather suit. And then he wondered why he hadn't lost consciousness yet. God, why?

And Reborn was still rambling along, "You need to master the smile of a Queen, the smile of an angel that is sacred, holy, and untouchable. With this smile, you can seduce them all the while still holding them off."

"Hahii~I have the dresses you wanted to borrow~" Haru called in from outside the door.

And then the last nail on the coffin, Reborn said, "At the very least, it'll be good training for handling diplomacy."

Tsuna cried and waved farewell to his dignity.