Just in case:

Pein - El Macho

Konan - Amber

Itachi - Excalibur

Kisame - Braws

Kakuzu - Doombringer, The Alien Conqueror of Planet Earth

Hidan - Princess Buttercup

Sasori - Sir Frinkle Dean of York

Deidara - Barney Bubbles

Tobi - Sherlock Holmes, The Great, Wise, and Second

Zetsu - He has no name yet, because he was missing last chapter. You'll find out soon enough.

Naruto (C) Kishimoto. It's cool, yo. I'll be poor my whole life.

Ah, sleep.

What a wonderful bodily function, is it not?

A period of blackness, where you can't remember when it started, and can barely remember what happened during it.

Unfortunately, it cannot last forever, as human life is not infinite in the first place.

Today, as I woke up, I felt like something horrible was about to go down, which made me want to go back to sleep.

But, as life would have it, I was about to subjected to major screwery.

"Sis!"

Poke.

"Wake up!"

Poke, poke.

"There are a bunch of ugly-ass cats in your room!"

Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke.

"Aeri, I swear, I'm not kidding!"

Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, po—

"Habiki, if you poke me one more freakin' time, then so help me God, I will tear off your finger and throw it into the nearest paper shredder."

I'm not a morning person.

My dream is sleep.

Wait... cats? He said cats? What cats? Cats... Oh God, the cats!

I jumped, tangling myself in my thick sheets and successfully landing on the floor.

"Are Mom and Dad home yet?" I shouted, engaged in a tense stalemate with my sheets.

"No, they said they went to a hotel—"

Oh God, I knew what that meant.

"—and that they'd be back around the time we got back from school."

Good Lord, they needed that much time?

"Aeri, what—"

Finally freeing myself from the e-vile clutches of my peace sign-patterned sheets, I grabbed the shoulders of my much shorter brother.

"You see these cats here?"

Habiki nodded.

"Mom and Dad can not know about them. Capiche? A slip of the tongue is a slit of the throat."

Well, I wouldn't really kill him, but I would... do something... terrible.

Oh, I know!

I'll tell all his friends a mean rumor!...

D'aw, I couldn't do that to my baby brother.

I trust him.

"Please, Habiki, don't tell them. Look at these cats. Do they really look like they have anywhere else to go?"

My eyes locked on his as he looked around my room at the kittens. He sighed.

"Alright, Sis."

I hugged him.

I love my little bro.

I ruffled his head of black hair—his hair was the same shade of jet black as mine, but he was gifted with Dad's peach-colored skin, dimples, and exceptionally bright blue eyes.

Needless to say, he was a chick magnet.

Since neither of my parents seemed to mind him being ravaged, per say, I'd taken up wrestling.

That way, if I were ever subjected to chick-fighting with some other little girl, I wouldn't really have to try.

My poor brother, having to put up with me chasing away freshly-teened girls away from him every five minutes.

Like I said, I love him, so it's all for his own good in the end.

"Ugh, your breath stinks, Aeri."

Never mind. I hate him now.

"It's morning breath. And you have no butt, which, in lady code, is undesirable. Go get a full-body wax in tar, you butthole."

"It's asshole!" he shouted as I shoved him out of my door.

As I entered my bathroom, full of tiles and white walls, I couldn't resist temptation.

I stopped and stared at my reflection in the full-body mirror.

Stone gray eyes stared back.

As I said before, my brother is blessed with the beautiful features of Dad's American genes. I, however, have my Mom's Japanese ethnicity, and it shows.

I have her almond-shaped gray eyes, which, in my opinion, are creepy. My high cheekbones, straight nose, and large knuckles are all from her.

However, my tan skin, small chest, narrow hips, nearly straight waist, too-long legs, and overall figureless body... are all my own.

I'd thought that, at 18, and with the upcoming of graduation, I would have at least filled out a little.

But nope.

While everyone else gets tits and a diploma, I only get a diploma.

I guess my stick-shaped figure must be good for something, right? Like, uh... fitting through small spaces.

Yeah, I'm aiming to be a forensic scientist, not an alley crawler, so that very poor excuse for a lack of physique can make like Nemo and go straight down the crapper.

Goodbye, Excuse. So long, ol' buddy, ol' pal. Been nice spending time with you, my soul mate.

Finally finishing my 'duties' inside my very own Lavatory of Torture, I walked back out... and all my freakish kitties were gone.

And suddenly, I got that feeling.

You know, that feeling everyone describes when they had a horrific moment in their life, where their blood ran colder than ice and an empty feeling stirred in their gut?

That's what I felt.

I power-walked through the entire house, finally finding them in the kitchen.

Three kitties were on the counter: Barney Bubbles, Sir Frinkle Dean of York, and Sherlock. Six on the floor: Princess Buttercup, Doombringer, El Macho, Amber, Excalibur, and Braws. And one, the black and white one that for some reason I didn't name yesterday... was fused into my floor.

I now know what a heart attack feels like.

"Holy crap! That cat is sticking out of the floor! Holy crap!"

They all turned to look, like I was the crazy one, and what their Oreo-impersonating friend was doing was perfectly normal.

"Ahhh!"

It seems like my usual calmness had taken a vacation to La La Land at that time.

The cat actually materialized the rest of its body out of the floor.

I meeped.

The kitties went about their business as I continued to gape at the floor like a moron.

Wow. Did that just happen?

I need some pancakes to wake myself up.

Mom's note said there was leftovers in the fridge, right?

I shook my head, still in a bit of a shocked daze, and opened the fridge.

There was a total of two containers inside.

The phone rang.

I hurriedly went to get it, and pressed the green button on it that I so rarely use.

"Mom?"

"Holy shit, Aeri, how'd you know? I was just about to tell you! You're, like, psychic!"

This was not my mother.

This was Kyoko.

I rolled my eyes.

Ugh, why didn't I check the caller ID?

"Why are you calling me at," I checked my digital wrist watch, "nine o'clock in the morning? I wasn't even aware you had my number."

I also wasn't aware that it was possible for my brother to wake up that early.

Hm. I'll have to talk to him about it later.

"I called to tell you something, but it looks like you already know what it is!"

I rolled my eyes again.

One day, she's going to be talking to me, and my eyes are going to roll into the back of my head and get stuck that way.

"I'm pregnant, Aeri!"

She better not be joking with me, or someone's about to know just how good I am in baseball.

I gulped. "A-are you serious?" I stuttered.

"Of course not! Why would I joke about something like this! Kyochi and me—" I; proper grammar. She knew this, "—did it, and I took the test! It came back positive, plus I missed my period!"

Ho.

Ly.

Balls.

She was younger than me! She's only fifteen! She had her whole life ahead of her!

"Why are you so excited?"

She scoffed in an offended way. "You're so distant, Aeri! You can never understand how people are! It's gonna be fun, Aeri, to have a baby!"

It's going to be fun?

How juvenile.

"You're just... just... not a person! You're too cold; too quiet. It's creepy!"

It's called maturity. Maybe you should've tried it sometime.

"You're ruining your life, Kyoko. A kid won't do you any good. Where're you going to get the money for it?"

"Kyochi's going to play professional football, and we'll be rich! He's happy that we're preggerz!"

Preggerz?

PREGGERZ?

She. Was starting. To seriously. Make me angry.

"A pro ball player?" I yelled into the phone. "Have you seen him play? He sucks! He doesn't show up for practice most of the time, he doesn't try when he does, and during games he sits on the bench. You think he's going to try any harder just because you're preggerz?"

"You don't understand our love! You don't understand anything!"

I understand a whole heck of a lot more than you do.

"Love? What love? Is it like the love of you and your last three boytoys?"

"What Kyochi and I have is real!"

Yeah. Real crappy.

"You don't get it, do you? Don't you know what people will call you? What they already call you? How will you continue through school? What if Kyochi leaves you?"

"He won't leave me, Aeri! I won't have to get through school when he makes the NFL! My mother will take care of my baby for me!"

"Nothing will work out the way you want it to, if you're this disorganized. You're relying on a thin string to carry cinderblocks. Don't you know how cruel it is to bring a child into this world with no plan, just because your hormones got out of control? You better pray that that test is wrong, and you're just a little late. Because, as of now, you're screwed, and what you're trying to do to that possible baby is beyond inhumane."

"You don't understand anything! You're the cruel one, Aeri!"

I'm the cruel one? Heck, I'm the nice one for giving it to you straight.

"If someone tells you anything different, then they're not trying to help you any."

"You're just jealous because I'm more popular! And no guys like you because you're flatchested! You're not even pretty! You're just a weird, quiet, boobless, Japanese freak that no one likes!"

Click.

I hung up the phone.

Okay. I'll admit it. That last part hurt a little bit.

Wasn't she Japanese, too?

God, I hate drama.

I looked down. Sherlock was looking at me curiously, and the black and white kitty was down there with him.

I crouched down, and Sherlock leaped onto my knees.

"This your friend?" I asked Sherlock.

He nodded.

Great. I'm talking to animals, and they're answering.

"Well, buddy, your friend's name is now... Admiral Maple."

After the wood floor that he just came out of.

After a while, I found myself in the kitchen, trying to make myself some breakfast, since what Mom left in the fridge was no good.

I'm assuming Habiki went back to bed to sleep half the day. Again.

The bag of bacon was particuarly hard to get open, but instead of doing the smart thing and getting a pair of scissors, I got a kitchen knife.

Looking back on it now, however... I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I succesfully got the bag open... and sliced the side of my index finger like butter.

Curse all clumsiness to heck.

"Sh—Motherf—Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that freakin' hurts!"

I held my finger as blood spilled over both of my hands and onto the floor.

I grabbed the nearest kitchen towel and pressed it to my very painful "battle" wound, remembering that to stall bleeding, you have to apply pressure.

I did not notice Princess Buttercup heading over to the puddle of my blood, with a very huge grin on his furry kitty face.

No.

I did not notice him lapping it up, either.

I also did not see Sherlock's worried face as he tried in vain to stop him.

I didn't notice any of that.

Not until there was a huge exploding sound, like an atom bomb going off inside the house, and I honestly thought my eardrums collapsed.

Once all the smoked cleared, and I stopped coughing, I could see what remained in Princess Buttercup's place.

A man.

A

very,

very,

very

NAKED man.

"Princess fucking BUTTERCUP?"

With a grudge against what I named him as a kitten.

Tell my mother and father I loved them.

Yep.

They turn human by drinking blood.

No, I swear, they're not vampires or vampire kitties.

And Hidan didn't go all Jashin on her because they don't have their powers while in kitty form, and, technically, he drank the blood in kitty form.

I could totally see Akatsukitties with their ninja powers, kicking the shit out of some of the people that piss me off.

And can I just say: HOLY BALLS, DANIZARAKI REVIEWED MY STORY.

I LOVE HER STORIES, AND SHE REVIEWED MINE.

HOLY BALLS.

That momentarily put me on cloud nine.

Then I saw that she reviewed AGAIN, and, seriously, almost cried with happy.

So very, very happy. :')

Leave me pretty reviews that sparkle like Edward Cullen, my friends!