Author's Note: So this is a little different from the first two chapters. I wanted to write comforting fluff to escape the news but I had a hard time finding a happy place. I hope you enjoy this anyway. And for everyone in Paris and those affected by terrorism around the world, may better days lie ahead. Soon.

Chapter 3: Growing Pains

Jane's footsteps crunched through the dead leaves on the ground as he stomped away from the house, Clarissa holding tightly to his hand and trying to make as much noise as possible as she scurried along beside him. At 19 months, she was constantly in motion, usually doing something she shouldn't. Her clinging to him instead of running off into the twilight woods told him she'd been frightened by all the yelling earlier.

He should reassure her, he knew. But he needed to calm down first.

It was a good thing she wasn't used to hearing her parents fight, he thought. She shouldn't be used to that, ever. He and Teresa had agreed before she was born never to fight in front of her. But that was before the twins arrived and plunged the house into chaos.

He loved his sons, of course. They were precious, a gift he'd never expected. It was just that at the moment they were a very high maintenance gift, never sleeping at the same time and one of them always wanting to nurse. Teresa was exhausted, still healing from the birth, and caught in a hormonal maelstrom, and despite Jane's best intentions, he'd snapped at her when she berated him for not keeping Clarissa quiet and waking the baby she'd just put down for a nap. That had touched off a screaming match he honestly hadn't thought they'd ever lower themselves to. The only way he knew to stop it was to take Clarissa and leave.

Teresa would get the twins settled, calm down, and be herself again if he gave her enough time. He held onto that hope as he took a deep breath of the crisp autumn air.

Clarissa sucked in an exaggerated breath in imitation, and he looked down at her, not having to force a smile. "Smells good, hm?"

"Uh huh." Clarissa paused to jump on a big leaf with both feet. They often took a walk in the evening to try to wear her out before bed, and she was calming down as her world became normal again.

Jane wished his world would become normal again. The two newborns he could handle, but the touchy, weepy stranger with his wife's face disturbed him deeply. Teresa was the linchpin of their family; if she fell apart, they were in trouble. After more than a decade of knowing her, he felt like he was starting from scratch, figuring out her likes and dislikes, her moods and triggers. He felt like he was off his game.

And his family needed him. Especially Clarissa, not old enough to fully understand why her home was suddenly so different and why her mommy didn't have much time for her anymore. An only child himself, Jane had never contemplated the impact on a child of bringing home younger siblings. Now he realized what a huge, unfair thing it was to her. She'd love being a big sister as she got older, but for now she must feel supplanted.

"Want a ride, lightning bug?" he asked.

"Yes. Up!" She stretched up her hands, and he picked her up, swinging her around to make her laugh.

He hugged her, pressing a kiss into her dark curls. "I love you, my girl."

She put her arms around his neck. "Love you Daddy," she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

He felt his tension melt away. And then he wondered if maybe what Teresa needed was a simple hug and to be told she was loved. He was pretty sure he hadn't done either since the twins came home, now that he thought about it.

"Let's go hug Mommy," he said to Clarissa.

"Okay." She yawned, and he hoped she'd fall asleep quickly once tucked in.

As they approached the house, he was relieved it was quiet. He didn't know if he could take more crying tonight.

There was a light on in the master suite, but Jane carried the half-asleep Clarissa upstairs, talking to her softly as he got her into her pajamas and tucked her in. Then he ventured downstairs, pausing at one of the bassinets to smile at his sleeping son. Trevor had a head of blonde hair, in contrast to his brother's few dark strands, and his mouth looked more Jane than Lisbon. It was early days yet to be talking about who looked like which parent, though.

Connor was nursing, contentedly lying on the cushion in his mother's lap. Teresa was lying against a pile of pillows in their bed, her eyes closed. Jane knew she was awake but just didn't want to engage, which annoyed him. But he took the opportunity to look closely at her, not liking the dark circles under her puffy eyes and the sheen of tears on her cheeks.

His heart went out to her. He couldn't stand her tears; they made him frantically search for a way to fix whatever was wrong.

This constant nursing had to stop. He'd buy some formula tomorrow so he could do some of the feeding and let her rest. That would help, surely. And he'd do some research on post partum depression, in case she wasn't just tired and overwhelmed.

Maybe he could find a babysitter for Clarissa, perhaps a daycare center where she could play with other children one or two days a week. That would be good for her and give her parents a break from being outnumbered.

Quietly, he moved to the side of the bed, kissing Teresa's damp, warm cheek. "Hey. I love you."

She let out a sigh, looking at him with heartbreaking weariness. "You can't just fix everything by saying I love you, Patrick."

"I know that." When she looked away, he put a finger under her chin and gently turned her face to him again. "But we will fix this, Teresa."

"How?" Her eyes were damp and despairing.

"You can't keep doing this by yourself. It's time for reinforcements. And I think we might want to talk to your doctor."

"You think there's something wrong with me," she accused.

"I think there's something making you unhappy," he corrected. "If it's me, then I want to change that. If it's something biological, then I want to see if we can make it better. When you're unhappy, I'm unhappy." She still looked mulish, so he played his ace. "And so is Clarissa."

Her expression crumpled. "You think I'm being a bad mother."

"I think you're having a bad time and that affects your family. I'm not placing blame. I just want to help."

"You can help by pulling your weight around here and not leaving everything for me to do!"

Jane held his temper with difficulty. He was not going to get into another argument tonight. "Okay. I'll do better with that." Though since he did all the cooking and cleaning, as well as taking care of Clarissa, he wasn't sure what she thought he wasn't doing. "I think he's done. Want me to burp him?"

Teresa looked like she wanted to refuse, but since she'd just accused him of not helping, she could hardly turn down his offer to do just that. Reluctantly, she handed Connor to him, then rearranged her pillows and settled in to try to sleep.

"Sweet dreams, my dear," Jane said softly, getting to his feet and settling the baby on his shoulder to pat his back.

He wandered out into the living room, pulling his phone out of his pocket and texting Cho. You busy?

What do you need?

Infant formula.

Be there in an hour.

Thanks. Jane reflected with gratitude that at least Cho hadn't changed.

Connor burped, and Jane smiled at him. "Good boy. How about a nap? Then you'll want a fresh diaper and you can try something new, hm? Let Mommy sleep? Otherwise we might need Uncle Cho to protect us."

Connor yawned in reply. Jane carefully laid him in his bassinet, checked on Trevor, and went over to look at Teresa. She was sound asleep, so he didn't disturb her, just turned off the light as he left the room.

Upstairs, he looked in on Clarissa, who fortunately was a good sleeper. Then he went to his office, which was now partly converted to a bedroom, and sat at his desk, rubbing at his face and letting out a long sigh.

He would protect his family. That was the driving force of his life now; he'd just never thought the threats could come from within as well as outside. He'd never imagined not being able to communicate effectively with Teresa. It seemed like every conversation turned into an argument.

Well, if they couldn't talk, maybe he should write. He pulled paper and pen from the desk drawer and tried to order his thoughts.

My dearest Teresa,

I love you. I know that doesn't fix anything, but it's what makes things worth fixing. And as long as I believe you still love me, I'll never give up, no matter how much we argue or what we say to each other. I want you to understand that: I won't give up. I won't walk out. Not for long, anyway, and never for good.

I saw your face when I took Clarissa and left today. I know you had a moment, just a second, of panic that I wasn't coming back. I suppose with my history, I can't blame you for thinking that. But that was never, even for a second, my intention. Even if I wanted to, how could I give up so easily when you never gave up on me, despite strong and repeated provocation? I owe you the same loyalty, patience, and forgiveness you showed me long before we admitted we loved each other. You deserve at least that. Maybe you have forgotten, but I never will.

I know having the twins hasn't been the purely joyous occasion we hoped for. I thought it would be like bringing Clarissa home, when everything was new and we were delirious with our happiness at being a family. But two babies are somehow more than twice the work, aren't they? And this pregnancy and delivery were harder on you. I knew that but didn't take into account what it meant for all of us.

So I owe you an apology. I've been so focused on taking care of the children I haven't taken enough care of you. I think that's what you've been trying to tell me, and I'm sorry I haven't understood it until now. But I'm going to fix it, I promise you.

I love you. As much as a man is capable of loving, as deeply and eternally as anyone has ever loved, beyond even the greatest love imagined in the greatest love stories, I love you. It is a fundamental fact of my being, no more changeable than my eye color or the way my heart beats. An ever fixed mark, as Shakespeare said. He also said that love is not love that alters when it alteration finds, which is a fancy way of saying that your behavior can't erase my love for you, just like my abominable behavior back at the CBI never made you stop loving me.

So let's focus on taking care of you. I'll get help taking care of the children and cleaning the house so I can give you all the help you need. Feel free to rant and rave at me as much as you need to. I will grin and bear it knowing that it's temporary. I know someday soon we will be that happy family we envisioned and look back on this as just a bumpy stretch of the road.

Even now, when we've been arguing all day, I still feel lucky to be your husband. I hope someday soon you'll again feel lucky to be my wife. And thank you for our children. Poopy diapers and tantrums are all worth it when I look into their eyes. I never take any of my time with them for granted. And I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel I've taken you for granted. I don't. I'm so grateful for you, Teresa. I might not always say it, but I always feel it. Every day, every minute, every breath. You've given me a family again, and I promise you, I will treasure all of you for the rest of my life.

All my love,

Patrick

He went downstairs, set the letter on the nightstand on Teresa's side of the bed, and went to the door to wait for Cho.

mmm

"You need another pair of hands?" Cho asked as he handed Jane the bag.

"I must look pretty bad if you're volunteering to babysit," Jane replied, not really joking.

"You've looked better. Lisbon okay?"

"She's been better," Jane admitted.

"Can't be easy popping two humans out at the same time. What can I do?"

"I'm not sure there's much we can do. I think she needs to talk to her doctor. Meanwhile, know any good daycare facilities?"

"For Clarissa? No, but I'll find some. Plenty of people at the office have kids. You need some help here too?"

"Yeah, maybe." Jane paused, hearing one of the twins give a short cry.

Cho took the bag back. "I'll mix this up while you go get him."

"Thanks," Jane said fervently.

mmm

Cho ended up spending the night. Trevor took a while to accept a bottle, but Connor took to it right away, allowing Teresa several consecutive hours of sleep while Jane and Cho handled diapers and bottles, respectively. Jane managed to nap here and there on the couch, giving Cho the bed in the former guest room that would soon be Connor's.

Teresa woke at sunrise, hurrying into the living room where Cho had moved the bassinets. "Thank God," she said as she spotted them.

"Good morning," Jane said, yawning and sitting up. "How are you feeling?"

"I need to nurse them," she replied, picking up Trevor, who woke with a cranky cry.

"They've had a couple of snacks. Cho brought some formula last night."

Teresa frowned. "I thought I made it clear I wanted to breast feed both of them."

"You did. But you also made it clear you needed to sleep. They're fine, Teresa. Would you like some decaf?"

"Sure. Thanks." She went back into the bedroom with Trevor.

Jane went into the kitchen and switched on the coffeemaker. He'd get her decaf going, and then make the real stuff for Cho. Meanwhile he'd get started on breakfast for those eating solid food.

Footsteps sounded upstairs, followed by a happy cry of "Cho!" from Clarissa. A minute later Cho was towed into the kitchen by the toddler, to Jane's great amusement. "Good morning, sunshine," he greeted them.

"That's one strong kid you've got there," Cho said, helping her into her booster seat. "She'll be ready for Quantico in no time."

Jane shuddered. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

"Lisbon up?"

"Yes. She's feeding Trevor."

"I should get going."

"Not on an empty stomach," Jane replied. "Eggs or pancakes?"

"Eggs!" Clarissa demanded.

Cho smiled. "You heard the lady."

Jane quickly served up scrambled eggs and orange juice for them, poured Teresa's cup of decaf, and put a pot of regular coffee on to brew. Then he took Teresa her mug.

She was sitting in bed nursing with tears running down her cheeks. Jane's spurt of alarm was quickly swallowed by weariness, but he tried not to show it. "Coffee," he offered, setting the mug on the nightstand beside his letter, which had been unfolded.

"Thanks," Teresa muttered, sniffing a little.

Jane took the risk of rubbing her back to comfort her. "What would you like for breakfast, my darling?"

"I don't care," she replied.

"Clarissa is having a fine time with her Uncle Cho. He has the day off, you know. I bet he could be convinced to stay for a play date."

Teresa looked at him for the first time since he'd come in. "Cho's still here?"

"Yes. He's a little worried about you; he'd like to see you."

"Jane, I haven't showered in two days. I'm fat and sore and spend most of my day with my boobs hanging out. I don't want company."

"Okay," Jane said. "I confess I'm a little scared to tell him that, but I will."

Teresa bit her lip. "He'll expect to find Agent Lisbon, and I'm not sure I even remember who that is." She sucked in a deep breath. "You don't even recognize me anymore."

"I don't think that's true."

"You said as much in your letter."

That's what she'd taken from his words? Jane was dumbfounded. "That wasn't what I meant to say."

"You think I've forgotten that I love you. But I haven't."

"I'm glad to hear it." Jane took a breath to calm himself, looking down at Trevor, who'd fallen asleep. "I'll take him if you like. Why don't you have a nice warm shower? Take some time for yourself. Don't worry about any of us. Cho will keep us in line for you."

"Okay." She handed him the baby, then carefully scooted to the edge of the bed and got up. Jane tried to stay close without overtly hovering, but he was surprised when she put a hand on his arm. "Thank you."

"You are very welcome," he assured her, kissing her cheek.

Slowly, she slid her arms around his waist and leaned against his shoulder, and he held her with his free arm. Pressing a kiss into her limp hair, he murmured, "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered.

They stayed like that until Trevor began to fuss, needing burped. Then Teresa headed for the bathroom, leaving Jane to attend to his son. He'd no sooner gotten Trevor burped than Connor started crying, so he took both babies into the kitchen.

Cho was standing at the stove scrambling eggs. He put them on a plate and set it on the table, then took Connor and picked up a bottle. "Sit. Eat."

Jane blinked at his breakfast, touched. "You cooked for me?"

"Somebody needed to."

Jane sat, hoisting Trevor to his shoulder. "Thanks. Keep this up and I may not let you leave."

"I like my chances," Cho replied. "I can always call for backup."

Jane chuckled. The eggs weren't bad, he decided. Not great, but acceptable. He wasn't going to complain in any case; he couldn't remember the last time someone had cooked for him. "Backup is good."

"Yes, it is." Cho sounded more serious than usual. "Wylie and I will check in regularly from now on. I'll let Lisbon's team know you're looking for help, too. You guys don't need to do it all yourselves."

"Thank you." Jane hoped his friend could hear his gratitude; he was afraid if he said more, he'd choke up.

Cho surprised him by continuing, "It always made me mad when the two of you acted like that at CBI. Like you didn't want the rest of us involved. It was stupid then, and it's more stupid now. Let us help."

"Gladly."

"Good."

More than once in the past week, Jane had reflected on his dearth of extended family. There were no grandparents to pitch in, and Lisbon's brothers were all busy with their own lives far away. But he'd forgotten that their family of non-relatives was available and willing to pitch in.

"Daddy," Clarissa said, wanting attention.

"Yes, lightning bug?"

She grinned at him and banged her sippy cup on her tray, then began babbling at the top of her lungs. Since nobody was trying to sleep, Jane just smiled and kept eating his eggs while nodding at her to show he was paying attention.

When Connor finished his bottle, Cho and Jane traded babies since Jane was the expert burper. A few minutes later, they were all pleasantly surprised when Teresa came into the room, freshly scrubbed and dressed in an outfit Jane recognized from the early part of her maternity wardrobe.

"Hi, Cho. Thanks for coming over," she said, smiling.

"Good to see you," he replied, smiling back.

She bent to kiss Clarissa's head as she passed, making the little girl beam, and reached for Trevor, who yawned as he looked up at her.

"Have a seat," Cho said, pulling a chair out for her. "Eggs okay?"

Jane got up. "I'll do it."

"Sit," Cho ordered. "You want some more? I'll put the kettle on for your tea. More milk, Clarissa?"

Teresa frowned. "You're our guest, Kimball. You shouldn't wait on us."

"I'm not a guest. I'm backup. Heard you needed some."

Teresa glanced at Jane, rolling her eyes. "Now he learns to call for backup."

Cho chuckled. "Yeah."

"Well, thank you," she told him.

"You're welcome."

She looked back down at her son, then said, "He's out. I'm going to put him down."

Connor let out a big burp, and Jane said, "Might as well give this one a try as well."

He followed her to the living room, where they swaddled the babies and laid them down. Then they stood and watched for a few minutes to make sure sleep really was on the agenda.

"They really are beautiful," Jane said. They definitely weren't identical twins, though they shared some similarities. He bet their personalities would turn out to be very different too. He couldn't wait to find out.

"Yes, they are." Teresa stepped close and laid her head on his shoulder, sliding an arm around him.

He looped an arm around her waist and kissed her head. "So are you."

She snorted. "Not right now."

"Yes, right now." He rested his cheek against her hair. "I know it's been rough. But it's going to get better soon. I promise."

"I...I know I haven't been myself lately," she said slowly. "I'll call Dr. Hendricks today."

"And we'll get some help around here."

"Thanks for letting me sleep. I feel better."

"Good."

After a minute, she whispered, "I love you."

Jane closed his eyes and smiled. "I love you too."

A/N: Please forgive any inaccuracies. In real life I've only ever played the role of Cho. :)