Sega's Promise
Chapter Three
Like A Grief-Struck Mother
I'm never going to forgive myself...
I walk numbly to the station that I am needed. But despite that I appear to function just fine, I am as empty as can be. I don't even respond to slight touches. I am depressed. I don't care about nothing else. I only care about my small, fragile friend. My dependent. I can't believe I've allowed this to happen. The humans have took him away to their place that they call a hospital and won't allow me to see him, not until he is well enough. But I know he will not get well. He is dead.
I'm never going to forgive myself...
The depression is getting to me. There are random moments where I seem to forget about the reason of my distress, which are very short. I am very hostile at times, even towards Optimus. I feel guilty, for taking my anger out on them, on Optimus especially. They didn't do anything to deserve it. But I can't help it. I feel lifeless yet I am still functioning. Is this how a mother feels when she loses her sparkling? If so, this is a very bad thing to feel. It is a very, very...mortal sadness. I don't think my spark will ever heal. I am so depressed, I don't argue with Mearing as much. When night falls like a blanket over all of us, I am overwhelmed. I can't take it any more. I have to find out if Adrian's okay. Or if he's dead. He's one or the other and I am going to find out tonight...And if he's the second option, I'm very liable to commit suicide...
...because I'm never going to forgive myself...
The night time air ran cool against Sega's dark blue armor. She was in alt form and she ran a quick gaze over the others, who were settling down for the night. The humans had already evacuated this part of the base and now she was waiting for the Autobots to settle down. Optimus, as the usual, did exactly what Sega was doing: watching the others rather get ready for a night's recharge himself. That irritated Sega but she knew better than to complain. To do that would probably raise suspicion.
Despite that she watching her every move (which she wanted that to be was the last thing on her mind), she knew Optimus wouldn't allow her leaving the base without question. She needed to come up with a very reasonable excuse. But perhaps, if she waited for the Prime to go into recharge, she could easily slip past the guard. I'll only go tonight, Sega thought quickly. I'll return early dawn, before Optimus gets up. I may be as functional as a pile of scrap all day tomorrow, but it'll be worth it if it means seeing Adrian, no matter what condition he's in.
Sega had been a rogue for a large portion of her life and part of being a rogue was mastering stealth. How could one live in a war-torn world alone and rely strictly on strength? It was nearly impossible. Only a Prime could do that and Optimus didn't have that option.
Option?, Sega thought with bitter amusement. In her grief, she found several things- pitifully simple things- amusing. Optimus? Optimistic? Is this ironic? Optimistic Optimus has no option...Ohh, I like those words together! Optimus is optimistic yet he does not have an option!...Yet he's so blasted optimistic...It irks my nerves...
And despite that it irked her nerves, she found it hilarious. In her crazed mood-swing, she hadn't realized she was laughing out loud. Ratchet gave her a questioning look, one that she ignored. Ratchet is a pain in the aft!, she declared mentally. But he's so beneficial. If not for him, my scratch would be infected. Ironic, this is. Ratchet is a pain, yet he's beneficial. And then there's little Bumblebee. He's so sweet and small and young. Yet he's a dangerous, stealthy fighter! And Sideswipe is very stealthy and messy! But in front of a new audience, he's shy! He never picks on me in front of new eyes...Interesting, it seems as though the Autobots as a whole are not what they appear to be.
Then suddenly she did something. Lost in her grief, she had literally forgotten why she was sad, and transformed. But this sudden mind-blank was short lived. She destroyed the netting she was under. She had forgotten about the large black netting above her and now she was tangled in the mess and fell back, bringing down several pipes along with her. The noise was enough to send the humans rushing back into the base, screaming that they were being invaded.
Sega, acting as though she had had too much high-grade energon, gasped and tried to scramble to her feet. "Invasion?!" she shouted. "Who? Is it the Russians? Oh, do I get to trample on them?"
"What the h$%#!" Mearing's voice cut clean into the base, which had grown silent, since both soldiers and Autobots alike realized that it was not an invasion but Sega acting like a drunken buffoon. But, Mearing's attention was not centered on Sega, but it was centered on the netting. "You just destroyed something else! Optimus! Get here! You have a lot of explaining to do! It's bad enough you can't handle those blasted Wreckers! The very least you can do is handle somebody your own size!"
"Director Mearing, please try to understand," Optimus began calmly. "Sega is cur-"
Sega glanced at Mearing. "Can I step on her?" Though it was a question, Sega's body language said it was a statement, for she already had her foot descending on top of the bleach-blond woman. With a shout, Captain Lennox shot from out of nowhere and grabbed the Director and the pair went tumbling several yards away, just in time.
Then, only then, Sega remembered the reason for her grief and the drunken grin transformed into a drunken frown. She didn't talk, but did return back to her nearly-normal state of mind. Why...did this happen again? I look so stupid..., Sega thought angrily, feeling embarrassment coursing throughout her cables.
Mearing shoved Lennox away and stormed angrily up to Sega, snarling at several soldiers who tried to stop her, all of them hoping that she wouldn't get herself crushed. "Sega! What the h%$# do you think you're doing! Destroy everything, never follow directions, and now you try to commit first degree manslaughter! You know d%$# well you don't even have the earthly, green, American cash to pay for the damage you do around here and you are the last one who should be allowed to backtalk orders!"
Sega could not bring herself argue against that, so she kept her mouth shut. She was like that when she felt guilty. The sooner I get out of here, Sega thought darkly, the better.
Sega was about to transform until she felt a strong grip on her shoulder. She glanced back to see the pain-in-the-aft Ratchet. "Don't move," the older medic ordered. "I'm going to scan you."
Sega was on the brink of optic-lubricating at the words. Voice high in emotion, she said, "I don't need scanning! I want my dependent back!"
Ratchet was totally off-guard his expression surprised at first, but then soften with firm care. "Sega, listen to me. I know you worry about Adrian. I know you care for him. But he is human and last I've checked, the only human biology you know is their basic body structure. And when I say 'basic body structure' I mean you know they have a head, two optics, ten digits on each hand, that sort of scrap. A human can fix Adrian, so you need to stay here and allow those human medics make Adrian well again." Sega tried to shrug his hand away, but Ratchet remained firm. "And don't forget that you are wounded too. You need to allow me to fix you, as I am your medic, even as is Adrian's medic."
"Whose ?" Sega asked, feeling slightly dizzy. Only then did she realize that Ratchet had smoothly distracted her long enough to eject something in her lubricant-stream. No doubt it was a Cybertronian tranquilizer, considering Sega felt a sudden, urgent need for recharge.
"She is the human medic who is watching over Adrian," Ratchet quickly explained, helping Sega stand as her body went limp. "We have been keeping in contact...She says Adrian is on his way to full recovery and he'll be allowed to come back to the base tomorrow." Ratchet ended with a smile.
Sega optics brightened at the news but before she could form a verbal response, the fembot went out into a sudden automatic recharge.