Chapter 3: The Ends if the Earth

Me and Daddy sat next to each other on the train. There was a little boy, trying to get his Mommy's attention, 'Maybe if I try to get Daddy's attention, Daddy will play a game with me!' I thought. I turned in Daddy's direction and tugged on his shirt sleeve.

He looked at me, "Huh? What is it?"

"Play with me." I said. I let go of his sleeve. I wish that I asked him in a nicer way, but I'm desperate. I just want him to play with me like everyone else's parent's do.

"Alright, well, what do you do with Sanae?" he asked as he moved into a more comfortable position.

"She reads me books."

"Did you bring any books with you?"

I shook my head no.

"Eh…" he placed his head on his hand, "What about with the Old Man?"

"Baseball." I answered instantly.

"You play baseball?" he asked with a shocked look on his face.

"Mm-hm!" I nodded. I got off of my seat, "Like this-" I walked over to the isle and got into position, "Come adda." I impersonated, just like I do with Akki.

"Are you doing an impression?" he asked me.

"You mean it isn't funny?" I asked.

"It's not funny at all."

Those words hurt. I acted like it was no big deal and walked back to my seat, "That's too bad." I let my body go limp with disappointment. I sat in my seat. I watched my legs swing back and forth.

The little boy kept tugging at his Mommy's shirt, and kept called her name. He must have really wanted her to play with him. It was a little annoying, but I know that he just wants his Mommy. I know that I want my Mommy…

"Shut up!" my head shot up and I saw my Daddy…my Daddy, yelling at the little boy. I gasped at the sight, and felt my eyes fill with tears as he angrily said, "There are other people on this train, you know!"

Daddy continued to yell the boy about his misbehaving. Everyone was looking at him. I knew that I was going to start to cry. I quietly ran past him and found the nearest bathroom. I locked myself in and cried. Daddy was a little harsh to me before, but I never thought that at see him yell. Weather it was at me, or other people, it was still scary.

I pulled myself together as quickly as I could and unlocked the bathroom door. I opened it and speed-walked to the sink in front of me.

'I'll go back to my seat when it looks like I wasn't crying.' I thought, 'I don't think Daddy will care if I take a while, but I still don't want him to wor-'

"Ushio, let me know first if you're going to the bathroom, okay?" it was Daddy.

I looked down. I guess he did care. I still didn't want him to see that I was crying, though. If he did see, he might think that I'm a crybaby, and Sanae might be upset that someone saw me cry.

"What's wrong?" he asked me.

I looked at him, hoping that he couldn't tell that I was crying.

"Y-You weren't crying ,were you?" he asked me.

'I guess it was noticeable.' I thought.

I looked down and shook my head.

"C'mon, don't lie to me."

"I'm not supposed to cry." I squeaked.

"Huh? Who told you that?" he asked me.

"…Sanae."

"Sanae? Even she can be strict, huh? Who knew?"

"But she said that there was one place where she said that it was okay to cry." I explained. Actually, there were two. But I can't cry where the second one is.

"Hm? And where is that?"

I looked up at him for a second. He looked at me. I looked away, "In the bathroom…"

"Fair enough," he looked away, "I guess nobody would see you crying if you did it in the bathroom…but if you feel like crying, I don't think you should have to hold back."

I looked up at him.

"You should cry while you still can. When you get bigger, sometimes you can't cry…even if you have something you wanna cry about…"

When we got off of the train, we walked into the train station. We still had to take two more trains before we got to where we wanted to go. But today, we're taking one train, then spending the night at a hotel. When we wake up, we'll go on the final train and arrive at our destination!

We walked side by side. I looked down the whole time.

"Hey," he said. I stopped and looked back. "Do you want me to buy you a toy?"

I looked at all of the girl toys. There were a lot of toys-jump ropes, little lanterns, temporary tattoos, necklaces-but nothing really looked all that fun.

"Hey."

I turned around. Daddy was holding this really cool looking robot.

"Maybe you'd like this one instead?"

I took one glance at that robot. "Yup!" I nodded my head.

We were on the train once again. The second I sat in my seat, I took the robot out of its box. I've been playing with it since. It was a lot funner than some of the toys I had at home. And it was also the first thing from him. I continue playing with my robot, trying to find some cool things that it can do. I didn't press any of the buttons yet, just in case it was loud. I didn't want to bother anyone else. Especially my Daddy-I didn't want him to get mad at me.

"It's fine if you don't like it…" I heard Daddy say.

I looked over at him, "Hm?"

"Well…I mean you'd probably rather have a girl's toy, right? Instead of a robot?"

I shook my head no. "Girl's toys are boring-" I looked down at my robot, "I like robots!"

"Well, there's no harm, I guess, it's just a little strange…"

"Hm?"

"No, never mind, keep playing."

I nodded yes.

'Why is it strange? Robots can be for girls, too. Some girls just don't like robots.' I thought. 'I guess it just makes me unique.' I said, trying to focus on the positive.

I continued playing with my robot. 'Maybe my robot would like to see the view!' I thought. I stood my robot on the windowsill and let him see the view. 'Maybe I should give my robot a name. Maybe I should name him what Daddy's name is…' I thought. 'That'll be a memory of my Daddy…what is my Daddy's name? Should I just name my robot Daddy?'

I woke up in the middle of the night. I had to go to the bathroom, so I quietly got up. I didn't want to wake Daddy up. He showed me where the bathroom was in this hotel, so I think that I can find it on my own.

I opened the door as quietly as I could. I started to walk out the door.

"What's wrong?" I turned around. I guess I woke Daddy up.

I looked at him with sleepy eyes, "Gotta potty."

"Huh?"

"Number two." I told him a little louder so that he could hear me.

He nodded and got lye back in bed, "It's dark, so be careful."

"Kay." I said as I opened the second door. I left the room.

I guess Daddy didn't want me to go alone, so he followed me.

I slowly went down the stairs, went to the bathroom, washed my hands, and closed the door behind me.

"I did it all by myself." I told Daddy. 'I hope he doesn't get upset that I said that again…' I thought.

"Good for you." He said as he stopped leaning on the vending machine.

'Phew.'

We started walking back to our hotel room. We walked by a bunch of windows. I spotted a green light out of the corner of my eye. I stopped and leaned forward so I could see it better.

"So what is it this time?" he asked me.

I pointed at the light, "What is that thing?"

"Hm?" He walked closer to the windows and looked at the light, "Oh…it's a firefly. You know what that is, right?"

I looked closer at the light, amazed at what I saw. "I've never seen one before."

"It must come out later here."

I walked even closer to the window. I stared at the light for a second. Then I looked at my Daddy. 'Should I ask him about my Mommy?' I thought.

"Hm?" he looked down at me. I looked down at the floor.

"Something wrong?" he asked me.

I shook my head, keeping my head down.

"What, do I have something funny on my face?"

I shook my head again.

"Then stop staring at me like that, it's not very polite…"

I looked at him one more time. I wanted to ask about my Mommy, but I was too scared to. 'Can you tell me about my Mommy?' I thought as if I were asking him.

He looked at me again. I looked at the floor again.

"C'mon, what do you want? If there's something you wanna say, then just say it!" he told me impatiently.

"I get it," he said after a moment of silence, "you won't talk 'cuz you're still afraid of me, aren't you?"

He knelt down to me, "Alright, out with it already! I promise I won't yell anymore, okay?"

'Okay, I guess I should ask him then. If he says that he won't yell, then I'll ask.' I thought. I looked at him, "I want you to tell me about my Mommy."

He gasped in shock. I don't know why he was caught so off guard. He stood up and looked outside. "Why don't you ask Sanae?"

"I did, but she wouldn't say anything to me." I answered truthfully.

He sighed, "She wants me to tell you, huh?"

I looked at the ground.

"Ask Sanae when we get back." He started walking back to the room, "Say you asked me and I wouldn't tell you anything."

I stood there alone. Why was no one telling me anything about my Mommy? I have a right to know, don't I?

I eventually went back to the room. I got into my futon and fell asleep in a few minutes.

I had a dream. Me, Mommy, and Daddy were in it. Daddy and me were holding hands. Mommy was standing right across from us, smiling her beautiful smile that I saw in all of the pictures of her. Daddy was wearing a uniform and Mommy was wearing a pretty dress. The wind was blowing and a few cherry blossom leafs were flying around.

It was such a nice dream. I loved it because Mommy was happy, watching us from Heaven. And me and Daddy were close. He was holding my hand and we both saw Mommy. I wish that we could be a happy family in real life…

Daddy and me got off of the train. When I went to the bathroom last night I should have just went to the bathroom and went back to bed instead of wasting my time. I could have gotten more sleep and I wouldn't be so sleepy right now. I held my robot in my hand and slowly walked off of the train.

"Ushio," Daddy said to me, "don't fall asleep now."

I stood there for a second. I felt him pull my hat down into position.

"Here," he said as he pulled it down, "you gotta put your hat on the right way."

I whimpered. Right now, I don't care if my hat is on the right way or not. I just want to go to sleep.

"I hope you're ready, we gotta whole lotta walking to do." He said.

I looked up at Daddy who had finished fixing my hat. We looked at each other for a second, 'Is Daddy doing something that other Daddies do to their daughters?' I thought as I looked at him.

He stood up grumpily, "Let's go."

"Okay." I nodded my head.

We started walking. We walked for several minutes. We finally reached our destination-it was a huge field of flowers. It was one of the prettiest sights I ever saw.

"Do you wanna have a better view?" Daddy asked me.

I turned my head towards him, "Uh-huh!" I said happily.

"Kay." he walked behind me, "Here, spread your feet apart for me."

I did as instructed. All of a sudden, he lifted me up on his shoulders. I closed my eyes and my belly got butterflies as he lifted me up. I opened my eyes and the butterflies went away.

I looked at him. "Wow, you're really light!" he told me, "Look!"

I looked in front of me. I gasped with happiness. The view was great! There were so many flowers! The flowers looked so pretty in the sunlight!

"How is it?" Daddy asked.

I slightly kicked my feet back and forth, "It's so pretty!"

I held my robot in my hand. I ran through the flowers, holding Robot Daddy high in the air. I was laughing with joy.

"Don't go too far, stay where I can see you!" Daddy reminded me.

I waved to him to make sure that I wasn't too far and that he could still see me. When he waved back, I smiled and continued to run and play in the field of flowers.

I walked up to my Daddy. He was peacefully sleeping. I didn't want to disturb him, but this is an emergency. If I can't find Robot Daddy, then another one of my favorite toys could never be used again.

Daddy's eyes fluttered open. "H-hm? What's wrong?"

I kept looking at the ground, "It's gone…"

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

I looked at him. "I lost my toy." I frowned. 'Don't cry.' I thought, 'Don't cry.'

We've been looking for Robot Daddy for a while now. But we still couldn't find him.

'He just can't be lost!' I thought, 'This is the one thing that I don't want lost! I was the first time…the second time isn't as important as the first.'

"It's not over here." I heard Daddy say, "You sure you didn't accidently run off and play somewhere else?"

I nodded. But that wasn't true. I ran everywhere. I didn't want to tell him that. I thought that he would get upset and yell.

"Well, if you were only playing over here, then it seems like we should have found this thing already…"

I kept looking through the grass. I just had to find this one toy. He was too important to lose.

"Ushio," he started.

I looked at Daddy.

"Let's just forget about it. I'll buy another one just like it on the way home. Okay?"

I started to look through the grass again, "But I want that one."

"It's gone now, there's nothing we can do."

I kept looking. I heard Daddy mumble something as he walked away, but I couldn't understand what it was.

'I can't cry. I just need to keep looking for Robot Daddy and I'll find him sooner or later. That way I can always have a memory of my real Daddy.'

"Ushio!" I heard Daddy call my name. I turned back and looked at him. "I'm gonna go further down the way a little bit, alright? You just stay there for now!"

"Okay!" I yelled back. I watched him walk away.

Daddy didn't come back for a long time. As time went by, the sun started to set. I've been looking in different spots in that time, but I still can't find my toy. I guess I have to deal with the fact that Robot Daddy is gone. The only memory that I have of my Daddy now is the time that I spent with him.

"Ushio!" I turned around and saw my Daddy standing under the tree with an old lady.

'Who is she?' I thought. 'I've never seen her before.'

"Did you find it?" he called out to me.

I stood up and shook my head no.

I saw Daddy and the Old Lady tell each other something. Then Daddy walked down to me.

"Were you searching for it all this time?" he asked.

I looked down, "Mm-hm."

"I see…"

There was complete silence for a few seconds. Then, Daddy walked closer and knelt down next to me. I looked up at him.

"Ushio…" he started, "…I'm sorry to have to say this, but we may not be able to find it. We've done everything we can. All I can do now is buy you a new one, okay?"

I was caught a little of guard. I looked down at the grass, "But that…but that was the only one."

"No, there was a whole bunch of them at the store."

I fiddled with the end of my dress, "But that's the one you picked out…that was the robot you bought me…"

"Huh?"

"That was the first time…" I said quietly. 'Should I call him Daddy out loud?' I thought. I looked up, "…Daddy."

Daddy gasped. I was a little shocked myself. I didn't think that I was going to be comfortable enough to call him 'Daddy'.

He looked down. It was quiet for a moment or two. "Ushio…" he finally said. I looked at him. "…you've been lonely, huh?"

"Mm-hm." I nodded.

"Did you have a fun trip? Even though you were with a mean guy like me?"

"Mm-hm."

"I see…" more silence.

"…Ushio, can I…is it okay if I stay with you?"

When he said that, I wanted to cry with happiness-right then, I knew that he really did love me.

"I know…I know that I've been a bad Daddy for a long time. But from now on, I wanna work hard to take care of you, Ushio." He looked at me and smiled. It was the first time I saw him smile. I knew that he was happy. "So, even if it's tough, is it okay if I stay with you?"

"Mm-hm." I nodded.

"You really mean it?"

I nodded, "I want you to stay."

He looked down again and sniffed. "Thank you."

"But," when I spoke he looked back up at me, "but I'm still sad 'cuz I lost something I can't get back…Daddy?" the need to cry became bigger.

"U-um…" I started to choke on my words. "…I do...I don't have to hold it in anymore, right? Just like you said on the train? Right? 'Cuz Sanae she," I stopped and sniffed. It was getting really hard not to cry. "she told me the only times I can cry are when I'm in the bafroom…" And now, I can finally tell him the second place I can cry, "…or when I'm in Daddy's arms."

It took Daddy a second to respond. Then, he finally looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears. He didn't say anything, but I knew that it was okay to cry now. I walked into his arms and put my head on his shoulder. I cried as if there were no tomorrow. I let out what I've been holding in for five years. All of the confusion, the sadness, and the happiness. The happiness was from that very moment. I have been happy before, but this was different. I can finally be with my Daddy.

Daddy started to hold me tighter. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

I can finally cry somewhere other than the bathroom. I can finally cry in my Daddy's arms.

I let my feet dangle from the train seat. I looked out at the pretty sunset with a smile on my face. My Daddy is sitting right across from me.

"Hey, Ushio."

I stop looking out the window and look at my Daddy.

"I can tell you about Mommy if you'd like that."

"Mm-hm!" I nodded.

"Okay then." He patted the spot next to him, "Here, come sit over here."

'First I become close with my Daddy and find out that we're going to live together. Now I get to know about my Mommy. This is the best day ever!' I thought as I moved next to Daddy. I looked at him and saw his smile. I love that smile.

"Now where do I start?" he asked himself. He thought for a minute. "…Back in high school, Mommy was having a tough time, so she cried a lot-that was back when we first met-she didn't believe in herself very much."

I carefully listened every single word he said. I never wanted to forget about what he was telling me right now.

"I remember she was standing at the bottom of the hill at our high school. Do you know what she did when she was standing there that morning? She closed her eyes and she said, 'Anpan'. That was a funny habit Mommy had. When she was afraid, she would say what she wanted to eat out loud and it would make her brave again.

"Back then, Sanae was always busy with work and didn't have time to make lunch for Mommy. Of course, Mommy would have been happy if she had Sanae's food, and maybe Sanae could make time if she had to. But Mommy was too nice to ask her.

"That's what your Mommy was like, really sweet. Let's see, what else?" He searched for more things about Mommy. "Uh, she, uh…uh, your Mommy…Mommy was…" his voice trailed off. Then, tear ran down his cheek and onto his hand, "Nagisa…Nagisa…Nagisa!"

'Why is he crying? Isn't Mommy a good person?' I thought. I didn't like seeing Daddy cry…it makes me want to cry. And now, I didn't have to cry alone or hold it in.

I let my tears fall from my eyes and I tugged on Daddy's shirt sleeve to get his attention. I just had to know why he started to cry when he was thinking about Mommy. He looked at me. "Daddy?"

He smiled and chuckled, "Silly! Why are you crying, too? " He wiped tears from my face and started caressing my hair, "Sorry, it's nothing bad. I was just thinking of Mommy."

'So he just misses Mommy…I do too.' I thought as I looked at him, my eyes still filled with tears.

He sniffed a few times and wiped tears out of his eyes with his shoulder. "Okay, let's get back to the story."

"Back in high school, Mommy was really excited about putting on a play. Have you ever seen a play before?" He kept talking about Mommy and held my hand. That made me feel so happy and loved. As he told the story, I laughed and smiled.

As he continued telling me the story, I saw my dream one more time. And it made me realize something-my dream came true. Me and Daddy became closer, and found out how much we loved each other.

Now Mommy can watch me and Daddy from Heaven, and know that we're happy and no matter what, we will always love her and each other.

A/N- If my family wasn't right next to me, I would be crying my heart out right now. In Ushio's POV, it's just so different. It has more emotion and explains things more clearly, I think, of what was going through Ushio's head when this stuff happened.

Please review! Thank you!

*I don't own Clannad, or its characters. All rights go to its respectful owner.*