---Tegan's POV---

"Ok, I'm ready!" I say to myself as I look into my full length mirror in my bedroom. Sara should be here any minute. I'm ready. I'm not going to waste any time! As soon as she walks through that door I'm going to grab her by the waist and kiss her, long and hard. That's right Tee Tee is going to grow a pair and get this done! I hope she comes soon I can only keep up this level of confidence for so long.

*knock* *fingernails tapping*

"Shit!...it's her!" No, I am NOT nervous I'm going settle this. She thinks she can use me, and play with my emotions like she as been lately, she's got another thing coming! I walk to the door I've excited myself to the point of another headache. Goddammit everything gives me a fucking headache!

I walk to the door, ready to spill word vomit all over her-until I open it. She's standing there in a skin tight button up long sleeve yellow/blue plaid shirt with nothing under it with the top two buttons undone. Holy...shit. Her hair looks very different it's short on one side with a side swiped bang on the right. I'm frozen. She's so fucking hot....has she always been hot!? I mean gorgeous and adorable? Yes, but...smoking hot?! I can't even think in complete sentences right now.

"What the fuck?! Would you move...or speak for that matter?!" She demands. O right shit I'm still standing here!

"Um... it's...you can..come in?"

"I don't want to you're acting fucking weird"

"Oh, sorry um, just..." complete a sentence, complete a sentence Tegan! "Whatever I'm fucking tired! Ok? Give me a break!" Bitchiness is always convincing.

Sara finally walks into the apartment that I cleaned to even an OCD neat freak like her's satisfaction.

"Well fucking get over it Tegan really. I just got here you can't be all tired and shit already."

"Yeah it's fine, in fact, why don't you just set up your things and we'll go down to Starbucks."

"Mmm, now you're talking" She says and then licks her lips. Jesus those lips...mmm- uh oh I'm spacing out again. "Tegan!" Sara yells right into my face "Are you in there-yes! Let's get you some caffeine STAT!" She drops all her luggage right on the floor and grabs my hand and rushes me straight out the door, which I barely have time to lock. The Starbucks is a mere half block from my building and I use her acceptance of my zombie-like state to my advantage and stare for longer periods of time than usual at her lips, breasts, hair, thighs, and ass. Hey, I'm never going to get another chance to get away with this behavior! I'm milking it for all it's worth.

----Sara's POV---

I know Tegan loves me. She really doesn't try very hard to hide it. Well maybe she does but I know her too well to buy it. I know she loves me and I've dealt with it. My sister is in love with me. I feel it when she looks at me, or rather into me. I can tell by the way she touches me at times. And she only has the confidence to do something about it when she's wasted or in any state in which she feels she won't be held accountable for her actions. I love her too. But I'm not willing to take this thing of ours anywhere. I'm in love with Tegan and she's in love with me- tough break. We're sisters. There's nowhere we can go from here. I'm an expert at repression. I can hold this inside for as long as I need to....I hope.

"How can you drink that hot ass coffee that fast!?" Tegan asked with a look of amazement on her face.

"I don't know. Ok it's like it burns my tongue when I first start drinking it but I keep going anyway and eventually it just goes numb"

"Psychotic"

"Maybe, but I never have to reheat my coffee"

"Ok, so what do you want to do today? We have the whole day right?"

"Yeah I guess so unless...I mean you can do your own thing you don't really need to babysit me Tegan"

"Not at all, I haven't seen you in a month I want to spend the day together. O hey Sara, why didn't you just call Kim?"

"What?" O shit, busted

"When there was an issue at the hotel? Kim could've fixed that" Ok, so here's the thing: there really was an issue with my hotel reservations. But here's the other thing: I could've just had Kim make other arrangements. Like I said, I'm in love with Tegan. I'm not going to try too hard to get out of spending time with her. In fact I was hoping the hotel thing didn't work out.

"Cause I just get tired of that sh*t. I feel like management treats me like a fucking child sometimes. It's not a big deal I just figured I'd stay with you..but if you don't want me to-"

"What! Calm down I do! I mean...whatever it's fine, I was just curious" She says, trying to hide her excitement. Ahh Tegan...and her new tattoo?! what the-

"You have a new tattoo?! What the hell?" We made an agreement a long time ago that we would never ask the other what the meaning behind our tattoos were. So I didn't ask anything else. It's a heart-shaped Gemini sign of some sort on the inside of her right wrist...shit.

"Yes! And you can't say sh*t about it. A deal's a deal"

"Yeah, I know. It's cool, I like it"

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Tegan asks, I'm so anti-social that I actually cringe at this question.

"I don't really want to do anything. I was in the middle of catching up on Dexter. So...you think we could maybe rent season 2 so I can watch while I'm in town?"

"Sure! I love that show. Well, let's hurry, by my watch you have about 4 good hours left in you before you clock out"

I laugh, "Yeah, I'd say you're about right"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Two episodes into Dexter and I'm lost. I'm pretty sure I started from the episode I left off on. Doesn't matter. All I can think about right now is where I'm going to sleep tonight. If I sleep in Tegan's bed I know something will happen. I'm really trying to do the right thing here.

"I'm going to take a shower, I should be done by time this episode is over and then you can do whatever you need to do" Tegan tells me. Great, and I was just about to ask her what the hell is going on on this show right now.

About a half hour later, and about 5 minutes after Dexter went off I hear Tegan turn off the water in the shower. About 10 minutes after that I hear her soft footsteps near my position on the floor in front the flat screen.

"So, what do you think so far of Season 2?" Tegan inquired. "Honestly I don't know. I haven't the slightest fucking clue as to what's going on!"

"Aww well it's been forever since I've watched it so I can't help you, but hey, you have time to think about that later, get ready for bed"

I stand to my feet. Up to this point I had been lying on my back staring at the ceiling. As soon as I rise to my feet I'm shocked to find myself less than a foot from Tegan. She's still pretty damp, and her thin white wife beater is sticking to her skin. She's not wearing a bra- dear God, this is going to be a long night. I also realize that I hadn't seen her hair this entire time. It had been up in a beanie. But it was at a length I hadn't seen it at since I think...'02. It was just pass her shoulder. Beautiful! She walks away from where I'm standing towards the kitchen I step forward quietly to catch a glimpse of her in much better lighting. I can clearly see her burgundy/black plaid paints hanging just below her waist, they're much too big and she has the strings pulled tight just above her groin. Water from her damp hair is slowly running down her back and making her beater stick to her even more now. Cold shower for one, please?

After my shower I'm feeling refreshed and definitely ready for bed. I step into the bedroom- and hello saved by the couch! Yes, couch right on the far side of the room. Honestly, this is a bittersweet discovery. The sight on the couch is much more appealing: Tegan sitting on it reading a book with her hair now in a loose ponytail, wearing black rimmed reading glasses. Dear God, why did you give me such a hot sister!? I didn't ask for this, it's not my fault. How could anyone NOT want that?!

She hears me approaching the couch and closes her book. She stands up and is close enough to me for me to hear her breathing. I let out an unexpected yawn. "O Sara! Pathetic, it's only 10:30!"

"Shut up, jet lag ok? Not my fault"

"Yeah I know, I'm just fucking with you. Well let's go to bed then." She walks over to the bed and pulls back the heavy comforter.

"Um...you know what, I'm going to sleep on the couch" I barely force the words out. I just want to lay with her. Have her hold me close with her arms wrapped around me. But I can't let that happen. I can't let anything happen...ever again.

"But....why?!, I just... I mean it's lumpy and uncomfortable, you don't have to do that" Even in the near darkness I can see the light in her eyes dim. What am I doing? I'm hurting both of us. I hate this. All of it.

"No, I know, it's cool I-"

"What are you afraid of?" She asks. The question pierced into my chest like a dagger. I can tell by the tone she meant for it to be as loaded as it felt. Why am I afraid of what we could have? Why am I worried about what other people would think? Why am I scared to love her? Why am I afraid of sharing a bed with her? Why won't I make love to her in the right way, under the right circumstances...like right now? What am I afraid of becoming of our lives if we both just said "fuck it" and did what we wanted to do- and be together? Until I can answer these questions I'd rather not talk about them with her. Surely that's a conversation that would just confuse me more.

"Nothing! You know me, I like my space. That's it." I grab the pillow from the spot on the bed intentionally left for my head and the sheet that was supposed to be shared and take them to the couch. I lie down suddenly feeling a rush of sadness. And also some back pain. Fuck me, she wasn't lying about this couch! It's very lumpy.

"Goodnight Tee Tee"

"Goodnight Sara" ouch! Just "Sara"? Boy, I really fucked up tonight. But...I'm just doing what I think is best.

She turns the light on the nightstand off. And suddenly the light from the kitchen is beaming like a spotlight which slowly fades close to the bed, creating an outline of Tegan where the dark and the light meet.

I see her lying there. Awake. She's too upset to sleep. As am I. I know I belong on that bed, in her arms. I wish I could get over all this bullshit and take my place in her bed, in her heart. Just as I was really starting to mentally beat myself up I notice her sliding off her pants and slide under the comforter. She doesn't usually even sleep in clothes, this much I knew. I was hoping she showed some mercy on me and wore pjs. I guess that courtesy isn't necessary now since she clearly thinks I'm over here sleeping.

I eventually doze off for what couldn't have been more than 15 minutes when I'm awaken by a soft moan...and then...soft speaking "oh yeah...right there. Fuck! Sara yes...keep going...oh my god yes" I look over at Tegan, her eyes are closed and she's very much asleep. Her left hand is under her beater on her right breast and...you can probably guess where her right hand is. I want to leave the room cause I'm afraid of what I might see. It's hard enough to stay over here away from her. If this continues- "mmm more, more fingers" I hear her whisper before I can complete my thought. And at the sound of that I feel myself getting wet, oh no. This cannot be happening. I want to leave but if I wake her she'll be mortified. "mmm oh...uh mmm" more moaning and her breathing is getting heavier. I suddenly start getting flashbacks of moments when I was actually touching her. I reach down below the waistband of my boy shorts...feeling what she was feeling. Wishing I was touching what she was touching. Feeling every stroke of the hips I once stroked. Every pinch and nibble of my breasts she had given at some point. I watch her arm start to move more rapidly and listened as her breathing got heavier. I move my hand faster in my shorts. I know she's coming. I'm coming. And we come together. Perfectly in sync with one another. Always. Even when the other is unconscious.

Without much processing I fall asleep thinking about the intense moment I just shared with my sister, completely unbeknownst to her.