I did a lot of growing up when I was on the other side. I was past the overreactions and outbursts, past the insecurities over my height, even past people seeing my auto-mail. I was calm, collected, quiet, studious... the model alchemic bookworm. As a matter of fact, most people thought I was too serious for my own good. The only time I wasn't too serious was when Al was around.

Well, him and Roy.

When I came back they dragged him out of that frozen hell of an outpost and back to Central to testify in my desertion case. Seeing him was like a punch in the gut. It wasn't really the missing eye, or the missing rank, or even how damn skinny he was. It took me a while to figure out that he was slouching in on himself instead of standing tall and proud and smug. The smirk was gone, the way he'd look over his hands at everyone, the confident way he'd talk and walk and do everything. It was weird to the point of being disturbing. And it made me feel like punching him.

I settled for yelling in his face.

Al asked me why I'd treat him the same way I did when I was fourteen, maybe even worse, when he didn't try to get under my skin anymore. I tried to explain but just ended up tripping over my words and realizing that I wasn't entirely sure why I couldn't be around him for more than ten minutes without getting in his face.

It took some more thinking and observation before I realized that the fact that he wasn't insulting me was what got under my skin. I knew that he'd fallen far and he'd landed hard in a deep pit, but he wasn't getting back up. He was digging himself deeper. Everyone else was giving him time to heal, waiting until he thought he was ready, handing him bigger shovels as he went further into the darkness. He'd have to climb out himself, but he needed a little unwanted help in getting to his feet or he'd never start.

And maybe... maybe a little of it was that the same person took something from us that could never be replaced.

A couple months after my trail ended I submitted a few proposals and became a research level State Alchemist. It was part of a deal I took under the table that kept Al out of everything, but I let everyone think it was my choice. I might have chosen that path anyway; I wasn't suited for anything but a career in alchemy. My position also allowed me to keep a bit of an eye on what the military was up to in this new age and try to steer the others away from things like chimera research.

Roy didn't see it that way.

It was the first time he'd instigated a conversation with me since I got back, and he started it angry. Part of me was pissed at him for thinking so little of my decision making capabilities, but I was mostly relieved that he was showing some kind of emotion besides bone crushing despair. Before long we were nose to nose and shouting ourselves hoarse. Good thing I'd gotten a little house near the lab with good soundproofing. Especially considering what happened next.

I don't know exactly what it was that I said to trigger it. I don't know if he even knew. But one second I was yelling and then next I was sprawled on the couch with our legs tangled and his tongue in my mouth.

I froze.

I couldn't hear anything above the pounding of my heart.

I couldn't breathe.

Blue and white patterns danced in front of my eyes.

I couldn't taste anything but-

"Please."

Another kiss, another taste. He tasted like the sweet tea with lemon he must have been drinking before he stormed over to my house. Not like mint. Not like he just brushed his teeth.

"Fullmetal, please."

He was leaving marks on my collarbone. Sucking hard and nipping the skin between the scars. His fingers dug into my shoulders painfully hard. There'd be bruises in the morning.

"I just need to feel again."

I didn't have clue one about how to pleasure a man like that, but from the way he moaned and thrust into my mouth I figured I'd done something right.

I recovered first, sitting up and staring at the sticky mess on my left hand and contemplating the similar mess all over my lower face. I sneaked a glance at his sprawled out, panting body and then looked away. I didn't know what would happen when he got his breath back. I didn't know how to fix this new level of awkward we'd managed to reach.

I didn't know how to handle the fact that I'd gotten off too.

When he sat up and touched my shoulder his hand was shaking. I told him where the shower was and that I'd wash his clothes without looking up. He hesitated for a moment before shedding the rest of his clothes and heading for the bathroom. Even when he handed me the bundle of damp cloth I didn't look at him. I couldn't make myself look at him.

I shed my clothes and threw everything in the washbucket with mechanical detachment. I ignored the sound of water hitting the tub and concentrated on the slosh of it in the bucket. Luckily I was doing laundry when he tried to break down my door so the bucket was already set up. Unfortunately it also meant that I had to wash things shirtless. I worked quickly and hoped against reason that he would take his time in the shower so he wouldn't see me like that. Awkward awkward awkward...

I finished in record time and dried his clothes alchemically. After folding them carefully and pulling a slightly damp shirt over my head, I found myself standing where my bathroom door would have been if I hadn't gotten the house so cheap. After a few minutes of staring at the steam on the mirror the sound of water ceased and a wet arm reached out and grabbed a towel.

"I washed your clothes," I blurted. The sounds behind the curtain stopped.

"Th... thank you. I..." he trailed off and resumed drying himself off.

I realized my hands were shaking as I set his clothes on the edge of the sink. I clasped them tightly together and tried to sort through everything spinning around in my head. I had a hard time grasping the fact that I'd just had sex with a man. I'd resigned myself to the fact that Archer was the only one who'd ever touch me like that... and that's what it was, a fact. But then Roy's teeth were everywhere and he was just different enough, just rough enough to keep the panicked part of my mind from taking over. And when he started throwing his head side to side and whimpering... almost unconsciously my hand found its way between my legs.

Once I'd gotten myself around the fact that I'd had sex with a man and genuinely enjoyed it, I was more surprised to find that I didn't mind that it was with Roy Mustang.

"Colonel... Roy?"

"Yes, Full... Edward?"

I bit my lip and made myself look at the green tiles I'd installed myself after ripping out the blue and white that'd been there before.

"Would you... would you mind if this happened again?"