So, sorry about the lengthy wait, meant to have a chapter up every wee or two but school/work/god of war/girlfriend jumped in and demanded their alone time with me lol. But yeah, enough of my babbling, onto more wacky, strange and downright bizzare flabberwaggling from our favourite divine interventionists! :D

Chapter 3

The obsidian ruler of Summons continued to look at the legendary super ninja as if watching someone try to cut a plank of wood with a spoon.

'…...Terry...'

'Yes, master!' The virtuoso of shadow exclaimed again.

'…...who's Terry?'

'The chocolate orange, master'

'….Terry, the chocolate orange...'

'AHH!' He thrust his finger towards Bahamut, the motion filled with intense judgement, 'so you HAVE heard of him!'

Bahamut, rising slowly from his chair and dusting off the remains of the newspaper, moved to stand closer to the now clearly 'overstressed' warrior, and leant down till he was facing eye level with him.

'Yojimbo'

'Yes, master?'

'Those long, long years of service and war have treated you very badly. I think it's about time you have a nice, long, relaxing vacation, somewhere peaceful like Besaid Island, or sunny like Luca'

'But master, what of Terry? Who will deal with that most ghastly of creations? What kind of malicious and abhorrent god could even contemplate the fusion of the sickly sweetness of the orange and the oozing bitterness of chocolate! It's a sin against all that's right and good in the world! AND who better to tackle this demon than I, Yojimbo, legendary warrior of the 1,000 year struggle, glorious victor of the Cloud vs Squall fan war for the side of the LeonLovers! Majestic saviour of.'

'Okay, calm down, you're amazing, I know. So that's why I want you to take a while off, keep my best fighter in reserve for our 'darkest' hour.' At this point, Bahamut suddenly reared his large form back and roared and almighty round of laughter.

'..Master?'

The onslaught of dragon giggles continued, forcing the dark king rolling on to the floor clutching his sides as they seemed to nearly rip open in his humour.

'...Master is everything alright?'

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! It's funny cause, eheeheeheeehahaha, Terrys' is dark chocolate and, looooool, it'd be our 'darkest' hour? XD

Yojimbo looked on worryingly at his master.

'Hehahahaha, what? Don't you get it? Hahaha, 'dark' chocolate? 'Darkest' hour? xDxD'

'…...Master, are you sure everything's alright?'

'Hehahaha...hehah...haha...ha...'

'…...'

Bahamut, now fully recovered, began fiddling absent mindedly with his talons. 'So, ahem, yes, I order you to take 200 years off to Besaid Island, all inclusive (except food, water, bedding, anything that costed money) and your vacation starts, hmm, now'

Quicker than lightening (just because he might be a little overweight doesn't mean he ain't still got the moves), Bahamut was round the other side of Yojimbo, bouncing him off his huge frame out the door, all the while spilling praises of how 'lovely Besaid is this time of year' and how 'amazing the fishing scene is, with some fish reportedly seen to grow to the size of a small country and able to fly across the sky!'.

'But master, what of..'

The legendary ultra warrior, despite having defeated 10,000,000 opponents before afternoon tea at the battle of Cloud vs Squall (there's a LOT of FF groupies out there), was simply no match against the Lord of Summons' 'extrusive' frame (i.e. his huge belly) as he was pushed along like a play thing to the monstrous overlord.

'Don't worry, I'll keep my very personal attention on everything and make sure nothing gets out of hand while you're away. Oh and can you bring me back a mug with Wakkas' face on it? He's the only one of the Besaid Aurochs I don't have, thank you!'

Thanks in part to his immense strength (but mainly his obesity), Bahamut had swiftly managed to shove and push his master assassin out of the study door, along the hall and down the staircase (568 steps) of the Grand Entrance Chamber (so named because every time someone would enter, they would be greeted to fireworks, flames, expensive gifts and Bahamut with an entourage of 500 extras performing his favourite Michael Jackson dance. No wonder the royal treasury was so low)

At last, finishing off his 'persuasion' of Yojimbos' thoughts about vacation, Bahamut opened the tall, ornate mahogany doors of the front of the castle, and 'gently' nudged him along his way outside.

'Now you have a good time alright? Pack light, sleep late, get drunk and generally do whatever else it is that...you...do :D'

'Master, I still think this is...'

'Oh by the way, Cloud rules'

'What?'

'BUHBYENOW! #SLAM#'

The chamber relaxed from the earlier release of exuberant energy. Bahamuts shoulders tensed, then sagged limply while he perforated the silence with a long, deep sigh. Peace and quiet, finally, were his. No more crazy, accident prone surfing summons, no more demented, over worked super soldiers destroying innocent newspapers and raving on about hell possessed chocolate treats. Bahamut could finally toddle back up to his study and enjoy the simple pleasure of polishing his Final Fantasy Memorabilia. The very best collection in the kingdom, he was proud to note (mainly because no one else collected them. Mainly because no one else COULD collect them because as king he had banned the gathering of such things so that no one could out shine his own collection. Equality, anyone?).

Just then, Bahamut caught sight of a small, peculiarly shaped silver object flying across the hall at the top of the stairs, straight into his study. This was followed immediately by a small, red dragon holding what seemed to be a remote control. The crimson blur speeding into his study appeared to be shouting something while a desperate look and shocked eyes occupied his face, but Bahamut didn't hear it. He didn't hear anything but an earth shattering roar and saw nothing but the outer walls of his 'favouritest' room exploding in a tornado of flames and concrete. Shards pinged off the surrounding area, including Bahamuts nigh indestructible hide, destroying countless priceless vases and paintings (his wifes' collection, so he didn't care), while the raging flames licked the roof black in its fury. A small, brightly coloured shard hit Bahamut in the head and dropped into his hand. Slow and deliberately, he peered down at the object laying in the middle of his huge talons. Tidus' cracked and scorched smile greeted his slowly realising eyes.

Until that moment, everything that had happened appeared in slow motion to him, as if he were shell shocked. Now, reality came back into full swing. With a vengeance.

If you've ever heard a bomb go off and thought there could be nothing else that could compare to it, you've never heard a dragon king scream have you?