Chapter 3
"No one is home," Jane said aloud.
"That's because you didn't find me in time," came the small voice. Jane turned to look at the little girl now standing next to her on the porch. "I don't live here anymore." The little girl turned to look up at Jane. "I don't live anywhere anymore."
Jane felt her head jerk suddenly and her eyes opened. She was surrounded in darkness and she had to force herself to let her eyes adjust to try to take in shapes and objects. It was quiet. The only real discernable sound was her own slightly labored breaths.
A split second before she was going to roll over onto her back she felt an arm suddenly pull her in tighter. It threw her for a moment as she had to think about where exactly she was and who exactly she was with. But her brain caught up with her body and she immediately relaxed remembering she was in New York and with Maura.
She remembered ending up in Maura's room after she had been unable to fall asleep on her own. Instead of shifting onto her back she raised her head just enough to take in their collective positions. She was still curled into Maura's side with her own arm draped across Maura's stomach. That had been exactly how she remembered falling asleep.
Maura had her arms wrapped securely around her. The same arm- or arms- that had pulled her in closer just moments ago. She made of mental note of their legs as all four seemed to be tangled around themselves. Jane wondered for a moment if under the covers it would easy to tell where she ended and Maura began.
Jane could tell the ME was still soundly asleep. Maura's even breathing was a dead giveaway. She was suddenly thankful she hadn't woken up the sleeping doctor when her dream pulled her from her own slumber. She would have felt guilty about that. Maura needed her sleep and certainly didn't need to be bothered with any of her middle of the night drama.
The oddity of her current position suddenly struck her. There weren't too many times in her life where Jane found herself cuddled in someone's arms in the middle of the night. Previous to that night she hadn't really liked it and had always found ways to break the contact and put a little distance in between herself and the person she shared that bed with, however rare such an occasion ever was. Even if it was something as simple as a leg escaping off the side of the bed she always wanted space. But it seemed different with Maura this time.
Sure they had shared a bed before. Several times. But Jane had never started or ended up with herself curled into Maura with arms and legs all involved on any of those other occasions. That had been one of Jane's rules for interacting with Maura. She wasn't supposed to snuggle with her best friend in bed. It had even been rare for Maura to curl into Jane but it had happened a few times with shifts in the night. Normally neither lady would wonder across the imaginary line of demarcation that split the shared bed in half.
She knew she should probably extract herself from the ME. It was probably a bad idea for her to stay wrapped in Maura's arms. But she wasn't ready to break the contact. It felt right. Safe. And safe was not something she felt easily in the cold darkness of the night. Especially after waking up from a nightmare. But Maura's presence and her touch were working magic over Jane that night. Instead of moving away or creating space, Jane shifted into Maura just a little bit closer. Closer to the warmth radiating from the doctor's body and closer to that easy sense of peace which just seemed to resonate from the woman.
And for the first time in three weeks Jane managed to fall back to sleep. Safe in the arms of the one person she trusted to maybe help chase the demons away.
R&I
Light started to trickle gently into the room as dawn approached. Maura was a natural early riser and as such the coming of dawn dutifully pulled Maura from her slumber. She went to stretch her legs out, not yet having opened her eyes to greet the morning, but found they were impeded in their progress. She quickly reminded herself that Jane had joined her in bed the night before so she stopped any sudden movements not wanting to disturb the detective's rest.
Even in her half woken state she remembered how exhausted Jane had been not only the night prior but for the last few weeks. She was just relieved to know that the woman was still sleeping and finally getting the rest she had so badly needed.
Her hand went up towards her face to slowly rub the sleep from her eyes and she finally opened them to let herself adjust to the morning's light. She needed to take an assessment of her and Jane's current positions so she could determine a way to extract herself from the bed without disturbing the detective.
It was only after her eyes were open and adjusted to the light when she was able to fully assess their positions. What she found made her smile. It wasn't so much their tangled legs or Jane's being curled into her side that made Maura smile. Although both were rather amusing in their own rights. It was Jane's hand that did it. Jane's arm was draped across Maura's stomach but Jane's hand had a tight grip on Maura's pajama top.
Sometime during the night, Jane had managed to get a death grip on the fabric of her top. That was something new. Jane had never done such a thing in all the previous nights they'd slept together. For a moment Maura wondered what it meant but she just wasn't sure if it meant anything at all.
She knew Jane was a sound sleeper and if she could manage to untangle herself from the detective she should be able to get out of bed without waking her. The legs were the easy part. She simply needed to shift and straighten her own out and she was free from that trap. Jane's hand, however, was proving to be difficult. In the end Maura had to slowly release Jane's fingers one by one until Jane shifted and started to turn away from her.
Maura let Jane shift and settle before getting out of bed. Once on her feet she turned to admire the sleeping detective. Maura only had rare glimpses of Jane truly relaxed and the times she would get to see Jane asleep in the mornings was one of those times. Again, she felt relief that Jane was indeed sleeping ever mindful of the fact that such sleep seemed to be eluding the detective ever since the Roberts case.
Maura knew Jane well enough to theorize, as she would never guess, that Jane's normal sleep cycle was being interrupted by nightmares. She based her theory on her previous experience with Jane's nightmare induced insomnia after her encounters with Hoyt. All the telltale signs were there and if she doubted her theory that doubt faded away when Jane ended up at her door the night before and in her bed.
Not that she minded. She'd do anything for the woman and certainly allowing the detective to sleep in her bed seemed like such a small request. She released a quiet sigh as she let her mind wander for just a moment thinking about what it would be like to wake up with Jane in her bed every morning. But she quickly dismissed that thought believing such a thing would never happened.
Instead, Maura quietly exited the room to let Jane continue to rest. She made her way towards the kitchen to start on coffee and allow herself to enjoy a peaceful morning.
R&I
It was late morning before Jane wandered out from the bedroom towards the kitchen. Looking around she didn't immediately see Maura so she headed towards the living room area. Not seeing the ME there either she noticed the terrace doors were open and had a feeling that was where she was going to find Maura. She headed out onto the terrace and wasn't disappointed.
"Morning," she said looking around and noticing how bright it was and added, "or is it afternoon already?"
Maura looked up from the chaise lounge chair she had been sitting on and smiled, "It's not quite afternoon yet. So good morning." Maura let the journal she was reading rest against her chest. "How'd you sleep?"
Jane couldn't help the smile that crossed her face as she thought about being able to fall back to sleep after having the nightmare for the first time in weeks. "Better than I have in a couple of weeks," she replied honestly. Her eyes met the MEs whose smile got just a little bigger. "Thank you," Jane said.
She wasn't thanking Maura for asking if she slept. She was thanking her friend for letting her sleep with her. And ultimately she was thanking Maura for not making her ask last night. Even with Maura she struggled to show any level of weakness or vulnerability.
"Any time," was Maura's answer. She knew exactly what Jane meant with the thanks and found no need to push the subject any further. "There's coffee in the kitchen," she pointed out knowing Jane was most likely in need of some.
"Perfect," Jane said. She was about to turn and get herself a cup when she stopped and looked at Maura. "What are we doing today now that I'm awake?" She remembered Maura saying they had things to do if Jane was feeling up to it but she didn't know if there was any sort of time crunch or if she could take her time waking up and getting ready.
"If you feel up to it," Maura started still not sure one 'better' night's rest was enough for Jane to want to do too much today, "there are a few things I thought we could do later this afternoon. But we have time for you to get your coffee and get cleaned up. By the time you are done with all of that I figure we can get some lunch and then see what the day brings."
Jane nodded. She felt better with having more than 2 hours of sleep so she was sure she was up for spending the day with Maura. "I'm up for whatever," she said and went to get herself a cup of coffee.
As Jane was pouring her cup her cell phone rang. She forgot where she put it last night and had to follow the ringtone to find it in the living room on an end table. She looked down at the caller ID and smiled.
"Hey Ma," she said as she answered.
"Janie," Angela greeted. "How is the first day of your vacation going?"
"I just woke up," Jane answered truthfully.
"It's 10:30 am," Angela pointed out. But this time it wasn't a condemnation for sleeping in. Jane could hear the smile on Angela's face as she said it. She knew Angela was worried about how tired she was lately so knowing Jane slept in late should help Angela worry just a little less. "Looks like the vacation is already agreeing you."
"We haven't done anything more than fly up here," Jane pointed out but she knew what her mother meant. "Maura wants to do lunch and then something this afternoon so I'm sure I'll have more to report later."
"Ohhh…what are you doing are this afternoon?" Angela asked excitedly.
Jane was quiet for just a second. "You know what," she said, "I have no idea." Maura had yet to tell her much of anything about their trip.
"Can I talk to Maura?" Angela asked.
Jane snickered. Her mother clearly wanted to know more about what was in their future. "Sure," she said grabbing her coffee and making her way back to Maura. "I need to get a shower anyway." She walked out onto the terrace to find the ME had returned to reading the journal she had. "Maura," she said interrupting the doctor. "Ma wants to say hi and I'm going to take a shower," she handed her phone to Maura.
Maura nodded to Jane and took the phone. "Hello Angela," she said with a cheerful greeting.
Jane watched the exchange between her best friend and her mother for a moment and marveled at how animated Maura could get when she chatted with her mother. There were only a handful of people who could really get Maura comfortably going and Angela was certainly one of them.
After a minute Jane retreated to get ready for the day.
R&I
Jane should have known they would end up at the Metropolitan Museum of Art at some point. Maura's love for art made it inevitable. And she had to admit that it beat the alternative which was shopping. Something Jane was sure would be in her future with this vacation on more than one occasion. So for the first official day of their vacation she wasn't about to complain about art.
They'd had a very casual lunch and great conversation. After which Maura suggested they keep things fairly simple still on the day. She hinted that there was something very special set for the next day but she refused to share what that was with the detective. They'd stayed near Central Park for lunch so Maura suggested the art museum and then they would walk through the park before heading back to the penthouse. Maura had even suggested getting take out for dinner to keep things fairly low key.
To that point the day had been perfect. Jane had almost forgotten what it was like not to have to deal with work or worry about work it had been so long since she had taken anytime off. They'd been in the museum for about an hour and Maura was in the middle of another in depth explanation about the history behind the painting they were currently looking at.
While Jane was a novice when it came to understanding art, she found all of Maura's information and opinions about the works they had seen fascinating. Partly because of the actual information she was hearing which she knew almost no one else would have been able to supply her with and partly because of the obvious joy Maura took in sharing the information. Maura's love of art was evident in how animated she became when discussing piece after piece.
Watching and listening to Maura talk, Jane was fully aware that she could listen to Maura ramble about anything and find enjoyment in it. She knew she was one of the few people Maura felt completely comfortable around to just be herself. Jane never wanted her to censor herself or not share all the facts and information she had the habit of sharing. Jane never made Maura feel self-conscious about doing it. She would find herself going extensively into details with other people and suddenly realize they weren't listening. And every time that happened Jane would just hate the expression Maura would get on her face. It was close to self-recrimination for simply being who she was. Jane never wanted Maura to change who she was and could listen to the ME ramble until the cows came home. That was fine with her.
As they moved onto another work Jane suddenly had a question. "Hey Maur?" she asked as they were walking through the museum.
"Yes?" Maura said turning to look at Jane.
"Why'd you ever learn all of this information about art in the first place?" she asked. Science had always been Maura's passion as a child so Jane wondered where the interest in art really come from.
Maura smiled an almost sad smile. "I would have to say my initial interest in learning about art stemmed from wanting to have a closer relationship with my mother." She was quiet for a moment and then continued. "When I was younger she didn't have very much time to spend with me. She was always working on a new piece for a show or jetting off to a gallery opening or show. So I thought that if I learned about painting and painters that would give us something to talk about. I thought maybe she could relate better to me if our conversations were about Monet and Van Gogh instead of animal dissections or microbiology."
Jane frowned. She knew Maura had a very lonely childhood. She was actually quite aware that Maura had a fairly lonely life up until she had met Jane and the rest of the Rizzoli clan. Jane wasn't happy about how Maura's parents neglected her in her life. Someone as wonderful as Maura should have had been surrounded on a daily basis with love and attention. Instead, the woman seemed to have been shunned and left alone.
"I'm sorry," Jane said with all sincerity. She was sorry because she knew that Maura's efforts to learn about art never managed to bring her closer to her mother.
Maura smiled. "Don't be," she said with confidence. "While it never really brought me closer with my mother when I was a child, I found that I had a great appreciation for works of art in my own right. The paintings, the painters, the effort that went into each piece. I am constantly in awe of what people are able to create."
Jane smiled knowing Maura was trying to just dismiss her childhood and look at the bright side of things. She was in awe of her friend and how she managed to turn out so very strong despite how isolated she spent her youth. The woman really was the best person she knew.
"What?" Maura suddenly asked unsure of an expression that had settled onto Jane's face.
Jane was quiet for a moment not exactly sure how to answer Maura. "I just wish," she said and paused looking at the ME. "I just sometimes wish I'd known you when you were a kid." That thought did occur frequently to the detective.
"Why?" Maura asked not really understanding Jane's comment.
"If we'd met when we were kids," Jane said quietly, "you wouldn't have had to grow up alone." Jane always wished there was a way she could have been there for Maura.
"Had we met before we did," Maura pointed out with a smile, "you probably wouldn't have liked me and we wouldn't be the friends we are today. No one really understood me when I was younger."
"Me not like you?" Jane said and stared directly into the ME's hazel eyes. "Not even a possibility." She was quiet for a moment. "I'd realize how amazing you are no matter when we would have met." There was a quiet confidence in her answer. She still had no idea how so many people had missed just how truly special Maura was. "And I most certainly would have understood you." The woman wasn't that complicated. Brilliant. Awkward at times. But not complicated. In truth Jane always thought that Maura was very easy to know. She was more difficult than Maura ever could be.
They had been walking towards the next room of paintings when Jane had started to ask the question about where her interest in art had come from. Maura had stopped walking when Jane started her answer that she was sure she would have liked her. Maura stood staring at Jane for a moment overcome by the genuineness of Jane's response. "That's sweet," Maura managed to say not able to really find better words in that moment.
"That's just the truth," Jane answered back.
After a few moments of a comfortable silence in which neither woman looked away from the other, they started walking again and turned their attention to the rest of the artwork. Jane let Maura return to her narration about each piece of art and let her talk as much as she wanted. In truth, Jane was learning a lot and was actually having a very good time. She hoped Maura was having a good time too. Maura was already doing so much for her having arranged the entire vacation not to mention the jet and penthouse and who knows what else was in the works for her over the next few weeks. Jane was now determined to make sure Maura enjoyed this time off just as much, if not more, than she did.
They were on their second to last painting when Jane was suddenly tapped on the shoulder. She turned around not expecting to have anyone approach her or Maura and found she had been touched by an elderly woman.
"Yes ma'am?" Jane said not sure what the stranger wanted.
"Forgive me for interrupting," the woman said. "But I just had to tell you I think you two make a beautiful couple." The smile on the woman's face was genuine and kind.
Maura was about to correct the woman but Jane stopped her.
"Thank you," Jane said with a smile.
"I've been watching you two for a little while and it just made my heart smile seeing how your girlfriend was explaining all the paintings to you. What made it all so perfect was seeing your willingness to have her explain all the histories to you. I've watched you," she said again with a kind smile. "You hang on every word she says."
Maura again went to correct the woman's misconception about the nature of her relationship with Jane but once again Jane stopped her. "I'm just lucky to have someone who is willing to share such knowledge," she said smiling.
"Yes," the woman said, "You are lucky indeed. My husband was an artist. We would spend our Saturdays here and he would explain the history, the symbolism or the relevance of each piece to me every week. I had my own personal art tutor."
"That sounds wonderful," Maura was finally able to get a word in and didn't try to correct the woman seeing as Jane didn't feel the need to do so.
"Oh, it was," she said. "I lost him about a year ago. Now when I come here I just need to look at a painting and I can practically hear him going into details about its origins or the artist's use of color. I wouldn't know a thing about art had it not been for him."
"I can relate," Jane said. "I wouldn't know a thing about it either if Maura here hadn't spent her time trying to educate me."
Both Jane and Maura smiled at the woman who smiled back. "Cherish the time you have with each other," she said with an intense look that Jane just knew came from personal experience and wisdom.
"We will," Jane answered back.
The woman nodded and walked away. It wasn't until she was out of earshot that Maura attempted to question Jane. But her attempt was cut off by Jane.
"So," Jane said looking at Maura, "you were going to tell me about this Kandinsky."
Maura was quiet for a moment trying to figure out why Jane seemed unwilling to address the lady's misunderstanding of their relationship. But she just couldn't come up with an explanation and as she looked at Jane she got the distinct impression that Jane wasn't about to talk about it. So Maura didn't try to push it. Instead, she started talking about the Kandinsky they had approached.
R&I
They continued to the last work of art and after Maura had her say, they were ready to leave. Maura had wanted to walk through Central Park back to the penthouse and the weather was perfect for just that. They enjoyed a leisurely walk through the park where Maura pointed out a few things but mostly they just chatted and enjoyed being together and being outdoors on an excellent day.
They were to the penthouse before either thought they would be but once they arrived they headed up to the penthouse. Maura stopped to question Jeffrey about the best place to have Chinese food delivered from and he offered to take care of placing the order. He found out what both ladies wanted and promised to handle it as they headed up to change into comfortable clothes.
The rest of the evening was reflective of how they spent most of their nights in Boston when they were together. Takeout Chinese, which was fantastic, and a movie. It seemed the perfect ending to such a nice day. After the movie was through Jane talked Maura into watching Sportscenter with her before they both were ready to call it a night.
"You need to set your alarm for 8 am," Maura told Jane as they were making their way to their respective bedrooms.
"Why?" Jane asked still trying to get Maura to tell her what they were doing the next day.
"Because we have plans," was all Maura would answer delivering the response with a sly smile Jane knew meant she wasn't going to get any kind of answer.
"Alright," Jane agreed. "Goodnight," she offered up giving up on trying to discover the plans for the next day.
"Goodnight," Maura said.
Jane made her way to the guest room hoping she would get another decent night's sleep. Although she did wake up from the nightmare last night, she had been able to fall back to sleep for the first time since the dream had started and she was hoping that was all she needed to break the sleep pattern she'd maintained until the previous night. She was tired but not exhausted so she was optimistic that sleep would find her and perhaps tonight would be the night the nightmare stopped. Her day with Maura had relaxed her for really for the first time she could remember.
So Jane prepared for bed and got situated and comfortable believing sleep would find her.
But it didn't.
Once again Jane found herself laying wide awake in bed and staring at the ceiling. Try as she may, she simply could not fall asleep. An hour. She tried everything she could think of for an hour wishing she could simply close her eyes and fell asleep. But the harder she tried the more it felt like a hopeless cause. After stewing for another 10 minutes, she finally admitted defeat and got out of bed.
She made her way to Maura's room and gently knocked on the door.
"Come in Jane," came Maura's reply.
Jane opened the door and found Maura was once again in bed reading. This time, however, the covers for 'her' side of the bed now appeared turned down almost in anticipation of this late night visit. Without a word, Jane entered the room and crawled into bed.
Maura let Jane get settled and once again she turned out the light on the nightstand and settled in next to the detective. Just like the night before no permission was asked. None was needed.
They both lay in silence for a few moments before Maura spoke. There was just something she needed to ask.
"Jane?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah?" Jane answered.
"Earlier today at the museum," she started, "why didn't you correct that woman when she was under the impression that you and I were a couple?"
Jane was silent for a few moments. Maura wished she could see Jane's face but it was shielded by the darkness. "I don't know," Jane finally admitted. "There was just something about her that seemed to be happy believing we were together. It seemed to matter to her. I guess I just couldn't take that away from her."
Silence filled the room once again.
"Did that bother you?" Jane asked after a couple of minutes passed. She was now a little worried. She usually was quick to correct people when they made comments about her and Maura being together. She mostly did it so Maura wouldn't think she liked hearing people ask the question. She was always afraid Maura would figure out how she felt.
"No," Maura answered. It wasn't a lie. She hadn't been bothered by that at all. What was actually bothering her was just how much she wished it wasn't a misconception. How much she wished she was Jane's girlfriend. "It really did seem to make her happy believing we were together."
The silence returned.
"I wonder," Maura mumbled out of the blue.
"Wonder what?" Jane asked.
"I wonder what it's like to spend a lifetime with someone you love," Maura said.
Jane really didn't know what to say or how to respond. But this time the silence seemed to be deafening. "You'll find out one day," Jane said quietly. "You're too amazing not to find someone to love."
She meant it. The woman was absolutely incredible and one day someone was going to figure it out. It was a thought Jane dreaded. The day Maura would find someone to spend her life with and it wouldn't be Jane. But immediately she forced herself to stop that train of thought. It wasn't anything she was going to think about in the middle of the night with the woman she was in love with lying next to her.
Silence once again covered them both.
Finally, Maura shifted and curled herself into the detective and was a little surprised when Jane accepted her into her arms without hesitation. She should say something. Something along the lines of how she had already found the one she loved but what she should do and what she did were two different things. Instead, she just uttered one word before closing her eyes to get some rest. "Goodnight," she said sweetly.
"Goodnight Maur," Jane replied closing her eyes. For the second night in a row she found herself being comforted by her closeness to the ME. She knew she shouldn't allow herself to get used to this. That it wouldn't last. Couldn't last. But that seemed to be an argument for another day. Instead, she pulled the woman just a little closer into her and closed her eyes.
Sleep would find them both in no time.