The other day I was scratching my shoulder and a little hairy thing like a piece of pipe cleaner came off and landed on my keyboard. I thought it was just part of a tree, but then it started to move and I realized it was a bug. Yeargh! I had to unplug my keyboard from the computer and take it outside to let the little guy go. I hate it when bugs are all up in my personal space!

Do you know how long it takes to type a fan fiction with a ten-foot pole?

Nastasia carefully opened the cellar door. There was enough clearance for her to squeeze out, followed by the Count and Tippi. They hugged the wall, making their way through the castle.

"What a mess," Tippi observed.

"No respect for other people's property," Count Bleck said in agreement.

Nastasia stepped over an end table that had been tipped onto its side. The glass vase on it was shattered. No one noticed, and the broken bits of glass were probably spread all over the hall by now. It's not as if anyone would care, she thought angrily, seeing as how they're all wearing shoes.

Soon they found the largest collection of partygoers. They'd taken the ex-lab and former home of the interdimensional space hole into the current center of the party. There were more people in this room than any other individual room.

"All right," said Count Bleck. "If it works, it would have the best effect here."

Dimentio appeared upside-down next to the Count. "What is up, my Count?" he asked pleasantly.

"We're stopping the party."

"Good. I'm getting tired of it."

Nastasia straightened her glasses. "All right," she said. "Yeah, so I'm going to mass-hypnotize the attendees in three… two…"

"Hey look!" someone in the crowd shouted. "It's Captain Monocle!"

"Yay!" some others shouted. "It's Captain Monocle here to the rescue! Show us your monocle powers!"

Nastasia threw up her fists. "Show some respect, 'K? He's the Count!"

"Who's the babe?"

"I dunno, she's just here."

"This is our castle, and you are not showing it proper respect!"

Count Bleck picked something up off the floor. It was the Beige Prognosticus. Or at least, it was what the Beige Prognosticus would look like if it had been taken off the stand and kicked around the castle for hours on end.

"Oh, dear," said Tippi.

"Well," said Count Bleck, "at least it was only the Beige one."

"Oh, that's it." Nastasia was practically glowing. "They break into our castle uninvited, they break our things, eat our food, trap me in a cellar, distract my employees and ruin all of my handwork!"

She lifted her glasses and a blinding beam filled the room. Each and every dancer within reach of the light stopped, and turned to face the count.

Even though the chamber music was still playing quite loudly, it was eerily quiet to our heroes.

"Well?" Count Bleck said to Nastasia, while still staring straight ahead at the now fixated mob.

Nastasia cleared her throat. "Yeah, so, this party is officially over, 'K? You'll want to be getting home, then."

"HAIL BLECK!!"

The mob didn't move.

"Go on," she urged, gesturing for them to clear out. "Shoo. Scat. Scram, 'K?"

"We would never leave your side, O Count!" one of them hollered.

"You made them too loyal, Nastasia," said Count Bleck.

"I can see that."

Tippi rolled sideways and looked at Count Bleck. "She made them too loyal, Blumiere."

"I can see that, Timpani."

"Oh," said Nastasia slowly. "Oh, I see. Yeah, so when I was angry, I used too much power. Instead of just putting my suggestions in their minds, I put my whole mind into their minds. Now they're thinking… um, like me."

"Oh, dear."

"Oh dear, indeed."

Dimentio slowly rotated until he was upright. "Ah, well," he said cheerfully. "At least they don't all have secret crushes on the Count."

At that, each and every head turned away, each pair of hands folded behind the back, and each and every mouth started whistling innocently.

Count Bleck's eyes had never been so wide in his entire life.

"Count Bleck must go lie down now," he said. "He is incredibly creeped out by this turn of events." He disappeared.

Nastasia rubbed her temples and groaned. "Now what," she said.

Dimentio looked down the hallway and disappeared.

"I have no idea," said Tippi. "Why don't we just flood the place or something?"

"That's a terrible idea," said Nastasia.

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

Mimi, who'd taken the form of a giant Bumpity, was barreling down the hallway. Everyone that touched her went flying off into the wall, making it the ideal form for getting through the hallway.

"Have you seen Dimentio?" asked Mimi. "I have to kill him."

"He just left," said Tippi. "You might try the roof."

"Thanks!" Mimi turned into a Parakoopa and flew off down the hallway.

Tippi found Count Bleck in their room, which was isolated enough so that the party had not yet leaked over to it yet. He kept the door bolted and secured at all times to keep intruders out, not that it ever stopped his warping (and warped) minions.

He'd taken all of their storage boxes, drawers, and containers out and was pawing through, looking for something.

"I don't suppose there's anything in your Dark Prognosticus about stopping an unwanted party," she said dryly.

Count Bleck waved his hand. "Ach-tch-tch. Just a moment, my dear. I am hot on the trail of something."

"What?"

"The answer to our prayers," he replied, "and the end to this party. I believe I have an idea."

"What is it?"

Count Bleck was a little too wrapped up in what he was doing to give her his full attention. "The most hideous… abomination to ever… that ever… what was I talking about? Oh, yes, the vinyl. You see, since fast, heavy music riled them up, I thought that perhaps gentle, sweet, refined music would relax them. In statistics, that is what's known as a faulty correlation. But I believe I have an idea—"

He looked up suddenly. "Oh, no."

"What?"

He grabbed her and teleported to the outside of the castle. When they'd arrived, the party had already spilled out around the outside. It was still going strong outside, thanks to some speakers that had recently been installed on the pikes outside.

In fact, there was that same DJ Boomboxer, just finishing installing them.

"You!" he said. "How did you get off the moon?"

"I dunno, I just was and then I wasn't, you know?" DJ Boomboxer shrugged. "So I figured, why not?"

"Indeed. Have you seen a Chain Chomp around here?"

He pointed off to the side. Count Bleck tipped his hat and went sailing through the air in the direction he pointed. Tippi followed close behind.

"Do you think Charlotte has been eating party guests?"

"I hope not," said Count Bleck.

They found her, staked to the ground outside with a clear seven-foot radius around her. She was bouncing around excitedly, apparently oblivious to the fact that she could clear a room faster than a robot designed for that very purpose. She bit and snapped at the other guests, but there were no mangled bones near her.

"Summon O'Chunks," he said, "If you please, that is. He's the only one who can handle the sheer strength of this monstrosity."

"Is she part of your plan?" asked Tippi.

"She is."

"Could you please tell me your plan?"

He gave her a quick kiss on her box antennae. "I was wrong about calm music calming them down. But I know how to eradicate an entire party at a rate of (X/15.7) per second, with X standing for the total population of the party, and using a Chain Chomp to even out the numbers. You see, my mistake was picking music that is widely enjoyed by normal people. If you want to clear out a party, your choice of music must be the most offensive, the most unpleasant, the nastiest, most, odious, horrible, abominable music known to man."

Tippi gasped. "You don't mean…?"

He nodded. "Toad polka."