AN: I've finally managed to get this last chapter done. College's been really crazy this week! This is what I get for choosing a master's degree over a job. Thank you so much for reviewing, following. I really love hearing from you. So, here's the new chapter. I hope you like it! Let me know what you think.
Damon had finally managed to calm Sydney down. No, that was a lie. He hadn't been able to calm her down. She had been really mad at him and then after lunch, she had fallen asleep and when she woke up, it was like she had decided she wasn't mad at him anymore. He didn't have a clue as to what was going on but he decided to let it go for the night. He filed that conversation away for later. Right now, he was focused on getting her dressed so they could make it to Stefan's birthday party on time. He knew that if he reached their house even a second late, Caroline would kill him despite the fact that there would be witnesses present and knowing Caroline, he knew that there would be a lot of people there. When he finally thought he and Sydney looked presentable enough to keep Caroline happy, he drove them over to Stefan and Caroline's house. He looked at his watch and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that they were early even if it was only by 15 minutes.
He turned to Sydney and asked her, "Ready?"
She nodded her head enthusiastically. "I'm always ready for cake", she said.
Damon got out of the car and helped her out of the backseat. "You might have to wait a while", he said. "Uncle Stefan has to actually cut it first."
Together they stepped into the familiar house which now looked almost unrecognizable, decorated in green and gold. Caroline was immediately upon them. She greeted them with a friendly smile and then warning Damon to be nice, she left to talk to someone else. The place was already packed and Damon knew that this was going to be a long night.
-xx-
"Come on, Bonnie. We're going to be late", Elena called out to her roommate. Bonnie was on the phone with Jeremy talking about God knows what. They had been at it for almost half an hour and it was driving Elena up the wall. "Finally", she said when Bonnie hung up.
"What's the big deal?" she asked. "I'm already ready. Who's driving?"
"I am. I can't drink anyway. I have work tomorrow remember?" said Elena.
"Just like the rest of us mere mortals", said Bonnie with a laugh. Elena just shook her head at her friend and grabbing her car keys she walked out the door with Bonnie in tow.
Elena had some trouble finding Caroline's home but when they finally found it, she had to admit, it sure was a sight to behold. The girls timidly walked up to the door which was wide open at that point. The room was packed with people and for a minute, Elena couldn't help but wonder if they were in somebody's house or in some kind of a bar. "Caroline sure knows how to throw a party", she said as they walked in. The food was arranged on the far side of the room and at it's centre was a birthday cake that had already been cut into. At the very end of that side, there was a bartender standing behind a small yet rather crowded bar. There were a few comfortable looking chairs pushed towards the remaining free walls while the middle of was left bare.
Within a minute, Caroline was upon them, smiling at them. "I'm so glad you guys could make it!" she squealed. "I haven't seen you since my wedding", she told Bonnie as she hugged her. She then led them to the bar and got them their drinks and they settled down on one of the few chairs that were available. Soon after they had taken their seats, a little girl ran up to Caroline and asked, "Aunt Caroline, can I have some ice cream?"
"Have you had your dinner yet?" she asked and Sydney shook her head no. "Where's your father?" she asked. Sydney pointed to Damon who was sitting not too far away from them engrossed in a phone conversation. Caroline turned back to the girls and introduced them to Sydney saying, "Sydney, these are my friends Elena and Bonnie. We all went to the same school for a while before I moved out of this town. Do you mind hanging out with them for a few minutes while I talk to your dad?" Sydney nodded shyly but that was enough for her. "Don't go anywhere ok?"
"Okay", repeated Sydney and Caroline marched over to Damon and sat down across from him. Damon noticed her immediately and held up two fingers to let her know that he would be done in a couple of minutes. Caroline looked at her watch and sat there impatiently. To his credit, Damon did end his phone call fairly quickly. The minute he hung up, she said, "What are you doing letting a little girl wander around a packed party? I told you that this wasn't exactly going to be a kid safe zone today."
"I wouldn't have brought her along if I had had a choice. Elisa couldn't be there tonight and I don't trust anyone else enough to leave Sydney alone with them. And to answer your question, I wasn't letting her wander around the place. I knew you were sitting there so when I got the call I told her to go to you and I was watching her until she made it to you safely", he said. It was clear from his tone that Damon was annoyed but she wasn't sure if it was because of her questions or if it had something to do with the phone call. Stefan walked up from behind her and sat on the arm rest of her chair asking, "What's going on? I thought you two were going to try not to rip each others throat's out while we had guests in the house."
"I know", sighed Caroline. "I'm sorry", she said and turned back to Damon. "I promise not to accuse you of anything without talking to you first", she said.
"Thanks", said Damon softly.
"What's wrong?" asked Stefan.
"Nothing", muttered Damon in response. "Nothing that can't wait."
"Who was on the phone?" asked Caroline.
"It was no one", he said not willing to meet Caroline or Stefan's eyes.
"It was Katherine", said Stefan. Damon's lack of response just confirmed it. "I'm in no mood to push it right now but we will talk about this later."
Damon still didn't look up. Caroline grabbed his hand and tried to pull him up, "Let's get some dinner. Sydney's already clamouring for dessert." Damon reluctantly got up and followed the couple. They joined Elena and Bonnie and then going to the food table, they loaded their plates and once again took their seats. Caroline watched as Damon held the plate steady for Sydney while she tried to eat her food. "A buffet was just the worst idea, wasn't it?" she asked.
"She isn't going to eat much either way so don't worry about it", answered Damon. Conversation started to flow smoothly within the group as they talked about work and life and just about everything in between. Damon was quiet most of the time. He just sat and listened and on occasion helped Sydney with her food. He did not miss Caroline and Stefan's many worried glances in his general direction. He initially started counting but in less than 15 minutes, he lost count. When they finally got up to get rid of their plates, Damon whispered to Stefan so no one else would be able to hear him. "Could you and Caroline please stop looking at me like I'm some kind of wounded puppy?" Stefan just shrugged and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about."
As the hours flew by, Damon noticed Sydney yawning. He looked at his watch and saw it was well past Sydney's usual bedtime. He went to Caroline with the intention of telling her that they would be leaving for the night but instead, she convinced him to spend the night at their place. Damon reluctantly agreed and then took Sydney upstairs to the guest room which had also been her bedroom when Damon wasn't around. He found one of her spare pyjamas and helped her change and then tucked her into bed. He sat down stretched out on the bed and started telling her a bed time story. Before he could finish the story, Sydney was fast asleep. He leaned against the head board and closed his eyes, telling himself he would get back to the party in a few minutes but instead, he fell asleep.
The sound of the door opening woke Damon and he sat up straight. To his surprise, he saw Elena at the door. "I'm sorry", she whispered. "I just needed to step out of the party and Caroline told me the guest rooms were free."
Damon got up, walked outside and closed the door behind him. "The room there", he said pointing to the one opposite to his, "is free."
"Thanks", she said opening the door to the room. She heard Damon opening the door to Sydney's room when she turned around and said to him, "You have a great little girl."
Damon looked back at her and gave her a genuine smile. "I guess I have Caroline to thank for that." He hesitated for a second before he said, "I really am sorry for my behaviour during the interview. I guess I could have handled it better."
"You could have", agreed Elena bluntly. "But apology accepted."
Once again Damon was reminded of how different she was from Katherine. He couldn't help but wonder how two people who looked so much alike could be so different. He had to admit that that
difference drew him to her. Before the rational part of his brain could stop him, he said, "How about a do over?" and he regretted it the minute he said it.
"A do over?" asked Elena lifting an eyebrow.
"Why don't I buy you a drink in a few minutes. I'll be down there in a few more minutes and I can prove to you that I'm not the jerk you met the other day."
Elena thought it over for a very long minute. She knew this wasn't such a great idea. She still wasn't sure if she would like spending any length of time with him. Damon's voice cut through her thoughts saying, "It's just one drink and I promise I won't bite", he said with a smile.
Elena saw no choice but to give in. "Fine", she said. "Give me another 15 minutes. I really do need to get away from all those people for a few minutes and then we'll meet down by the bar."
"Sounds good", said Damon. "See you then", he said and then stepped back into Sydney's room and took his place next to her. The second he closed the door behind him, doubts started to creep in. He wasn't sure what possessed him to ask Elena to let him buy her a drink but now he was convinced that this was a very bad idea, probably even the worst idea he had had in quite some time. He briefly considered standing her up but he knew that that would only make Caroline angry when she eventually found out about it the way she finds out about everything. He looked back down and saw Sydney was fast asleep and he had a feeling that not even a loud marching band playing inside the same room would be able wake her up. He should have expected that. It was way past her bed time and her day had been quite the emotional rollercoaster. He blew out a breath when he realised that he didn't have a good enough reason to avoid meeting Elena. He looked at his watch and saw it was almost time. He leaned down and kissed the little girl's forehead and then forced himself to get up and leave the room. He paused for a minute before he walked out and watched his daughter sleep. She was so peaceful and he wished that he could somehow make sure that that peace would remain after she woke up. He remembered that he needed to talk to her again soon about Katherine too. He felt the familiar urge to protect her from the pain he knew she felt. He found himself wishing he had done things differently. May be if he had fought Katherine a little more on the divorce then may be he could have convinced her to stay and then Sydney would still have both her parents. May be if he had not gone on that drinking binge all those months ago then may be Sydney would still find him approachable. May be... The word haunted him.
He finally managed to close the door behind him and descend the stairs. He found Caroline and told her that Sydney was alone upstairs and she agreed not to let anyone else up there. He looked to the bar and saw Elena already there. He looked at his watch and he saw he was already about 5 minutes late. He quickly walked towards her and when she noticed him, she gave him an uncertain smile. He didn't blame her though. He had given her enough reason to be wary of him. The crowd had thinned out considerably by the bar. He stood next to her and ordered himself a drink and said, "I'm sorry I'm late. I tend to get lost in my own thoughts sometimes."
"Caroline clearly has a tough job", Elena replied not coldly.
"I promised you a drink. So what would you like?" he asked.
"I'm driving so I can't really drink", answered Elena. "I think I'll just have a coke."
He signalled to the bartender and he brought them the drinks. Damon took his own glass and said, "I guess this doesn't count technically."
"How do you reckon that?"
"Well, one, you aren't having a real drink and two, the drinks are free so Caroline's buying, not me."
Elena had to agree. "This is close enough", she said. "Besides, I thought the whole point of this was to prove to me that you aren't the jerk I met a few days ago", she said quoting him back to him.
"I believe you're right", he said. Damon was starting to feel very nervous. He really had no idea what to say or do. "Why don't we sit down and have a normal conversation like normal people?" he suggested.
"I would like that", Elena said. As the two of them settled into their chairs, Elena asked, "How old is Sydney?" She hoped this would be a safer topic.
"She's three although she seems much smarter", said Damon and then he added, "May be I'm just saying that because I'm her father. I'm not sure."
"No, she really is smart. She seems to adore you too", said Elena. When Damon's face lit up, she was sure that she had chosen the best topic for conversation. He clearly loved his daughter. "I'm surprised you're not up there with her right. You seem more like the dad who would guard his daughter with flaming swords", she said with a laugh and to her surprise Damon laughed with her and it wasn't the uncomfortable fake laugh that she was expecting.
"I wish I could protect her from everything. But Sydney's used to me not being around. She spent a lot of time here with Caroline and Stefan so I know she's completely comfortable here. The room she's sleeping in now used to be her room when I wasn't around."
Before she could stop herself she asked, "What do you mean you weren't there?" Damon looked almost sad. He hesitated and she hoped she hadn't pushed her luck too much. "I'm prying. I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that question", she said.
"No it's okay", said Damon. "I get it. You're curious. Everybody is. It's really a miracle that the whole mess has been kept out of the papers as long as it has been. The divorce, I mean."
"It wasn't exactly kept out of the papers", Elena reminded him. "If I remember correctly, there was a time when there was at least one article about it everyday. You just never confirmed it."
"I just never liked the publicity. I love writing and I'm so lucky that I've been able to make a career out of it. It's really nice to meet people who like my books once in a while too. But anything more than that just seems like a chore." Damon placed his empty glass on the floor beside his chair and said, "To answer your questions, both this one and the first one you ever asked me, I didn't handle the split too well. If you ask Caroline she'll call it my self destruction phase. I gave up on my daughter and my writing."
"Gave up? I thought you were releasing a new book?" Elena asked, curious.
"Can you keep a secret?" he asked her softly and she nodded. "I've managed to get my life back on track to a certain extent but I still have a writer's block. I've been trying to write something for the new book but I just haven't managed it yet." Damon had no idea why he made such a huge confession to her. He had no idea why but he thought he could trust her. But obviously, there was no going back now.
Elena nodded sympathetically. "You'll get past it sooner or later", she said. "I have a confession too. The real reason why I interviewed you for my column was because I was having a writer's block too and I had no idea what I was going to write about when my friend, Bonnie told me that the newspaper wanted an interview with you."
"And let me guess, talking to me made it all melt away?" he asked sarcastically.
"You had me pretty fired up so I guess, yeah, you did help me get through it even though you didn't know it at the time."
Damon took a deep breath and slouched backward into his chair. "I wish it were that easy. It's almost as if I've lost my inspiration for writing."
"Or may be you're just lost", she said. Damon looked at her expectantly. He was happy to hear any theory that could potentially give him hope. "I had this teacher in college who is one of the reasons why I have a career in journalism. Her first assignment was for us to write an essay on any topic of our choice. A couple of days after I turned in my assignment, she called me to her office and told me that my writing was good but it lacked something. She said it lacked passion. She made me drop her class that semester. She said she wouldn't take me back until I figured out who I was and what I really wanted to write about. And I'm glad she did that. She gave me the push that helped me become the journalist I wanted to be. May be you're in the same position now."
"That's a really nice story", Damon said softly. "But it's not that simple in my case. I'm not in college. I've lived long enough to know who I am."
"Are you sure about that?" asked Elena in a tone that almost made Damon doubt himself. "From what I've heard, you fell in love with your ex wife years ago when you were still in college. So it's only natural that she helped defined who you were. Now that she's no longer in the picture, do you really know who you are?"
Damon didn't have an answer to that. He wondered how he had gone from having a superficial conversation about his daughter to a conversation about identity. But he had to admit that she had a good question. After Katherine had left him, he had gone on a drinking binge and done a lot of things that were self destructive. Those were his decisions. But once he had realised just how much he had screwed up, he had relied on Caroline and Stefan to help him get his life back on track. He still relied on them to help him make some of the more important decisions. Before he could answer her question, he heard someone call Elena's name from behind him and he turned around to see Bonnie. "Are you ready to leave?" she asked Elena.
Elena shook her head and got up from her seat and Damon followed suit. "I'm glad I agreed to have a drink with you", she told him. "You were right, you aren't the jerk I had to interview the other day."
"Thanks", Damon said flashing her one of his rare genuine smiles. "I guess I'll see you around then", he said.
"Yeah", said Elena. "Good night, Damon", she said and then made her way to Caroline and Stefan to wish them a good night and then the two girls got into the car with Elena at the wheel. "What was that all about?" asked Bonnie.
"What was what about?" asked Elena.
"You talking to Damon. I thought you didn't like the guy", said Bonnie.
"You know what? He isn't as bad as I thought he was. I guess he's just having a tough time", answered Elena thoughtfully.
"I'm surprised he was able to change your mind over one drink." Elena just shrugged but didn't respond. She really had no idea what to say.
-xx-
Damon wandered about the house aimlessly and on occasion he stopped by Sydney's room to check on her. The crowd downstairs slowly thinned out until Caroline and Stefan were the only ones left. Deeming it safe to go downstairs, Damon went to them. Caroline was standing at the centre of the room surveying its state of disarray. The house was clean except for where the green and gold decoration lay on the ground and not stuck to the wall like it was supposed to be. "I can take care of this tomorrow", she announced. "I'm so tired I could sleep for days!"
"You and me both", said Stefan as he sat down on one of the chairs. He then turned to Damon and asked, "You're staying here tonight, right?"
"Looks like it", said Damon with a shrug. "Sydney's already asleep and I don't want to wake her up. I'm really sorry I'm imposing."
"You know we love having you around", said Caroline. "Having Sydney around makes up for the fact that you're a complete ass most of the time", she said with a smile.
Damon laughed and answered, "You know me. I always like to live up to peoples' expectations."
"What did Katherine have to say?" asked Stefan out of the blue.
"Oh, you know Katherine. It wasn't anything important", answered Damon sitting down next to his brother.
"Come on Damon, just spit it out. What did she say?" Caroline almost whined. "I'm so sleepy and I don't have the energy to do this."
"The truth, Damon", warned Stefan. "If you skipping dinner was any indication, she didn't tell you anything you wanted to hear."
Damon took a deep breath as he tried to decide how much he was going to tell them. Deciding that it was too late for a heavy conversation, he kept the details to a bare minimum. "She only called because I've been trying to talk to her since the whole kindergarten debacle", said Damon. "I wanted to talk her into at least trying to be a part of Sydney's life but she flat out refused. She did say she was willing to talk to me in person though."
"And you said no, right?" asked Caroline in an almost threatening tone.
Damon simply said, "I have to, for Sydney's sake."
"Why am I not surprised?" asked Stefan. "You do realise this is a really bad idea, right?"
"I can't do this on my own", said Damon, softly.
"You're not alone, you have to know that. You'll always have Caroline and me when ever you need us", said Stefan.
"You don't have to do this, Damon", said Caroline. "You're going to talk to her and she's going to say that she wants no part in Sydney's life and you're going to start on a downward spiral again."
"How about this? One of you could come with me", suggested Damon.
Caroline and Stefan exchanged questioning looks and Stefan nodded. "That is the first half way reasonable thing he has said in a while", agreed Caroline.
"I think she'll understand too", said Stefan.
"I guess it's not such a bad idea", Caroline concluded.
"You guys do remember that I'm still here right?" asked Damon.
"Fine", said Caroline. "Talk to Katherine again and make sure she knows one of us will be with you and if she asks why, you can just tell her that you still need a baby sitter."
"Fine", agreed Damon. "Can we call it a night then?"
"I think we can", said Stefan yawning. "Good night, Damon."
"Good night", Damon said to the couple and he made his way up the stairs. He stopped mid way and turned to face Stefan again, "Happy birthday again, brother", he said. Stefan smiled back at him. Damon was so tired. He knew his clothes would be uncomfortable but he didn't care. He just collapsed into the bed. He didn't fall asleep immediately. His mind wandered to his conversation with Katherine. When he had told Stefan and Caroline what she had said to him, he had left out the part about how she had moved on with someone else. Damon had had a sneaking suspicion that she was with someone but hearing her actually confirm it had felt like a knife to his heart. He just had no idea what was going to happen now. He wished there was something he could do to take his mind off of Katherine. Elena had provided him with a great distraction for a while. But he still couldn't figure out why he had told her as much as he had. He didn't exactly regret it but he just didn't know what possessed him to give her more than the usual vague story he responded with. In that moment Damon realised he had a lot of a questions but no answers. He just couldn't stop replaying his many questions over and over again in his head. Finally, about an hour later Damon fell asleep wishing he didn't feel as lost as he did.