It had been a while since I'd been on Nar Shaddaa, but every visit is different.
Nothing had changed on the planet, really. Gangs were still as cruel and violent as ever, you could still fall for miles if you put your foot in the wrong place, and even the best pazaak players still had no logic. The Star Cluster Casino still had the prettiest dancers, whose lithe bodies swayed seductively back and forth. Renting a speeder still cost more credits than I could handle. Overall, coming back to the planet was like coming home.
Nar Shaddaa may have stayed the same, but I sure didn't. And this time I was here on my own terms, not the good of the mission. It had only been a few weeks since the unthinkable happened, the memory I both kept in my mind and shut out forever, so I had come to the dark and smoky planet to lose myself again.
On planets like this you need to have those street smarts, that common sense. You've got to be able to navigate the con artists, thieves, rogues, and petty criminals. You need to keep enough credits with you for a meal but not so much as to attract unwanted attention. I've got plenty of that, so it was easy to slip into what felt natural. You'd think she didn't have as much of it, always going around helping the needy and giving away credits like candy. But behind her kind facade, those bright blue eyes that kept looking to mine for approval, you could tell she'd handled herself in places like these and worse. It's easy to forget that she was in the war.
So there I was, wandering aimlessly around the Red Light Sector, looking for whatever I lost that I knew I would never find. My shifty eyes caught the sight of a familiar twi'lek, and when he glanced back at me I knew he recognized me too. His eyes, they widened in fear, for what I'd do to him. When I was last here I pretended I didn't know him, pretended that whatever he said about my past was a huge lie. I thought about putting that act up again. Playing the part of someone else-it's easy for me now. But with a painful gulp, I realized she would've wanted me to do the right thing.
It's you again, the twi'lek whispered in fear. I know you were there while I told that woman your secrets. Please don't kill me, he pleaded in Huttese.
I shook my head, although my hand was still itching to reach for my double-bladed lightsaber. I wouldn't do that, I assured him. I tried to smile but couldn't.
His eye caught the lightsaber and I cursed myself yet again for my foolishness and carelessness. His mouth opened, as if he was about to shout to the rooftops that yes, he'd found another Jedi, and then the shock faded and the acceptance sank in. I hid my weapon within the folds of my robe and he nodded at me. Once, just once. I saw the promise in his mind.
Where is she? he asked me, That woman you were traveling with. I want to thank her.
Back then, the wound in my soul was still fresh and the pain of it sent a shock through my spine. I saw red, and I couldn't think or breathe. But something inside me locked in and clicked. My vision came back, my heartbeat continued to race.
She… she's gone, I said, and my voice wavered a little, but it was still clear.
He paused for a bit. Then, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you're doing her proud.
I went back to my world of juma and pain and her voice like water, trickling into my ear.