Title: Songs From The Heart
Summary: A series of song-based vignettes from various points of view exploring the wonderful world of Twilight.
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Twilight and all related places and characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
A/N: Now it's time to get into the head (and heart) of everyone's favourite vampire! I just wanted to also say a big thank you to everyone who reviewed, especially Sue. I don't think I have ever gotten a more detailed or complimentary review in all the time I've been writing…so this one is for you!
The Flame
She's a candle burning in my room
Yeah I'm like the needle, needle and spoon
Over the counter with a shotgun
Pretty soon everybody got one
And the fever when I'm beside her
Desire, desire...
Desire – U2
Passion. Desire. Love and Lust. For so very long these emotions were entirely foreign to me, the lascivious thoughts of others viewed with detachment as I could not understand the underlying drive beneath them, could not comprehend how an emotion was able to sweep away all reason and sanity. Loyalty I knew, the love between Carlisle and Esme, Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Rosalie I could observe but the sensation of want, of desiring someone above all others to the point of addiction was alien, unknown….till the day Bella Swan (now Cullen I reminded myself, now and forever Cullen) came stumbling into my life.
She was my addiction, a vice I could not conquer even if I had the inclination to try. This clumsy, stubborn, strange, courageous, beguiling, beautiful human had stirred my thirst to a height I had never believed possible then against all odds, against my nature had stirred my hunger, my passion, my love to even greater heights. To the point that the thought of spilling even one single drop of her precious blood became a concept so repugnant, so inconceivable that I could not fathom it for even a minute, a second. The thought of not being able to feel her lips against mine, her flesh against my skin, her body pressed so close against mine that you could not tell where one of us ended and the other began unbearable. I had not believed that anything in the world would be able to overpower the lust for blood so inherent in my kind, but my love for Bella was evidence to the contrary.
She was the candle, I was the moth. She was the drug, I was the user. A pull so powerful that my resistances to her wish to join me in my eternal damnation crumbled like the flimsiest paper. In fact, as the time drew closer, the joy at the thought of being with her for decades and centuries to come was rapidly outweighing my doubts. To lie with her like this, to touch her with abandon, had been uncovered as my most secret, fervent wish. A desire previously hidden behind restraint set free.
A murmur of sound against my shoulder drew my attention downwards, the reason for my inner monologue stirring slightly before settling her head with a whispered exhalation of my name. If there was one thing I would miss when Bella was…changed, it would be losing the pleasure of her somnambulant chatter. It was the one time I had an insight into her thoughts, voiced aloud uncensored, though random and chaotic they may be at times.
Shaking my head to clear the contemplation of the future from my mind, wanting only to live in the now, I bent my head to press a soft kiss to her hair before pulling back to gaze at her unhindered. The dying flames of the thousand candles strewn around our room cast a flickering glow upon her silky skin, the last remnants of the romantic wonderland created for our wedding night. The glow glinted off of the diamond on her finger, now joined by a plain band signifying our eternal union. I had once thought that the night Bella agreed to marry me was the best of my life, but it paled in comparison to this one, to the night Bella became mine and I became hers in every sense of the word.
In the afterglow, watching her slumber naked in my arms, my initial reluctance to try this level of intimacy seemed like a fool's misgivings. Though perhaps we had not been able to make love with the freedom most normal couples take for granted, my fears about hurting my fragile angel beyond the unavoidable pain that comes with a woman's first time had been proven unfounded. I could let my eyes linger on the curve of her hip, the smooth expanse of her stomach, the long column of her neck without fear of seeing dark bruises marring her delicate skin. And linger I did, my eyes taking in all of her form in reverence.
I have never been more grateful for my crystal clear remembrance of the past, the memory of my beautiful Bella moaning in ecstasy, the feel of her bare breasts pressed against my chest, the sensation of her body joined with mine burned forever in my mind. I now understood why so many men, those in my family included, could waste so much time with thoughts of lust about the women (and sometimes men) that they loved. Even if I imagined Bella like this in my mind a thousand times a day, it would not be enough.
A part of my mind felt a little ashamed about my preoccupation with only this one aspect of my love. Though considering that I had only created this memory mere hours ago, I figure I am allowed to briefly exalt in the clarity of ecstasy my wife (and oh, how wonderful it feels to be able to finally call her that though I do not believe that it is an adequate term to quantify what she means to me) has given me with the gift of her love.
Bella moved again, the increase in her heartbeat signifying her return from the land of nod moments before her eyes fluttered open revealing a sleepy contentment shadowed in their depths. Before she could speak, the gentle caresses of my hand upon her flesh caused that contentment to darken to a heady mix of love and lust I was sure was mirrored in my own eyes. As our bodies intertwined again in the most intimate of embraces, I was struck by one final thought before I lost myself in her…that even all of eternity was not going to be enough time to show my heart, my wife just how much I loved her.