Toki sat perched on the foot of Skwisgaar's bed; for whatever reason the lead guitarist wasn't in his usual whore mode the past two days. He seemed to want to spend time with the younger man, Toki wanted to tell him that he didn't have to do this, put up with him, or pretend he wanted to be around him. He would say that, but being alone was scary and he craved the blond haired man's attention. Even if it was out of some form of guilt, just Skwisgaar making himself feel better...Was that Toki's thought or Magnus'? God he couldn't even fucking tell the difference anymore.

He looked back at Skwisgaar who sat in the center of the bed playing his guitar, head lowered and blond hair concealing most of his face and its sharp and slightly feminine features. Toki crawled over to the older man settling himself behind him, he wrapped his arms loosely around his waist and rested his chin on his left shoulder. He caught a glimpse of Skwisgaar smirking, he nuzzled against the side of his neck kissing and giving a small nip to the skin. He still hadn't told him everything he wanted to, they had known each other for years now and there was so much he didn't know. Most things Toki kept to himself he kept out of fear or kept to himself, because he didn't see the importance. He thought back to when Skwisgaar found out about how he'd been abused as a child, he'd been ready to cry; Toki hadn't understood it. That was normal to him, the way he'd been brought up was normal and honestly he'd spent so many years thinking it was his fault his parents had hurt him so severely. He had been bad, but as an adult he learned differently; it was still difficult to accept he hadn't done anything wrong to deserve what his father did to him. It took a night of talking to Skwisgaar alone in his room and having the older man hold him and tell him he didn't deserve it to start realizing just how in the wrong his father had been for all those years. Though the voice of the deceased old man disagreed completely.

The list of things he didn't want to share was longer now; Skwisgaar was better at handling things. He could actually sit and listen to his friend talk about his problems and his fears and his tragic past. He just would get emotional over it, it was sort of funny in such a sad fucking way just how upset Skwisgaar could get over him. He didn't know how somebody who spent most of his life seemingly bored and irritated could turn emotional so quickly. As much as they fought Skwisgaar was always so quick to care about him. It was odd; why couldn't he tell him anything then?

Skwisgaar stopped his guitar playing finding more interest in the sharp teeth biting at his neck and the hand firmly pressed against his lower stomach. He sat the guitar down on the bed and turned around to face his younger friend, Toki grinned up at him; Skwisgaar kissed him gently pushing the other man down onto the bed. He settled himself on his lap, long talented fingers rubbing up under the hem of his shirt and dancing over still freshly scarred skin. Toki tangled his fingers in Skwisgaar's hair, his hips lifted up off of the bed something about the scars on his body was sensitive in a way he found that he liked.

It was odd thinking there was a chance this could have never happened again. He used to fantasize about this type of thing as much as possible just to get through the hell Magnus had thrown him into.

'You weren't always thinking about him when you were with me.' The unwelcome voice echoed through his brain.

Toki tried to block the voice, tried to focus on Skwisgaar touching him. He put as much of his focus as he could on the warm lips on his skin lighting it on fire in the best way imaginable, calming and soothing unlike the flame of the lighter that Magnus would often hold against his skin until it singed. Skwisgaar's thumb brushed over one of the circular burn marks on the younger man's hip, it made him feel sick in some respect to have somebody so beautiful and sometimes even caring touching him like this. Touching places that were so marred and ugly and disgusting.

'The only way he could fuck you is if all the lights were off.'

When Skwisgaar began pushing his shirt up he felt his muscles tense, the older man noticed and pulled away sitting back on his knees.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, no I'm, I'm okay. Just um...I don't think we should do that."

He could see the flicker of disappointment in the older man's eyes, but he didn't say anything. He moved off of the younger man.

"What did he do to you?" Skwisgaar asked breaking the silence in the room.

Toki thought over the list of things, the horrible things somebody he had trusted with his life had done with him. Being stabbed wasn't even the worst thing on the damned list.

"Who?"

Skwisgaar rolled his eyes, "Don't play stupid, you know who I mean."

"A lot of stuff" He responded voice small, nervous.

He had trouble meeting his friend's eyes, he felt ashamed and he wasn't sure why. He was the weird one, he didn't want to isolate himself more than he already was.

"You have new scars, can I see them?"

'Go ahead show him, be a good fucking laugh for me. He can mother you and pretend he cares then think about how disgusting your body looks when you aren't around.'

Toki hesitated, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt; he kept his eyes closed when and after he removed it. He held his shirt in his hands feeling nervous, Skwisgaar placed a hand against his side where the knife wound was; he felt himself flinch away at the touch and the older man's hand pull away like he'd touched something extremely hot. Toki opened his eyes, the hurt look on his friend's face made him feel guilty. Skwisgaar wouldn't hurt him, not like that; why did he have to flinch?

"It hurt?"

"No it's...Sorry, I didn't mean to. It's fine you can touch them."

Gentle and careful fingers traced over the long scar then moved to circular burns along his hip bones. Lightened scars from cuts on his lower stomach and a slightly more permanent one on his chest over his heart. Skwisgaar could still make out the marks from a collar, he knew without looking that every part of his body was scarred and it hurt like hell to think about it. It was their fault this happened to him, they should have just gone after him sooner. He hated himself for it, hated the barrier it put between him and his friend.