Uzumaki Naruto, Sorceror for hire
xxx
Naruto stared at the small form glugging down the provided sake as the flash of light died down. The fact that technically, a full gallon of the liquid should have ruptured all of the tiny beings internal organs, killing it painfully, didn't really register. After all, this was an obviously magical being. Logic, and the laws of physics tended not to apply in the face of magic.
That just left the question of just what his new Familiar was.
"What are you?" Naruto wondered aloud, having run a mental check for possibilities and coming up blank.
It turned and grinned, after having finished off the offered bait.
"What do you think I am, Boss?"
"... I don't know. Could you give me a few minutes? I'm sure theres a book in here on magical beings... somewhere."
xxx
"Okay... so basically, you're..."
"I'm what's called a Magical Mutt, Boss. Or a Chimera if you prefer the fancy term for it. Basically, we're what happens when you mix more than two types of magical beings together. Usually that only happens in the labs of crazy wizards. Me... I'm a special case, in that it occured naturally."
"I... see. I think. So you were born of...?"
"Well... it's a little complicated, but heres the basic family tree. On one side, my grandsire was an Archangel. You know... big white wings, white robe, halo, fiery sword, the works. But as it turned out, he was far better at hunting out and destroying the perversion of undead than he was at demons. He ended up getting drunk in a bar and being seduced by a Succubus, thinking that she was a human barwench. Not exactly so 'pure' as you would expect a Celestial to be, right?"
Naruto blinked and began rustling around in his cloak.
"Excuse me a moment... lets see... parchment... pen... pen... ah here it is. Keep going."
The small being frowned for a moment but shrugged. Magic users were almost as bad as scribes... they seemed to have a driving need to put everything they found interesting to paper.
"Well... if you know much about Celestial and Infernal entities, then you know that this could have turned out to be a VERY BAD THING. But somehow, it worked out well for them. Granddam had never been into the whole 'minion of evil' thing, Grandsire was pretty happy that she wasn't going to stop him from going out and 'being a purging and wrathful flame in the corrupted lands' and so on... and they both apparrently really enjoyed the sex. That probably had a whole lot to do with it."
Naruto was scribbling madly. This... this was magnificent!
"Now anyway, on my other side... we don't talk about Grandfather much. He was an Incubus, the counterpart of Succubi, but unlike Granddam, he really was into the whole 'forces of darkness' thing. In the end, Grandsire killed him, but not before he raped and impregnated Grandmother. She was a Fairy, you know. Actually, I'm not sure why he bothered with her except that she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he was bored. Being a Fairy, she'd completely forgotten the whole incident after about a week, but the fact was that she was still pregnant."
Naruto was still scribbling madly. This was like one of those horrible soap operas. He had to make a study of the social dynamics of the involved parties, and how everything had worked out so well.
"Anyway, after Grandmother gave birth to Mam, she ended up wandering off. I don't like to say it but... Fairie's aren't known for their responsibility. So Grandsire and Granddam ended up raising her alongside their own son... one thing led to another... and the two ended up wedding and becoming my Sire and Mam."
"That... that's fascinating. So in effect, you yourself are two parts Infernal, one part Celestial, and one part Fae?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
That did explain the height. She was only a foot or so tall, which would still dwarf her grandmother, as the average Fairy was something like two or three inches. He didn't want to put much thought into the concept of one being forcibly impregnated by an Incubus, a demon that could reach six feet of height and more. He very much doubted that it was a simple matter of convenience for the being. Then there were the horns sweeping out from her brow and back over her head, the whiplike tail that came to an arrowhead point, and the fact that her feet ended in cloven hooves, and that the upper pair of her four wings were upside down. While the fact that she had four wings was probably a throwback to Fae genetics, everything else was heavily influenced by her mostly demonic heritage. Save one thing. Everything about her, except her oddly large blue eyes, was a soft gentle white. From short-cropped hair to feathery wings, to hide/skin, to the goatlike fur from knees down. He made a note to sketch a picture of her at some point to add to the study.
"Actually... Now that I think about it, I was at a family dinner. And given that Grandsire is an Archangel and can travel freely between all realms, he should be arriving right about..."
Naruto stiffened and broke out into a cold sweat as there was a flash of light from behind him and the sensation of cold metal pressing gently against his throat.
It looked like he might well end up fighting for his life after all.
xxx
Actually, the Archangel was rather more understanding about the matter than Naruto had expected. After all, it wasn't really anyones fault... just an unnoticed flaw in the spell itself. And now they were bound together, and all, and the spell was unbreakable until one of the two died and all that, and there was really nothing to be done about it, so no hard feelings, right?
That didn't stop him from noting that if the young sorceror didn't 'treat his granddaughter properly' then he would have no objections towards ending the spell prematurely. He'd been significantly clutching at the hilt of his sword as he stated that.
Naruto made a note to treat his new Familiar with the UTMOST respect and care. He held no illusions... he was a powerful sorceror for a preteen, yes, but it would be decades before he could hope to do anything but die against even a weak Archangel. Given that Soun-san's long black hair had begun to turn grey, indicating that he'd been around for quite some time, it would be something more like centuries before he could match him. Unless he did one of those life-extending rituals, it wouldn't matter by that point.
Still, best to get some rest now. Kazumi was exploring the tower, but he'd need to be up in the morning to go pick up that damned headband.
xxx
"So, what do you think of him?"
"He's... not what I expected. A Chaotic, yet Neutral alignment. Yet obviously not insane... well, yet anyway. And it seems he's gotten himself accidentally pledged to the service of that village, whose leader is Good, and yet mainly Nuetral."
"That bodes well for the future. Even if it is not his first inclination to do good, he can be convinced."
"I still do not believe that he can be the one."
"The seer was very clear about the matter, dear. He is the proper age, has trained himself in the mystical arts, and has just summoned and bound our daughter as his familiar."
"Hrumph."
"Now, children... We'll just have to wait and see what happens. It may be that we will not have to intervene at all."
"HA. Fat chance of that. The boy was terrified of Soun... there's no way he'll make it through the coming trials unaided."
"Well... I am rather intimidating. And it's not like I couldn't crush most of these trials singlehandedly, without use of my sword."
"But it's the boy who is being tested. And if he's a coward, then he will have to be... pressured into the tests."
"I don't think he's a coward. More... wary. He probably knew full well that he was no match for me. There's only so much experience one can gain from reading books, and an unexperienced mage is an easy kill. Experienced ones now..."
The family meeting degenerated into one of Soun's many war stories.
xxx
Naruto spent enough time the next day in that dinky little apartment that he was there when the nondescript box with the forehead protector arrived. Immediately afterwards he headed back to the tower, planning on researching as many useful spells as possible. After all, the spells were mostly one-shot deals. Memorize them, then cast them, then you'd have to memorize them again. But until he cast them, he wanted to be as versatile as possible.
Fourth, Fifth and Sixth level 'Summon Creature' spells, a 'Snowball' spell that wasn't nearly as harmless as the name sounded. A couple variations of the basic 'Chain Lightning', as well as an 'Entangling Vines' and a nifty little spell that would turn an average tree into a wooden golem, along with a similar one that would do the same for a couple hundred gallons of water, but into an ice golem... the problem with that was that used in hot climates, it would melt within hours. Then he'd gotten a couple more Fireball spells and a few healing ones...
So yeah, that day was pretty packed. And now he was in the classroom and waiting for his 'Ninja Team' to be announced. His presence would have been objected by the children that actually wanted to be here, except that the graduation exam had been held in a closed room, so for all they knew he could well have passed.
"Team seven: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura... and Uzumaki Naruto. Jounin-sensei Hatake Kakashi. Team eight..."
Naruto mentally tuned out the rest. He was with Duck-butt and Pink-hair. That was all he needed to know. He called on everything he could remember about those two... huh... wasn't much at all. While Duck-butt was 'Number one rookie', and so could probably put up a decent fight, compared to the rest anyway, Pink-hair was just brainy. Which meant that in a combat situation, she'd be useless.
Naruto scowled mentally. He was a magic-user dammit! He was fragile. He needed meat shields to keep the sharp, pointy claws/knives/swords/spears/etc. away from him while he powered up some blast of arcane destruction. These... these were pathetic. The Uchiha wouldn't last five minutes against anything that could be summoned with a third level 'Summon Creature' spell. And Pinky? She'd die to a first level.
The point of having a meat shield was that they were tough enough to survive being used as a meat shield. If they died then you'd have to find another. Which would be just fantastic.
Naruto forced the sarcasm away as he sat back to wait for their instructor to arrive. Most of the other kids had left by this time, Pinky seemed to only be interested in talking to the Uchiha, who wasn't interested in talking to either of them, leaving him back in a dark, quiet corner.
Just the way he preferred things. Although he was slightly irritated as hours passed before the man actually decided to show up. Hell, if he'd known they'd be waiting this long, he'd have brought reading material.
Reading material being the diary of the barbarian Hrea the Scholarly. That was a girl he would have liked to have met. Smart enough to be intelligent conversation, yet beefy enough to serve as an effective meatshi- protector, that was it, protector. After all, all magic users needed a powerful protector. The fact that she was apparently half-orc would help greatly.
He blinked and halted his partial meditations as a man with improbable hair stuck his head in the room.
"You're team seven? My first impression of you guys... to be blunt, it's pretty bad. Meet on the roof."
Wow. That was blunt. Naruto wanted to stab him. He reminded himself that if he got someone else's blood on his athame it would take weeks to purify it. Himself reminded he that he did, in fact, have other knives available to use. An accord was reached. There would be stabbing at the first available opportunity.
xxx
"So, lets introduce ourselves. Likes, dislikes, you know the drill."
There was silence as all three kids just stared at the one-eyed madman. Two of them were extremely antisocial. One just didn't want to go first. Actually, she was also kind of curious about the new teacher as well, so...
"Um, sensei? Could you, maybe, go first and show us how it's done?"
"... Right. I'm Hatake Kakashi. What I like and dislike are none of your business, you're too young to know about any of my hobbies, and as for my dreams... heheheh..."
Sakura just stared at the loopy grin that you could just tell was underneath that mask somewhere.
"Alright, you next Pinky."
Naruto grinned. On second thought, maybe he could delay the stabbing for a little while. Sakura just frowned but spoke up anyway.
"Haruno Sakura. I like..." She glanced at Sasuke and giggled, causing him to almost imperceptibly stiffen. "I HATE Ino-pig. My hobbies are..." She giggled again, louder, sending chills down the poor Uchiha's spine. "And my dreams... Kyaa!"
"Right... wow. You gave out almost as little information as I did." And she was remarkably two dimensional, he carefully did not say. "Alright, you next, brooding boy. The Uchiha one."
Naruto blinked. Technically, he wasn't brooding. He just sat in the shade because he preferred to be out of direct sunlight, and he didn't feel like talking to anyone just yet. It hadn't quite hit him just how similar in appearance such actions were to Sasuke's own.
"Uchiha Sasuke. I like some things, and dislike many more. I have no hobbies. And... I wouldn't call them 'dreams' but more of 'an ambition'. To ressurect my clan... and destroy a certain man utterly, in every way, shape, and form."
Kakashi sighed, at this point despairing of recieving any information that wasn't covered in their dossiers. What he didn't know was that Naruto had grown bored and decided to spice up his own introduction a bit. He was talking before Kakashi had the chance to point at him.
"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I wield phenominal power, and have sociopathic tendencies in its use. It's not to say that I can't understand that there are some obviously wrong uses of my power, it's simply that when my blood starts to heat up too much I stop caring. Even now, I'm focusing on keeping myself calm so as not to go berserk and accidentally kill you all. I dislike boredom, and tend to alleviate such with my likes, which include reading, experimentation with secret techniques, and large explosions. I haven't practiced any of my hobbies in years, as doing so within Konoha's walls would lead to my summary exile and/or execution. As for my dreams, I feel that this is too personal a question to answer as of yet."
Quite naturally, both of his teammates had gone rather stiff and pale at certain of his proclamations, mentally trying to prove he was just spouting bullshit, but finding no evidence of such. There was no real evidence that he was telling the truth either, so he could be joking, but there was no evidence that he'd lied. This was also in the forefront of Kakashi's mind as well, although he was much better at masking his sudden anxiety. Mainly because three quarters of his face was covered. Had he begun to access the Kyuubi's power!? No... No, his chakra seemed normal. Oh... just a joke then. Hahaha, good one. He'd just make sure to pound the brat later for nearly giving him a heart attack.
"Alright, now that we all know each other, there's one more thing to do. Your final, final examination."
"Wha... But sensei!?"
"Did you think that that little test before was all? No, that's just to weed out the losers that have no hope whatsoever as a ninja. No, the real test will be survival training."
"But sensei! We've already had survival training in the academy!"
"Not like this, you haven't. Because you'll have to survive... me. Six sharp, tomorrow morning. And... don't eat breakfast. You'll just puke it back up."
Kakashi dissappeared in a swirl of leaves, but not too far. He wanted to see how they reacted to this. And he was dissappointed. Sasuke had immediately headed off one way, with Sakura trailing behind him like a lovesick puppy. Naruto had gone completely the other.
This... this was just great. How the hell was he supposed to pound the concept of teamwork into these brat's skulls? Sakura would gladly to anything Sasuke asked... but would ignore Naruto's existence, so long as he wasn't doing something that couldn't be ignored, like actively putting a kunai to her throat. Sasuke was similar, but would ignore both Sakura and Naruto, and Naruto was just as bad.
Why did they always dump the problem cases on him? Every single bloody time... and then they have the gall to wonder just why he'd never passed a team.
xxx
Hmm... it was cold. That was easily dealt with, by a minor cantrip that caused 'protection from elements'. Ah, that was better. Let the two plebians wonder why they were shivering and he wasn't. They'd probably blame it on his cloak. Tough. If they were dumb enough to come out here in the early, early morning without something to keep them warm, they deserved to stay cold.
He removed the diary from a pocket inside his cloak once the sun rose, not knowing, but suspecting that Kakashi would leave them waiting here for the next few hours. Hours that could be well spent puzzling out the confusing Orcish script. That Hrea's handwriting wasn't the best about made things more difficult.
Hours later, he'd translated a page and a half and Kakashi had finally arrived. Pity, it was just getting to the good bit, involving barrels of cheese, duergar, and a lava flow. Even when she was completely outnumbered and outclassed, she'd figured out a trap to cut the enemy down to size.
And Kakashi was talking. Whoops. Better pay attention.
"...Two bells. So at best, only two of you can pass, although there's a chance that only one or none of you will get a bell, and will all be returning to the academy."
Naruto raised a hand.
"Yes?"
"So... technically, I could just walk away and let these two become ninja, while I myself was dropped from the program?"
"... Yes?"
Naruto considered the pros and cons of such an action for a moment before nodding and turning away. He made it three whole steps before Kakashi's hand clamped down on his shoulder.
"That was what ninja's and those in the poker profession call a 'bluff'. And while I'm impressed that you called it, you're not allowed to leave. You have to at least make the attempt to get a bell."
"Hmph. Fine. But I hope you know what you're getting into, sensei."
Kakashi considered that for a moment before brushing it off. He was just a Genin... what could he possibly do? Famous last words.
"In any case, you have until this clock hits noon. Begin."
Sakura and Sasuke dissappeared into the cover of the nearby trees and undergrowth. Kakashi nodded... it wasn't as good as he'd prefer, but it was decent for genin and... he blinked as he realized that Naruto hadn't moved an iota, and seemed to be considering his next move carefully.
He tensed his muscles, ready for the attack. There was always one that immediately went this route. Although... he was waiting an awful long time... to? He just turned around.
"It would be most polite to allow the others to attack first. Have fun."
Then he sat down under a tree. Kakashi just stared at the sheer... sheer... whatever of him as, just for a moment, he let down his guard. Though not enough that when Sasuke let loose a barrage of pointy metal, he couldn't perform kawarimi.
"Crap! He was faking it!"
Sasuke took off, in an attempt to find someplace else to hide, heading deeper into the woods. Kakashi sighed and glanced between the direction he'd fled and where Naruto was reading an old, leather-wrapped book in the shade of a tree. Then his eyes turned to where Sakura had hidden herself, and he shunshined behind her.
"Magen: Narakumi no jutsu."
Now to see how she reacted to the... huh. Wow. And she was supposed to be a Genjutsu specialist in the making? Three and a half seconds of her worst fear and she was out cold, foaming at the mouth. That... that really sucked. He shook his head in disbelief. This was shaping up to be the worst set of kids he'd had yet. He shook his head and decided to try Sasuke next. It only took him moments before he was confronting him in a small clearing.
"... I'm different from the others."
"That's nice. Shall we begin?"
For the first few passes of blows it was just pure Taijutsu. Nothing special. Then Sasuke began making handsigns and Kakashi's eye widened at the sequence. No way! No academy student should have the available chakra to...
"Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu!"
Sasuke couldn't see what happened through the flame, but was pretty sure that would finish things. Except that Kakashi wasn't there when the flames died down. Not in front, not behind, not to the sides, so that left... above!
Sasuke's gaze shot up and his eyes widened as... nothing was there. Then a hand grabbed at his ankle, pulling him below the ground.
"Below. 'Doton: Shinju Zanshuu'. You're right, you're not like the rest. You're still not that great though."
Sasuke stewed in rage, buried to the neck in dirt, as Kakashi walked off.
xxx
"They're finished then, Hatake-san? That was quick."
Kakashi shrugged.
"Faster than I expected really. Your turn?"
"A moment." The page of his book flipped. "If I'm correct, this test is a hoax. The value of teamwork has been noted multiple times throughout the history of Konoha. The bells are a ruse, promoting indecisiveness and driving a wedge between the team members. If they cannot bridge this gap and work properly as a cohesive unit, they fail the test."
Kakashi nodded, impressed, and marking a few points by the boy's name in his mental scoresheet. He'd just clearly and succinctly outlined the point of the whole test. Then Naruto placed a marker in his book, tucked it away in his cloak, and stood up.
"It's really a pity. You see, I've never played well with others. No matter. Perhaps I can show 'teamwork' in another manner. Kazumi!"
Kakashi blinked as the strange... being appeared in a flash of light. Okaaay... Hokage-sama had mentioned his suspicions that Naruto might have an animal companion... but he'd really been expecting a dog or cat or something like that. Maybe a fox. This had caught him completely off guard.
Almost as much as the strange chant.
"A'anakret then'arienad else'ereinistet tr'emorioliniad! Creature, to me!"
Still staring as a strange glowing symbol (glyph) appeared on the ground and a large... huge... freakishly big, gorillaish, humanoid creature appeared. It was half again his height, carried a club that it seemed to have fashioned itself out of the trunk of a tree, was hairy to the point that it appeared to be thick, matted fur, and its face looked like it had been bashed repeatedly into a stone wall, then partially melted.
"It's a Troll. Let's see if this is teamwork enough for you!"
Naruto paused as he considered taking up the act from yesterday again. It was a well noted fact that most sorcerors either were insane, or feigned insanity. Less questing heroes knocking on your door to ask stupid questions that way. He shrugged as the trolls club slammed into the ground where Kakashi had just been standing before he'd leapt away. Why not. It wasn't like it would be that difficult. A malevolent leer slid across his face as Kazumi decided it would be best to watch this fight from the vantage point of that tree over there.
Kakashi twisted in midair to avoid a ball of hot, searing flame, attached his feet to the incoming club with chakra, then pushed off with all his might to get out of swinging range, flipping a couple of times in midair to dodge... an icicle? Damn. When Hokage-sama had mentioned Naruto knowing secret techniques, he'd not considered anything like this! Really, he'd just been banking on treating him like an Inuzuka... having to keep an eye out for a dog waiting to leap from the bushes or something like that.
"Hmhmhm...hehehe...HAHAHA! My blood is boiling! Let the game begin! Be you player or pawn, Kakashi?"
Kakashi blinked. 'Kay... this was really bad. Looks like he wasn't kidding about the sociopath thing. This could get ugly.
"Uh.."
"TOO LATE, PAWN! Die!"
The next few minutes were filled with frantic dodging on Kakashi's part. Technically, this would have been made a hell of a lot easier if he could spare a moment to uncover his Sharingan, but most of his mind was being set on avoiding being frozen/electrocuted/set on fire/pierced/slashed/crushed. Naruto chanting 'Diediediediediedie' and drooling in between various nonsensical words and phrases, some of which he would have sworn were impossible to create with human vocal cords, really didn't help matters.
Several more minutes later, the genius ninja had been herded into a trap and bound with writhing vines that had sprung from beneath the ground. He couldn't move any limb so much as an inch, and that club was coming down.
He couldn't help it. His eye closed, knowing that there was a possibility that he was going to die, and waited for the crushing impact. And waited. And felt a tug at his belt. His eyes snapped open to the destroyed section of training ground as the small, winged thing that Naruto had called Kazumi removed the bells from his belt and flew to Naruto, who was clutching at his head with one hand, but reached out with the other to accept one of the bells. Then he reached into his cloak, pulled out a vial of something bluish that steamed as he popped the cork loose, and chugged it down. His eyes were notably saner when he finished... Ah! Medication, of course. Kakashi would have to keep that in mind. It would really suck to have Naruto lose his anti-psychotic meds in the middle of a mission.
He wasn't even considering failing him at this point. He'd pointed out the true meaning of the test, and he'd passed it the wrong way. Sure his personality left a little... a great deal actually... to be desired. But Hokage-sama would skin him alive and use his hide as a throw rug if he just let such potential walk away, as he had seemed inclined towards doing earlier. The only trick was finding a way for the other two to pass as well.
He shrugged. It wasn't really important. Just spew a line of bullshit that sounded reasonable. Like...
xxx
"Anyway, since the test was for you three to work as a team, but Naruto got the bells anyway without any help from either of you, I've decided that you all pass, because technically, expending yourselves pointlessly in an effort to make me waste my chakra before Naruto struck the final blow could in this situation, count as teamwork. Well done!"
"B-but Sensei... where is Naruto then?"
"Hm? Oh, he left. Considering that he's leaps and bounds ahead of you two in his chosen field, I decided to let him go take a nap while you two wasted time fooling around. Frankly, you two kind of stink."
Sasuke slammed his hand into a nearby tree.
"This is bullshit. I refuse to believe that the class Dobe could get the bells on his own. Cut the crap and bring him out, this joke isn't funny."
Kakashi sighed.
"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. So arrogant and unwilling to believe in anything that doesn't fit with your own worlview. Did you ever wonder why Naruto might be last of the class?"
"Obviously, he's an idiot. What's there to understand?"
"You also obviously don't look very hard at things. I took a look at the records... Not once, in the past few years, has he answered any of the questions on the written tests, or turned in a project, or done much of anything at all inside class. Now this, to a lesser degree, isn't exactly an uncommon thing. Everyone ends up missing a test or forgetting to do a project or two in the academy. But all of them, every single one?"
"Like I said, maybe he's retarded, and didn't realize what he was supposed to do. This joke isn't funny."
"Sigh... How about you Sakura?"
"Um..." She kept glancing at Sasuke, obviously unwilling to contradict her crush.
"Forget about Sasuke. He's proving that he's not the sharpest nail in the tack right now. I want your answer, since his is obviously wrong."
She twitched, as though restraining herself from attacking him before she answered. Her buttons were incredibly easy to push.
"He's... sabotaged his own records?"
"Yes! Now anyone who cant think for themselves that looks at the records just sees an idiot. Meanwhile, he's training his Hijutsu-"
"The DOBE has Hijutsu?" Sasuke asked, obviously shocked.
"Sasuke... you're an idiot. Shut up, now. Anyway, yes, he has Hijutsu and a number of elemental Jutsu. You didn't think I did all that alone?"
They looked where he was pointing and had to admit, that section of training ground was pretty much completely destroyed. There was a half-melted icicle sticking out of a tree, flames burning on fallen trees and grass, electrical marks, large impact marks in the ground and smashing trees out of the way, and a huge patch of withered vines growing out of the ground that they were sure hadn't been there before.
"Okay, fine. The dobe has Hijutsu. Who cares. Once I have the Sharingan, he's still toast."
The fact that his voice began to waver with uncertainty midway through the statement was proof of his nervousness.
"Whatever. Meeting tomorrow at six again. Don't be late."
Leaving his students... two out of three, anyway... stunned as he shunshined away.
xxx
A.N.
Nothing to say. Well, one thing.
I was really considering actually having Sirius Black's grim form be the familiar. But then I had a better idea. An entire plot theme in one flash of insight. Hence, the Magical Mutt, Kazumi! And yes, Soun is a physical match for Soun from Ranma. With wings, a halo, and a fiery sword. AND a backbone.
Also, have just discovered the Anime Addventure. It's fun, if mildly confusing. The list of restart points and such really helps, but it's probably not as comprehensive as it could be. Still nice, though. Probably going to have to figure out how to post something there eventually. Could be fun.