Chapter Three – Synonyms
"My mama told me not to give it out for free," said twelve year old Emily matter-of-factly, "A man's gotta provide."
And so it was that Theodore Bagwell began negotiations for his first kiss with the much admired Emily Jacobs. In the end it cost him five dollars, two packets of gum and one promise of eternal devotion which lasted less than a week when Emily caught him kissing Debra without paying her a penny. It was a period of enlightenment for the young Theodore who had previously seen girls as mere annoyances, nothing more. They weren't strong enough to join in the rough games of his friends and tended to band together to whisper and talk about things Theodore really had no interest in so he had pretty much ignored them, that is until Emily Jacobs arrived at school with her bright blonde hair drawn up into two bunches and her shiny black shoes so polished that all the other girls had been jealous. Her arrival prompted a change in Theodore's world view. Suddenly the half of the population he had been systematically overlooking came back within range. He even found himself noticing his mother who responded to this sudden attention by making an extra special effort to clean all the food from her hair and wearing clean aprons. Travis, who was not especially observant when it came to anything other than his son, saw through Theodore at once.
"You're becoming a man," he said happily, clapping his son on the shoulder, "A few short years and you'll be movin' all yer stuff into that big ol' White House."
Theodore found himself wondering whether girls would like him better if he lived in the White House. Immersed in innocent daydreams of Emily and her bright blonde hair Theodore did not see the way his father was looking at him across the table. Travis was responding to his son's sexual awakening by remembering his own. He remembered the frustration most of all, frustration that he had been able to suppress for a good long while now. Audrey, being wiser to Travis' looks than her son, scurried away. Travis barely noticed her leaving. His unkempt, unhappy sister was no longer an option.
It started like any other evening. Audrey had cooked something almost edible, Theodore had done his homework in front of the TV turning it off when he heard his father's key in the front door. Travis had shovelled his food into his mouth without thanking Audrey while Theodore answered questions about what he learnt at school that day. Theodore answered mechanically, bored of the routine. He was tired too, the previous night he had been up until past midnight working out an intricate plan for getting Emily to forgive him and to simultaneously get rid of Debra who had taken to following him like a lost puppy. His father's curiosity sated, Theodore disappeared into his room closing the door behind him. He was surprised when the door opened less than a minute later. Thinking it was his mother dropping off a pile of what would likely be unwashed, unironed clothes that she thought she had cleaned already, Theodore didn't bother looking up but it wasn't his mother, it was Travis.
Travis walked over to the bed and sat down next to his son. It seemed like only yesterday he had been reading the thesaurus (Travis was still absurdly proud of this purchase) to his son and now Theodore practically knew the whole thing off by heart.
"I'm right proud of you, Theodore," he said and he placed his hand on his son's knee. Theodore tensed. He had the horrible feeling that somehow his father had found out about the window he had broken at the weekend and was trying to trick him into making a confession, Theodore had not yet realised that such tactics required an intellect far greater than that which his father possessed. So preoccupied was he with these guilty thoughts that he didn't immediately notice his father's hand sliding up his leg but when hand met crotch the alarm bells went off. Theodore tried to escape but suddenly Travis' weight was pinning him down.
"Be a good boy, Theodore."
In the end it was shock that made him lie still. It hurt. A lot. His head kept getting knocked into the wall but he was glad of that, it gave him something to focus on, something other than the breathless sounds Travis was making. The full force of his father's betrayal would hit him hours later as he lay curled up and bleeding. The next morning, after Travis had left for work, Theodore emerged, his eyes sore from crying, his face disturbingly pale. Just when he wanted to be left alone Audrey decided to remain in the kitchen while he ate breakfast, fussing over him in a way she never normally did. It was when she laid a timid hand on his shoulder that he realised she knew. He jumped up as if he had been electrocuted, staring at this woman he had never really seen. The other kids had said things sometimes, Theodore had ignored them thinking it was just talk but Audrey hung her head, unable to meet his eyes, confirming his worst fears. The breakfast Theodore had just consumed reappeared to cover the kitchen floor.
That day was a day of new truths. The first being that his father was more deplorable, more disgusting, more deranged than even his most vehement detractors had managed to convey; the second being that his mother would not or could not protect him; and the third, and the most life changing, was that he now hated them, both of them. What had been done could never be undone, and nothing would ever be the same.
Theodore didn't do his homework that night. Instead he opened the thesaurus, his father's gift, flicking through the pages until he found the word he was looking for.
Rape – verb – 1. sexually assault, violate, abuse, ravish, force, outrage
2. pillage, plunder, ransack, despoil, sack, loot, spoilate
He left the thick book open on that page and left the house. The next morning two people would find that their cars had been broken into. Nothing had been taken but every one of the windows was smashed.