I forgot to mention this in the previous chapters, but I don't own these characters. They belong to the WB and DC Comics.
Barbara sat in her hospital bed. It had been nearly three weeks since the Joker had shot her. She was now starting to do a little physiotherapy. It was so rewarding to relearn the simplest things, like how to sit up, when she used to be able to wipe the floor with the meanest criminals that the city had ever seen. Every day dragged on for what seemed like a year. Things only seemed to be getting worst since her drug-induced haze was lifted as the doctors began to reduce the amount of pain medication that she was receiving.
There was a light tap at the door and Barbara heard a peppy woman's voice say, "Good morning, Barbara!"
Barbara cringed inwardly. She could not stand, literally and figuratively, the young nurse who always had a smile on her face and a cheery word to say. Of course, it was easy to be cheery when you had pretty little legs to bounce into the room on. Barbara wanted to pretend to be asleep, but it was too late. Damn! I shouldn't have let my guard down! Barbara thought angrily. Maybe if I ignore her, she'll go away.
"It's a beautiful day outside and I thought you might want to go for a walk," the nurse said without realizing her faux-pas.
Barbara turned her head to face the nurse, hurt and shocked by the careless words only to be faced with another insult.
"Get that out of here," Barbara said through clenched teeth.
"Oh don't be silly," the nurse said as she parked the wheelchair next to Barbara's bed. "You can't spend your entire day in this stuffy room."
Seeing the chair made Barbara lose the little sanity she had left. The last thing Barbara needed was for this perky nurse to rub in her face all that she had lost.
"My father is the police commissioner and I'm a close personal friend of Bruce Wayne so if you don't get that goddamn thing out of here right now, I'll make it so that you can't work at the zoo collecting the shit from the bottom of the cages, let alone anything close to a nurse!" she shouted in a rage. Barbara saw the look of surprise and hurt on the woman's face, but she did not care. No one could hurt as much as Barbara did. "You better switch shifts with someone because I never want to see you ugly little face or hear your screechy voice ever again."
Motion in the busy hall outside Barbara's room stopped as all could hear Barbara's shouts. The young nurse ran out of the room in tears and nearly ran into Jim Gordon. He hardly noticed as he tried to keep himself from collapsing to the floor in misery. While everyone else heard a self-absorbed spoiled brat yelling, he heard the plea for help that his little girl was too proud to enunciate.
*******
"Hey, freak," Elizabeth said as she and her friends blocked Helena's path.
"Get out of my way," Helena said impatiently, trying to go around the girls, but there was three of them. It was the same thing every day. Whenever she ran into Elizabeth, the girl insisted on trying to intimidate Helena. Helena tried to avoid Elizabeth, but she was getting tired of taking the long way to her classes and since she and Elizabeth shared a room, it was hard for Helena to avoid her at home. Not that the Johnston's house was much of a home.
"Come on, freak," Elizabeth said. "Change your eyes so everyone can see what a freak you are."
Helena rolled her eyes trying to seem unconcerned, but inwardly she was terrified that everyone could tell that there was something wrong with her. Helena tried to go around her tormentors again only to have Elizabeth's mignon to the right hit her books out of her hands. As Helena heard her books crash to the floor, she could feel the rage burning in her chest.
"What the hell is your problem?!" Helena shouted, unable to control her anger. "I've never done anything to you! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"
There was an awkward silence as Elizabeth and her friends gave Helena a strange look.
"Whoa…what happened to her eyes?" the girl closest to Helena said shaken as she took a step back.
Please not again
, Helena pleaded as she ran to nearest washroom.*******
Jim Gordon stood outside Barbara's hospital room. It had been two days since Barbara's blow out with the nurse. The young nurse had not been seen at the hospital in that time and Jim overheard that she was taking time off until she could be transferred to another floor. Jim had a difficult task to do. Barbara was refusing to go to physiotherapy. He knew that she hated to get into a wheelchair and to have people push her around. Jim hated it too. Every time he saw Barbara, he felt guilt and shame at not being able to protect her. Suck it up, Jim, he thought himself as he took a deep breath and moved into the room.
Barbara lay in her bed looking out the window like she had for the last two days. It broke Jim's heart to see her so sad, so vulnerable. He wanted to reach out to her. He desperately wanted to tell her that everything would be fine, but he knew that if he was ever going to see the strong, independent Barbara that lay underneath the misery, he needed to stop cuddling her.
"Listen up, Barbara," Jim said in his best bad-cop voice. "You've done enough moping. I didn't raise a quitter so you're going to start going to physio. Bad things happen to the best of people and this seems to be as bad as things can get, but you can't give up. I won't let you. You know that if I could, I would change places with you in an instant," Jim said as the bad-cop persona slipped away for a moment. Barbara looked up and knew that what he was saying was true as he continued, "We can't change the past, no matter how much we would like to. That leaves you with two options. You can either go to physio and learn to live your life the way things are, grateful to be alive, or you can waste your life mourning over what could have been. Either way I'll be here to help you and support you, but I think you know what you need to do. Gordon's don't quit."
Jim ignored Barbara's tears as he walked out of the room. He did not stop walking until he reached the parking lot behind the hospital. Once he was protected by the tinted windows of his car, Jim let his own internal wall come down and let himself weep for his baby girl.
*******
Helena could not take much more of this. How the hell did things get so messed up? she asked herself. Two months ago, she had been a normal teenager living with her mother. Now, her mother was dead and she was living in a foster home, sharing a bedroom with the devil herself. On top of that, something was wrong with her eyes. They changed shape and she could see in the dark when others needed to turn on a light. Helena had never been so angry and at the same time so scared. Her emotions continued to build, but she had no way to release them. She drifted off into sleep, knowing that things would come to a head soon.
*******
"Damn it!" Barbara shouted as she nearly fell to the floor. She still was not very good at transferring in and out of the chair.
Barbara rolled herself over to the window in her room at the rehabilitation centre. She had moved there over a month ago. She was glad to be out of the hospital, although in reality the centre was merely a nicer looking hospital. She had learned a lot in the last few weeks about how to manage her condition. Barbara still could not think of herself as disabled. From what she was told, this was a normal reaction to the trauma. She had even attended a few support group meetings, but she did not get much out of the sessions. No one there understood how much she had lost. Batgirl had died that night. Batgirl was the real her, while Barbara Gordon was merely the mask that she wore to protect Batgirl. What do you do when the real you dies and all that's left is the shell of your real self? Barbara thought for the hundredth time.
There was a knock at the door and then entered Alfred Pennyworth, Bruce's butler and the Bat Clan's greatest confidant. He maintained a stoic face, although it sadden him immensely to see Miss Barbara sitting in that wheelchair, and a part of him was so angry with Master Bruce. Alfred of all people understood Master Bruce the best, but even he was having a hard time justifying Master Bruce's absence when Miss Barbara clearly needed all the support she could get.
"Alfred," Barbara said a little surprised. "How nice to see you."
"It's good to see you too, Miss Barbara," Alfred said. "I've brought you some papers from Master Bruce. I hope this is a good time."
"Well, I was about to go for a run, but I guess I can delay that a bit," Barbara said bitterly and then regretted her words. Alfred did not deserve that. "Why didn't Bruce bring them himself?"
Barbara suspected the answer, but she needed to hear it out loud. When Bruce had not shown up at the hospital after she was hurt, she knew the reason. He was disappointed and angry with her for letting the Joker catch her off guard. He probably regretted ever allowing her to wear the bat emblem.
"I don't know how to tell you this, but he's gone," Alfred said. It was still strange for him to think that Master Bruce had left his life and everyone in it. "He left that night," Alfred tried to say gently. "I think this letter explains everything."
Barbara took the envelop from Alfred and began to read silently.
Dear Barbara,
By the time Alfred gives you this letter, I will be far away from New Gotham. I'm sorry that I couldn't be smart enough or strong enough to stop the Joker when I had the chance. I'm sorry that you and Selina had to pay for my failing. And I'm sorry that I'm leaving you when you need me the most, but you of all people know that I don't deal well with emotions, especially not my own. This city has taken so much from me and those I care about that I no longer have hope that I can change it. There is a darkness in my soul that I never knew existed and until I can face that darkness, Batman cannot exist. I don't know when I will be back or if I will ever be able to come back.
All of Wayne Enterprise's resources are at your disposable. Whatever you need. The best doctors, equipment, physiotherapists, they're yours. Just let Alfred know and it will be done. Don't let your pride lead you astray like I have. There is no weakness or shame in having a little help from good friends. I've already started construction of an apartment for you. It should be finished by the time that you are ready to move in. This apartment will be perfect for both of your lives. I know that you probably don't think you want that life again, but I know you Barbara. You're determined and stronger than I ever gave you credit for. Stronger than you give yourself credit for. It won't be the same, but I know that you'll find your own path. You were always meant to be more than just my shadow. To this end, you'll have an unlimited access to funds from Wayne Enterprise.
I would wish you luck, but I know that you don't need it.
You are always in my thoughts,
Bruce
Barbara read the letter over twice. She could not believe what she had read. Batman is gone, Barbara thought in shock.
*******
Helena lay in bed crying as she clutched the photo of her mother to her chest. Happy birthday, Mom, she thought.
"Get out of bed, freak," Elizabeth said nastily.
"I'm sick," Helena said trying to keep her voice from breaking. "I'm not going to school."
"You're such a faker," Elizabeth said. "They're going to see right through this."
"Girls, you're going to be late," Mrs. Johnston said as she entered the room. "Elizabeth, go downstairs and have breakfast. Helena, why aren't you out of bed?"
"Helena's sick," Elizabeth said as she left the room.
Mrs. Johnston approached Helena's bed and said, "Roll over so I can feel your forehead."
Helena decided that maybe it would be easier if she just told Mrs. Johnston the truth. Maybe she would understand. Helena rolled over and let Mrs. Johnston see her tears.
"Today is…was…my mom's birthday," Helena said quietly.
"Oh, Helena," Mrs. Johnston said with a sigh. "That was your old life. You need to forget that. I'm your mother now."
"No, you aren't," Helena said knowing that her eyes had changed but not caring if Mrs. Johnston saw.
"Helena, you can't live in the past," Mrs. Johnston said, but stopped when she noticed Helena's eyes. "What's wrong with your eyes?!"
"There's nothing wrong with my eyes!" Helena shouted. "You're what's wrong!"
"We don't raise our voices in this house, young lady," Mrs. Johnston said sternly.
"Screw you lady," Helena said as she put her mother's picture in the backpack which contained the few personal objects that Helena treasured.
Helena could not stay here another minute. She threw the bag over her shoulder and tried to leave the room, but Mrs. Johnston blocked her. Mr. Johnston came in after hearing the argument.
"Calm down," Mr. Johnston said as if his presence somehow corrected the situation.
Helena felt like a caged animal as she scanned the small room for an escape. Before she knew it she was climbing out the open window onto the roof of the garage. She ran across the roof and jumped down to the ground. To both her own surprise and the Johnston's shock, Helena landed gracefully and continued to run without the slightest pause.