Soldier

by MorbidPet17

The sequel to My Own Army. How Amanda deals with events that took place two years ago when her world once again starts to slowly deteriorate. Will the squad be able to keep her from going down the rabbit hole?

3. Chapter 3: Counterattack

Sorry for slacking with the update, it's the Stockholm Filmfestival - my fave time of the year - and it's been keeping me occupied. Sorry.
Okay this chapter is rather PG. & rather slow-moving. My knowledge of psychology and mental care is limited so there might be factual errors in this chapter. I've tried to do my research but it's bound to have some faults in there, I hope it doesn't take away too much from the story.
Thank you so very much for the reviews! Happy reading!

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Chapter 3: Counterattack

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Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. (Proverbs 28:13)

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Fin made a rumbling noise as she headed towards her desk and not straight in to Liv's office which they'd decided last night.

"Can you just let me hang my jacket," she hissed shooting him a deadly stare over her shoulder. Fin sighed, didn't let his discontent be hidden but then went over to hang his jacket on his chair as well. He could tell she was stalling, found something in her pocket that she apparently needed to put down on her desk and then she couldn't just fling her jacket on her chair like any other day but had to make sure the sleeves hung down.

He gave her a less than amused look once she finally looked back up at him and then he had to make a sweeping gesture to get her moving. She took a deep breath, looked very unwilling but then finally moved towards Liv's office.

They've had a long night. Not much sleep for either of them. After he'd found out about the threatening texts she'd started receiving three weeks ago he'd first held her for a long time. She'd been crying, scared now that the truth was out and it stared her straight on. He'd felt like crying too, he couldn't help but feel they'd been so close to something, something that wasn't just nightmares and wounds that needed healing but something… great and something sweet and rewarding that he couldn't help but feel that they both deserved. And then shit had to hit the fan like some ominous power felt the need to constantly tear at them. At her.

Once he'd been able to think straight again he'd focused all on her. Her wellbeing was most important to him. So then he'd gotten angry again. Why had she hid this from him? Why hadn't she shown him the texts? Why had she stayed silent and in torment for three fucking weeks?

Through tears, and only in her skirt and bra, she'd told him she thought it was just a prank at first. That someone was just pulling her leg, at least that's what she'd wanted to think cause the alternative… she just couldn't deal with that right now. She just couldn't deal. It was too much.

And he realized shouting at her wasn't what she needed right now and he'd wanted to hug her again but now her, and his, since he was still not wearing a shirt, semi-nakedness seemed uncomfortable for her and to his frustration she'd pulled away. After she had a shower and draped a few layers of clothes back on he'd gotten her to sit down again. Now with cups of steaming hot tea in front of them.

He'd learnt she'd called Simon's psych ward – Broadmare psychiatric hospital – and according to them he wasn't allowed any contact with the outside world which meant no internet or phone privileges so Amanda couldn't imagine how he could be behind these texts. Fin was of the belief that if there was an evil will it would find a way so he wasn't ready to count Simon out just yet.

He also learnt she'd tried tracking the numbers but they all seemed to go to throwaway phones, disposable ones used just for that one or two texts. He could tell how much this troubled her even though she tried to not make it sound like such a big deal.

He tried to come up with other potential suspects but every new question he asked seemed to make the weight on her shoulders even heavier. No, she'd received no threats other than the texts. No, she couldn't remember anyone getting angry at her out of the ordinary. No, no recent cases were similar to the Mayhem case. And no, she didn't think Mayhem had an accomplice.

Long after the steam of their tea was gone, once their cups had been empty for a while they made their way down the hallway to his bedroom. No one had said anything for a while and no one said anything as they made the strenuous walk down the hall. Her entire body felt like deadweight, every step as though her ankles were tied to anchors and the scars in her hands making themselves felt as though they were sending a foreboding warning. His head felt heavy too as it was filled with memories on how she'd looked as they brought her up from that bunker and he now feared equal harm could come to her.

Both lay down heavily on each side of the bed, both too tired to bother to pull the cover or to shed any clothes. She'd laid down on her back while he immediately rolled over her way in a need to keep his eyes on her. It didn't take long until she rolled over on her side too and he watched her tuck her hands in underneath her cheek. She usually slept on her side, usually curled up in the fetal position.

He knew cause he'd watched her many nights, passed her room with concern and a need to make sure she was okay. The door was always open at night, he was thankful it was but then sadden because he figured he knew the reason why. He'd never asked but knew locked doors freaked her out. He'd seen many times how her eyes had gone to a door closing, that tiny sound as the spring fell in to the socket and the moment of despair on her face as she feared getting locked inside. It didn't matter that he was in there with her, for a second she was locked in her own painful memory and it sadden him momentously.

Even though she was facing him she managed to keep her eyes hidden from his. She looked tired to him but he figured it would take a long while before she found peace enough to let herself drift there.

"Are you scared?" he asked, his voice as grave as such a question deserved. Her eyelashes flickered and then she exposed her blues to him. She didn't have to answer, her eyes told him the answer.
"We're going to get to the bottom with this," he said, "whoever it is we're going to catch him and we're going to make him pay."

She hid her eyes from him again. He kept watching her, listened to her breathing.

"We're telling Liv tomorrow," he said and again her eyes met his. This time she looked more startled than scared.
"We're telling Liv tomorrow," he repeated as he could feel an objection in the air between them.

"She won't understand," she whispered as her eyes disappeared again.
"She will Amanda, she's on your side too. She'll be just as alarmed as me but she'll understand."
"She won't like that I didn't tell her immediately."
"Either did I but you don't see me kicking you out," he said and smiled as he saw the tiny twitch at the corner of her mouth.
"You almost did," she whispered, that tiny smile still lingering. She was right, he'd been really angry. With him worry often came out as fury.

"Wouldn't have blamed you," she added as the smile disappeared. He couldn't stand the void between them and extended his hand on the bed. He left it palm up in front of her though, giving her the option to take it or not. She watched his hand for a while, took in every inch of that strong and masculine hand that had caught her so often when she needed it the most. How could she deny him? She pulled one of her hands out from underneath her cheek and granted him her touch. He wasted no time wrapping his fingers around her small hand and he held it tight.

"We'll walk in to her office first thing tomorrow morning and we'll sort this out," he whispered. Nothing more was said about it after that. He soon managed to wheel her in, wrapped his strong arms around her and entwined his legs with hers. It took a while but then he felt her start to relax. It would take much longer for her to actually fall asleep though. She kept jolting back from sleep, like something terrifying waited for her just as she managed to get there. Each time he stroke her back gently, reassured her she was safe.

She got frustrated after the fifth time, he felt her start to pull away but he told her to stay. She spun around in his arms, let him pull her back in to his chest and tried to relax back down. It kept happening but he could feel fatigue taking her over and knew she would soon manage to stay on the other side. He just hoped whatever monster was in her dream wouldn't be there then.

Once she was sound asleep his mind started wandering again. How did Simon do this? Why? Why after two years start up again? Could it really be someone else? And if so, was this person working with Simon or was he just a loose cannon? Could it be just a prank? Amanda's name had never been released to the media so it must be someone involved with the investigation then. He sighed as he played with a strand of her blonde hair on the pillow next to him.

They'd been so close. They'd been at the verge of something normal, something they hadn't been close to since Kim died. He knew it was naïve to blame Kim but he often wished she would've just stayed away. Had she never died, managed to cross path with Simon, Amanda would've never gotten herself in such a predicament. Things could've gone on like normal. Amanda crushed by Kim's stunt last time she was in town but Amanda would've been left not shattered, not this broken and held together by frail, temporary band-aids.

Now he feared things could unravel again. Two years of healing down the drain. But Liv would know what to do. Surely she would know what to do. He had to believe that and it was what finally made him able to fall asleep.

He would be awoken a few hours later, Amanda fighting for her life in her sleep. He caught a fist to the side of his head before he was able to gather her wrists up. He managed to pull her somewhat awake and she fell right back asleep once he held her. He wasn't sure he even managed to fall asleep before another nightmare haunted her. It continued like that throughout the night and early morning.

Exhaustion made them sleep longer than usual and both were in a pissy mood as they got ready to head in to the station. He was determined to talk to Liv while she'd started to waver on it being a good idea. But this was one matter he wouldn't give up on. She was usually more stubborn but he would not let her get out of this and here they were, at the station and ready to walk in to Liv's office.

She didn't look angry any longer though, more scared and he gave her a reassuring head nod. Nick had been watching them from his desk meanwhile. They'd walked passed him without saying good morning, something that rarely happened. Then Fin had stared his partner down as she did something as unusual as wipe her jacket down on her chair. It was obvious to Nick she was stalling but as to what he had no idea.

"Let's go," Fin said when she didn't move.
"She looks busy…" Amanda tried. Fin shot Liv a look, she was reading something at her desk but her door was opened and she would surely put her papers down if they walked in asking for a minute.
"Nice try," he said turning back to Amanda, "let's go."

Amanda took a deep breathe, the air got caught on the way up again. He could tell she was nervous and gave her a moment to collect herself. When she finally moved towards Liv's office he was just a step behind her. She stopped right outside the door, wiped her sweaty palms on the side of her legs as she took another deep breath. She gave Fin one final look before she stepped inside tapping the glass door a little to get Liv's attention.

"You have a minute?" she asked, her voice barely functioning.
"Sure," Liv said, immediately letting go of her papers just as Fin had predicted. She'd been wearing a smile but it dropped a little as she saw Fin walk in after Amanda and closing the door behind them. Amanda walking in raking her hands together, taking a stand a couple of steps too far away from her desk also told her something was wrong.

"You okay?" she asked but then let her eyes go from Amanda over to Fin as Amanda kept her head down. Fin looked at Liv with that blank and collected look that usually meant trouble. He turned his eyes back over at Amanda and Liv did the same.
"What's going on?" Liv asked and couldn't hide the slight apprehension from her voice now.

Amanda peeked sideways Fin's way. He raised his eyebrows at her that way he did when he tried to urge someone or something on. When her face just crumbled though he couldn't hide his frustration and growled slightly.

"Show her," he said. Liv looked back at Amanda. Amanda swallowed and then got her phone up from her back pocket where she would've hoped it could stay. She dragged her finger across the screen a few times and then took a step closer to Liv so she could reach over her desk and hand her the phone. Liv looked trouble as she checked Amanda's screen. She saw a long road of messages with 'unknown' listed as the sender. She looked up at Amanda to make sure it was okay for her to check any of the messages.

"Just… open anyone of 'em," Amanda mumbled tucking her hands down her back pockets to stop from fidgeting.

Liv chose one randomly and read it silently; Those that deal in death, shall taste its fruit. Romans 13:4.

Liv didn't let her eyes stray from the screen as she went back to look at another message. She read another long bible quote that sounded just as ominous as the first one.

She shot Amanda a quick look before she read another one, Amanda's eyes shied down as soon as she met Liv's. She read the next one out loud;

"Be warned. Those that commit heinous crimes will receive their just desserts. Your time is coming Amanda."

Liv's voice shivered at the end of the sentence and she looked up.

"Are they all like this?" she asked. Amanda's gesture was a little wishy-washy but Fin then answered a decisive yes. Liv checked a fourth one and found another threatening text aimed directly at Amanda.

"And all from unknown sender?" she asked and looked straight at Fin since he'd been giving the most direct answers so far.
"Yes," Fin said firmly, "But she doesn't think it's him. She's checked with the psych ward, he's not allowed any contact with the outside world."

Liv took a deep breath as she scrolled down to the very first one. She realized they went more than a week back.

"When was the first one?" she asked looking at Amanda.
"Three weeks ago," Fin answered when Amanda didn't. Liv gave him a stunned face. He just made a face and a gesture that told her he agreed with her reaction.

"Is this all of them?" Liv asked but got the answer from Amanda's bashful face.
"You've deleted some?" Liv asked trying to bite down a flare of anger and Amanda nodded. Liv tried to keep her disappointment from her face.

"Okay, let's get your phone to TARU, see if they can get anything," Liv said and got no objections.
"You stay close to her meanwhile," Liv said and Fin nodded.
"And I think we should call the operation off for Monday…" Liv started but now Amanda started objecting.

"If this is someone else Amanda he could be having eyes on you," Liv said but Amanda shook her head.
"No one's following me," she started.
"So that's why you're not running outside any longer?" Fin said questioning her answer. Amanda gave him a quick, disgruntled look that quickly eased though.
"I've just been cautious okay," Amanda whispered.
"Not cautious enough to tell your partner," Fin said not able to pipe down.
"Okay, let's just focus on getting to the bottom of this now," Liv said sensing the raw animosity. She figured Fin had only just found out too.

"Are you okay to work?" Liv asked turning to Amanda.
"Of course," Amanda said, the answer more confident than her posture.
"Good. I'm going to make some phone calls okay? See what I can find out about…" Liv left the name unsaid as she saw Amanda having to prepare herself to hear his name.

"Fin can you get this down to TARU? Tell them it's urgent," Liv said handing over Amanda's phone to him.
"Sure thing Serge," he said, "but what else can we do meanwhile?"
"We need to give TARU a chance to trace the texts. I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything," Liv said ending the sentence with her eyes on Amanda.
"We'll talk again later today even if we don't have anything, decide how to deal with this then okay?" Liv said and Amanda gave her a quick nod before she turned, wanted to get out of there.

"Amanda," Liv said calling for her attention before she could reach the door. Amanda turned back, shoulders half way to her ears as though she was expecting a scolding.
"Thank you for coming with this to me," Liv said softly, "We will sort it out."

Amanda looked a bit stunned but then her eyes flickered towards Fin and she felt a bit ashamed cause she knew she'd kept it a secret for too long. She nodded bashfully and then headed outside. Fin walked straight out and towards the gate.

Nick jumped up as he passed his desk and put a hand up to get Fin to stop.

"What's going on?" he asked, curiosity killing him. Fin just gave him a look and then took a step to the side to get passed him. Nick looked after him, gave his back a glare but then he spun around. Nick had seen Amanda's head hang down as she left Liv's office and now as she'd sat down at her desk her head seemed to hang down even more. He didn't understand what was going on. They hadn't been able to catch the perp last night but the operation had gone smoothly, Amanda done her part extremely well so that couldn't be the problem he figured.

Nick sat down by his desk again not brave enough to direct the question directly at Amanda and walking in to ask Liv would surely look as he was being too nosy. He tried to keep the curios looks he shot Amanda's way undetected. She'd turned her computer on but seemed a little shattered and it didn't take long before she stood up and made her way down to the bathrooms.

Amanda needed to splash some water on her face and she felt a little better once she did. She tried to avoid her own reflection in the mirror though, not brave enough to face her own cowardice. She'd been afraid to face those texts, tried to act as they didn't exist like so many other things in her life. But then every time her phone made a sound it was as though thousand needles prickled her skin, like a razorblade cut from the inside and she felt as though she deserved that. Like it was a punishment for all her indiscretions. Maybe judgment day was coming.

She scooped up some more of the running water and splashed it on her face. She was about to reach for a paper towel when a knock on the door made her jump.

"Rollins?" Was heard from the other side and she recognized Nick's voice.
"Yeah?" she said trying to sound calmer than she was.
"I don't mean to… It's just we need to re-interview the victim from last week and I figured since you've got a report with her maybe you could come with me…" Nick sounded hesitant on the other side of the door.

"Yeah sure, just give me a sec?" she asked grabbing for that paper towel.
"Sure, take your time," he said and she thought he'd left so when he spoke a couple of beats later she jumped again.
"I'll be waiting outside then."
"Okay," she answered with the breath in her throat. Get a grip Amanda.

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Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices. (Psalm 37:7)

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When Amanda came back in to the station it was passed lunchtime. Fin gave her a deadly stare as he was still pissed she'd left the station without him. He'd called her the minute he came back up from TARU only to get the news she'd headed out with Nick to interview a victim. He'd scolded her in a not so subtle way and she'd finally just hung up on him.

"Liv wants to see us in her office," he said through clinched teeth as she walked in with Nick. Amanda kept walking straight in to Liv's office and Fin walked in after her while Nick watched them.

"Something's going on right?" Keith said. He'd been around when Amanda and Fin first walked in and he'd caught both Fin's reaction when he learnt Amanda had head out and part of his harsh language as he called his partner up.

"Yeah," Nick muttered, "but God knows what it is." He sat down at his desk with a heavy sigh. He hated being let on the outside.

Liv asked them to sit down and then let them know TARU was still working on her phone. They had 19 different numbers for 36 text messages, not one of those numbers went to registered users. Fin sighed but Liv told him TARU wasn't giving up, there were still ways to get information that may lead to whoever was sending the texts.

Liv had talked to the chief of staff on Simon's institution. Just as Amanda, Liv had learnt Simon wasn't allowed visitors, the only people he came in contact with were the staff. Liv had been promised a list of the employees but still not received it. Once she did though she would go through it with a fine-tooth comb.

Fin was frustrated that they had what he felt was nothing and wanted to know what they would do next. Liv suggested Amanda sat down to try and write a list over potential suspects.

"Amanda?" Liv said softly as Amanda had been sitting quietly the whole time and seemed to have drifted off somewhere else during the last minute.
"Huh?" Amanda said once she came back.
"Do you think you can construct a list over potential suspects?" Liv asked.
"I don't see… it must be someone who knows the Mayhem case well," Amanda breathed.
"A cop?" Liv said but Amanda shrugged.

"You don't think Simon's behind it?" Liv asked sensing Amanda was leaning another way.
"I don't know but… the texts are sent to Amanda," she said, "I just feel he would… he would call me Shay."
"Cause you said you'd chose to be Shay instead of Amanda if you had the choice," Liv said remembering back to the interrogation between Amanda and Simon. Amanda gave her a careful nod.
"But if Simon is instructing someone that someone might get the name wrong right?" Fin tried. Amanda just gave him an empty look.

"If you don't mind," Liv said calling for Amanda's attention again, "I'd like to ask Nick to have a look at the texts? Just cause he's got experience with the Bible, maybe he can see something we can't?"
"Would that be okay Amanda?" Liv had to ask as Amanda just sat there with a blank look on her face. Amanda nodded half-heartedly.

"And just make sure someone's with you whenever you go out, as a precaution," Liv used 'someone' this time and not Fin specifically since Fin had blew off steam to her earlier about Amanda leaving the station without him. She didn't want to add to any tension between the two partners.

"I'll let you know the minute I get that staff list, we can start going through their records," Liv said after Amanda. She'd already moved towards the door. Fin had gotten up on his feet but stayed to shoot Liv a glare.

"We'll sort this out Fin," she said once Amanda had left the room, "can you ask Nick to step in here?"

Fin didn't try to hide his frustration, giving her a nod but accompanied with some disgruntled noises as he headed outside.

When it was 2 pm and Liv still hadn't received that staff list from Broadmare Liv called them up again. This time she wasn't as polite and used her commanding voice threatening with getting a warrant if they didn't send it over asap. That seemed to do the trick and soon she had the long list of the entire staff of Broadmare in her hands. They were a high-security psychiatric hospital which could house up to 220 patients. And that meant a lot of staff.

Fin, Amanda and Keith were out digging for clues in the bar hopping rapes so Liv used Nick again. He'd been concerned but pleased to get involved with what was going on with Amanda and the texts. Liv knew he liked to be involved in everything concerning the squad and he was more than willing to help out.

He hadn't been able to read much more out of the texts than the others. Remorse, confession and/or retribution seemed to be a theme in every bible quote sent. The quotes were taking from all over the Bible and to Nick it did sound a lot like Simon's rambling mind.

Now they divided the staff list in two and took one half each to see what they could get in their records. The chief of staff had told Liv they did an extensive background check before they hired anyone but Liv knew she sat on the most powerful tool in making sure of this.

Once they were done they had 12 staff members with criminal records, 2 that came up in sealed juvie records and another 7 that had been heard by police in various circumstances. Fin and Amanda were back and Liv called them in to her office. To not make Keith feel left out she called him in too and gave him a quick brief about what was going on. Liv wasn't sure how much Keith knew about Amanda's backstory but she told him just enough to at least get a grasp on why they were concerned about these texts that she'd received.

Liv let both Fin and Amanda check the list of names to see if anyone sounded familiar. None did. Since Simon was isolated to a smaller area of the institution he only came in contact with some of the staff and Liv realized they had to single out just who had contact with him and probably interview those people. She suggested a visit.

Amanda, who already looked pale, lost if possible even more color and Liv hurried to add her suggestion was that she headed out there with Nick.

"Are you going to see the bastard?" Fin asked. At first he'd been disappointed to not get the opportunity to face the son of a bitch but he quickly realized he would probably not be able to conduct himself in his presence.
"Maybe. First and foremost the people who could act as his link," Liv said.

"Take me as well Serge," Keith said, "Couldn't hurt right? Fresh eyes?"
"Maybe, it depends on how high security is, might be a hassle to just get one of us inside," Liv said nodding at him.

"Barba could help," Nick said quickly, "he'll get us in in no time."
"Hold on, let me just give them a ring, might not be a problem at all," Liv said putting her hands in the air.

Next she let Nick and Keith know they could head out for a bit. Once they'd stepped out Liv turned to Amanda who looked sickly pale by now.

"Why don't you head home? We have the weekend off, why don't you use that to just catch up on sleep or whatever else you want to do to relax?" Liv suggested trying to not sound overly protective.
"I don't want you working overtime because of me…" Amanda said feeling like a burden.

"Don't worry about that. We won't work the entire weekend, visiting Broadmare feels urgent though. If we could put a stop to whoever is doing this it will serve all of us Amanda," Liv said, "We're in this together."

She regretted adding that last part. She saw Amanda frown briefly and Liv knew it had sounded cliché. Of course Amanda didn't feel as she was in this with anyone, she probably felt close to as exposed as down there in that bunker.

"You wanna head home?" Fin asked keeping his voice low. Amanda looked at him, she tried to come up with things she should do instead but her entire inside just screamed for the opportunity to go home and bury herself under a heap of covers in a big, comfy, warm, and hopefully safe, bed so she nodded slightly.

"Okay, we'll do that then, but you'll keep me posted?" Fin said and didn't just settle with Liv nodding.
"I will Fin," she reassured catching the stare he gave her.

"What about… my phone?" Amanda asked on her way towards the door.
"Well maybe you should leave it with TARU?" Liv suggested.
"But what if… I mean what if one of the latest victims call? They all have my number," Amanda said exactly what was on her mind. Liv wasn't sure how to deal with this and looked to Fin for answers but instead Amanda spoke again;

"And if he makes contact again. Maybe he'll change pattern, want me to answer. Wouldn't it be better if I had it then too?"
"Okay," Liv said since she was making sense, "but under no circumstances do you engage in conversation with him if Fin isn't around. And tell TARU to put a trace on your phone just in case he calls or if you…" Liv went completely blank. If you go missing? If you go a-wall again? Liv wasn't sure what she'd planned to say but saying nothing ringed just as bad and she caught the timid look that came upon Amanda's face.

"Just stay safe and just check in with me please?" Liv said quickly hoping to rescue a little bit of this already stressful situation they were in.
"Will do," Fin said and with that they headed out the door.

The moment Fin and Amanda had turned the corner Nick went right back inside Liv's office. She hadn't reached for the phone yet, still blaming herself for not handling that situation better. What could she have done to make Amanda feel protected? Once Nick entered though she gathered herself and called up the chief of staff at Broadmare again.

It would prove itself a little harder to get in to Broadmare then hoped. Liv had already gotten a rather obnoxious vibe from the chief of staff Robert Rohrbaugh and it didn't improve during their latest conversation. According to Rohrbaugh it was too late to visit their facility now and the medical crew in care of Mr Ferguson's treatment wouldn't be back until earliest Monday. According to Rohrbaugh it was an inconvenience to let strangers enter the premises before Monday.

Liv withheld the urgency though and got Rohrbaugh to agree to meet them tomorrow. He said he would try his best to get Ferguson's attending psychiatrist in but he couldn't swear he would be able to. Many of their residence had other engagements and prestige careers that took up their time. Liv couldn't help but think the psychiatrists should focus on their patients but then again Simon Ferguson could rot away in a hole for all she cared.

Liv had already rolled her eyes at Nick a couple of times so he knew the phone call didn't go the way they hoped.

"Tomorrow at nine," she said with a heavy sigh as she hung up, "Does that work for you? I can bring Winters if…"
"No, it's fine. I got nothing better to do with my weekend," he said.
"Well then, I guess there's not much more we can do today…" Liv said leaning back in her chair. No one said anything for a while, Nick's mind was racing with a little bit of everything while Liv went back to thinking about Amanda and hoping she'd be able to get some rest this weekend.

"We're talking to… Simon tomorrow as well?" Nick asked.
"Yeah, I think we have to," Liv said, "You okay with that?"
"Yeah, yeah," Nick said a little too quickly and caught Liv observing him.

"I mean the guy gives me the creeps but we should talk to him. If he has something to do with the texts he'll probably want to brag about it so of course we should talk to him," he said trying to explain himself. Liv shot him a soft smile and nodded. She then pulled a deep breath and heaved herself up to a standing position by planting her palms on her desk.

"Let's call it a day," she said, "we'll have an important day tomorrow."

Liv let Keith know he could head home as well. He asked if he wasn't going to Broadmare with them but Liv used a little white lie and told him doctor Rohrbaugh only allowed two detectives inside the high security ward. She wasn't sure why she wanted to keep Keith away from Simon, maybe she was scared Simon would out Amanda to even more souls. Maybe she just felt as though she wanted to let Amanda keep as much dignity as possible. Either way she didn't think much about lying to Keith and just went home to try and collect herself for the big day tomorrow.

Nick on the other hand didn't feel like going home to an empty apartment where he would probably end up thinking about nothing else than Simon, all those victims and the hideous state Amanda had been in when they found her. He thought about calling his mom to see if she wanted to have dinner with him but when Keith suggested they'd catch a beer Nick wasn't late to jump onboard.

Nick fiddled with a flap of the label on his beer bottle as he studied Keith over by the bar. He'd left a couple of minutes ago to just grab them a new set of beers but seemed to have gotten distracted by a blonde over by the bar. Keith constantly chatted up ladies whenever they went out for a beer. It had become a bit of an insider joke, something Nick, Fin and Amanda could chuckle a bit over as Keith got stuck with yet another lady somewhere else in the bar. He would ditch them in a second if he found some tail to catch.

It wasn't surprising ladies were drawn to him though. Keith was good looking, even Nick could admit that. He was a little bit of a social butterfly, a smooth talker Nick guess you could call him. He knew how to dress smart and used both money and time to groom himself. Nick knew since Keith often mentioned he was stopping by the barber and he wasn't shy to talk about going to get a facial. He used to joke about paying to get pampered like some spa pimp. Yes he'd actually called himself a spa pimp at one time.

Nick chuckled a little to himself as he saw Keith put that hand on the blonde's shoulder. Nick bet ten dollars that hand would drop to her lower back within a minute and he looked around a little proud when it did. If only Fin or Amanda were there he could've earned some real bucks, but then again they would've probably not bet against him. Keith made that move often.

Even though he chatted up ladies all the time Nick had rarely seen Keith leave with any of them. Like maybe just once out of twenty times. Nick didn't really get why seeing how Keith was good looking and all. Amanda had been the one that gave him the insight a while back. "He's a little too desperate". It had made perfect sense. Keith was a little bit desperate for company.

He often talked about his ex. The ex-wife that had cheated on him with a fellow cop. The cop he'd beaten up and because of that been forced to transfer out. Nick didn't blame him for punching that guy though, it was totally understandable to him. It was understandable Keith held a grudge to his ex too but it was getting a little tiresome to listen to him go on and on about what a cheating slut she was. It was obvious he was not yet over either his ex or the cheating.

And even though Keith said he just wanted to hook up Nick was pretty sure Keith was looking for that one person he could spend the rest of his life with. That one person that he'd thought his wife was but that had burnt him badly. Nick could relate. His own wife hadn't really cheated but he'd still been burnt during the divorce.

He'd been burnt even more by the news earlier this year that his ex was planning to move all the way across the nation and taking his daughter with her. His initial thought had been that it could never happen, that he would never accept it. That's when he'd done the stupidest of stupids and punched a pedophile they couldn't catch. And punching was just a nicer euphemism of beating him unconscious.

Nick hadn't been thinking straight. He'd seen his son and daughter in those photos the pedophile was taking. He'd been frustrated about not being close enough to be able to protect his daughter if she needed to and not getting to be as involved in his son's life as he wanted to be. He'd been angry at his wife and all those child molesters he met in his line of work. He'd snapped and it had landed him in jail.

His squad and lawyer fought to set him free though and he couldn't have been more grateful when he got to walk out a free man. It was only a month or so later that he learnt that Amanda was actually the one he had to thank for the pedophile dropping his charges. He wasn't supposed to know and he didn't think anyone else within the squad knew but Amanda had gone to that pedophiles' wife and used something, and surely along with that Southern sass he'd seen a lot of a couple of years ago, to threaten her with.

Nick usually didn't condone threatening family members of their perps but he would lie if he said he wasn't grateful in this specific case. He was very grateful to Amanda that she'd saved his badge. He'd been demoted to traffic cop for two long months but then got reinstated. He'd never told her he knew so he'd never properly thanked her. He just got a sense she didn't want anyone to know what she'd done so he wouldn't mention it either. For a long time he'd always seen that fragile state she'd been in down in Simon's bunker whenever he looked at her. It was an image he couldn't wash away.

It had been a long, hard process to go through for the entire squad and it had left scars in all of them but of course deepest and the most visible for Amanda. The first couple of weeks after her rescue he'd woken up with her screams echoing inside his mind. Every night he'd heard those screams and even though he'd never heard her scream like that he knew it was her desperate cries for help he heard.

Therapy had helped. Cragen had ordered it for all of them and Nick had accepted it with open arms after weeks of haunted nights. To be able to help Amanda back in to the land of the living had been helpful too. It had also been a bit uncomfortable, after all they had kissed during Amanda's downward spiral and she'd made very suggestive invitations while trying to sell the role she'd adapted. But they had both pushed through that and he thought they'd done a pretty good job of coming out on the other side. Of course it was sad that Amanda was forever changed, marked by that hideous encounter with the serial killer he would now once again face. But he would make darn sure that monster didn't get to steal another minute of her life.

"Did you see that?" Keith said interrupting Nick's thought. Nick took the beer Keith pushed his way and mumbled a thanks.
"See what?" he asked, Keith still looking pissed with his eyes somewhere over at the bar.
"I thought I was a shoe in and then her boyfriend walks up. Bloody hell," Keith cursed before he put his mouth to his new beer. Nick couldn't help but chuckle slightly, this might just be what he needed before he had to face off with a monster in the morning.

Fin walked down the hall in search for her. She'd been mostly silent since they left the station. They'd went down to TARU and gotten her phone back. Fin had made sure they ran a trace on it, he had a gnawing worry that she was going to go missing again and then at least he hoped they could use her phone to trace her with. She'd been clutching that phone the entire ride home, clutched it like it was some lifeline even though he figured she would want to be as far away from it as possible.

She'd shaken her head when he asked her if she was hungry. Then again when he asked her if she wanted to stop by the gym or do something else before they headed home. He'd managed to lure a nod out of her when he asked her if she wanted to go straight home instead. Once there she'd left her phone on the counter in the kitchen and headed straight for the couch. He'd let her know he would take a shower but gotten no response.

Once he was done she'd still just been slacking on the couch, she hadn't even turned the TV on so he did it for her since her eyes were open anyway. He got some more clothes on and then joined her on the couch. He'd let her have most of the couch today though, just lifted her feet up and sat down underneath them. He didn't ask for permission but just removed her socks and started rubbing her feet gently.

There was no sign left of the ugly burns that had once covered her entire soles. He could still see them sometimes though, vivid images of her burns were forever etched into his mind. He remembered very well how raw they'd been, that red skin with black trimmings and with that ugly yellow guck coming out of nasty looking and surely painful blisters. How she'd been able to walk on those feet were still beyond him, he would've been curled up in a fetal position for weeks, maybe months, if that had been his feet.

But she was in every remark a true fighter. He knew even a fighter had to have their setbacks though so he didn't push her right now. He let her be in her own head for a while and just rubbed her feet so he could stay connected with her and let her know he was right there when she was ready. She drifted off to sleep after a while and he just sat there with her feet in his lap, felt her warm skin underneath his palms and let his thumb go over her cute little toes every now and then.

The TV didn't manage to keep his attention either and he rested his eyes for a while but soon his stomach started to make a ruckus and he'd never been able to sleep when he was hungry. He thought about getting up and place an order for some take-out, trying to decide what his stomach wanted to eat. And that's when her phone buzzed over at the counter.

He tensed up immediately, gripping at her ankle as his eyes stared at her phone. His eyes were pulled the other way as she stirred slightly on the couch. Her phone buzzed once more as it usually did when she received text and she started to stir in a way she always did when she was waking up.

"Hey," he whispered stroking her leg, "sleep for a while longer, I'll get us some food."

He could see her eyes move underneath her eyelids, she swallowed but then seemed to drift back to sleep and he felt a little relieved. He tried to get out of the couch as careful as possible which wasn't easy for a big man but he managed to put her feet back down without her waking up again.

He hurried over to the counter and grabbed her phone. TARU had reset the lock to her phone and he just hit number 1 four times and the screen came up. The text was from an unknown number and he cringed as he read it.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith… not by works. (Ephesians 2:8-9)"
He read it again, his lips forming the words as he read it word by word trying to grasp the meaning.
"…by grace… saved, trough faith… Ephesians?"

Fin shook his head. He still didn't get it. He'd never gotten the Bible, not really given it a chance but whenever he'd run across something holy it had always sounded like gibberish to him. He got the power of thought and how positive reinforcements could get you through hard times or athletic achievements but throw in God and it all got too hocus pocus for his liking. He needed real people; good coaches, brilliant teachers, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Spike Lee. Dead or alive they could still spread the word but God? That got too abstract for him. Jesus he might buy, but more as a possible mental, and if not mental then definitely a narcissistic man. Mental didn't necessary mean a bad thing, he couldn't come up with one right now but he knew there were brilliant people that had all sorts of psychological problems.

He looked over at Amanda on the couch. She had problems for sure but she was still brilliant. So he knew being a bit schizo sometimes worked in one's favor. To get by in this world you probably needed to be a little bit tilted.

Fin turned the sound off her phone knowing there might be a second text and he didn't want it to wake her up. His stomach needed food right now and he really needed a task so he dug up a delivery service from the drawer in the counter. Chinese would work.

Once the food got there he'd woken her up with a tender rub up and down her arm. She'd hoarsely whispered she wasn't hungry but he'd gotten her to sit with him at the counter and he'd seen her eat at least a few scraps. Her appetite hadn't been helped by the fact she checked her phone and saw the text. There had only been one so far but the night was still young. No one had said anything about the text, she knew he'd seen it already, she could tell he'd turned the sound off.

He lost track of her once he'd emptied two of the three boxes he'd ordered. She'd slipped off her chair and walked off when he had his back to her. He put the leftovers in the fridge for later, hopefully she would eat it but he knew it was a better bet that he would.

He walked down the hall. He couldn't spot her in her room and continued down. The door to the bathroom was opened so he could tell she wasn't in there. He found her on her back on his bed. It looked as though she'd sat down at the edge and then just fallen backwards.

"Hey," he said as he walked in to give her a heads-up.
"Hey," she whispered hoarsely back at him. Her eyes were planted on the roof. He took a look if anything was up there but saw nothing out of ordinary and had a seat further down on the bed so he could lean against the footboard.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked.
"Nothing," she whispered keeping her eyes on the roof. He watched her for a bit, he didn't mind just looking at her but she'd been so silent ever since they left the station and he thought it was about time she pulled out of her bubble now.

"You want to go to the gym?" he asked but she shook her head slightly.
"How about a movie then? I mean at the theater, it's been ages," he tried but again she shook her head.

"Oh c'mon let's do something fun. Get our minds on something else," he said but she just lay completely still.
"Amanda c'mon, I need to see you smile," he said, "tell me what I can do to make you smile."

"Hide those smiling faces," she whispered.
"What was that?" Fin asked, not sure he'd heard her right.
"Nothing," she tried but he really wanted to know what she'd said and called her out on it.

"Hide those smiling faces," she repeated, shooting him a quick and somewhat awkward smile. Fin looked confused.
"It was something my dad used to say," she sighed, rolled her eyes slightly that way she used to do as she tried to act as it was no big deal. She shook her head slightly, regretting mentioning it.

"What did he mean by that?" Fin asked.
"Just a silly saying," she said trying to get off the topic. She got up on her elbows and crawled back a little on the bed so she could lie down properly.

"C'mon tell me," Fin nagged. Amanda gave him a look as she curled up on her side, it wasn't like him to nag like this.
"It's not a fun story Fin," she said rearranging herself a little to find a more comfortable place for her shoulder.
"I don't mind, tell me," he said.

"It's not going to make me smile Fin, I thought you wanted to make me smile," she said challenging him a little. He got his foot up on the bed so he could poke her leg. She sighed heavily not feeling like reminiscence about her dad on top of everything but it wasn't like she had anything better to do.

"It was just something he used to say when he dropped us off," she said like it was nothing.
"At your mom's?" he asked and she nodded.
"You and Kim?" he asked, caught the slight hesitation before she nodded. Her eyes were somewhere in the distance. She could never talk about her sister without getting distant or getting teary eyed.
"It's a strange thing to say, what did he mean by it?"

She took a deep breath, her eyes focused back but she avoided looking at him.

"He knew… he knew her well," she said and gave him a brief look.
"Your mom?" he asked and she nodded. He watched her swallow and curl up a little more. He moved further up on the bed and lay down next to her but put his head in his hand to not get exactly in her line of sight.
"He knew how she hated to see other people happy. And… he was just a person it was easy to be happy around. He pissed me off too but mostly… he could make me smile."

He liked how the corner of her mouth went up as she remembered those times but then her mouth dropped again.

"But he knew… knew what would happen if we walked in smiling so he told us to hide those smiling faces. Kim always tried too much and always smiled even though she tried to do the opposite. It was easy for me though. I often told him how I hated him, hated him for leaving, for letting her… hurt me, but still… it was always sad to see him go."

She looked at him and gave him a smile, a smile that never reached her eyes though. He reached out and touched the side of her face, could see tears weren't far off and he wanted her to know she didn't have to pretend in front of him, that it was okay for her to show her vulnerable side and that he wouldn't shy from it.

"Tell me something else," he asked and it earned him another look, "Something about your parents."
"Why do you keep asking me about… about my parents," she moaned pushing his hand off her face and then rolled over on her stomach. Her face disappeared beneath a heap of blonde hair.

"I just want to know more about you and what you went through," he said carefully.
"It's not like you talk about your parents," she said with her mouth pressed to the bed.

"There's not much to talk about…" he said, "I never knew my dad and all I cause my mother was heartache."
"So did I," she said, he could hear her voice cracking even though it was muffled by the bed.

"No," he whispered, reaching out to touch her head of hair.
"I was a thug, my mom did nothing wrong but I treated her badly. You were just a kid, did nothing wrong and your mom treated you badly. Your mom was the thug."

Amanda let out a brief chuckle, again muffled by the bed but he heard it and saw her back vibrate slightly. He let his hand move down her back, tracing her spine through her shirt with his fingers.

"I don't want to talk about the thug," she said turning her head towards him. Her face was buried underneath her hair so Fin dug it out and then kept stroking her face even after all lose strands were gone.
"Tell me about your dad then," he begged. Her eyes already had a shimmering coat over them and as soon as he mentioned her dad she blinked a few times as her eyes stung.

"What about him," she asked and it wasn't in a snippy way but like she actually needed his help to talk about her own dad.
"I know one thing he used to say, did he have any other wise sayings?" he tried watching his words a little.

Amanda took a deep breath and then rolled over on her back with some effort.

"He wasn't that wise," she sighed giving him a look but he didn't look convinced.
"He gambled, got himself shot. Believe me, he wasn't that wise," she said with a heavy sigh and turned her eyes back up at the ceiling.

Fin's hand had fallen down by her side when she'd rolled over but he felt a need to touch her and moved his hand to her forehead and let his thumb caress the soft skin between her perfect eyebrows. She closed her eyes under his light touch.

"You found him right?" he asked and could see her face tense up.
"His body, you found it right?" he asked again really wanting to know from her lips and not just from the report he'd read years ago.

"Oh m... Fin…" she sighed with her eyes still closed but once they opened up she shoved his hand off her head.
"You really know how to make a girl feel better," she said cynically and rolled away from him. She tried sliding off the bed but he was right there and snaked his strong arm around her midsection and easily pulled her back in.

"Fin…" she complained but she hardly made an effort to get loose so he knew her attempts were just for show. He used his free hand to stroke back her hair so he could at least see some of her face. Her back was pressed in to his chest and he felt her heavy breathing.
"Tell me how it was finding your dad's body," he asked. He wasn't sure why he pushed this right now. She wasn't wrong, he did chose weird moments to bring the hard stuff up. With everything going on remembering another traumatic event was probably not such a smart idea but on the other hand it might take her mind off the current stress.

"You know what it's like to find a body," she whispered, her breathing had gotten shallower.
"Not your own dad's body, and not when you're only fourteen," Fin said and it only dawned on him then that a lot of things had happen in her life when she was fourteen. Her grandmother had died, she'd found her dad dead and then she'd slept with her mom's boyfriend.

They just lied there for a while. As usual she took just as long time for him to start to believe he wouldn't get an answer but then she suddenly spoke, her voice strained and with a tone that made her seem just as frail as she felt talking about this.

"No one had seen him for a while. One of his drinking buddies dropped by, to our new house. Mom wouldn't let him in, said she didn't want to let trash inside this house. But I went out through the back, stopped him on the drive way. He said he hadn't seen him in over two weeks, that he owed some guy money… from gambling. He said he probably just stayed hidden but he was obviously worried. At that time I didn't know where he was staying, he'd been evicted from the last place I knew about. When I went there I helped this young woman carry a box upstairs, I didn't know she was moving in to what I thought was my dad's place. She told me she just moved in, that some loser that got evicted had stunk the place down but that it was all she could afford right now. Anyway, Marv the lush..." her voice stalked up and then she started chuckling out of the blue.

"That's actually what we called him, Marv the lush," she managed to say through laughter but Fin could hear how tears were lingering just below the surface.
"I think his name was Marvin but they called him Marv the lush and for a long time I thought it was marvelous, like he'd done something extraordinary but all he did… souse," she was laughing uncontrollable now, making it hard for him to hear her and he started stroking her hair as he pulled her in even closer. She tried shoving his hand away though, still chuckling slightly, but he made it hard for her, close to took a fist full of her hair and held tight just to make it impossible for her to get rid of him. She finally gave up and just relaxed back down on the bed, the tension caused by the laughter ran off her like liquid.

"Marv the lush," she said, the previous mixed amusement gone from her voice, "gave me the name of a bartender he'd been seeing, and told me where she worked. I took my bike there one night. She was pretty, red head… with major boobs. Something very different from what he had before. She said she wasn't seeing him any longer but she still seemed fond of him for some reason. She gave me the address he'd been staying at, said I might find him there. Told me to tell him to stop by some time, that she missed him."

Her voice died out and for what felt like a minute he couldn't even feel her breathe. He let go of the grip he'd still had in her hair and let his fingers massage her scalp a little. He leaned in and kissed the back of her head. She pulled her legs up further, really curled up and he felt her hand grasp his that were anchored around her waist.

"I wanted to go alone, I guess I had a feeling something was wrong but Kim…," her voice stalked up again but she got it back quickly, "Kim wouldn't go home, she nagged until I let her come with. I made her sit outside though. It was this raggedy looking old house, four floors and he was at the top one. The entire house stunk. Urine, beer, sewer, mold, every ghastly odor you could think off. Fourth floor reeked like old… cheese. I found his door, it was the only one with all the numbers still in place. Gold, relief. 4-1-9. I think I ran my fingers over them but that might just be all in my head. I knocked but no one answered. I called out his name. No one answered."

Her voice sounded monotone now, words just rolled out of her and Fin let them. She told him how she'd tried knocking, using her fists even. How she tried the lock and then finally tried using her shoulder against the door to crack it open. The wood had rotted and, even though she was scrawny, she managed to get through.

"He was right there. In the middle of the room. In an arm chair. It was quite obvious he was dead, the veins in his face dark blue, the rest of his face light blue and eyes just staring ahead, at me but passed me. I still said his name out loud. Like some stupid kid, expected him to wake up, to be happy to see me. But he just sat there, staring passed me. I couldn't see any blood, it had dried in to the chair, one with the dark fabric. I could see it when I came closer but I didn't want to see it. There was a gun on the floor next to the chair. A bullet hole at his temple. It looked like a suicide but it wasn't. The police didn't think so either. I knew cause he wouldn't have worn his old shirt and his torn jeans. He would've put on his best outfit, and I knew he had one somewhere cause he always somehow managed to dress up when he went to a casino to gamble. And he would've left a note, he would've written me a note. I think it smelled in there but I didn't really notice it, he'd been dead for days. I touched his hand and it was cold but he was still soft, his skin was soft. Light blue, cold, but soft."

She went quiet for a while, he barely heard her breathe and he didn't think she was crying.

"Then I heard my name. Kim had of course come looking for me and she was down the hall. I didn't want to leave my dad but I knew I had to, I didn't want her to see him like that. So I ran out, made her go downstairs with me. She said it stank in there, that I stank. There was a minimarket at the corner, I asked to borrow a phone. He wouldn't let me so I asked him to call the police for me. He at least did that after a while. I waited outside the house for the police to arrive. There was a kid in a window that kept sticking his tongue out at me. I don't think I knew him. Then I told them my dad was upstairs. Kim got to sit in the police car for a while, she thought it was cool. I gave them my name and then we left. We walked home. I remember mom being angry once we got home, I don't remember why though, she usually didn't bother where we were. I think maybe she'd gotten the news. That dad was... She became angry sometimes when she was sad or upset. She slapped my cheek but I couldn't feel it."

She took a deep breath before she continued.

"I remember Marv the lush crying at his funeral but I can't remember that we cried. Not even Kim. Mom made us leave before he was in the ground, they were throwing beer cans down his grave. His last cheers. I thought it made sense but mom said it was tacky. That the whole thing was tacky just cause we were never inside the church and then she made us leave. I went back later on though. Just a gravestone with his name and a pile of dirt. That's what you have to look forward to."

He'd brushed her hair away from her neck and now placed his face against her skin. She hadn't showered and he loved the smell of her natural scent.

"Did you use to put flowers by his gravestone?" he asked leaning his head on top of hers. He felt her nod as much as she could underneath him. He just knew she went there a lot, he could even picture her taking her bike there and maybe lying down by his grave or leaning against his gravestone. He knew that even though she'd said she hated her dad the love she had for him was greater.

"Your sister is buried next to him right?" he asked. He felt her body tense up and she didn't nod.
"Don't you think it's about time you go visit her grave?"

He knew he was taking a gamble, touching on something still very raw to her and she immediately tried to get out of his grip. He held on though, just with the arm around her waist. She grabbed a hold of the bed linen and tried to crawl away from him but it was futile.

"I hate you," she hissed as she gave in and was left panting on the bed next to him.
"I know you don't," he said without moving but he was ready for those blows from her fists that could be coming his way at any second. She just kept trying to get away from him though. He knew it was too soon to try anything else even though all he wanted was to cradle her in his arms. She made another attempt to get out of his grip but he just held on until she'd wasted even her reservoir and fell back down on the bed with a muted whimper.

"I hate you," she whispered out of breath. It would take a while before her body completely relaxed but then she would feel bad and whisper a 'I'm sorry' to which he would say it was okay and then finally get to really hold on to her the way he wanted to. They'd been there before. He knew the drill. He was comfortable with it but hoped one day she wouldn't have to drain herself this much before she could finally lean on him. He hoped that one day she wouldn't feel the need to even try to push him away but just trust that it was nothing she could do to make him stop loving her.

---

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you." (Psalm 32:7-8)

---

Liv felt tense already before they drove up to Broadmare psychiatric hospital and getting eyes on the impressive building didn't help one bit. It felt a bit weird to see such a majestic building behind such a rigid fence. Notes on the fence told them it was wired as if someone would want to break in there. Who would want to break in to a psychiatric hospital?

She didn't know much about architecture but she could tell it was old and it felt a bit gothic to her. It could've been the cupola towering the otherwise rather flat building. The main building, next to the cupola, couldn't be more than four stories high. She could see at least two wings, both two stories high and with large white windows. The building was red except from one part of one of the wings that looked drowned in a vertical garden that made it forest green. The plants had even invaded the roof but still the white windows peeked out of the green so she figured it was deliberate.

She managed to tear her eyes of the building as they drove closer and she spotted a secondary fence a few yards in. Behind that she could see what looked like a park that could belong to a fancy mansion. Neatly trimmed grass with gravel paths surrounded by low bushes that surely bloomed in the summer. She could see benches, tables but no people. Not a single soul.

They'd reached the guarded gate and a uniform stepped out of a rather large guard house. She could spot another one inside the thick glass. Nick rolled down his window and both of them had automatically reached for their shields.

"NYPD," Nick said as the guard came closer, "Detective Nick Amaro."
"Sergeant Olivia Benson," Liv said leaning towards Nick a bit, "here to see doctor Rohrbaugh."

"You can't drive in," the guard said abrupt, no smiley greeting in sight.
"Okay, do we…" Nick looked around feeling a bit stupid for not noticing the parking lot behind them. It had been empty though so how could he have, he told himself though.
"Yeah, pick any spot and then come back up here," the guard said and walked away back to the smaller building by the gate.

"I guess there's a personnel parking or are the inmates alone in there?" Nick grunted as he backed up.
"Who knows?" Liv whispered looking up at the building again. She wasn't sure if it was the building or the fact Simon was in there that made her skin crawl right now, maybe a little bit of both.

They made it through security which included more grumpy faces and a quick pat down that involved them having to leave their weapons in the guard house. They had to actually talk the guard in to letting Nick keep his pen. Liv figured they should be happy they had tight security though but it would've been easier if the guards, especially the one that had first approached them, weren't such grouchy sourpuss'.

A woman with a cardigan over a white nurse outfit came to get them and then took them up to the main building. She didn't say much. Liv tried to engage her in conversation but she stuck to nodding or shaking her head at Liv's questions. When they finally walked inside the impressive building with just as impressing front doors and Liv made a comment it was so quiet the nurse finally spoke.

"We're preparing for visiting hours, that means quiet time after breakfast."

Liv gave Nick a quick look, he raised his eyebrows slightly but then quickly went back to normal in case the nurse would turn around. She wouldn't though, instead she posted herself facing a grand stair and locked her hands behind her back only adding to the somewhat military stance. Liv was just about to say something when she felt the presence more than heard it. Coming down the stair, which was padded with a heavy, red carpet that made the stair look even more regal, was a tiny built man. Even with his short stature though he seemed important. It might have been the grey, perfectly tailored suit, or the trimmed grey mustache, or even the tiny round glasses on that spiky nose of his, something made him look wise and cultivated and therefor important. He seemed to know he was regarded that way though and that really rubbed Liv the wrong way. She took a deep breath though, tried to make it undetectable but she was in need of oxygen to gather herself cause she needed to make nice with this man who was vital in finding out who was threatening Amanda.

"Doctor Rohrbaugh," the nurse said quietly, seemed to curtsy and then slid backwards and in to the surroundings.
"Sergeant Benson I presume," Rohrbaugh said extending his hand as he reached the last step and still had a few yards before he reached her.

He pushed his glasses up on his nose as he got closer and as Liv took his hand all she could think about what how tall he was even though she'd first perceived him as very short. He was actually almost her height. His handshake was steady and short, his hand warmer than he seemed. When he let her go he looked from her to Nick and then back to her as though it was her job to introduce them.

"This is detective Nick Amaro, also with Manhattan's special victims unit," Liv said and Rohrbaugh finally took a step closer to Nick whose hand had been lingering in the air for a while now.
"Nice to meet you doctor Rohrbaugh," Nick said and managed to lure the first heartfelt smile out of the doctor. Liv sent Nick a silent thank you.

"If you follow me," he said and gestured to where they were headed before he took lead. Liv followed him with Nick half a step to her side. Nick noticed the nurse was still with them, he'd thought she'd excused herself when the doctor arrived, but she followed right behind them.

"So you've entered Broadmare psychiatric hospital," Rohrbaugh said as they went down a corridor.
"Would you like me to give you some background?" he said and turned his head slightly around to pick up the nod he seemed to be expecting.

"Please do," Liv said to humor him.
"If you like," he said, "The building was founded in 1848, then as a school for the deaf and dumb."

He suddenly stopped and turned to his left where a black and white framed photo hung on the wall. Liv and Nick found themselves looking at a photo of a group of children that seemed to find anything but the camera interesting, looking at anything else then it. A group of nurses in almost the exact outfits as the nurse now with them was flanking the kids and seemed to know where the camera was at. Nick had to throw a glimpse at the nurse just to check that she was in fact wearing the exact uniform as in the photo.

"It was a more merciless time," the doctor said.
"One would hope," Liv added, not able to stop herself. Rohrbaugh gave her a look she couldn't really interpret and then kept walking as he started talking again.

"Well we kept what was good with the treatment, it was later transformed in to an asylum for the clinical insane," he pointed to another photo across the hall, "and then in 1905 Broadmare psychiatric hospital was established. We have a great legacy, professors, published scientific studies and many rehabilitated patients."

He'd taken a few steps forward and stopped by the next photo. Liv looked at what seemed to be the unveiling of a placard in front of the hospital back in 1905.

"We currently house 213 patients, our high-security ward houses 58 more serious cases, Mr Ferguson being one of them," Rohrbaugh said as he kept walking, "we keep male and female wards separate and we have a trial leave program for those who qualify. Most patients here suffer from severe mental illness, many with personality disorders. In the high-security ward our patients have been convicted of serious crimes, or been found unfit to plead in a trial for such crimes. The average stay for the entire hospital is about six years, skewed though by some patients who stayed, or stays for over 30 years."

"We're a renowned facility," he said as they passed through a couple of locked doors and Liv thought 'as you keep telling us' as she handed the door to Nick.
"We have 120 green acres outside, but inside the fence of course. We work a lot with reintegrating our patients in to the community though. We offer choice based programs which respect the dignity, cultural differences and self-worth of those we serve, and we offer them in the safest environment possible."

"Yes I remember reading that on your website," Liv said, not able to hold her tongue as she heard Rohrbaugh repeating yet another fancy phrase she recognized.
"Well if you've visited our website then you also know we have a Sex Offender Treatment Program which has shown great results," the doctor said stopping by another locked door and faced them.

"You actually believe you can treat sex offenders?" Nick had to ask.
"I do, and I have the proof in at least twenty patients out there which I myself have helped cure."
"Cure?" Liv hummed, "And Mr Ferguson, you're planning to cure him?"
"Mr Ferguson actually hasn't participated in the SOT program yet, we're still questioning if he should or not since he didn't directly sexually assault his victims…" Rohrbaugh was about to say something else but Liv interrupted him, making the company halt for a while.

"Hold on, so you don't count setting your victims up to get raped as a sexual assault? Watching them get raped isn't a sexual assault?"
"Well…" the doctor started but again Liv cut him off before he could go further.
"Carving wooden dildos that he probably used on his victims isn't a sexual offense? Actually, by her own account, sticking his hand inside a woman, you don't count as a sexual assault either?" Liv had to bite her tongue now and it gave Rohrbaugh a chance to jump in.

"Mr Ferguson's range…" he started, caught Liv's flaming eyes and hurried to continue, "…well he has a wide spectrum of problems. We can only do so much at a time. It has taken a long time just to gain his trust, to even get started with some kind of treatment."

The doctor turned and took a few quick steps towards another door where he dragged his id-card through the slot to let them pass.

"We provide treatment, rehabilitation and support to assist patients in their recovery process. Our services are tailored to the individual."
"And just how is Mr Fergusons treatment tailored?" Nick asked.
"We'll get to that when we reach my office detective," the doctor said and continued, "We actively work to promote empowerment, advocacy, and choice by consumers of service. We are actively involved as partners with consumers in fighting the stigma and misconceptions about mental illness."

Liv did her best to block his annoying voice out as they seemed to have entered the Holy Grail of the hospital, the high-security ward, and she took everything in, wondering if Simon ever walked this specific white hallway.

"We intend not only to meet and exceed existing standards in our field, but to contribute in establishing new ones," Liv heard as she zoomed in momentarily but then caught eyes on what looked as two female patients playing cards inside a thick glass window.

"This is the female ward," Rohrbaugh said in passing and then continued his ramblings, "We treat those we serve with respect and dignity, our emphasis are on the strengths of those we serve, our knowledge about advanced treatments and their promise, and our caring and dedication to those we serve."

"Well we have dedication to the victims of those you serve," Liv said as they passed a nurse guiding a patient by them. The woman seemed highly altered by drugs, not even registering the guests and just passed them with her eyes staring empty ahead of herself.

Rohrbaugh seemed to ignore Liv's comment and instead told them they were entering the male ward shortly and to keep to the right of the hallway at all times. He at least stayed quiet the rest of the way so Liv counted it as a small win but hoped she hadn't burnt their bridges. Judging by Nick's clenched jaws as she caught a look at him though she wasn't the only one bored by Rohrbaugh's ramblings.

There was a line in the middle of the white hallway with giant arrows drawn on the ground to make it obvious which way to move in each lane. Liv felt a need to cross the line just because she could and because of the fact that the hallway was empty except from them but she of course stuck to her side and kept up with Rohrbaugh who had picked up speed now.

"Your nurse told us you were prepping for visiting hours," Liv said just to try and stop thinking of mischiefs, "you keep the same visiting hours for your inmates in the high-security ward?"
"Most patients here aren't allowed visitors, those who are only see visitors through glass," Rohrbaugh explained.

"So like in jail then?" Nick added.
"We try not to compare ourselves to a jail but of course our patients in here can be dangerous to themselves as well as others so yes we have to take precautions."

"Has Simon been aggressive towards your staff?" Liv asked but immediately got a glare from the doctor.
"Not yet sergeant," he close to hissed but then soften his voice slightly as he continued, "Behind closed doors please."

They passed another door and started to see signs of life again. Liv saw an ordinary looking man sitting behind a computer in an otherwise empty room. A thick glass separated him from the hallway. A hallway that had the same painted arrows as the last one they'd gone through. Behind another thick glass window sat a group of men in a circle while another man stood by a white board where he'd drawn stick figures with lines between them.

"Group therapy," Rohrbaugh said taking notice of the detective's prying eyes.
"And the computer?" Liv had to ask.
"Study room, no outside access," the doctor answered as though he'd known what Liv really asked about. So far they'd seen no more than ten inmates inside Fort Knox and Liv couldn't help but wonder where all the other 50 were.

"Just up these stairs," Rohrbaugh informed them as they went through yet another door and up a single flight of stairs. As they went through the door above the stairs Nick realized the nurse was no longer behind them, he had no idea when she'd left them.

Upstairs looked nothing like the asylum feel of the downstairs, it was dark wood and musky wallpaper. Liv wasn't sure what she preferred though, the clinical clean white downstairs or the murky medieval upstairs. A nurse in a uniform sat behind a desk with multiple monitors in front of her. Except from the initial glance she didn't pay them any attention and kept her eyes on the monitors even when the doctor addressed her.

"Get nurse Sernyak to join us in my office," he said and the nurse gave him a nod, kept looking at the monitors as she reached for a phone.

"With me," the doctor said to Liv and Nick and then kept walking down the murky hallway. Liv gave Nick an amused look and caught his frown, she got some relief that he seemed to find the doctor as obnoxious as she did. They'd finally reached the doctor's office and he asked them to have a seat.

"Can I offer you some tea or some water, I'm afraid it's all I got to offer in here," the doctor said but both Liv and Nick declined as they took a seat.
"We're here to talk about Simon Ferguson…" Liv started but Rohrbaugh raised his hand as he too sat down but of course behind his own grand desk. He grabbed a piece of paper off his desk, pushed his round glasses up on his nose and took a deep breath before he started talking.

"I got the warrant and with your many phone calls I'm starting to get a bit curious about the urgency here, I thought I was being of assistance giving you the staff list," Rohrbaugh peeked up from the warrant in his hands.

"I told you doctor that some threats have been made towards the one surviving victim…"
"And you think one of my staff is making them?" the doctor said raising an eyebrow at her.

"You strike me as being intelligent doctor, you know we have to rule them out to get to whoever is behind the threats," Liv said and got a smirk from the doctor.
"Well thank you sergeant B…" the doctor got interrupted by a knock at his door.

"Enter," he said and, to Liv, sounded very much like a principal.
"Ah nurse Sernyak," the doctor said as they laid eyes on a rather heavyset nurse coming in through the door. She looked in her mid-fifties, her hair, that had gone mostly grey, was cropped short and the first one they met who sported a genuine smile on her face. Her nurse's outfit had a different color, it looked greyish green in the sparse light of the doctor's office.

"Ismene Sernyak?" Liv said extending her hand to the nurse.
"Perfect pronouncement, rarely happens," the nurse said shaking Liv's hand.

"Sergeant Olivia Benson," Liv said and had no problem giving the nurse a smile back.
"Detective Nick Amaro," Nick said next and met the nurse's hand half way.

"Nurse Sernyak is the chief nursing officer at Broadmare," Rohrbaugh explained, "and she's been involved with Mr Ferguson's treatment since he first got here. Unfortunately doctor Tennant, Mr Ferguson's psychiatrist and an attending here at Broadmare, couldn't be here. Doctor Tennant is a professor in clinical neurophysiology as well as a published author. As I told you earlier we here at Broadmare want to contribute in the psychiatric field and it at times takes us away from the facility. Doctor Tennant currently only treat two patients here at Broadmare, but is available as a consultant in many other cases."

"And the other patient being?" Liv asked.
"Not covered by the warrant," Rohrbaugh said strict.
"If that patient is vital to the case," Nick chipped in.
"He is not, he does not interact with Mr Ferguson since he's isolated and if you suspect doctor Tennant for anything I can tell you you're on the wrong track."
"I would take your word for it doctor but we wouldn't do a thorough investigation if we did not clear him ourselves," Liv said trying to sound more polite than she felt. The doctor nodded and leaned back in his chair. The nurse had pulled out a chair from the wall and taken a seat by the side of the desk.

"What can you tell us about Ferguson?" Liv asked.
"Can I speak freely doctor?" nurse Sernyak asked.
"Don't you always," the doctor said. It sounded a bit rude but the nurse didn't seem to take it that way and turned back towards their guests again.

"Mr Ferguson can be very charismatic when he wants to but can at any time be, or turn, rude and give unintelligent slurs towards the nursing staff. He has a demeaning behavior towards everyone he thinks are beneath him and that is basically everyone, doctor Tennant is probably the only one he seems to have some respect for. He has some very delusional theories…"

Now doctor Rohrbaugh seemed unable to stay quiet and interrupted the nurse with a slight cough before he continued in her place.

"We haven't diagnosed Mr Ferguson yet but doctor Tennant has clinical expertise in psychotic disorders, that is severe mental disorders that cause abnormal thinking and perceptions. We believe Mr Ferguson at some point had a psychosis that made him lose touch with reality. He suffers from both delusions and hallucinations."

"What kind of delusions and hallucinations?" Nick asked.
"I'm not sure how informed you are in this field but delusions are false beliefs such as thinking that someone is plotting against you or that the TV is sending you secret messages. In Mr Ferguson's case that is that the entire world is plotting against him, that the human kind has been corrupted and are about to destroy itself. He thinks that God is speaking to him. He read signs everywhere. In the clouds, in the way his pees spread on his plate or in a whiff of fresh air."

"What about the hallucinations?" Liv asked.
"False perceptions," Rohrbaugh lectured, "such as hearing, seeing or feeling something that is not there."

"And what is it he sees or hears?"
"His mother. And sometimes his sister," Rohrbaugh answered immediately.
"His mother lifts him, cheers him up," Sernyak chipped in, "while his sister haunts him."

"Guilt?" Liv suggested and Rohrbaugh seemed impressed by her perception.
"Yes, he displays some guilt to what he did to his sister."

"And to his other victims?" Nick asked.
"He still mostly talks about them as angels, as though he did them a favor," Rohrbaugh let him know.

"And towards his surviving victim?" Liv dared to ask.
"To your former colleague? Or is she perhaps still your colleague?" Rohrbaugh asked. Liv wanted to dislike him but he actually had a hint of concern over his face.

"Still a colleague," Liv said.
"Well that's uplifting to hear at least," Rohrbaugh said pushing his glasses back up on his nose, "She is mentioned a lot during therapy. He's… well obsessed seems to be the best description."

"Obsessed how?" Liv said getting further out on her chair.
"He calls her his saving grace," Sernyak told them.
"It's rather peculiar though," Rohrbaugh spoke again, "that he speaks so fondly off her when he in fact still doesn't own up to murdering all those other angels… I mean victims. He still thinks he did them a favor and he still has thoughts of saving more of them."

"We've had to remove any blonde nurses from his ward," Sernyak added.
"And his saving grace, does he want to kill her still?" Liv asked. She'd deliberately not used Amanda's name yet, wanting to hear what Simon called her.
"No, not kill her," Rohrbaugh said, "he says her life has purpose, that she's the one angel that belongs on earth with or without him."

"What does that mean? With or without him?" Liv asked.
"Mr Ferguson believes he should've died by her hands, that her life was spared to end his. He wants to be by God's side, his disciple. He has tried to end his life by provoking others, other inmates. Since it's a sin to kill oneself he's tried it indirectly, and it's why we now keep him mostly isolated."

"Mostly? I thought you said he's always isolated," Liv questioned.
"He is never left alone with another inmate but he does participate in group sessions. He rarely interacts with them lately though, sees himself superior and keeps to himself."

"But like you say his charismatic, what if he… enchants another inmate?" Nick asked.
"Believe me detective, we don't let him interact with other inmates that way and even if there's no way any other inmate can deliver a threat to your colleague," Rohrbaugh said.

"So that leaves your staff then," Liv said sitting back in her chair again. Rohrbaugh's eyes narrowed as he looked at her. Nick dug in his inside pocket, took out the folded papers he had tucked in to his notepad.
"Nurse Sernyak, would you mind marking in some way the staff that interacts with Ferguson one way or another," Nick said straightening the papers a bit before he handed them to her. She accepted them with a nod and grabbed a pen of Rohrbaugh's desk.

"May I ask what kind of threats your colleague is getting?" Rohrbaugh asked and now it was Liv's turn to narrow her eyes slightly as she observed him for a few seconds.
"Let's call them indirect death threats," Liv said but then moved on to another subject, "Let me ask you doctor, does Ferguson quote the Bible a lot?"

"Constantly," Rohrbaugh said short and direct.
"You let him have a Bible?" she asked.
"We didn't for some time but we've agreed on letting him have it as long as he behaves," Rohrbaugh said squirming a little in his chair as though he anticipated that the answer would upset Liv.

"So you use it for discipline?" Liv challenged, trying to hide both a frown and a tone of dislike in her voice.
"You could say that yes," Rohrbaugh unwillingly confessed.
"What other treatments do you use on Ferguson?" she asked.
"It's mostly talk therapy," Rohrbaugh started.
"With doctor Tennant?" Liv asked and Rohrbaugh nodded.

"Mr Ferguson also enjoys and participates in art therapy, he's not so fond but participate in group therapy. He's taking a course in romantic literature as well as a class in sculpturing, aiming for perhaps a BA."
"And he would use that degree how?" Nick had to ask.
"We need to keep hope to succeed with our treatment, otherwise we'll get nowhere," Rohrbaugh said sounding a bit offended as he glared at Nick. Nick got a bit saved by the nurse who handed him back the list, now with at least thirty names circled. He recognized at least two of those circled names from their list of Broadmare staff with prior records.

"What about drugs, medication? Ferguson get anything like that?" Liv asked the doctor.
"He's on a small dose of olanzapine, it helps with his hallucinations. He refuses them at times, feeling a desire to see his mother but then his sister reappears too and he gets back on his medication."

"You give him the choice?" Liv asked.
"Yes we do," Rohrbaugh said simply.

"We will need to talk to all these people," Nick said moving his hand over the list.
"Starting with doctor Tennant, when will he be available?"
"He resides in Manhattan actually, you should be able to catch him at home. He's writing on his second book," Rohrbaugh said sounding a bit proud.

"What are his books about?" Liv enquired.
"His first one was entitled The Psychopath next door, it was reviewed in the New York Times. I think this one is going to be called Confessions of a Psychopath," he looked to nurse Sernyak for confirmation but she didn't seem to know if he guessed right or not.

"As in Ferguson's confessions?" Liv asked.
"Oh no, he's writing in general. It's a sort of guide book for the field, experiences drawn from his prestigious research."
"But Ferguson is part of that right?"
"Yes but doctor Tennant would not, could not, use Mr Ferguson's case specifically, it's against policy and confidentiality agreements."

Liv gave Nick a look, they would most urgently want to talk to this doctor Tennant.

"There is one other person who's spoken to Mr Ferguson," Sernyak suddenly said. Rohrbaugh gave her a puzzled look.
"That advocate earlier this year?" she said to enlighten Rohrbaugh and he hummed slightly as he recalled whoever Sernyak was talking about.
"Yes, right. We were evaluated in May of this year. A complaint from a former patient, nothing to worry with detectives, we were cleared of course."

"Of course," Liv said hiding the sarcasm, "What about the advocate?"
"I'll give you his contact information. It was a one-time meet, short and a recorded session. I also have a transcript of his session with Mr Ferguson somewhere around here. I'll find it for you and have it sent to you, it will also ensure you what excellent care we're giving Mr Ferguson."

Liv and Nick had another few questions that both Rohrbaugh and Sernyak answered without much hassle or some kind of hidden agenda as far as they knew. Liv had a dislike for Rohrbaugh but she had a hard time seeing him as the one who kept texting Amanda.

"Okay, I think that's all the questions we have for you right now. We would like to talk to Ferguson," Liv said, "would that be possible?"

Sernyak turned to Rohrbaugh who kept his eyes on Liv though.

"We don't want to disrupt his treatment…" the doctor tried.
"We have a warrant doctor," Liv said a bit threatening.
"Hold on, all I'm saying is that you cannot under any circumstances upset him. I would understand that this case, that Mr Ferguson, is personal to you seeing how you know one of his victims. But my job is to look out for Mr Ferguson so all I ask you is that you weigh that in when you do speak to him."
"We will doctor," Liv said even though she knew she would not hold back if Ferguson said anything rash.

"Nurse Sernyak would you set up a visitors room," Rohrbaugh said more as an order than a question. Sernyak rose but froze as Liv put up her hand in the air.
"We want to be in the same room as him," she said just to make things clear in case they weren't.
"That's not…" Rohrbaugh seemed to be at a loss for words for once.
"It's the way we conduct interviews doctor, we read in body language and facial expressions. We need to be in the same room as him, in fact I insist on it," Liv said as calmly as possible. She was ready to fight for it though if Rohrbaugh denied them this. To her surprise though he said nothing more and just gestured Sernyak away.

Rohrbaugh insisted that they accepted something to drink and led them down the hall to a break room where he left them alone for a while.

"So what's your gut telling you?" Nick inquired eagerly as soon as the doctor had left.
"Place is certainly creepy," Liv said looking around the room. It had the same wallpapers as the hallway, the dark wood seemed to be a theme up here and the furniture and details – even the cups they were drinking out of – seemed out of date.

"Nurse Sernyak could probably give us insight on the staff if we talk to her on her own," Nick suggested and pulled Liv's attention back to himself.
"Aha," Liv hummed over her cup as she had a taste of the strong coffee Rohrbaugh had served them, "and we need to get on the rest of that list."

"What's your take on Rohrbaugh?" Nick had to ask. Liv shot him a look and raised her eyebrows slightly.
"Peculiar, we can't rule him out but I just can't imagine him texting. Can you?" Liv said and Nick shrugged.
"You just never know," he said, "and this is Amanda so…" He left it at that and took another sip but then decided that was enough caffeine for the entire day and poured out the rest in a patinated sink.

It would take some time before anyone came back to fetch them, both Nick and Liv had time to go both anxious and restless in that time. Neither one of them was looking forward to facing Simon again, they'd much rather leave him to rot in some imagined hell hole. From what they'd learnt so far he seemed to be getting much better treatment than either one of them thought he deserved. At least he was locked up though. But if he had a way to reach beyond these walls and those two fences out there he still had the opportunity to do harm and that could not be allowed.

"Oh c'mon," Liv sighed and stomped her foot childishly as she turned away from the window. Nick raised an eyebrow where he sat at a table but he got her frustration. With every passing minute the anxiety level inside him had risen and his foot was tapping away against the thick carpet that covered the floor. He was just about to say something when the door suddenly opened and he got to his feet instead. It was the nurse that had met them at the gate and she now told them Mr Ferguson was ready to see them.

They followed her out of the room, down the hallway, passed the same nurse who's eyes were fixated at the monitors in front of her and then down the same stairs as earlier. Liv wiped her sweaty hands on her slacks as she followed the nurse down the stairs. They passed the locked door, went down a different hallway than the one they came through but it looked just the same and then passed another locked door before they spotted doctor Rohrbaugh further down the hallway.

"Ah," he said as he spotted them, his previously focused face turned to a smiling one as he took a few steps towards them. Liv had time to think she actually preferred his composed face, he looked creepy when he smiled.
"Mr Ferguson is ready to see you," he said once they reached each other.

"We need to go through some guidelines," he said and his smile got smaller but still lingered. Liv gave him a nod to humor him.
"No physical contact," the doctor said piercing his eyes in both of them but still managed to keep that hint of a smile on his face, "I want all three of you in your seats at all times. Mr Ferguson has gotten strict instructions to not leave his chair at any time."

"Is he cuffed?" Nick asked regretting his voice sounded so nervous.
"No, he's not restrained," Rohrbaugh said, his smile completely gone. He turned to Liv as though to punish Nick somehow.
"Make sure to not get close to him, he doesn't like to be touched. You can't leave anything behind, not even a paper. It is very important," he said emphasizing every word.
"We get it," Liv reassured.

"There's a nurse inside and we'll be watching from outside," he said. Liv would've preferred to keep any nurses outside the room but she just didn't feel like arguing with him right now and let it slide. Rohrbaugh slid his id-card through a slot and when the small light above the door turned green he gestured to Liv to go ahead inside. The knob on the door felt cool against her clammy palm and then she held her breath as she pushed the door open.

She spotted him right away. He looked just like himself but yet so different from the image Liv had in her head. He wore what looked like a white jumpsuit. He was behind a table so she couldn't really see his lower part. His brown hair was trimmed shorter than last time she'd seen him, his chin shaved clean and his blue eyes just as piercing as she remembered now.

During these two years since she last saw him she'd pictured him like the beast he was. She'd pictured him as the devil. She still thought of him that way but he didn't look anything like the monstrous being that sometimes visited her nightmares. He looked as any guy you pass on the street and thought nothing much off. He had blended in well back then and he still seemed to do so. He didn't look the part of a mental case locked inside a high-security psych ward.

Well if you counted out the white frock, the fact he was surrounded by white padded walls and a hefty nurse that looked more like a bouncer was positioned by the door watching the inmate's every move.

He had gained a little weight Liv realized as vivid images from the interrogation she'd held with him years ago flashed before her eyes. A bizarre thought entered her mind, that hunting and butchering women might have kept him in shape before. Looking at him closer she could also see a thick line of grey reaching from his temple to behind his ears.

Liv got aware that Nick was behind her as she felt his hand slightly on her lower back. She also got aware of the fact she'd stopped right inside the door and awkward seconds had gone by where she'd just stared at him. She cleared her throat, lowered her eyes slightly as she walked over to one of the chairs across from Simon.

Nick hadn't been able to tear his eyes off Simon since they entered and didn't as he walked over to the other chair. He felt a weird blend of nausea and hatred rumble through his gut. He wanted to throw up but he also wanted to jump this guy, put his hands around his neck and squeeze both the life out of him but also that silly grin that spread over Simon's face as he realized who was here to see him.

"Not in my wildest…" Nick heard Simon whisper as they sat down. Simon did seem surprised, pleasantly surprised. His eyes were glued to Liv, only momentarily sliding over Nick's way. Simon seemed to gather himself quickly though and that surprised grin turned to more a smirk as he leaned back against his chair again. Except for leaning a little forward when they first entered he'd maintained his posture, his hands hidden somewhere in his lap.

"Detectives," Simon smirked. His voice sounded exactly like she remembered. That calm and somewhat condescending tone.

"To what do I owe this honor?" he said but then the calm demeanor suddenly broke and he seemed almost childishly excited as he leaned in, his hands coming up to land on the table. Liv felt herself pull back slightly, it was something unnerving seeing him without cuffs or any other kind of restrains. She could feel a touch of that fear Amanda must've felt being alone with him.

"No, no, please tell me this first," Simon breathed excitedly and Liv pulled her eyes from a couple of raw scratch marks on Simon's wrist only to stare straight in to his wide open, sinister blue eyes.

"Please tell me, how's my living angel doing?"