That weekend passed in a booze-fuelled lament for Ray, his thoughts consisting entirely of Fraser and his lost friendship. So many times he heard the familiar sound of Fraser's footsteps outside his door, only to fling it open and find himself alone in the hall. Each disappointment made hime more bitter.
"You're Stupid!" he hissed at his drunken face in the mirror, jabbing at his head with his finger, "You've been stupid since the day you first set eyes on him! Thinking about him laughing and smiling, and enjoying the fact that you could make him happy. You have no right to expect people to like you! Sure, ya make 'em happy for a while but pretty quick they're hating you and arguing with you, and wishing you'd go away and leave them alone, and d'you wanna know why? Because you expect too much! You expect people to like you when you like them!" he spat, screwing his face up in inebriated disgust, "You.. you expect people to..huh" a huge sob wracked his body, and finally he broke into tears, "You ex..expe...expect p-people to l-love youu.."
Ray didn't even notice his own epiphany, it didn't matter; deep down he had always known that his feelings for Fraser were not only beyond platonic, but also beyond ordinary lust or passing affection. He had known he loved Benton Fraser since the first day he ever set eyes on him, since that very first moment, and it had compelled him to pull the man into a tight hug. He had just wanted to feel Fraser's chest against his own, to let himself know this was real and he was alive because for a moment there he forgot how to breathe.
But now none of it mattered. Nothing he had ever said or done mattered because Benton Fraser didn't love him back, he didn't want to be close to Ray or be friends with him. In fact, he was absolutely disgusted by Ray's sexuality, and he had left because of it, "And he's never gonna come back!" Ray howled, tears streaming down his face.
At some point within the next few hours he reached a conclusion that he needed to clean himself up, he tried to ignore how pathetic he felt, reassuring himself by thinking that Fraser would be there on Monday, waiting at the office to start their next case and ready to forgive everything. Ray made a firm decision that they would pretend that this had never happened, he would get a girlfriend or talk about getting back with Stella, and the situation would naturally calm down.
Yeah.. that's how it would go down.
He tried to call the consulate once he had sobered up but there was no reply, he ignored his mind telling him Fraser knew it was him calling, in the end he just decided the mountie was out and stopped trying.
Instead he called Walsh at the station and asked if anything interesting was happening, Walsh sounded surprised to hear him, saying he had just been about to dial Ray's number. Ray took down the details of the case, and covered up the throb he felt in his stomach when his boss said "We'll need the mountie on this one." With an overly chirpy "Yep! Sure thing boss!" Walsh sounded mildly skeptical about Ray's mental health as he hung up the phone, but Ray knew he had got away with it this time.
He called at the consulate later, banging at the door with his fist so hard his hand went numb. Fraser answered the door after only a few moments, the confused look on his face turning sour as he saw Ray on the steps before him. "I thought we went our seperate ways." He remarked churlishly.
"Okay! You hate me now – I get it!" snapped Kowalski before sighing and looking away. He heard Fraser move to close the door, and reached his hand out to stop it closing, his gaze flicking back to the mountie's face, "I need you on a case." He stated, barely above a mumble.
"I'm afraid I'm not available." Fraser moved to close the door again, putting more weight on it, so Ray wedged his shoulder agianst it and leaned on it.
"You don't have a choice!" he grunted, struggling to keep the door open, "It affects the consulate."
After a moment of glaring at Ray suspiciously Fraser moved away from the door, walking away as it flung open behind him, sprawling Ray across the floor of the consulate's entranc e hall for the second time that week.
"Jeez Frase!" He puffed as he stood up again, closing the door and following his ex-friend to the office at the back of the consulate.
Once inside Fraser sat at his desk, motioning that Ray should do so himself, "Please be brief, I don't have time for 'idle chat' I'm afraid." And Ray could've sworn he would be sneering if he wasn't so Canadian.
"Yeah, me neither, you know I actually have jurisdiction round here." Ray shot back at him, "Anyway there's a stakeout tonight, the building next door has had threats which suggest a possible terror attack, so I need you there incase someone shows up and tries to escape by jumping over the fence into consulate grounds."
"So you need me to arrest them if they come over here?" Fraser chose to ignore Ray's comments about his lack of authority on American soil.
"Yeah, okay?" Ray didn't even wait for Fraser's reply before he headed for the door; he had to get the hell outta here, and then he could just get as far away as possible.