Pals – Chapter Three

By Lily in a Pond

Disclaimer: If I really owned Harry Potter and Friends, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, I'd be at home, rollin' in da cash!

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"Holy mother of Merlin, we've hit the jackpot."

Draco stared at Harry incredulously. "This is just a sweetshop, Harry, there's no need to get excited about this."

Harry shook his head. "No," he breathed. "This isn't just a sweetshop, it's a sweetshop!"

Draco saluted him. "I hear and understand you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "No, I mean, this is one of those sweetshops you go to as a kid and just want to cram your hands on everything!"

"You know, Hogsmeade was the first sweetshop I went to," Draco remarked thoughtfully. "Before, my father ordered me sweets by Owl Post. He said going to sweetshops and actually buying the things was too…. plebian for him."

Harry squealed loudly and grabbed a packet of Exploding Gingersnaps and eagerly shoved them in Draco's face. "Look, look! Isn't this cool?"

"Remind me again why I'm here with you," Draco sighed.

Harry rolled his eyes and started running and up the aisles, grabbing candy of all assortments. "I told you, Ginny's having a party for Hermione tonight and she doesn't have time to make her own confections, so she sent us here."

"Why doesn't Ginny just get people to help her?" Draco huffed, already getting tired at the unnaturally fast speed Harry was racing past the aisles. "I mean, she can definitely afford it."

"No, she lost almost all of it in that stock investment a year ago, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Draco said, his eyes misting over. "The formidable Ginny Weasley breaking down and smashing the Wireless to bits and pieces is an image I'd like imprinted in my mind forever."

"You want that image because Gin was wearing only her extremely see-through nightie at the time," Harry retorted, carrying his purchases to the cash register. "Wow, Ginny needs a lot of stuff," he remarked as he looked at everything he had snatched from the shelves. "I mean, who in their right mind eats Mint Butterflies? Or Tasting the Rainbow Licorice?"

The clerk cleared his throat loudly.

Draco sighed. "He does, Harry."

Harry blushed. "Well, at least you don't eat Every Flavor Marshmallows, I mean, those things are nasty!"

The clerk continued staring at Harry.

"And there goes the other foot," Draco commented idly as he picked up a copy of Witch Weekly.

Harry gave the clerk one last apologetic look before turning around and joining Draco at the magazine stand.

"Hang on, Draco, isn't that your old girlfriend?"

Draco continued reading. "Which one?"

"Adele Hanson, she's on the front page of England's Top Ten, as 'England's new rising model.'"

Draco's jaw dropped open. "Adele Hanson? As in Adele Hanson, my girlfriend from fat camp? As in Adele Hanson, the girl who is now a freakin' model?"

"All, sadly, true. Hey, you went to fat camp?"

"Oh, my god," Draco wheezed, ignoring the latter and sitting down heavily on the stone floor. "Adele Hanson, the one hundred ninety-seven pound cookie monster from fat camp, is now a model, and I'm not? Oh, dear god……"

The clerk behind the counter snickered quietly. Harry glared at him. "Hey, shut up! Draco is not completely pathetic."

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"Hey, Hermione? We're having a party for you tonight, so if you could come in and look surprised, that'll be great."

Hermione smiled at Luna. "Yeah, I can do that. After all, acting flaky is one of my best talents. Aside, from, you know, reciting the Greek alphabet in twenty seconds," she added, smiling wryly.

"Oh, that's cool! You know, I can recite the number of poisonous gases my mother breathed in before she died!" Luna exclaimed excitedly. Hermione stared at Luna.

"Uh………..sure……." Hermione shuffled some papers nervously. "Anyways……I've decided to apply for a job at the Ministry of Magic, in the Data and Statistics department."

"Oh, Harry works in that department at the Ministry," Luna replied, picking at her nails idly. "He says it's awfully boring there, always doing paperwork of some sort."

"Well, that's good. I like doing paperwork," Hermione smiled. "That settles it, I think I'm really going to go with Data and Statistics. By the way, how did he end up there? I thought he always wanted to become an Auror."

"Well, he still does. But ever since he defeated Voldemort and got all the Death Eaters in Azkaban, there really hasn't been a reason for Aurors. I mean, the Department of Magical Law Enforcement can just take over with no complains. There was really no need for Aurors anyways, so they closed that department down and shipped its members off to other departments and Harry got Data and Statistics. Well, it was more like he was hauled there against his will. Mind you, they're not going to be as excited over there as they were when Harry came along," she finished, waggling a finger at Hermione.

"Oh, that's fine," Hermione replied cheerfully. "As long as I'm doing something that I like, it's all good."

"Fine, but I'm warning you," Luna began ominously, "those people over there are like a pack of wolves hunting down a poor little innocent rabbit."

Hermione shrugged. "I'm sure it's not going to be that bad."

Luna gasped loudly and shrieked, "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE POOR, INNOCENT, LITTLE BUNNY? HOW DARE YOU!" Luna then ran out of the room, sobbing.

"Wait!" Hermione cried in shock. "What did I even say?"

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At Ginny's party, everyone was having fun, dancing, talking, or eating the food that Ginny had spent all day cooking. However, the hostess herself was scurrying everywhere, popping up where you least expect her, and had the tendency to jump only about three feet in the air when someone talked to her.

"Hey, Ginny!"

Ginny jumped yet again, and almost spilled the plate of salmon mousse on cucumber chips that she was holding. "Simon! Wow, it's great to see you!"

"Gin, we saw each other yesterday," Simon replied dryly.

"Yes, well, still."

Simon looked around. "You make really great food."

Ginny laughed nervously.

"Ha ha, food's the only thing I'm good at…..it's good…………" she trailed off, smiling weakly.

There was silence for a moment between the two until Harry came in.

"Gin! Simon! Two people in a room, staring at each other like there's no tomorrow!' he exclaimed jovially. "Oh, wait, am I interrupting a moment here?"

"No!" Ginny and Simon cried at the same time. Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Well…..that's an interesting reply. Oh hey, by the way, Ginny, guess who Luna invited here?"

"No idea, but I'm pretty sure it's someone that you would like and I wouldn't."

Harry grinned evilly. "Nope, nope, none of that. It's Dashiel Waters!"

Ginny gasped and dropped the plate of food. "No, Harry, why'd you do that? You are the most horrible person I have ever known!"

"Who's Dashiel Waters?" Simon asked.

Harry looked at him. "He's Ginny's reincarnation from the Renaissance period," he answered seriously.

"Really?" Simon asked, looking intrigued.

"No!" Harry sniggered. "He's someone Ginny used to have………shall we put it, personal relations with."

Simon comprehended this for a second, then shook his head. "I'm not understanding."

"Then you must be quite unintelligent," Harry answered smarmily at the same time Ron came up to them and said, "Well, you better, because Dash's heading right this way."

"Hey, Dash!" Harry and Ron called. Ginny growled out a small, "You," and quickly retreated to the backroom.

"So….what's the deal with you and Gin?" Simon asked.

"Oh, we're soul mates, but then Ginny found out that I was a major slob and had a hell of a messy apartment, so then we broke up. And I was on the verge of proposing when she found out, so basically, Ginny's the girl who broke my heart and then trampled on it with iron nailed shoes," Dash explained, nonchalantly eating a cookie. He looked up after swallowing. "Ironically enough, she hates me even though I was the dumpee."

Simon stared in shock at him. "……Really…..? That's…….erm…….interesting……"

As Ginny came back from the bathroom with a red face, Simon quickly stood up. "You know, I'm going to take off. I've got work tomorrow, and it's very important that I……..er……deliver those papers."

As soon as the door closed, Ginny whirled on Harry and Ron. "What the hell did you do to him? He was perfectly fine before, now he's nervous wreck! And you!" she jabbed a finger in Dash's chest. "Why the bloody hell are you smirking like a Cheshire Cat with a hanger in its mouth!"

Dash smirked even more widely. "Aw, come on, Gin, the guys were just doing you a public service."

"A public service?" Ginny screeched, her face becoming redder by the second. "A public service?"

"Well, on top of ole London!" Harry sang in a tenor voice. "All covered with freckles! I lost my Ginny, when she started to heckle!"

Ron and Dash jumped up and started singing backup. "It was gory! It was nasty! And then my poor Ginny was a sight you shouldn't have seen!"

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The next morning, Ginny stumbled into the kitchen, and blindly reached out for the coffee pot.

"What's with you, Gin?" Luna asked, handing a cup of coffee. "You look like a mess."

"Hangover," Ginny muttered, rubbing her temples.

"You want me to brew you a Hangover Potion?" Hermione asked. "The interview's later today, so I have some time now."

"Don't have time today. Have to go to work soon."

"Ginny!" Draco yelled. Ginny's head moved an inch.

"Yup, you got really drunk last night," he smirked, crunching his toast. "Aw, poor you. You'll be throwing the crap of out of your system by nine, I predict, with what you drank last night and your reaction now."

"I don't even remember what I did," Ginny mumbled from her cup.

Ginny's bedroom door opened and Dash stepped, wrapped in a bathrobe.

"Morning, Gin," he called, grabbing a stack of waffles.

"Morning, Dash," Ginny answered.

While Hermione, Luna, and Draco were still gaping wide-eyed at Dash, Harry leaned back in his chair. "Still waiting for Gin to get it."

Ginny's ears started turning pink and she slowly raised he head. "Dash? Dash? Dash! Oh, my god! W-w-w-w-w-what are you doing here!"

"Having breakfast," Dash grinned, slipping an arm around Ginny's shoulders.

"W-w-w-w-w-what?" Ginny stuttered. Then her eyes opened wide and she screamed, "Dashiel William Waters! You have some explaining to do!"

"You know, this would be a good time for me to go," Dash muttered, grabbing his coat. "I'll see you all around!"

"Oh, no you don't!" Ginny growled, making a desperate grab at his coat.

Pop! Ginny's hands closed around air. She swore loudly and kicked the table.

"Why, why, why, why, why Dashiel Waters?" she yelled at the ceiling. "What have I done in all my lives, God, to deserve this punishment?"

Harry shook his head. "Face it, Gin, Dash's practically your soul mate. He keeps popping around everywhere. You can't escape him. Sooner or later, you're going to have to accept that he just can't get out of your life."

"Speak for yourself," Ginny snapped. "Don't you have a date with Hannah later today?"

Harry opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it once again. "That's a completely different situation."

Hermione looked between the two. "Wait, Hannah Abbott?" When Harry nodded, her eyes widened. "Hannah Abbott? You're dating Hannah Abbott, from Hogwarts?"

"Actually, he's dating Hannah Abbott in Hogwarts," Draco interjected.

"The same whiny, spoiled, dumb-as-a-doorknob Hannah?"

"Yups," Luna answered. "You're not going to believe it 'til you see it. I'm warning you, she still wears only badger colors."

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted.

Pop!

"Morning, Ron," Harry called. Ron turned around slowly.

"Danielle's having my baby," he whispered. "My lesbian ex-wife is having my baby."

Draco idly stirred his cereal. "Well, I can't say I've heard that one before."

"Wait, Danielle's having your baby?" Luna asked. "How can that be possible? You guys haven't done it in…….I don't know, three months?"

"She's three months pregnant," Ron said, his face still ashen.

"Oh," Luna's mouth formed an 'o' and various bits of food fell out.

"Erm……how did it happen?" Harry asked, immediately kicking himself afterwards.

"The usual way," Ron shrugged.

"You're being surprisingly calm about this," Hermione observed.

"I figure it's the shock. In about three hours, I'll be running up and down London, screaming like a chicken with its head cut off."

"Whatever you say," Draco mumbled, helping himself to a tiny serving of cereal.

"Are you sure she's pregnant?" Ginny asked. "I mean, the test could be wrong."

"No no," Ron replied. "Danielle took the test twenty times, in which eighteen were done in my presence."

"Ron…" Ginny started, clutching his hand. "…You're going to become a father."

"I know," Ron said. "I'm still in shock. Owl me a Calming Spell in a few hours."

Draco looked back and forth between them. "Wait, am I the only one here who isn't affected by this sudden turn of events?"

Hermione turned around and looked thoughtfully at Draco for a moment. "You know, it is a bit strange that you're showing any emotion about this at all. God, Malfoy, what have you experienced during your life?"

"Oho!" Draco cried, leaning back into his chair. "You don't want to know."

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Three hours later, when Hermione entered her interviewer's office at the Ministry of Magic, she heard a bloodcurdling scream.

"And that would be Ron," she muttered to herself as she closed the door.

"So, Miss Granger, what are your – "

"Oh, my god!" Hermione exclaimed. "Ernie Macmillan?"

"Erm…yes," Ernie answered, albeit a little hesitantly. "I'm Ernie Macmillan. Who are you?"

"You don't remember me? I'm Hermione Granger, remember, from Hogwarts?" Seeing Ernie's confused face, she prattled on. "I was in Gryffindor! You and I were Head Boy and Girl in seventh year! You tried to kiss me on Halloween seventh year and I pushed you into the lake!"

"Oh," Ernie said, leaning back into his chair and looking upset. "You're that Hermione."

"What other Hermiones could there be?"

Ernie ignored this comment and instead shuffled the pile of papers on his desk. "Well, Miss Granger, I'm afraid this interview's over."

Hermione's jaw dropped. "Say what?"

Ernie smirked in a very un-Hufflepuff-ish way. "Consider it payback for rejecting my every hope and dream of you and me together."

Hermione was shocked. "I would not believe that you of all people, Ernie Macmillan, would hold grudges just because I didn't feel the same way you did about me at Hogwarts! Argh – you know what?"

"I'm sure I don't, and I'm sure that I don't want to," Ernie answered pleasantly. "Now, if you don't mind, kindly get the hell out of my office before I call security."

Hermione stood up and grabbed her purse. "Well, I'll just waltz away from here without the help of bodyguards, like some people use!" She gave an arrogant sniff. "Good day, Huffle n' Puff."

As soon as Hermione was in the lobby, she threw down her purse and kicked the nearest wall.

"ARGH!" she screamed. "I cannot believe this is happening!"

A pair of shiny black shoes stepped near hers. "Morning, Granger!"

Hermione looked up. Standing in front of her was Blaise Zabini, a Slytherin she faintly remembered from school.

"Hello, Zabini. You work here?"

"Yes, I work in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. I'm an Obliviator," Blaise answered, smiling slightly. "So, why were you kicking the wall? Did your boss pass you over for a promotion or something?"

"Oh, no, no, just some….old school grudges," Hermione muttered, suddenly feeling extremely embarrassed that she, Hermione Granger, the girl voted most likely to succeed, was jobless.

Blaise looked confused. "But Draco doesn't work here."

"Oh, no, it's not anything to do with him. Actually, he's quite nice now. He lives across the hall from me."

"Ooh," Blaise cooed. "Well, isn't that just peachy? The goody-goody girl ends up with the Slyth."

"Trust me, it's not like that," Hermione smiled. "It's merely a platonic, somewhat iffy relationship."

"Yeah, you know, that sounds pretty good, but I'm going to go with my way because it sounds way more dramatic. It has the whole Romeo and Juliet thang goin' on."

Hermione blinked. Thang, she thought. Blaise Zabini just said 'thang.'

"I just said 'thang', didn't I?" Blaise asked. "Oh, my god, I just said 'thang' to Hermione Granger."

Hermione just grinned.

"Hey, here's a thought. Since Draco isn't dating you or anything, how 'bout I take you to dinner tomorrow night?" Blaise asked.

Hermione beamed. "Dinner sounds fabulous!"

Blaise laughed. "Okay, I'll drop by your flat at eight, then. Bye, Hermione!"

As Hermione Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron, she grinned inwardly. Take that, Ernie Macmillan. I'm willing to go out with Blaise Zabini, but not you.

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"Did you get a job?" Draco asked as soon as Hermione popped into the Leaky Cauldron.

"No effing way in hell," Hermione said cheerfully.

Draco raised his eyebrows. "Yet you're surprisingly upbeat."

"Well, that's because I got a date with Blaise Zabini!" Hermione squealed. "Oh, my gosh, if you saw him the way he was today, you would just completely fall in love with him! He is so handsome now! And so nice!"

"No, thanks. I'm not interested in driving my car on that side of the road," Draco replied blandly, turning back to his magazine.

"Why don't you like America?" Hermione asked quizzically.

Draco rolled his eyes. "I mean, I'm not interested in becoming gay and started making hot hot love to Blaise Zabini!"

"Well, I am," Hermione muttered.

"Well, you can have him. I don't swing that way and yes – " He held a warning finger. " – that still means I'm not gay!"

"Fine," Hermione sighed, slumping down into her chair. "Wasn't even gonna say it."

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A/N – I know that this chapter took a LONG time, and it wasn't my best work, but I was strapped for ideas and time. I really need to take time to watch Friends Season 1 in detail!

ShikaInoLub – Yeah, I've kinda always imagined that way also, but I didn't want to disturb the HP canon-verse even more by separating Ron and Ginny. And writing the bad guys is always fun because they're the sarcastic ones! Yay for Draco!

Thanks to abercrombie 18, 'Dark-Independent-Girl-101', Greekchic, RonandMione4Ever, and k!

Please review! Critisism is appreciated!

- Lily in a Pond