Chapter Three
Reclaiming my life
The doctors want to keep me in for at least another two weeks to work with psychotherapists as well as physiotherapists, physiotherapists because my muscles' are weak from not being used and a psychotherapists because I basically just found out I was pregnant and I now have a 17 year old daughter seams a lot to take in doesn't it? Oh yes it does and it is.
First they want us to do some couple time with the therapist as Christian has things to tell me and he isn't sure how I will react, well geez if it's to tell me he had a girlfriend I should forgive him as it's been 18 years I hope I can
But no, no girlfriend apparently his libido left the building when I did
No it's to do with Asia my heart stops when he tells me this I am imagining allsorts does she have issues due to my being attacked and in a coma while I was pregnant with her? No no nothing like that
Do I remember how he was scared of being a shitty farther a boy would have been bad enough even with me at his side but a girl on his own? No he couldn't even contemplate doing that plus he was either here at the hospital or at grey house pulling another all-nighter to secure some deal or another
What the hell is he telling me? I start to hyperventilate it's awful I'm suffocating they inject me again I'm going under again noooooooooooo
I wake up to him holding my hand with one of his and brushing my hair out of my eyes with the other, I need to know what going on with my baby I promise I won't get mad or upset but please just tell me please, I plead with him as he now paces back and forth pulling at his beautiful hair as he goes, then he seems to make a decision pulling his phone from his pocket as he leaves the room hopefully going to find someone to help him, he comes back in the room with Grace, if I trust anyone it's my mother-in-law she finds the words to tell me about the first year after the incident when they realised I wasn't just going to wake up once my body had recovered from the initial trauma
Christian didn't leave my bedside for weeks the family were at the point of having him sedated, so he could get some rest. All the family rallied round taking turns to sit with me, talk to me and support him, my mother flew in the first week and stayed a while then went back home for Bob then she came back a few more times after that but always seamed in a hurry to get back Christian had the jet put on permanent stand by for her or anyone else that wanted to come to see me or him and it's still on stand by today for any of them, Ray was a tower of strength to Christian as he spent months here with Christian and my mothers sister Rose was here almost as much as Ray but she had a young family at home she is ten years younger than Carla and has a boy and a girl I suppose they will be in their mid twenties now, and all this time my baby was growing bigger and bigger I was blooming apparently but Christian didn't feel he could be a father without me, Kate and Elliot wanted to take her as did Carrick and Grace but Christian wanted her to have a normal family away from the circus that was his and their lives
My Aunt Rose had just lost a baby the year before and they were in the process of looking to adopt a child, the deal was they took Asia they adopted her as their own it was a closed adoption so no-one could find out she was ours and Christian spent just about every weekend with them as her uncle Christian
He bought two adjoining houses built six foot high walls encompassing both houses so the two gardens were almost like one and accessible from both houses he would fly out on a Friday afternoon to spend the weekend with then and fly back Sunday afternoon
How do I feel about this? I don't know in all honesty, I feel like he did the best he could for her but boy oh boy what a mess, where do I fit in to the equation? Does she even know I exist?