This update took a little longer than usual, but here it is! I just needed a little sleep and a lot of food. I hope you enjoy it. In this chapter, we meet some more Carrington residents, and get a little closer to figuring out what's going on with the ladies of this town.
"What…Kurt, what in God's name are you wearing?"
Kurt had returned home that afternoon in a dress shirt, khakis and brown loafers. His hair had lost several inches and now resembled the hairstyle he sported early on in his sophomore year of high school.
"Blaine honey, don't take the Lord's name in vain," he said, rubbing his husband's shoulder and walking past him. Blaine shook his head in a silly attempt to wake himself up and followed Kurt into the kitchen.
"You're an atheist," he said, folding his arms and watching the transformed man pull out a phone book and set it on the counter. Kurt chuckled.
"I was lost. I know now that if I work hard to earn God's approval, I can still make it to heaven even though I'm gay."
"Even though?" Blaine asked, repeating the words, though he was sure he heard correctly.
"Yes, dear. Ah! Here we are," Kurt said, pointing to a number in the book. He grabbed the house phone and began dialing. "We're getting a maid."
"For what?"
"We need someone to cook, silly," he said, shaking his head.
"Okay, but…you love to cook. And you said you wouldn't let anyone else set foot in this fabulous kitchen," Blaine replied, getting more confused by the second.
"I'm a man, Blaine. It's time to grow up. The only place my sexuality needs to be obvious is when I'm in the bedroom," Kurt said, winking and turning his back to him to make the phone call.
Frustrated, Blaine threw his arms up and walked back into the foyer, exiting out the front door. He took a seat on their front porch in a lawn chair, as they hadn't gone shopping for outdoor furniture yet. He buried his head in his hands and tried to make sense of the interaction he just had with his husband.
He sighed audibly and looked up when he heard someone else's that matched his own. He then heard muttering and looked to his right to see Sam on his own front porch, sitting on a swinging bench, gripping a beer and glaring at his front lawn.
"Sam?" Sam looked up from angrily mimicking his wife to himself and noticed Blaine hunched over across the way in a lawn chair.
"Oh. Blaine. Hey," he said, not even bothering to play the part of cheerful neighbor.
"Where's Mercedes?"
"She's at the Women's Club," Sam answered, spitting out the last part as if it were poison before taking a swig of beer.
As if on cue, Kurt walked out of their front door and patted Blaine on the head.
"I'm headed to the Women's Club. Those girls are begging me to come back so they have a tiny bit of testosterone to keep them sane," he said chuckling and heading over to his rental car.
Blaine just watched the stranger get in the vehicle and pull off with a sad look on his face.
Sam watched the exchange, his heart going out to the man in the bowtie. It was clear something happened to Kurt since he first went to the WC, and he'd hoped he wouldn't be affected because of his gender, but sadly, he was wrong. He reached down into the cooler beside him and grabbed another drink.
"You look like you could use a beer," he said, causing Blaine to lock eyes with him before settling into a sad, grateful smile. He got up and walked down the porch and across the lawn to meet Sam on his own porch.
"Thanks," Blaine mumbled, grabbing the beer from the blond's hand and sitting next to him.
"What's going on with Kurt?" Sam asked after a few moments of comfortable silence.
"He's acting so…weird. He's dressing like…well you saw him!" Sam released a dry laugh and nodded. "And he was like, preaching about how just because he's gay doesn't mean he has to be a sissy and has made this vow to stop cooking because of how it 'looks'."
"Mercedes changed suddenly too. It's like they're setting the women back 60 years and de-gayifying men." Blaine laughed a little and shook his head and Sam's word-usage and then furrowed his eyebrows.
"Wait, who's they?" Sam bit his lip, set his beer down and leaned closer so he could tell his neighbor what he thought.
"Well, I have this theory…"
"THE WOMEN HERE ARE INSANE! I SWEAR TO GOD I ALMOST CUT THAT CHICK'S ARM OFF!" Sam and Blaine jerked their attention to the source of the noise and their eyes landed on a furious Asian woman clad in a black Lolita style dress and red tights getting out of the driver's side of a pick-up truck.
An Asian man was exiting the passenger side, nodding and trying not to smile. They were in the circular drive of the house next to Kurt and Blaine's.
"I mean, can you believe the nerve, Mike! That's not the car a lady should be driving, and what in God's name are you wearing? I should have snatched her wig off!"
"Tina, you can't get this pissed off whenever we go to the grocery store, or I'm gonna have to start going alone," Mike said, shaking his head and gathering groceries out of the back of said truck.
"I'm just sick of being gawked at by the freaks in this town! It's not my fault they've never seen an independent woman! I'M BEING GAWKED AT NOW!" she said, noticing Sam and Blaine, who were now leaning over the railing of the porch and watching the exchange. They both turned red when they realized she was talking about them and stepped back. Their expressions turned fearful as soon as she started making her way over to them.
"I'm sorry, do I offend you? Are you not used to seeing a strong female?"
"Um…" Sam tried to answer, but wasn't sure how to.
Mike walked up and stood next to Tina with an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry, she's just a little worked up," he said.
"Don't apologize on my behalf! I'm not sorry!" she huffed.
"How long have you two lived here?" The couple looked confused at Blaine's question, and so did Sam.
"Um…about two years now," Mike answered, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry we were staring, we're just really curious as to why you aren't a clone," Blaine pointed out. Sam was impressed by his cut-to-the-chase approach and looked at the husband and wife standing before them.
Mike laughed, and Tina's expression softened once she realized they weren't staring at her for the same reasons people in Carrington usually did.
"I don't know…we keep to ourselves mostly. Maybe if you don't interact with clones, you don't become one yourself," the Asian man said, smiling.
"So you've never been to the Women's club?" Sam asked, looking at Tina.
"Are you insane?"
"When we moved here, I suggested she go there to make friends. She took one look at the women going inside the place and told me over her dead body."
Blaine laughed, and Sam's theory was suddenly making more sense. He thought of Mercedes and sighed. Tina noticed his change in behavior and spoke up again.
"Since neither of you have been here that long, why don't you come over for snacks. Mike makes awesome cheese and crackers."
"That I do," Mike said, grinning.
"I think it's the Women's Club. It's evil." Everyone at the nook table looked at Sam. They were all getting along swimmingly and became friends right away, talking about everything from music to cartoons. The conversation topic turned serious when they returned to the subject of Mercedes and Kurt.
"You think the Women's Club is evil?" Mike asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes! Okay, I told Mercedes to go so we could make fun of what the women said and did later…" Tina giggled. "And when she came back, she was the freaky anti-feminist robot wife she is now. Then Kurt went the day they moved in, and now he's like, the total opposite of himself!"
Mike, Blaine and Tina stared at Sam, who had gotten worked up and was flailing his arms as if it would help his theory get through to them. Finally, Mike said something.
"You know, he has a point. This never happened to Tina because she never went to the Women's Club. Mercedes and Kurt go once, and suddenly they're just like everyone else in this town. Something's off."
"You're right. It's the last thing Kurt did before he changed. What the hell are they doing to people there?" Blaine ran his fingers through his hair.
"So to be clear; there's some kind of conspiracy in this town to change people into early 20th century conservatives?" Tina asked.
"Yes," Sam, Mike and Blaine answered simultaneously. They were convinced. Tina stood and slammed her lace covered palms on the table.
"Then we have to do something about it!" The men sat back with wide eyes at her outburst.
"You want your loves back! We can't just take this laying down. The Mercedes and Kurt you two described pre-Women's Club sound awesome. We have to get them back!" Sam stood.
"She's right!"
"Yeah!" Blaine said, standing as well. Mike fist pumped and stood too.
"Let's do this!"
Suddenly they grew silent and the excitement died a little.
"Wait…how?" Sam asked. They all looked at Tina helplessly. She rolled her eyes.
"We go to the Women's Club!"
"Stop moving so much!"
"You stop moving so much!"
"Okay, someone farted."
"Why does everyone have binoculars but me?"
"Ow!"
Mike, Tina, Blaine, and Sam were settled in the bushes outside of a window of the Women's Club mansion. Their view was currently being blocked by a redhead in a floral dress. She was now clapping. They'd given up on trying to see around her and just hoped she would move.
"Will you three shut up! Do you want to get caught and eaten alive off of silver platters?" Tina exclaimed, lowering her binoculars. The men stopped fussing looked at her, eyes wide in fear. "It could happen, we don't know what goes on in here," she added with a shrug.
"That's disgusting," Blaine said. Just then, the redhead moved to another spot in the room.
"Thank the Gods!" Tina said, picking her binoculars back up. Blaine and Mike used theirs as well and looked into the large window. Sam tried not to pout about not having his own pair again, but he really wanted some. He still looked, figuring he could see a lot with just his eyes, especially since he brought his glasses.
His eyes found Mercedes, sitting on a couch and smiling with her legs crossed. She was next to Kurt, who sat slumped over slightly with his elbows resting on his thighs and his hands dangling between his open legs. He then spotted Quinn, Puck's wife in a position similar to Mercedes. They clapped again. He moved his attention to a woman standing at the front of the room with her arm around a smaller, brunette, frightened looking woman.
"Hey, I recognize her from the store," Tina said. "She seemed normal. A little annoying, but normal."
"Not anymore," Sam muttered. The woman was saying something they couldn't make out as they continued to watch the scene unfold. Suddenly, they all jumped at what took place before them. One of the women had walked up to the front of the room and hit the brunette over the head with a frying pan. As she fell to the carpet, unconscious, the women clapped.