Mikey's P.O.V

Weeks went by and i was getting weaker. i had lost at least 30 pounds and everytime i ate, i would just throw it up. they had me hooked to an IV, feeding me fluids so i wouldnt get dehydrated.

Gee never left my side, he would always tell me encouraging things, but he and i both knew i was dying, and no one could stop it. they were having trouble finding my stemcells, so it seemed that wasnt an option anymore. sometimes i would wake up to the sound of Gee crying.

we both pretended that he wasnt scared, but we knew that he was more scared than me. whenever he would say "Hey Mikes! looks like you held that down for a few extra minutes! your getting better!" we both knew he meant "i love you and your dying, and i cant help you. i hate this."

before i started to lose lots of weight and get really sick, we made love every night. i rocked his world and he rocked mine, till i started bruising and getting sore. we had joked that it was us fucking too hard, but turns out it was because i was deteriorating. so he wouldnt fuck me, but he would suck me, till i started to sleep for days on end. so now we would sometimes touch each other, but i would always end up too tired to finish him off. he said it didnt bother him, but it bothered me.

it wasnt fair.

he deserved to be with someone who wasnt dying, who could make love to him, who could at least finish a fucking handjob for him, and i told him this once, in turn he said "No, you deserve someone strong, who can help you and love you right who can be the man you need, not me." "Are you breaking up with me?" i had asked "No! no Mikey, never! but im letting you know, if anyone needs someone better, its you."

he was helping me shower right now, he was gently rubbing circles into my back with some soap and then he started to wash my hair. "Guess what Mikey?" he said excitedly "What?" i asked in a weak voice that made him flinch "you ate thirty minutes ago... and you havent thrown it up yet..." my eyebrows furrowed, that was a long time. "Really?" "Yup!" i smiled a little and said "Thats cool." "Thats great! see? you are gonna be ok!" i smiled wider, but i knew he was just trying to make me feel better.

"And," he went on "I think that deserves some kind of reward..." he got down and licked my dick.

sick or not, i was hard in a second.

"Gee, you dont have to-" "Mikey, shut up." he said playfully and stuck me in his mouth. i almost fell from how good it felt. he kept going and i leaned on the wall for support. i finished quicker than i thought i would have and he swallowed my release. he finished helping me shower then towelled me off.

he helped me into some sweat pants and a longsleeved shirt that used to be too tight, but was now three sizes too big. i was cold all the time, being so skinny and all. i still hadnt puked, and hope filled me. i thought i was hopeful all the time, but feeling it now made me realize i had lost it for, well, awhile. Gee helped me into bed and he sat down next to me.

our mother waked in with a bag of something. "Michael! i brought you something!" "I can see that." "I know he will make you feel better!" she sounded as excited as Gee had in the shower and i realized it must take alot of energy to make them sound this way. i smiled anyway and she pulled out Sparkles, my stuffed unicorn.

i smiled big and reached for him. he felt softer than i remembered and i hugged him close "Thanks mom." i smiled at her and she sat at the foot of my bed. "Wheres dad?" i asked and i saw her struggle to keep the same happy face, as well as Gerard. "He had to work late again, he said he will try to stop by, but he's been so tired lately, you know how they work him." she said, but i knew what that meant

"He doesnt want to see me." i said aloud.

"Oh No Michael! he would love to-" Mom started to say when Gee said "No he doesnt, he's having a hard time." "Gerard!" my mother snapped at him but i said "Just tell me the truth mom, he's just waiting for me to die so he can pay for everything and get back to what he has to do." i said not looking at them, just playing with Sparkle's tail. i heard her start to cry and Gee said "Your not going to die Mikey, its been an hour and you havent puked! and you ate a really big meal!"

i looked up at him with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face and said "Gee, im going to die. there is nothing anyone can do for me, but its ok, when i go, i know i can count on you to hold things together, i know you will be a great artist with his own line of paints and pencils, and mom will stop cooking stroganoff cuz she knows you hate it and only i liked it, and maybe i will even see Ganma Elie. its gonna be ok."

he broke down into tears, crying so hard he couldnt breathe. i pulled him into a hug and cried with him, not as hard, but at least i cried. mom was crying hard too, shaking at my feet. i could feel my stomach start to ache and the familiar acid in my throat, so i pushed Gee away and grabbed the bucket next to my bed and hurlled. i threw everything up, dry heaving for a few minutes. Gee was rubbing my back as i puked, whispering soothing things, and mom was crying harder.

after i was done, i settled into bed and Gee went to dump and clean the bucket. "I-i h-have to go, i l-love you sweetie." mom said, kissing my forehead and nearly ran from the room. she didnt bother asking Gee if he was going to go with her, he never left.

i could hear the water going and i stood to go see Gee. when i walked in, he was sitting on the toilet with his arm exposed, a blade in hand, and blood on the floor. he didnt see me and was muttering "Its not enough! its just not enough!"

i collapsed to my knees and cried hard. i literally was wailing. "Mikey!" he ran to me and took me to the bed. "No! no no no! no Gee, no! no please no!" i cried out, looking at his arm where the fresh wounds looked at me. "Shh, its ok babe, breathe, c'mon Mikey, just calm down." he was saying, fanning me and shushing me. i cried harder.

he was hurting because of me, i made him do this. i might as well have cut him myself. i was the blade.

"Im sorry! Im so sorry Gerard! I never meant to hurt you! i never meant to do this to you! i will die! i will die if it makes it better for you, i promise!" i said between the tears. "Mikey! Mikey, no! please, i need you! dont die Mikey, please dont Die!" he was crying hard now too. he threw the blade into the corner and held me close.

i could feel the blood soak into my shirt. in an act of desperation, i kissed him hard. my tongue forcing its way into his mouth. he was bewildered, but kissed me back. we lost our clothing and locked the door. just as he was about to enter me he stopped "No, Mikey i cant, i'll hurt you!" i pushed him down and crawled ontop of him and let him in. "Make love to me Gerard, Make love to me." i said and i started to rock my hips.

he moaned loud and gently grabbed my hip bones, making me go faster. he rolled us over and made love to me. when we were done, i was more than exausted, i lay in bed, holding his arm to my chest, panting. he didnt say anything, and i knew i was probably bruising right now, but i wanted him to know i loved him.

more than my own life i loved him.

he fell asleep before me, his face close to mine. i was feeling strange. my heart was racing, my sight was like i was looking thru tubes, the room was getting more and more quiet, my breathing was slowing down, and i was weaker than ever.

This is it, i thought, im passing.