Alex woke up to her hair being pushed gently out of her face. She peeked an eye open to find Olivia standing above her, fully dressed. Alex was surprised she hadn't heard her get up. Guess that is what happens when you spend the night fucking your brains out, she thought. The sleep haze hadn't fully worn off and the precise memories of the night were not yet fully accessible.
"Hey" Olivia whispered softly.
"Hi" Alex replied sleepily. She squinted at the clock on the bedside table - 6:51am.
Olivia sat down carefully, almost tentatively, next to Alex on the bed and draped her arm over her body without really touching her.
"Listen, I have to go but I do want to talk" she said. There was an uneasiness and gravity to her voice that Alex wasn't expecting.
"Talking is boring" Alex said, yawning.
Olivia chuckled and Alex caught a glimpse of her smile. You're so pretty, she said in her head. Her brain still wasn't registering fully mature or filtered thoughts.
"So tonight?" Olivia asked again, determined.
The full picture of the previous night started to come back to Alex at that moment and she understood Olivia's trepidation. She felt a panic rise within her as her mind flashed back.
Fucking was one thing, she could handle that - well, sort of - but it had definitely started to feel like more last night. She specifically remembered Olivia bringing her to orgasm, their eyes locked. Fuck, she thought, this is bad. Olivia's demeanor indicated she felt the same. How did this happen?
At the same time as Alex feared the line they had crossed, she also was reluctant to pop the bubble they had created. The one that was here, in her bedroom, with Olivia. On the basest level, it just felt too good and she knew it would all be over once they had the conversation Olivia seemed resolved to have.
Determined herself now, Alex avoided the question and instead stretched her upper body which pulled the sheet covering her chest down to reveal her breasts.
As expected, Olivia's eyes followed the sheet downwards.
"You're not that sly, Alex. Stop trying to distract me." She looked up and Alex saw that her eyes, which were slightly cloudy now, belied her words.
"I'm not doing anything" Alex said innocently. "You're the one ogling me."
"And you're a tease."
As she spoke, Olivia let her hand trail across her bare stomach. Alex felt a sharp tug between her legs. In the same instant, she was also made acutely aware of just how sore she was.
Slowly Olivia moved her hand up toward her breast before covering it with her palm. Her brown eyes were laser-focused on the movement.
Alex immediately pushed her chest into the touch, desperate for more contact. She was surprised at how primed her body was.
Olivia moaned as her nipple dug into her palm and Alex bucked her hips.
"Please touch me" Alex whimpered. She didn't even realize she had said the words aloud until she heard them herself.
Olivia held her gaze as she trailed her hand down her side, across her stomach once again, down to her hip and then her leg. Finally, to the inside of her thigh before drawing her fingers up through Alex's wetness.
"Ahhh" Olivia moaned, her lips parting and eyes glazing over. "How are you still so wet?"
She leaned down to kiss Alex's neck and Alex grabbed onto her back, suddenly very annoyed that Olivia was wearing clothes.
"Tell me what you want me to do" Olivia murmured into her skin.
Alex ignored her, lost in the feeling of her hand between her legs. She had forgotten how amazing morning sex could be; it had been a long time since she let someone stay through the night.
"Alex..."
God, why did her name have to sound so fucking good coming from her?
"Your mouth, please" Alex breathed out.
In a quick motion, Olivia pulled the covers aside leaving Alex exposed. She looked down her body, taking in the sight. She quickly climbed on top of Alex and trailed wet kisses across her stomach. Alex heard her own whimpers but did nothing to stop them.
Olivia looked up at her for just a second before she lowered her mouth to her center and licked through her slit.
"Fuuuuck" Alex cried. It felt so good, so fucking good. She grabbed her own neck, needing to dig her fingernails into flesh.
Olivia moaned into her as she trailed her tongue through her folds and paused to let it flutter over her clit.
Alex couldn't stop from screaming out. Olivia's tongue was so warm, so perfect. Alex looked down one last time at the brunette head buried between her thighs before she couldn't stand it any longer. Her head jerked to the side and she dug her nails into the base of her neck harder.
The tongue tormenting her traveled slowly down to her opening. After lapping up the juices that had pooled there, Olivia pushed her tongue inside. Alex's back arched involuntarily off the bed and she let out a loud moan.
God, it felt so good.
"Olivia... please" she begged. She was desperate to come.
Finally, she felt Olivia's hand splay against her stomach. She let her thumb drift down and brush her clit. Once... and then twice. It was all it took to send her over. Alex squeezed her eyes shut as wave after wave washed over her. Her fingernails dug harder into her neck.
Olivia kept her tongue inside as Alex's inner muscles frantically contracted around it.
After what seemed like forever, the waves died down and Alex's body went limp. She could barely make out a whimper when Olivia removed her tongue from inside her.
Olivia sat up and pushed her thigh into Alex's center, keeping pressure where she needed it. She slowly climbed back up Alex's body. As she did, she gently removed her hand from her neck. Becoming aware that Alex had left marks on her own skin, Olivia leaned down and soothed the indentations with soft kisses. Alex moaned softly.
She continued to kiss her neck and then up Alex's chin until she was poised above her mouth. She slowly brought her lips down and placed short, sweet kisses on Alex's lips until she swept her tongue across her bottom lip. When she parted them in response, Olivia tenderly explored her mouth.
It felt so different from their usual tempo and Alex couldn't deny that being kissed by Olivia this way felt incredible. But it also felt uncomfortably intimate and as her brain recovered from its orgasm-induced dormancy, it went into overdrive. She was once again properly panicked.
She pulled away from the kiss and lowered her head, avoiding Olivia's gaze.
"I have to get up" she said.
Olivia registered the change of tone immediately and jerked up, lifting herself off of Alex.
"Yeah, I gotta get going too" she said, also avoiding eye contact.
Olivia gathered the messenger bag from the chair and slung it over her body. Alex wrapped herself in her sheets and sat on the edge of her bed. She kept her eyes on the hardwood floor beneath her.
Olivia was halfway through the door when she stopped and placed her hand on the frame, her head falling down. She didn't turn around but addressed Alex anyway.
"Alex, I can't keep doing this. We have to talk."
Alex looked up at the back of the brunette but couldn't figure out what to say before she was gone. She heard her apartment door close softly a moment later.
/
Alex sat at her desk in her office. It was 3:49pm and she hadn't heard from Olivia since she left her apartment that morning. To be fair, she hadn't tried to reach out to her either. Elliot had come by earlier but Olivia wasn't with him and despite the painful urge to ask where she was, she didn't.
It was a fairly slow Friday. Alex tried to concentrate on the opening statement she was writing but her eyes kept glazing over like when you look at those optical illusion posters and try to see the image in the design. That is how her brain felt. Like it was seeking meaning in the chaos that consumed her.
However, it was clear to Alex that the ball was in her court. She picked up her blackberry and began to text Olivia.
"Hey."
That was all she had. And even that struck her as stupid.
Her head fell in her hands and she tapped her heel nervously on the floor.
Ok, get it together, deep breath.
She tried again.
"So let's talk. My place - 9pm?"
She hit send before she could second guess herself.
At least now maybe she could concentrate. Her hands hovered above the keys on her keyboard but she couldn't stop herself from glancing down at her phone.
By 4:30pm, with little work accomplished and no response from Olivia, she started to get worried. Clearly she had gotten the text. Despite whatever excuses girls make up in this kind of situation, she was no fool.
At that moment, she saw an alert pop up on her phone.
"Not your place. 9pm - Vezzo?"
She half-smiled at the response. Olivia was too smart to take the bait and come to her place where they clearly wouldn't be doing any talking. Alex hadn't quite consciously acknowledged her strategy but when she saw the return text, she knew it to be true.
So, this was really going to happen. The pit in her stomach grew exponentially.
"See you there" she texted back and tried to focus once again, this time with the full realization that it was futile.
/
Alex walked into Vezzo 10 minutes past 9pm. Her eyes scanned the room for the brunette... ah, back corner. She was looking down at her phone and Alex couldn't make out an expression.
"Hi" Alex said as she approached and sat down.
Olivia looked up, closed her phone and smiled weakly.
"Hey" she said.
Before they could say anything else, the waiter came by to take Alex's drink order.
"Sauvignon Blanc, please" she decided quickly.
When he left, Alex played with her napkin on the table, unable to make eye contact. This was awkward and she had to fight back the urge to leave.
Finally, she looked up at the brunette who seemed to her to be equally unsure and uncomfortable. Alex's first instinct was to kiss her. Fuck, not good.
She wished the brunette would just say what she had to say so they could go back to normal and Alex could start to try to forget it all.
"So, you wanted to talk..." Alex ventured.
"Are you gay?" Olivia asked, out of nowhere.
"Have the last few weeks felt 'gay' to you?" she replied flippantly. She quickly realized she was being an asshole and saw that Olivia didn't seem amused.
The waiter came back with her wine and she sipped it immediately to give herself some time to think.
"I'm sorry... I'm... just bear with me, ok?" She took another breath. Alex felt like she was on the witness stand.
"Yes is the answer."
"Ok" Olivia said nodding. "Have you wondered that about me?"
"I'm reasonably confident that you are."
"Ah yes, I forgot that you know everything." Olivia took a sip of her beer.
"Not everything" Alex answered honestly.
"Well, let's start with what you don't know."
"I don't know why you left how you did... that day in my office... that I don't know."
It just came out. Alex knew she was putting herself out there but she couldn't take it back now. To be honest, she hadn't even realized how hurt she still was by it until she said it out loud.
Olivia seemed surprised. She started to speak and then stopped. After a moment, she tried again.
"It had nothing to do with you" she finally said.
"Great, very comforting, thank you" Alex said sarcastically.
"Alex... I didn't mean that. It had a lot to do with you. I... It just all happened so fast. I was terrified that I hurt you... or forced you... I just thought I had fucked everything up."
Alex was confused. She thought it was pretty clear that she had wanted everything that happened that day. Her look of confusion prompted Olivia to clarify.
"I had promised myself that I would never act on those... whatever" Olivia trailed off and looked down at her beer.
"Why?" Alex asked, not pushing her to elaborate on what it was she had been alluding to.
Olivia laughed lightly, nervously. The smile on her face was pained and when she looked up, her eyes were the slightest bit watery.
"Because I didn't think you would ever want me to."
Alex stared at her, slowly understanding how wrong she had been about everything.
"How long?" she asked softly.
"Day I met you."
Alex saw her own emotions reflected back in her Olivia's eyes. The clarity that had eluded her since this all started was finally accessible. Alex was horrified by how emotionally stunted she really was and to what lengths she had gone to to protect herself from her own feelings. She realized that the sex and the teasing and the games, while incredible, were just pretense. Carefully, subconsciously constructed pretense obscuring what she really wanted but couldn't admit.
Olivia cleared her throat before she started again.
"And now that this has started, I don't know how to stop it... I don't how to stop the way I feel... but if you need me to, I will."
Alex believed her. She would if she asked, even though it looked like it would kill her.
"Don't" Alex said.
"Don't what?"
"Don't stop it" she whispered.
"Alex, I need to know how you fe-" the blonde cut her off before she could lose her courage.
"I've wanted all of this, from the moment it began. And I want more... I want you. I can't remember a time when I haven't."
For once, the words came out easily, the truth had a way of doing that, Alex supposed. And it didn't feel scary to her. Well, maybe a bit. Mostly though, she felt relieved. She felt free.
Olivia exhaled.
The moment was disrupted by Olivia's phone. "Oh, fuck" she said looking down at the message.
"It's El, I have to go. I'm on call tonight."
"Come over after" Alex said.
Olivia smiled and Alex was struck by how beautiful she was.
"It might be late, I don't want to wake -"
Alex cut her off. "I don't care, just come."
"Ok, I will." She smiled.
Alex stood as Olivia did and she suddenly wished they weren't in such a public place, squeezed in by so many people.
"I'll see you later" Olivia said and slid past her, squeezing her hand in hers as she did.
And then she was gone. Alex sat back down, her mind was going a mile a minute. She took another sip of her wine and reached in her bag for her wallet so she could settle the bill.
Her phone buzzed. A text from Olivia.
"Come outside."
Alex looked toward the front of the restaurant but didn't see her. She tossed a $20 down and grabbed her bag.
She pushed the door to the restaurant open and turned her head in both directions. She didn't see her. She wandered around the corner onto 31st street but still nothing.
A cab pulled around the corner and before it could come to a complete stop, the door opened. Olivia climbed out and was upon her in seconds.
She pulled her into her body, reaching her hand into Alex's hair and pressed her lips to hers. It wasn't forceful or transient like the other times. It was warm and gentle and sensual and perfect.
Olivia pulled back gingerly, letting her lips linger. She rested her forehead on Alex's.
"I couldn't leave without doing that" Olivia whispered.
She placed another soft kiss on her lips.
"Bye."
Before Alex could respond, Olivia got back into the cab. She watched as it pulled away.
As the smile crept up her face, Alex realized she actually felt happy. And fuck, it was really nice.
/
Donezo.
Many humble thanks for all the encouragement and positive feedback. Totally inspired me to write much more than I had initially anticipated.