Wild Chapter 3: Failed Marriage, a twilight fanfic

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own an active and naughty imagination. Rated M for lemony goodness.

A/N: Good lemons are worth waiting for!

Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The original content, ideas, and intellectual property of this story are owned by PeppahLouie. Plagiarism is theft - so please no copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization.

CHAPTER 3 - FAILED MARRIAGE

Bella

Oh boy. This is it. The conversation I've been needing to have with someone but have been afraid to start. To anyone else, I'm sure it would seem very strange for me to suddenly unload all of this personal information. I remember my thoughts from yesterday afternoon. I really don't know Alice, but there is something about her that draws me in. I feel like I have known her forever. Her eyes are so accepting and supportive. She makes me feel loved. And I love her, too. It's bizarre, but somehow I know I was meant to meet Alice and that she was meant to be my friend. My inner voice be damned.

I take a deep breath...

"Well, nothing happened to me directly. But... my father, Charlie Swan, and my husband, Jacob Black, were the two law enforcement officers who were killed. I also knew Sam Uley, the gunman, and Emily Young, the woman he killed."

Alice is speechless. I can see the empathy in her wide eyes, and suddenly she pulls me into a tight hug.

"Oh my god, Bella, oh my god. You poor girl! Jesus, what you must have been through!" I let myself relax into her arms... suddenly the tears are flowing and I can't stop them. Alice is smoothing my hair, rubbing my arm; whispering words of comfort.

"Shhh, shhh. It's okay, Bella, it's okay," Alice coos into my ear. "Let it out, sweetie, let it all out."

I weep quietly into Alice's shoulder. In a corner of my mind, I am mortified that Edward will hear me or walk into the living room while I am falling apart in Alice's arms. But being held by someone who didn't know anyone involved, someone who is focussed entirely on me and my pain – it is the most consoled and comforted I have felt since that day.

Alice reaches to the coffee table and grabs a box of tissues. I pluck one out and start to talk.

"I was at home – my husband and I had a small house near La Push on the Quileute Reservation. See, Jake was a peace officer for the Quileute Tribal Council, and my dad was Chief of Police of Forks. Anyway, I was cooking dinner for Jake and Charlie, when I heard sirens. It is so rare an occurrence to hear sirens on the res. I knew in my gut something was very, very wrong. I called the Forks police station, but the lines were busy. Then I called the Tribal Council Office, and there was no answer. I heard more sirens, and I really started to worry, but I couldn't see the main road from our house. I called Jake's cell phone, but it went to voicemail. Then I remembered Jake's scanner, so I ran to the living room and turned it on."

"Was there anything helpful on the scanner?" Alice is still holding my hand, stroking the back of it soothingly with her thumbs.

My answer flows from me like water through an open floodgate. "There was a lot of chatter about a hostage situation at Emily's and firearms being discharged... then I heard there was an officer down, possibly two... I panicked and despite knowing I shouldn't approach a dangerous situation, I got in my truck and drove there... to Emily's... the place was surrounded by emergency vehicles with their lights flashing... there were two ambulances, a fire truck, police cars, both from Forks and La Push... I recognized Charlie's cruiser, so I started to look for him... there weren't very many bystanders, mostly just emergency personnel walking to and from the house... there was no one to stop me when I ran up the front pathway... that's when I saw the first of two people being lifted from the front step onto a stretcher... I saw the dark hair, the high cheekbones... it was Jake... I screamed and started to run for the stretcher... and then out of nowhere Charlie's deputy, Mark, was grabbing me by the arms and pulling me away... I kept asking him why I couldn't go to my husband, but he just kept telling me to calm down... he was almost in tears, and I realized that something..." I struggle to find the word that expresses it best, "...something unfathomable had happened... and I feel so guilty because I sort of forgot about Jake at that point and started screaming for my dad... I tried to run back to the house, back to the other person being lifted onto a stretcher, but Mark pulled me into his arms and started to sob... all he said was 'he's gone, Bella, he's gone'... and I think I must have fainted then, because the next thing I remember is Harry and Sue Clearwater and Dr. Snow from the hospital standing over me in my living room."

With a violent shudder, I collapse into Alice's arms, quietly sobbing. She hugs me close, smoothing my hair and rubbing my back. We sit like this for a while, until my sobs gradually subside and I feel my muscles start to relax. I take a deep breath and pull away to blow my nose and wipe my eyes. Alice offers me another tissue.

"Oh Bella." As I look up into Alice's big eyes, I see that she is crying too. "I am so, so very sorry for your loss. And, god, I'm sorry to have made you relive it. I feel terrible that I've been a party to making you so upset."

I understand why Alice is saying this, and I can tell she means it from the depths of her soul. But I have to correct her.

"No Alice, please don't feel like that. I am grateful beyond words for your kindness. It is such a relief to speak it all aloud... to get it off my chest, as it were." I squeeze her hands.

"Holy shit, Bella. Not that I mind at all, please believe me, but didn't you see a councillor or therapist after... this all happened?"

"No." I look down at my hands in my lap. "I, um, refused to see anyone about it."

"Why would you refuse therapy? I mean, didn't you need to address your feelings? Or, get help understanding the stages of grief?"

"I really did not want to face that with a stranger. And I knew that if I started seeing a therapist, he or she would want to delve into things that I just couldn't admit to myself, let alone anyone else."

"Say no more. The topic is closed."

"Oh... no Alice, please! I really want and need to keep talking. If you don't mind, that is. I know it's a heavy subject..."

"Bella, you sweet girl. Of course I don't mind. If it helps you, then I am just fine. Really."

"Can I get a refill on coffee?"

"Absolutely!" Alice hops to the kitchen and grabs the coffee pot and a handful of Splenda. She returns and I empty a couple of packets into my mug before she pours us each another steaming cup. She places the thermal carafe on the coffee table and sits back down in the same spot.

"Go ahead and tell me more, Bella, but only what you're comfortable with."

I take a sip of coffee and it tastes as fresh as if it were just brewed. Alice is a goddess.

"Let me apologize first. I needed to tell someone all of this, and I had no one in Forks, and I just couldn't do the therapy thing. This is the first time I've been able to talk openly to anyone and I'm so sorry to unload on you Alice. You must think I'm crazy to talk so freely to a near total stranger about the most intimate details of the worst moments of my life..." Alice grabs my hands.

"Shhh, Bella, don't feel that way. I said to Edward just last night that I feel like I was meant to know you. I feel such a strong connection to you, like we are the best of friends already. Please, I'm here to listen if you need to talk."

"Okay, thanks." I think for a moment about where I left off. "Um... oh, right. Dr. Snow gave me a tranquilizer of some sort and the Clearwaters stayed with me through the night. They called my mother, and told me the next morning that she planned to catch available flight out of Phoenix." I roll my eyes. Alice notices and although a questioning expression crosses her face, she doesn't interrupt me to ask about my reaction to my mom.

"The following morning, Jacob's dad Billy arrived at our house. He was, of course, utterly devastated. We hugged and cried for a long time. My dad was also a very close friend of Billy's." I pause to make sure I phrase my words correctly. "That's what made this so very, very tragic. We are – were – are still, all connected in so many ways. The obvious relationships aside, Forks and La Push are very small and close-knit communities. My dad was born and raised in Forks, and he was the Chief of Police. Jacob was born and raised on the reservation, and his dad Billy is one of the Tribal Elders. I was born and raised in Forks, and as the daughter of a public figure like Charlie, I am known to everyone in the community." My mind wanders a little. "I mean, I was only ever away from Forks for two weeks every summer until I left for college."

"Where did you go for two weeks in summer?" Alice asks.

"Oh... my parents divorced when I was in first grade. My mom left, headed off to California in search of anything that wasn't 'small town.' My dad raised me with some help from Jake's mom before she died and Sue Clearwater. From fourth grade through to my last year of high school, I visited my mom every summer. First California, and then Phoenix for the final five years."

Alice blinks. "So, Jake's mom was already gone, and now Billy lost his son, too? Does he have any other children?"

"Yeah, Jake's mom was killed in the car accident that left Billy in a wheelchair." Alice's eyebrows nearly leap off her face. "He has two daughters, but they are both married and live away. One is in Hawaii and the other is doing a graduate degree in Eugene, Oregon. Billy gets along pretty well on his own, plus he's got Jared and the Clearwaters to keep an eye on him."

"Who's Jared?"

"Jared was Jake's best friend. He was actually first on the scene on the day of the shootings – he arrived home to find... well you can imagine... and called it in to 911. Emily was his cousin, and he was staying with her because Sam had become unstable and was threatening her."

"So Sam and Emily had history?"

"Oh yeah... very emotional history. They were engaged and lived together. But something happened with Sam and he started to become possessive... exceptionally so. He accused Emily of having an affair. He followed her wherever she went, questioned her friends and relatives about her activities. Then one day, he beat another guy so severely that he could have been charged with attempted manslaughter. I think the guy was doing some kind of door-to-door thing. It was completely innocent, but Sam saw him go to Emily's door and totally lost it."

Alice's jaw drops. Assuming she's speechless, I press on.

"The attack happened on Quileute land between two Quileute tribe members. Because it was Sam's first offence, the Tribal Council was afforded jurisdiction in his case. He underwent counselling and reform under their guidance. He was required, however, to stay away from Emily and her family. Tragically, he decided not to."

My tears are spent, and I ask Alice where I can splash some cool water on my face. She directs me to a guest washroom around the corner, near the base of the stairs to the upper floor.

When I return to the living room, I can tell that Alice has more questions for me. I'm okay with it – I am truly relieved to finally talk about all this. I sit back down on the couch, noticing that Alice has put on another pot of coffee and placed another muffin on each of our plates.

"Is it okay if I ask you some questions? I don't want you to think I'm prying or anything. I just want to try to understand some things." She is hesitant.

"Sure, Alice, I'm good. It is actually incredibly liberating to be able to talk about this with someone who is completely extraneous to the situation. It's cathartic for me; we're debriding a festering emotional wound." Alice blinks a couple of times and shakes her head quickly, probably reacting to the rawness of my metaphor.

"Okay. So, why did you roll your eyes when you mentioned your mother?"

"Ah. Yes, well... let's just say that I think Renee, my mom, is missing a maternal gene or two. She came for the funerals, insulted my femininity, and waltzed off to go on a cruise with her new husband."

"What do you mean, insulted your femininity?"

"Well, see... and this is one of the things I couldn't bear to discuss with a therapist... Jake and I didn't have what you would call a successful sex life." I glance up to Alice's questioning eyes, blush furiously and stare down at my entwined fingers. "When I tried to talk to Renee about it after the burials, she basically told me that it was my lack of femininity that was to blame for my husband not touching me."

"Your mother said that to you? Jesus H. Christ, that's an awful thing to say at the best of times, not to mention right after your husband's and father's funerals."

"Yeah I know. It was a very low blow." I choke out my next words. "It really killed something inside of me." I can't bring myself to look at Alice's face.

"Oh my god, Bella, that is just horrible." Alice looks genuinely pained. I fleetingly wonder if she trying to imagine a similar scenario going down with her own mother.

"I mean, your mother should be your strongest support..." She stops short. "Wait. Did you just say your husband didn't touch you?"

"Yep." I pop the p with my lips and blush some more.

"But, you were married for how long?"

"Six months. And we had been together as boyfriend and girlfriend ever since ohhh, eighth grade? We even went away to college together, although he lived with his best friend Jared and I lived in the dorms."

"So, when did he stop being sexual with you?"

"He didn't stop. He never actually started, really. Except for our wedding night."

"What?" She looks totally perplexed. "But you guys were together since eighth grade and went to college together. You must have been, you know, physically... active? Especially in college?"

"Well, we were busy in college. We did extra courses each term so we could graduate a semester early. That was Jake's idea. Um, so there wasn't much physical contact actually. Only kissing, and second base... barely."

"Over or under your shirt?"

"Over."

"Kissing with tongue?"

"No." Alice looks like she might go into shock.

"What happened on your wedding night? If you don't mind me asking, that is."

"This is really embarrassing..." Alice raises her hand as if to stop me, but I cut her off. "No Alice, I have got to get this off my chest. Okay, so we undressed in separate rooms – me in the bathroom and him in the bedroom. I put on my negligee, hoping it would be on the floor in a few minutes. Jake was already lying in bed under the covers when I came back to the bedroom. I got into bed. He told me I looked beautiful. He climbed on top of me, pushed up the skirt of my negligee, told me to spread my legs, and... he pushed into me. And then it was over." I am blushing crimson. It's hard to look her in the eye.

Alice is now positively apoplectic and I'm starting to think she might need a sedative. Shit, I shudder at the possibility that I might have to tell Edward I broke his sister.

"Alice, are you okay?"

"Fuck, Bella. Holy fuck. You've just told me all..." she gestures widely with her hands "... all of this... and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

"Well, I've had a while to get used to it," I murmur self-consciously.

Suddenly Alice tips her head to the side. "Is that why you forgot about Jake when you realized your father might have been hurt as well? Because you had grown so apart from him?" Wow, she doesn't miss much.

"Err... yes, I guess so. And this is where I struggle quite a lot with my reaction to the whole... event. You see, after six months of no physical contact with my husband... well, I really didn't have much feeling left for him. I was emotionally... numb." I pause for a moment as I consider the date. "Huh... I just realized, our one-year wedding anniversary would have been in a couple of weeks – June twenty-first, the summer solstice."

"My god, Bella, when exactly did this all take place?"

"Right after New Year's – January third."

We sit in silence, each contemplating my revelations. Alice looks like her mind is moving a mile a minute. Conversely, I feel like my mind has finally slowed down to a manageable pace.

We both jump when we hear a door open upstairs. I automatically look up to the second floor toward the source of the noise. Edward has emerged from his bedroom, looking rumpled and, well, absolutely hot. He is shirtless and his pyjama bottoms are hanging off his hips in a way that should have a black bar positioned across the entire area. I can feel the blood flooding to my cheeks as I look away and try to find something, anything to focus on. My mouth has gone dry and my heart is pounding in my chest. I don't want him to look down and see me here.

"Edward," Alice squeals, "welcome back to the world of the living!"

He grumbles something unintelligible as he wanders into a hallway toward what must be the upstairs washroom.

"Alice, I should go."

"Bella, no! Don't worry about Edward, he's actually doing really well. Normally, he would have told me to go fuck a zucchini!"

We both burst out laughing. So lightened am I after the intensity of our earlier discussion, I actually feel like a teenager trying not to get caught giggling in class. Eventually, Alice pulls me up from the couch.

"Come on, Bells, let's get more coffee."

I stop in my tracks, staring at Alice. I feel as though I've seen a ghost. Clearly my face is reflecting my thoughts.

"Bella, what the hell is wrong?" Alice has gone as pale as I feel. I realize I have scared her.

"What did you just call me?"

"Um... I called you Bells. Oh! I'm sorry... I didn't mean to insult you. It just kind of came out, like a natural nickname."

My chest tightens. "No, it's okay, Alice. I don't mind. It's actually the most comforting thing I've heard since Charlie died."

Alice looks at me questioningly.

"Bells – that was my dad's nickname for me. Jake only ever called me Bella – he never changed my name to a term of endearment. But Dad, he always called me Bells, ever since I can remember. Oh, Alice!" I throw myself into her arms and squeeze her tight. "Thank you!"

"Ahem." I hear a loud throat clearing behind me. "Should I leave you two alone, or can I grab a cup of coffee?"

Edward

After a quick wash up, I grab a t-shirt and head downstairs to the enticing aroma of freshly brewed coffee. If there is anything Seattle can be proud of, it's the coffee. And alternative music. Coffee and Pearl Jam – this is why I love Seattle.

As I step into the kitchen, Bella and Alice are embracing. "Should I leave you two alone, or can I grab a cup of coffee?"

Bella pulls away from Alice, looking embarrassed and chewing on her bottom lip again. She meets my eyes but quickly looks away. Whoa. Puffy red eyes. She's been crying, hard. I glance at Alice. Well shit. Alice is looking a little weepy too. Okay... this is awkward.

I pour some coffee and escape to the stereo. Thinking about Pearl Jam has got me wanting to hear it. I put in my Backspacer cd on shuffle as Alice calls out to me from the kitchen.

"Edward, if you're hungry, Bella brought some blueberry muffins."

Damn, I love blueberry muffins. Say no more, I am there. They're probably generic grocery store fare, but hey, I didn't have to make them. I grab one and pull it apart. Hmm, nice texture. Not cakey like those from a doughnut shop. I pop a piece into my mouth, foregoing the butter Alice has placed on the counter. You can't judge a muffin if it is obscured by butter – everything tastes good with butter.

"Fuck," I exclaim, "I think I just saw Jesus! These are homemade! Where did you find them? I've been looking for an exceptional bakery. Alice – these are better than that little Italian bakery in Chicago I told you about. I can't remember what it was called... Mama Something or Other's..."

Alice is looking at me like I've grown a second head. "What?"

"Edward, Bella made those muffins."

Fuck me. I stop chewing and stare at Bella. She has turned deep red and is trying to find something to look at other than me. I take in her appearance this morning. She's not looking grunge today – more like a lumberjack; it's a definite improvement. Her long hair, damp I'm assuming from her morning shower, hangs loose around her shoulders. I understand her apparent nervousness – it's a killer to have a chef taste your food. It's bad enough when you're a chef yourself... I should know, and do.

"Well colour me fucking impressed. What's your secret, Bella? I'm detecting a note of... citrus?"

Her face explodes into a huge smile. What do you know – emo-grunge-lumberjack girl is pretty.

"That's right! I added some lemon and orange zest. And I always use a microplane to collect the zest – that way I can get very fine pieces that have no bitter pith and become difficult to notice after..."

I am staring at her with a raised eyebrow. She stops dead, traps her bottom lip in her teeth and blushes even more, clearly because she just realized that she was explaining the virtues of a microplane to a chef. Normally I'd take a strip off someone for that. But for some reason, I don't want to admonish her. I look down to examine the muffin more closely and, sure enough, there are small yellow and orange flecks scattered throughout.

"Kudos Bella. These muffins are excellent. Thanks for bringing them over. I hope I won't piss anyone off if I grab another one?" I don't really care if I do – I'm having another.

"Of course not, Edward," Alice chides. "We've each had two, and I'm having a damned hard time not going for a third! However..."

Alice looks to Bella, who seems to have gotten over her embarrassment.

"Bella... why don't you and I go out to lunch? I have a few hours before work, and I know a great bistro down at Pike Place that does the most exquisite chowder on Saturdays. Come on, let's go have a girls lunch, and maybe do some window shopping?"

Alice is not being terribly subtle. She obviously wants Bella all to herself.

"Oh, sure Alice. That sounds great!" There's that big smile again. It's so genuine... and cute in a tomboy way.

"Awesome! Well, I'm ready to go. Let's stop at your place and grab your bag and head out, yes?" Alice turns to me. "I'll see you later, bro. I'm going to have me some girl time!"

Bella's blushing again, but this time it appears to be a flush of anticipation. She glances quickly at me before turning for the exit. "Uh... see you later, Edward. I'm glad you liked the muffins."

"Yeah sure. You ladies have a great afternoon." Shaking my head, I smile at their girliness as the disappear out the door. I snatch another muffin and head to the table to read the paper.

Alice

I grab Bella's arm and pull her out the door. There's so much I want to talk to her about and I don't want Edward around for it. She unlocks her door and I step in behind her.

"So is it okay if I keep calling you Bells?" I ask as I scan the loft. "Wow, I love what you've done with this space!"

"Oh, thanks Alice. Yes, I'd love it if you call me Bells. It makes me feel... home." God, she is so sweet. I'm thrilled that I can do something so simple to affect her so positively.

"Did you have a designer do your loft?" I have to ask, because I am really blown away by the subtle flow and beautiful colour matching.

"Oh gosh no..." Bella is blushing and chewing her lip again. "I just thought a lot about how I wanted it to look and feel before I bought my furniture and accents. I spent tonnes of time at IKEA and Pier One. I also watched a lot of decorating shows on TV during the last six months – and cooking shows, too."

An opening!

"I love those kinds of shows! Another favourite of mine is What Not To Wear. Have you ever seen that one?"

"Are you kidding me? I love Clinton and Stacey!"

"Me too! And Carmindy – she's a cosmetic genius. But Nick Arrojo? Shit, he pisses me off." I put on my best Nick accent. "We're going to take off... a lot of length!"

Bella is laughing and nodding in agreement. "You've totally got him, Alice. That was perfect! I hate that he cuts every woman's hair so short."

"I know, right? I mean, lots of gals do look great with short hair – I'm one of them!" I smile boldly.

"You surely are! You're gorgeous, Alice. I wish..." She stops dead and looks down at her twisting fingers again.

Oh, Bella, you are so ready for what I want to do for you!

"Hey, Bells. Let's hop on over to Pike Place and try that chowder, yes?"

She brightens. "Absolutely. Lead the way, my friend."

Bella grabs an orange knapsack – shudder – and we head out.

It's a ten minute walk to the bistro and it's a sunny day, so we opt for a little exercise. Bella is so easy to be with and talk to... the time passes swiftly and before I know it we are at the restaurant. There is a short wait for tables, so I take the opportunity to feel her out some more.

"So, Bells, have you ever thought about what it would be like to go on 'What Not To Wear?' I mean, have you ever fantasized about heading out with $5,000 and buying a whole new wardrobe?"

"Oh sure, I mean who wouldn't like that? I've actually thought seriously about doing it on my own. And maybe even with more than five grand." What? This is too easy! I am getting really excited!

"Have you got the means to buy a whole new wardrobe?" I ask, not so surreptitiously.

"Oh. Um, yeah... well, between life insurance payouts and Charlie's pension... uh, let's just say... I wouldn't actually have to work if I didn't want to. Ever." This is good news!

"But I want to work, Alice. I need to." BINGO. I can hardly contain my excitement!

"It's funny you should say that, Bella. I believe I have a proposition for you."

I love your reviews... they are better than Edward fingering your buttery muffin ;-)