A Broken Hallelujah

Rating: M

This is Yaoi...

Author: I wish I owned something, but I own nothing.

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Chapter Three: Crash and Burn

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Sanzo really didn't want to admit it...but he missed the old Goku. This new one wasn't right at all. But it really didn't matter, did it? This one wasn't going to go away unless Sanzo did something drastic. It was the next day after he'd had the talk with Hakkai. Sanzo couldn't find Goku anywhere. But he soon did find him...with Homura...he growled as he saw them kiss. What the hell was that monkey thinking!? Sanzo ran up and slammed Homura into a wall.

"You pervert, stay away from him!" Shouted Sanzo.

"Sanzo, what're you doing to him!? We were just finishing a transaction!" Shouted Goku.

Sanzo dragged Goku back to their room and slammed him up against the door with a predatory growl.

"You can't be serious! Why would you go and whore yourself off to a guy like that!?" Shouted Sanzo at the top of his lungs in anger.

Of course Gojyo and Sanzo heard him so they immediately got up and ran inside the room. Goku was crying, the pain in his eyes finally showing and bearing all to them. His soul lay bare in front of Sanzo. Sanzo's eyes were wide at what he read in those eyes. Absolute hurt and betrayal, but also absolute love and compassion. His Goku was still there, as Goku looked at him with those furious eyes. So much emotion in one place...it tore Sanzo up. Hakkai and Gojyo were in shock as Sanzo put Goku down. He looked at the floor, he was obviously upset immensely.

"Goku...I'm truly sorry for hurting you the way I did. I didn't know how close you were to the breaking point. But don't you know...what you're doing will kill you. You don't eat, sleep, or even speak to us. You're smoking and whoring yourself off to strange men. Listen, I get it...you don't want me interfering, but please just listen to me. I know everything...but I don't know how to help." Spoke Sanzo's deep voice.

"Sanzo...I've also been cutting myself. I want to die...but it's not your fault. I was raped a while back, the day that you had yelled at me so harshly. I'd wandered into town, trying to avoid you like the plague. And a man attacked me. I realized after that, that you would never care about me the way that I do with you. So I wanted to die...because it's so much pain. I can't bear it. So I decided in my last moments, I'd try to have some type of pleasure left within myself. Just trying to erase the pain. It still hurts, how much I love you. But I've become numb to it all." Spoke Goku's serious tone.

Sanzo didn't know why he did it, or why he even cared about the monkey. But he grabbed Goku and he hugged him close. He seriously couldn't help but hold Goku. He felt his eyes begin to tear up, he was so torn apart at that moment that he lost all of his inhibitions.

"Goku...you're the only one here who could possibly do something like this just to spite me. I mean, in case you haven't noticed, I do care about you. And otherwise...I may not show it, but you're the only one here that truly understands me. I can't lose the only person that actually puts up with me and cares about me no less." Spoke Sanzo's shaky voice.

"But you don't love me the way that I love you." Spoke Goku's bitterly.

"Goku...you may think it's a lie. But I do actually love you. The thing is...I'm a monk, a Sanzo no less. The facts of it are, we're not supposed to be romantically inclined at all." Spoke Sanzo quietly.

"But you smoke! Cuss! Gamble! Hit people constantly! And a Sanzo's not supposed to do those either!" Exclaimed Goku in protest.

"Ok that's true. You got me. But this is the biggest Taboo of being a Sanzo. To be in love with another man...I do believe I'd really go to hell then." Spoke Sanzo with a bit of laughter in his voice.

"So!? You're going there anyway! And what do you mean you're in love with me!? You're just lying to make me feel better." Spoke Goku's down voice.

"I don't lie about my feelings stupid monkey! I do love you...it's just...I wanted to be your first. But I guarantee, I will make it up to you." Spoke Sanzo seriously.

Goku looked at Sanzo with a serious expression. Hakkai and Gjyo were in shock at the outburst of it all. But Goku's face softened into his old glow, and at last he cried, while in Sanzo's arms. He hugged so tightly that Sanzo practically couldn't breath. Sanzo did however smile at last, as he hugged the monkey back.

It was an hour later and Goku had stuffed his face with all of their food. Sanzo had a large annoyed look on his face.

"Somehow I didn't miss your incessant hunger. By the gods...you went five hundred years without food. A few days go by, and you suddenly don't eat, now you've eaten a whole days worth of food!" Shouted Sanzo.

" But Sanzo!" Complained Goku.

WHACK!

"Ow! Sanzo! You're a bastard!" Screamed Goku in pain.

"Tell me something I don't know. How the hell are you even in love with me!?" Shouted Sanzo.

Everything went quiet and Sanzo suddenly felt that dread coming down on him that Goku would return to the way he was.

"You're my sun Sanzo. You released me from that place. You've helped me far more then I deserve. I love you for those reasons. Because you stuck by my side through thick and thin. And I've finally found a home with you." Spoke Goku as he then decided to eat the large melon in front of him.

Sanzo blushed bright red on his pale skin and he looked at the floor. What was the point in fighting it anyway?

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Author: Ok...next up is going to be a long process. So don't worry, the Angst isn't over.

Sanzo: Oh wow...

Goku: Yay!

Author: Reviews please!