Peeta
Katniss is gone.
The realization of it hits me as my stylists are rushing around me, making sure my suit is one right. Something hits me in the gut and it hurts. I almost sway back but hold my stance and a man with orange hair glares at me for a second, "Please stand still, Mr. Mellark." I nod and murmur an apology and all the orange haired man does is nod before moving on.
She's really gone. I won't ever be able to see her again. Only in pictures and my thoughts. I don't know why I didn't save her, why I didn't move from my spot when I saw Clove aim at her with her knife. I didn't say anything, I just stood there. Then again, she also did the same for me. She didn't knife Katniss and let me die from Cato's hands. She let me live graciously and I payed her back in a rotten way.
But I also have Katniss to think about. Katniss helped me when no one else did. She came looking for me and I lived another day because of her. I've known Katniss for years and I've only known Clove for days. I've liked Katniss for years but barely even grazed friendship Clove for days. But she wasn't even that .. well, mean before. At least not to me. They' taunt me and call me Lover Boy but she'd just sit in silence because I'd helped her. I'd been there for her when Cato had been too busy with Glimmer and Marvel too busy being an idiot.
Still, that'd only been a day or three at best before Cato had slashed my leg. She hadn't com e back, no, that was Katniss. I think back to the exact moment on the cornucopia and remember that tug of my heart. Telling me that if Cato does die and Katniss turns on Clove, don't just let her shoot the girl. But why would I think that? Why would I care so much about Clove?
"Peeta, are you okay?" I turn my gaze to my side to find Portia looking at me with concern in her eyes as she fixes my hair. I nod and look back at the wall, "I'm fine, Portia. Just fine." There's silence for a while before she speaks again, a comb running through my blonde hair, "You know, she keeps asking for you over there."
Clove. Clove's asking for me. Why? "..Really?" I ask, somewhat shocked that she's asking for me. But at the same time, I'm not so surprised. She'd screamed in agony when we were taken away separately. It had hurt to hear her scream so much, like Annie from District 4 who'd broken down after her victory. I hoped it wouldn't be like that with Clove. Something in my guts dreads ever seeing her in pain again and I don't get it.
"She wants you. She hasn't talked at all. No one really knows why." Portia replies, still trying to comb back my hair, though it's a bit unruly under her comb. All that's going through my head is that Clove wants me. She wants be with her, needs me to some point, I think. And in truth, it scares me a little bit.
I walk onto the stage to a great round of applause that I don't deserve. Clove sits in one of the two chairs set up next to Caesar and when my eyes fall on her, I'm shocked. She looks like a pure angel in her white dress and curled dark hair. She stands up from her chair quickly and runs towards me before throwing herself onto me completely.
Catching her easily, I wrap my arms around her and pull her in tightly because this is what she wants. She's broken right now and she needs me. But what will happen when she doesn't? The voice in the back of my head asks, I tell it to shut up and continue to hug her. Her skin is soft and her breathe tickles my neck but I don't mind at all.
She pulls her head back and her eyes connect with mine for a moment. I take in just how broken she is, her dark eyes look half hollow. Not at all like the cocky, arrogant Clove I saw on the first day in training. Then again, back then she had a reason to be cocky, still does actually. Her and her good knife skills were the death of many. Death..
I'm still thinking when her lips smash into mine, kissing me with too much passion for it be fake. Her hands weave into my hair and I kiss back with just as much passion, holding her impossibly closer.
The crowd is cheering wildly and I'm glad. Then Caesar makes his presence known and coughs, "Alright you two, there will be enough of that for later!" He jokes and everyone laughs, or at least chuckles. He guides us to our seats and I take the one farthest away from him, which really isn't all that far.
He asks us about twenty questions, a lot more about Cato and Katniss than both Clove and I would like but we answer them. When he asks a question about Cato and Clove, I hold her hand reassuringly and she smiles at me. Caesar then turns his attention to me and asks another question
"And what happened to the Girl on Fire, Peeta? Fell out of love with her when you met lovely Clove over here?" The question hurts but I have to answer it. Did I ever truly love, even like, Katniss? Well, I have liked her but .. love? Love is the one I don't truly know.
Clove squeezes my hand in reassurance, like I did her, and smiles softly me. I sigh and answer his question, "When I met Clove, I realized what it truly meant to be in love with someone." I smile and look back at her before leaning over to kiss her. She kisses me back and it feels strangely right but I know this is all a play with an act that will end soon enough.
"Why did you have to cut him? He didn't do anything wrong!"
"He helped out 12, Clove!"
"How do you know that, Cato?"
"I just do! Now lets go."
"..Fine."
Clove. She tried to help me. I almost ask her why but I see her looking down at her lap and decide to do so later. I need to know why.
Clove looks lost and hurt for a moment as we wave at her cheering district. I smile at them even though I don't necessarily like these people. The look of sadder expressions leaves her face quickly and she brightens up, grinning at district two before giving her traditional smirk. I chuckle and turn my gaze away from her own to smile but it hurts a bit and I know exactly why.
It should be Katniss and I standing here, waving and smiling at our own district but it's not her, it's only me and I'm in district two. She died and I let it happen. I let Clove flick her knife and kill Katniss. My eyes go back to her and I feel guilt for ever thinking of even blaming her. I killed Cato and Cato was everything to her, despite him being a stupid lug. But somewhere inside he was more than that, especially to her. Clove had only done what she'd done out of love and pain but a part of me can't help but dislike her greatly. Not hate, never hate.
She's too different to hate now. If she was still arrogant and mean Clove I'd have no problem hating her but she's not. She's changed, the Games changed her. Her smirk isn't one seen often now, just once in a while when she has to fake it for crowds because, even though changed, she won't let herself be weak.
Her hand slips into mine and I remember where we are. We're waving at her district that keeps on cheering but I notice a few blondes scowling in the background. Cato's family. I continue to smile and wave but I know they're glaring at both me and Clove. As I wave, I wonder how much Gale and Prim will hate me once I get back home.
"I feel crazy, just like that girl from four."
"You're not, you're perfectly fine, Clove."
"No, I'm not. I'm really not, Peeta. I killed him, I killed Cato." Clove places her face in her hands and sobs. There's a hit to my heart and I quickly bring her into a hug. It's the only thing I know to do when someone's feeling bad. My dad had always done it to me whenever I'd be upset because of mom. Mom. More like the woman who gave birth to me and slaps me around.
No, I won't think of that right now. I shake away the thought and hug shaking Clove even harder. It's not her fault, it was my fault. I pushed Cato down to the mutts and let him die but what else was I supposed to do? They're the Games, aren't they? I didn't want to kill but I had to, I remind myself. I had to. I look down at her for a second and my previous question of finding out why she was arguing with Cato about me flies out the window. I can't question her in such a state, I'm heartless.
"Hey, it's going to be okay. I promise, okay?" She nods in my arms but I can tell she doesn't believe. Maybe she isn't the most stable person right now but she isn't crazy like Annie. She can't be. I could never handle that, and I don't know why exactly I wouldn't be able to. I blame it on the fact that I can never do anything right but then my heart hurts and I try to ignore it best I can.
I go to sleep exhausted and dream of a big, dark nothing until I'm woken by terrible screams. My heart hurts again but I can't think of that. I rush to my door and swing it open to come face to face with Clove's room door across the hall. Her screams are heard clearly and it hurts for some reason.
Her door is unlocked so I get in easily, pushing the door open quickly. The room is dark but I can see her tossing around in her bed. Her hands clutch the bedsheets and she screams in pain again and again and once more. I move to her side rapidly and sit on the soft bed beside her.
Not thinking, I pull her into my embrace, forcing her to sit up. She curls up against me and her hands grip my shirt with an iron hold. Clove's breathing goes from the even inhale and exhale of sleep back to how it usually is. She wakes quickly and realizes where she is, I can feel her blinking against my chest, but she doesn't move. Instead, she curls in closer, placing herself on my lap and burying her face in my neck.
There's a lot silence for a while until she finally speaks, "Did I wake you?" Her voice sounds hoarse and she herself sounds a bit scared, scared of my answer? It's possible. She was afraid back then when we sat away from the campfire while waiting out Katniss. She'd glared at Cato and Glimmer and from the look in her eyes, I knew she was afraid of losing him to Glimmer.
But my answer is only words. Either way, I reply and try not to think too much, it's starting to hurt my head, "Yeah but it's no big deal." She sighs and her warm breath blows down on my throat, "I'm sorry, Peeta."
"It's fine." And I actually mean it. We spend the rest of the night in each other's arms in silence. It's not scary silence or anything like that, it's a peaceful type. She never moves away and I don't have the heart to go back to my room and leave her alone so I spend the night with her. We fall asleep in the same position and I dream of dark hair and freckles.
a/n: so there you have it, peeta's view of everything. unfortunately, i don't think i wrote him that well at all. thank you for the lovely reviews though!