Picture Imperfect

Session Two: How I See Myself

"Do I have to participate?" Tenshi whined as Arai dragged her from her room to the living room where the anger management group session would be held. Arai only nodded. "But why? I haven't deliberately hurt anyone out of unnecessary anger!"

"Think of it as supporting Ko-sama's attempt to help the men."

"...Okay, your persuasive tactics suck. I can only tolerate a few of them while am plotting on killing the rest."

"...You need this as much as they do." Arai pointed to a chair next to Kohana as she took the one on Ko's other side. "This won't be too bad..."

Kohana took a deep breath as Tobi bounded into the room. "I'm ready!" He attempted to leap over a chair but instead tripped mid-air and fell onto his face, skidding to a halt in front of Kohana. "Owie..."

Tenshi gave Kohana her best glare of hatred before huffing and folding her arms over her chest and leaning back in her chair. "This. Sucks. Eggs."

Tobi quickly stood up and fixed the chair that he knocked over then sat it in. "Okay. Now I'm ready. This is swear on Hannah's life." He put a hand over his heart as if swearing like a Boy Scout.

"Thank you, Tobi." Kohana muttered as she pulled out a picture of herself and looked at what she had written on the back. She smiled as she turned it back over. "Nii-san."

Tenshi and Arai leaned over to look. Tenshi looked at the younger Kohana then at the taller boy next to her. "Who's that?"

Before Kohana could answer, Arai spoke up. "Her older brother, Katsuro. He's an ANBU back at our old village. Last I heard he was looking for both of his sisters, Kohana and Emi."

Tenshi looked at Kohana. "You have siblings?"

Kohana looked away. "Yeah..."

"OKAY LET'S GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH!" Hidan yelled coming through the front door and slamming it behind him. It slowly opened again to reveal a red-faced Itachi and Deidara who must have been fighting to get through the door only to be hit with it.

Zetsu appeared in the ceiling looking down at the group that had assembled so far. "I'll be participating from here if you don't mind."

Arai nodded her approval as Kohana passed out markers. "Where's Sasori and Kisame? And Kakuzu for that matter?"

"We're here." Sasori said taking his seat as the other two followed suit. "Just discussing items that we need to purchase the next time we go to the store."

Kohana nodded. "Well then, let's get started. Did everyone bring a picture of themselves like I asked?" Slowly the members produced their pictures. "Okay, good. Now I want to write on the back of your picture exactly how you feel about yourself. Make sure to describe in as much detail as you can how you feel about your strengths and weaknesses. Lastly, name one thing you'd like to change or think you should change about yourself."

She gave the group a few minutes to start scribbling before she started on her own picture. When she was done she looked up to find that only Kakuzu had put his marker down. "I refuse to participate if I'm not getting paid for this."

Kohana bit the inside of her lip and nodded, not wanting to even try to persuade the scary man to play along. She looked at Arai who on her right. "Are you ready?"

Arai nodded.

"Okay, I'll need everyone to stand up as they read what they've written while showing the picture to the group. Explain why you chose the picture first then start reading." Kohana instructed.

Arai stood and held up her picture. "This is me and my former best friend, Shikamaru. I chose this picture because it was the last time I smiled. It was right before my grandfather died--"

Itachi's eyes widened a bit. "Sarutobi. That's why you look so familiar."

"Itachi. No interruptions." Kohana shook her head then signaled for Arai to continue.

"Anyway, for the most part I'm pretty satisfied with the new me. The old me was much weaker emotionally and physically. The new me refuses to take any shit from anyone and won't hesitate to try to shove your head up your ass. The only thing I want to change is the fact that Orochimaru is still alive. I will make him pay."

Kohana nodded scribbling on her notepad. "So the new you is driven by revenge?"

Arai looked at her. "Not entirely. That particular aspect is more of a long term goal."

Ko bit the end of her pen and looked up at her. "So then...why won't you smile again? Do you think emotions make you weak?"

Arai nodded. "They distract you from your goal."

"I agree!" Itachi shouted holding up an "I Agree!" signed he had made out of construction paper and a yard stick.

Kohana blinked. "Okay...you both may sit down. Next?"

Tobi stood and held out his photo proudly for all to see. It was a picture of him and Michiko, Sasori's blow up doll that looked exactly like Deidara. Jaws dropped and one of the men let out a shrill scream...probably Deidara. Kohana covered her eyes as Tenshi gagged and Arai leaned away with fear in her eyes.

"What the fuck, man?!" Itachi turned away.

It was a picture of Tobi "becoming a man" with Michiko. Sasori only stared, wide-eyed and humiliated.

Zetsu took the picture from the good boy and turned it around so he could see it better. "Not bad Tobi. What a good boy you are. This would make a decent addition to my website." Zetsu looked down at Tobi who was smiling. "I see a porn star in the making!"

"WHOO HOO!!!" Tobi cheered and ran out of the room then back in only to run straight upstairs. Kisame's hand shot up.

"Y-yes?" Kohana tried to keep a straight face.

"Will you offer individual counseling later for...that?" He asked, eye and shoulder twitching at the memory.

"Please, yeah?"

"I've just been visually raped." Itachi whispered rubbing his eyes. Kohana could only nod. Hell, she'd need counseling too when it was all said and done.

"I'll go next then." Zetsu interrupted the scarred silence going into his cloak.

"No!!!" Most of the men jumped up.

"Oh? Are you sure?"

"Absolutely fucking positive, seriously." Hidan answered dry heaving. The counseling continued with much more G-Rated, boring, kid friendly answers. Of course, Kakuzu had nothing to contribute. Kisame wished that he'd attend his EMD (Excessive Murdering Disorder) group sessions more often with Hidan (even though he'd been showing more progress than Hidan). Sasori wanted to do something worthwhile with his puppets, such as opening a theater to put on plays. Kakuzu noted that if he did so, he could charge people to see his freaky little shows and earn money for him to collect commission on. To this, Deidara declared that he wanted to open a museum to display his precious clay works. Arai had to point out that if he did follow through with such a dangerous goal, he could accidently blow their part of the Earth to Jupiter, killing them all and preventing him from ever proving to Sasori that his art was true art. While Deidara agreed with this, Sasori immediately announced that Deidara's various forms of molested Play-Doh could never be artwork. Kohana leaned over to Tenshi telling her that she thought art was paintings. Thus, a very deadly art fight erupted. Deidara and Sasori versus Kohana and anyone else that put themselves in between them and the retarded girl. Tenshi called Deidara a pissy little girl and went to her room, refusing to be subjected to anymore of the anger management. Itachi seized the opportunity to battle Deidara and jumped in, pretending that he actually cared for their "baby-sitter".

Then the front door opened and Leader and Konan came in. "What the hell is going on here?"

Head whipped around and bodies froze. However, Itachi was caught off guard and couldn't tell exactly who was standing at the door. "GRAND FIREBALL JUTSU!"

"ITACHI, NO!!!!"