Current Mood: Pissed-Off
Current Music: Me banging my head on my desk, wondering why people think I'm a girl.

Why do you people think I'm a girl? I'm not. I'm not a girl, and I don't live in Seattle and I do not work at "The Filed Nail" manicurist shop. I am older than most of you. In fact I'm old enough to be your father, and that's something I don't want to think about.

Frodo smiled in satisfaction at his update to his journal. The e-mails would be coming soon and the annoying instant messages would be, too. Frodo made a mental note to remove his IM information from his LiveJouranl user info. Wait.Everyone knew his IM information. He'd simply have to create a new name.

Ever since his last phone call with Pippin, he was now being referred to as Frodetta. Even Folco and Freddy were calling him that. He said it was fine, only if he was a masculine woman. Merry and Pippin agreed to this, and received their own feminine names: Meredith and Penelope l'ouvriSre couturiSre, or Peleope the Seamstress. Merry was taking an online course in French.

The next day, Sam came into the parlor to find Frodo sitting on the opposite side of the room from his computer drinking tea slowly.

"I never knew you'd stop playing on that thing."

"They are hunting me!" Frodo said in a hoarse whisper.

"Who?"

"My fangirls. When KiwiGurl sent me a voice recording of her saying squee' I had to get off." He was shaking and his tea cup and saucer were rattling. "I need..coffee." He got up quickly and shoved the tea into Sam's hands. Samwise set the teacup on a table and fallowed Frodo into kitchen.

"Rosie's not going to like you messing in her kitchen," Sam said. Frodo was opening all of the cabinets to find them coffee-free. He opened all of the containers, but they only held flour and sugar. The caffeine-high Hobbit went down into the cellar.

"We only have ale and tea to drink!? Don't we have any coffee?" Frodo called.

"I thought you hated coffee!"

"Well, now I like it! It's the only thing keeping me sane! Those girls are awful!"

Sam continued to watch Frodo search the kitchen. Maybe he should "lose" the computer for a while, and then magically find it one of the guest bedroom's wardrobes. Or perhaps the next time Pippin came over he could break it, or Elanor could bite on it(she was teething) and ruin the buttons as so where Frodo couldn't tell what the letters were. Wait... was it good for babies to chew on electronics? Best to ask Rosie, Sam decided.

A loud clang interrupted his train of thought; it was fallowed by shouts. Sam shook his head. Rosie and Frodo were having an argument. As Sam had guessed, Rosie did not enjoy the fact that Frodo was tearing her kitchen apart.

"I just want some coffee!"

"You don't have to ruin my kitchen for it"

"It's my kitchen! I lived here first!"

"Well, now I live here, and I'm the one who cleans it, cooks in it, and bathes Elanor in it!"

"I still can't figure out why you must wash the baby in here. There are two bathtubs in the smail-"

"She's too small to be bathed in those! You're such a man!"

"Man? I am a Hobbit!"

"It's an expression!"

Sam sighed and left the room. He was almost to the door when Frodo's computer let out a soft ding'. It continued to do that for some time, and Sam crossed the room in three short steps flipped open the laptop and gasped. Five, no, six instant message conversations where blinking. He decided to see what these girls where bothering his friend about.

The first one was in bright fuschia and was in an annoying font, and Sam had to squint to see what was being said.

KISSMEYEAH:Like, hi!
KISSMEYEAH:Hello?
KISSMEYEAH:I now youre their.
KISSMEYEAH::Stop hiding.
KISSMEYEAH:Are you ever going to update?
KISSMEYEAH:TALK! Fine. Yourabitch.

Sam closed that conversation and clicked on the next one. It was that KiwiGurl.

KiwiGurl:HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! I've missed you. You are my best intente friend you know? So whatcha been doin??
KiwiGurl: It took me forever two find your knew IM addie. Why didcha change it????!!!!
KiwiGurl: I did some of that hacking stuff. I told all of my friends tooo, so you shoulod hear of theme and stuff. :D :D :D :D:D
KiwiGurl: HEY? YOU ON?

"Sam, why are you doing at my laptop?" Frodo asked. It appeared that he had lost the fight in the kitchen.

"You have, well, had six instant messages on here. They kept making noises and I was just curious," Sam replied. "That KiwiGurl did something called hacking' to get your new name."

"WHAT?"

The laptop was instantly snatched out of Sam's hands.

"She wrote a note on my unfinished chapter! IN PINK!" Frodo searched his computer for a few more minutes, and the more he looked the more he wished kept his old username. KiwiGurl and friends had left notes in all of his writing, even those not published on the Net in various colors, and had left "wonderfully made graphics" as gifts in return for their work.

"I'm just glad they didn't delete anything or change my background," said Frodo after a while.

"What's your background?"

Frodo mumbled something.

"What?"

"Alanis Morissette." He turned his laptop around to show Sam. "I found it on some site. I really like it. I'm glad they didn't replace it with a poorly drawn Paint drawing of Dominic similar of one I got in my inbox."

"What did it look like?" Sam asked.

"It was a nude."

Sam's eyes were the size of dinner plates. Frodo managed to laugh at this.

"I deleted it as soon as I saw it. I do have some sane fans, though. They're very nice and link me on their fanfiction sites." Frodo smiled slightly. "I'd really like some nice fanart of my story, but you just don't ask someone to draw it for you. I've tried drawing it myself."

"Can I see?"

".No." Frodo blushed. "I don't think you'd like it, Sam. It has, well-"

"Why do you write stuff like that anyway?"

Frodo was surprised at this question. He coughed and said slowly. "It's just like any other type of writing, Sam. Only we do it the opposite way. Instead of females and males, we just write two of the same kind. It's all about the same material: love, lust, hate, romance, and occasionally odd situations where the two are locked in a closet and have nothing to do but to play Scrabble'."

Frodo stood up and took his laptop with him. "I think after this type of conversation, I think I will have a drink with some Billy and Dominic manipulations."

Sam could only wonder what the manipulations meant. .