Hello again! Sorry about the delay-I'm taking about 19 credit hours this semester, and had to register for next semester and all that other fun stuff. Plus my fiance joined the Marine Corps and leaves beginning of December so I'm spending as much time with him as I can before he leaves-but I finally get an update! Anyways, this is the next stage of the whole observation bit, and I personally found it funny (but that's just me). And to the anonymous reviewer who said the whole RVB series was a test for the Freelancer Program-yes, I know. For the purposes of this story, however, assume the UNSC's interest is based on a "last case" scenario: could they count on these guys if the $#!t hit the fan? Anyways, shutting up now. Enjoy! :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Halo or RVB.

Chapter Two: Carnage, Chaos, and Comedy

"SPARTAN-000, reporting in."

"Affirmative, SPARTAN-000, awaiting status report."

"Phase One completed, awaiting go-ahead for Phase Two."

"Roger that, begin commencement of Phase Two. Repeat, commence Phase Two."

"Understood. Any word from Sierra-One-One-Seven?"

"Negative, but we'll send word ASAP. Command out."

August 1, 2556 0400 hours

Blood Gulch Canyon

Day Ten

Clapping her hands and giggling like a madwoman, Laura eyed the package in front of her. After her brief communication with ONI the night before, she'd put on a pot of tea and proceeded to drink the whole thing down—she needed to stay awake for the late-night supply drop. The one time I need coffee—disgusting stuff that it is—I don't have it on hand. Ah well, shit happens. Still, the amount of caffeine combined with the adrenaline rush had her literally bouncing off the cave walls—an dangerous thing for a Spartan. Black powder, napalm, fougasses, mortar shells—granted, these would ordinarily kill a human being, but in her careful and skilled hands that wouldn't be a problem. Time to put all this adrenaline to good use, got a lot of work to do. Grinning, Laura set to work.

0657 hours

Unknown location, Blood Gulch Canyon

Almost didn't get everything in place in time, Laura thought as she sped back to her hideout. Still, the stage was set, and the show was about to begin. Just in time to start the popcorn. Fingering the detonator lovingly, she stuck a pan of Jiffy-Pop in the embers of her campfire and snickered evilly. The last week or so had given her a good idea of the acoustics in the canyon, and if she was right…Keying open both radio frequencies, Laura grinned and watched as the popcorn began popping.

RED BASE

Donut was just starting breakfast when the gunfire started.

"What the hell? Who's shooting at us? OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

Grif and Simmons were on top of the base, running around frantically. "WHERE ARE THEY? I CAN'T SEE ANYONE!"

"WHO THE FUCK IS SHOOTING AT US?"

Predictably, Sarge had a ready explanation. "Those dirty Blues have found a way to shoot all the way across the canyon. Grif, Simmons, open fire!"

"OPEN FIRE? How the FUCK do we shoot across the fucking CANYON!"

BLUE BASE

The gunfire sent everyone catapulting out of bed—Tex and Church completely naked. Caboose started screaming and shooting at everything that moved.

"CABOOSE! Stop fucking shooting, you almost hit me!" Tucker yelled, trying to tug pieces of armor on before stopping dead. "Umm…why are you two naked?"

"Tucker, we're being attacked by the Reds and all you notice is that we're naked! What the fuck is wrong with you? Now grab a gun and start shooting!"

"Church, there's no one out there! How can someone be shooting at us if there's no one out there shooting!"

"Who the fuck cares? Just open fire!"

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Wow, this is way too much fun! How can they not tell the difference between popcorn popping and gunfire? Laura smiled as she popped the buttery snack in her mouth, watching the second container pop and sizzle—she easily went through two or three containers in one go. Listening to the chaos caused by her snack, she pressed the buttons on the detonator, and the whole cave rumbled beneath her.

The explosions sent both teams running for cover.

RED BASE

"How in the hell did the Blues get artillery shells?" Sarge bellowed.

"OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA DIE WE'RE GONNA DIE WE'RE GONNA DIE WE'RE GONNA DIE OH MY GOD!"

"Forget the Blues, how are we gonna deal with the base coming down around our ears? I vote we run as far away as we can!"

"Grif, shut the fuck up, we have a responsibility to this base. Go calm Donut down."

"Kiss-ass."

"Wait a second," Sarge grumbled. "They've stopped! The Blues retreated!"

"Sarge, not to bust your bubble or anything, but I don't think the Blues had anything to do with this."

"Grif, what in Sam Hell do you know about the Blues? Now shut up and go find Lopez—we need to fix the Jeep."

BLUE BASE

Tex cringed listening to Caboose whimpering. Not that she blamed him, it sounded like an entire army of rocket launchers was attacking.

"Caboose, stop fucking whining or I'll shoot you myself!"

"Church, I'm scared! I don't want to die!"

"Caboose, I don't really think he cares—'sides, if we're gonna die, that means I finally get some chicks."

"Tucker, you're disgusting," Church commented. "Wait—hear that?"

"Everything's stopped. The guns, the explosions—it's all just stopped." Tex shook her head. "That's…not exactly normal for an attack."

"Normal or not, I'll take it," Church declared. "Let's get topside, inspect the damage."

Surprisingly, the only damage was a series of char-marks on the walls and a few dings from shrapnel. Strange, looks like they were only trying to scare us, Tex mused. But who would go to all that trouble…

"I'm not here to kill anyone, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do anything."

"Church, remember last week? That woman who showed up?"

"Yeah, so what? You think she was behind this?"

"Maybe."

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Laura smirked as she listened to both bases panic over her little display. It had taken a lot of effort, but she'd been able to modify the explosive shells to be little more than an impressive fireworks display. No one was hurt, but everyone was clearly rattled—exactly as she'd planned. Though the Red sergeant is clearly lacking in common sense—how did he even get to be the leader of a fictitious army platoon? Hell, the Blue leader has more sense, and he's not even higher than a private! Still, both sides were rattled, and both sides knew she could strike at any moment—even if no one knew who she was. Chuckling, she began planning the next phase. Let's wait a bit on the next attack, let them panic themselves. That doesn't mean I'm going to let up, though—just attack in a different way. She was looking forward to this.