It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while
Since I first saw you
It's been a while
since i could stand on my own two feet again
and it's been a while
since i could call you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

xxxx

The neon numbers blinked 2:13 AM when Lucas Scott was jolted awake by the agonizing screams. He quickly threw the blankets off his body and swung his legs over the side of his bed before dashing into the bedroom across the hall. She was lying in a ball on the bed shaking and tears were running down her face like crazy, bleeding tracks of mascara. This was the first time that he had really saw Brooke Davis cry since she'd been in Tree Hill.

"Brooke? Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" Lucas asked frantically as he sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed circles on her back.

Through her tears, she managed a small "yes." Lucas could see the pain in her eyes and he felt himself growing weaker inside. It was killing him to see a girl that was once so bubbly and full of energy and life this way.

"It's gonna be okay," he whispered sincerely, tiredness plaguing his voice. Her tears started to subside as he rubbed her back.

He stood up slowly but her meek words caused him to stop dead in his tracks. "Don't go." She sounded so helpless and he knew that he couldn't leave her there alone.

He managed a small smile before slipping under the covers and sliding in next to the brunette. He wrapped an arm around her waist as he pulled her closer to him. She clung to his body as she took in a deep breath and buried her head in the crook of his neck, engulfing in his scent.

"What was the nightmare about?" he asked briefly as he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "I mean if you don't feel comfortable with me asking it's okay I…"

"Flashbacks," she whispered quietly. "Of the attack and of my life in New York…"

xxxx

FLASHBACK:

"Why in the hell are you so ungrateful. You have a life that any 22 year old would kill for. You are a multi-millionaire Brooke Davis and you wanna throw it all away for a boy?"

"Not just any boy mother. Lucas Scott," the brunette whispered sharply as she ran her fingers along a faded picture from her High School days.

Victoria grabbed the picture and ripped it in half. "High School is over Brooke. This is your life now and you chose to leave these people behind."

"I didn't choose to leave them behind mother! I left because I had my heart broken into a million pieces. I had no intentions of leaving them entirely. I just wanted to get my life on track but I never wanted to cut them from it…"

"Don't blame me Brooke," her mother laughed bitterly as she sent her daughter a menacing glare. "You chose this life and these are the consequences that come with fame and fortune."

"I miss Lucas and I miss my other friends. I want to go home," the brunette whispered as a wave of nostalgia hit her.

"You are home," the older brunette seethed. "This is your home now and your company is your life. You don't have time to go play house with the ex-boyfriend that never wanted you in the first place. Hick Hill, North Carolina is your past and this," she motioned towards the elegant cit from the office window. "Is your future."

"I never wanted this," the brunette broke down as tears spilled from her hazel eyes. "You know sometimes I wish that I had been pregnant senior year. Because then you would have disowned me and wouldn't have to feel this pain. I could have been with the boy I loved and I could have lived a quiet life in Tree Hill."

"Do you hear yourself Brooke?" Victoria let out a disgusted laugh as she shook her head violently. "You would give up this life for a boy that doesn't even love you back? For a boy that put you on the back burner when your best friend all of a sudden decided that she wanted what was yours?"

"I was never second best mom," Brooke answered painfully as she looked at her hands. "Lucas rejected Peyton after I broke up with him. Luke and I were young when we dated and we weren't cut out for a relationship. I'm ready to be with him now and I know that the kind of love we had is too good to not take a chance on."

"Quit feeling so nostalgic Brooke. That boy never loved you, he just wanted to get in your pants like all the other boys Brooke," Victoria growled, her eyes forming into slits of anger. "He never loved you and he never will!"

"My whole life, you have made me feel like I was never enough, like I was always one step below you. Now that I am higher than you and I have everything that you one day dreamed of, you are trying to ruin my chance at happiness. Just because you never got your happy ending, why should anyone else right?" Brooke pointed out bitterly, the sarcasm dripping from her tongue with every word.

"I'm only doing what is best for you dear," Victoria answered genuinely as she reached out to grab her daughter's hand.

Brooke quickly slapped it away. Victoria Davis was anything but sincere and she could see the venom lurking behind the soft eyes that fronted her. Brooke knew this because she was the exact same way with her emotions. She hid behind her hard exterior because she didn't want people to see her vulnerability. Her mother hid behind her 'I care about you and I only want what is best for you' façade because she didn't want people to see that she was truly an evil and manipulative bitch. "You don't know what is best for me mother! You don't even know what is best for yourself!"

"I won't let you throw your life away for a boy that always puts you in second place. I know that feeling Brooke and I'd never inflict that upon anyone," her mother tried again, tears threatening to form in her eyes. Brooke had never seen her mother cry, not once in the 22 years she'd been on the planet.

"You don't want me to be happy because your marriage was a horribly failed lie?" Brooke asked as she turned towards her mother. "Is that it mom? Because guess what, not everyone is like you and Richard!"

"I know that you think I'm a horrible mother and maybe I haven't tried as hard as I should have…"

"That would be an understatement," Brooke mumbled under her breath.

"But I want you to understand something Brooke," Victoria continued as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Richard was never there for you. After the divorce you never talked to Richard once. He has always been absent in your life. I might not have been the best mother but I was always there. I didn't just leave you when the going got tough…"

"No," she shook her head, tears threatening to fall from her saddened hazel eyes. She quickly lifted a finger and brushed them away. She would not allow herself to cry in front of Victoria, because that would expose a weakness that was unacceptable. "But you cut me down to size. My entire life I was picked at by you for not being perfect. Do you know how that made me feel?"

"Brooke I…"

"I don't need you in my life," Brooke hissed coldly. "I never needed you mom. You were always holding me back and you never believed in me. You just saw my talent and you wanted it all to yourself. If I wasn't a talented fashion designer we both know that we would not be having this conversation right now. I loved you mother and you never reciprocated it! You never once told me that you loved me or that you were proud of me…"

"I'm trying now Brooke. I'm here for you and I believe in you and I am incredibly proud of you despite what you think!"

"Go," the brunette whispered meekly.

"Excuse me?"

"You hear me mother, just go!" Brooke shouted tiredly. "I'm sick of this and I want out. I no longer want to live my life according to your guidelines. I want to live MY life."

"What about the company Brooke? Don't throw it away," Victoria pleaded, her eyes showing signs of desperation.

"I'm not throwing it away," the brunette whispered angrily as she shook her head coldly. "I'm throwing you away. I worked so hard to get here and this company is my life. A life that you aren't a part of. You're fired."

"Brooke, you can't do that!"

"Actually I can," Brooke smirked. "I have one hundred percent ownership of this company. Remember these?" She waved the ownership papers in front of her mother. "If my memory serves me well, you signed these while you were inebriated."

"Brooke…" Victoria pleaded as she attempted to snatch the papers from Brooke's hand.

"You're fired mother. I'm done with you and I'm done with this life."

"Think about this before you act…"

"It's a done deal mother. I wiped you off the board earlier this evening. You are no longer a member of this company. Let's just call it karma for all the times that you never believed in me and underestimated the power that I had."

"Brooke…"

"I want your things cleared out of the office by tomorrow. My mind is made up and there is nothing you can say or do to change it."

She sent her mother one last cold glare before turning on her heel and clicking the door shut as she exited her mother's life.

The very next day she was attacked.

END FLASHBACK:

xxxx

"And that was the trigger that started my attack. I keep thinking that if I had just let my mother stay on the company board that I wouldn't be living this life right now," the brunette explained as she lifted her head from the comfortable position it was in and stared deeply into the blonde's eyes.

"Brooke," Lucas whispered gently as he cradled her face in his hands. "You were right. You never were second best."

"I know," she smiled limply. "And that is why I defended you."

"You were going to leave that prestigious life in New York behind to come back for me?" he finally asked after a moment of silence.

"I was," she nodded her head slowly. "But just so you know, I am in no shape to be romantically involved with anyone right now. I need to figure out some things about myself first before I can engage in another relationship…"

"I'll be waiting," Lucas smiled as he pulled her closer to him. "For now, you are just my old high school flame and a friend who needs me more than ever."

"Thank you," she nodded her head curtly. "You're such an amazing guy Luke. Tell me again how you're not taken?"

"Every girl I've ever tried to date feels inferior to you. They read the book and that's the end of it," he admitted honestly as he looked down at his hands.

"I'm sorry," she whispered sincerely before reaching up and brushing a strand of blonde hair from his face.

"It's okay," he gave her a lighthearted grin. "It's fate's way of telling me that we are meant to be together."

She leaned up and kissed his cheek ever so lightly. "I'm sorry for coming back here and confusing you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he admitted as he played with a loose strand of her brunette locks. "You'll always be my pretty girl no matter what." He leaned down and kissed her temple before wrapping his arms tighter around her. "So where do we stand then?"

"Friends?" she asked, looking up at him innocently. "Until I at least figure my emotions out and learn to cope with this attack. A life changing event like this makes me in no shape to be in a relationship."

"I know it doesn't Brooke," he smiled as he brushed a hand over her cheek. "Now let's try to grab some sleep. I'm not going anywhere so if you have any more nightmares, I'll be right here."

It's been a while
since I could say that I wasn't addicted and
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
It's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

xxxx

FLASHBACK TO ONE YEAR AGO:

People think that if you love somebody hard enough then everything is just going to work out. People are wrong. 50 years from now, I hope you got what you wanted Haley, but getting married to you was the worst mistake of my life. Here's a little advice, never get married. In the end, you'll only be miserable.

Never in a million years did Nathan Scott actually believe that the words he'd said in one of the darkest moments of his life would come true. Never get married. In the end, you'll only be miserable. And he was miserable. It's not that he didn't love Haley because he did but he was dealing with too much right now. Just months ago he had everything. He had the life. He was the number one prospect for the Charlotte bobcats and the leading scorer of the Duke Blue Devils. Nothing had been the same since the accident, the accident that had ruined his life, the accident that had taken away his dream. "Just walk away man," his brother had insisted but Nathan being Nathan didn't listen. Nathan Scott never backed down from a fight. He should've listened to his brother because that fight cost him his career. Knowing he may never be able to walk without any trouble again was one of the hardest things for him to accept. Knowing he may never be able to play basketball again was the hardest thing for him to accept.

Now where's that whiskey? Nathan walked over to the cupboard in attempt to find the hidden stash. It was hard to walk with crutches and he could only walk for short periods of time but he had to keep the faith that someday he'd be able to walk fine on his own again.

After about 10 minutes of rummaging around in the cupboards, Nathan spotted the bottle of whiskey, hidden in the very back, behind everything else. Uncapping the lid, Nathan brought the 26 ounce bottle of pure hard liquor to his lips and chugged a good portion of the bottle. It burned his throat but he chose to ignore the feeling. He was numb. He stumbled, with the aid of his crutches towards the couch and flopped onto it. He turned on a sports channel and slowly his eyes started to close, his body started to shut down, and he started to drift off into a peaceful sleep.

It all just seems so fake. This idea that good things happen to good people, and there's magic in the world, and the meek and righteous will inherit. There are too many good people that suffer for something like that to be true. There are too many prayers that get unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is. And we tell ourselves "it's all gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay," but it's not okay. And once you know that, there's no going back. There's no magic in the world. At least not today there isn't.

Her body shook with every violent tremor as Haley spoke into the phone. She was gone. When Haley needed her the most, when everything was falling apart, she was gone. It was easy for Haley to talk to her even if she wasn't there. It made her feel better. Haley shut her phone and tossed it into her purse before grabbing the stack of papers off her desk. She flicked the light off and shut the door to her classroom. She was afraid of what she might come home to.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"MOM!" a little voice squealed and the image of a four year old running at her full tilt brought a small smile to Haley's face.

"Hey Jamie," she smiled as she scooped the little boy up into her arms. "How was school?"

"Good. I painted a picture of you and me and daddy," he smiled proudly as he showed her a picture of their family. "And Chester too!"

Haley smiled sadly as she ran her fingers over the picture. "It's beautiful."

"Thanks Lauren," Haley smiled up at Jamie's teacher. "Thank you so much for watching Jamie."

"You're welcome Haley. I know that things haven't been easy with Nathan…" the young blonde replied before putting her hand on Haley's shoulder. "I hope things get easier for you."

"Yeah me too," Haley nodded. "Come on Jamie, we should get going. Say goodbye to Miss Lauren."

"Goodbye Miss Lauren."

"Goodbye Jamie. Bye Haley," she waved at the mother-son duo.

Haley sucked in a deep breath as she pulled open the door and prepared herself for the worst. "Where's dad?" Jamie questioned, his eyes scanning the house for his father.

"I don't know Jamie. Why don't you go play with Chester? I need to talk to your dad but I'll call you when dinner is ready," Haley replied gravely as she spotted her husband's sleeping figure sprawled out on the couch.

Jamie opened his mouth to protest but the look Haley gave him convinced him otherwise. "Okay, momma," he nodded before trudging up the stairs to his bedroom.

Haley let out a heavy sigh as she dropped her keys into the basket on the kitchen table and tripped over an empty whiskey bottle. She picked it up and tossed it into the trash can before making her way into the living room. Nathan was sprawled out on the couch with a thin blanket barely covering his body. His crutches were on the floor beside the couch along with a few empty beer bottles, an empty pizza box and a few DVD cases. Haley picked up the DVD cases and set them on the table before tossing the bottles and garbage into the trash can.

"Nathan," she whispered as she shook her sleeping husband.

"Go away," he grumbled in response, turning on his side so that he was facing away from her.

"Nathan," she tried again, receiving a swat in return.

"Nathan Royal Scott, get your ass up right now!" Haley demanded sternly. She would've flipped him off the couch but considering the circumstances she decided against it.

"What do you want Haley?" he grumbled as he rubbed his tired eyes. "I was sleeping in case you hadn't noticed."

"Nathan, it's 4 in the afternoon and all you've done today is eat, drink, and watch TV. I'm trying here but you seem to be making no effort. I know that it's hard for you but it's hard for me too. I lost my mother Nathan and do you think that's not hard on me? Because trust me it is. It's hurts like hell but I have to push through the pain because my family needs me. My son needs me. And he needs you too."

"You don't get it, do you? I used to be somebody, Haley, do you understand that? Do you understand what that means? I used to be Nathan Scott, and I was great and I should have walked away okay I know that and I didn't do it, and now I'm nothing. And I have nothing!" Nathan yelled with rage as he slammed his fist down on the table.

"You have nothing? You have a beautiful son who is here. I am here! You've gotta figure out who you're gonna be in this, Nathan. Because this version of you does not work for us. I cannot keep living like this, okay? Do you understand what I'm saying? One more night like this, Nathan, and I promise, you will have nothing!" Haley didn't wait for a response before turning and leaving the room.

She made her way up the stairs, stopping at her son's room before entering her own. Jamie seemed pretty engrossed in his TV show, thankfully. She just hoped that he hadn't heard the arguing downstairs. A small smile graced her face as she watched him. She just hoped that for his sake, Nathan got his shit together soon.

Haley slipped her shoes off and sat down on her bed. Her eyes wandered until they reached the double picture frame beside the bed. One picture was of her and Nathan on their wedding day and the other was of her and Nathan when Jamie was born. She wished that she could go back in time to a time when everything was so much simpler. She wished that she could go back to a time when she wasn't constantly reminded of how incredibly broken the world was. Losing her mother was an extremely painful thing for her to endure but unlike Nathan she was better at hiding her pain. She pushed through the pain that life brought her in order to take care of her family. Eventually she would break and she would learn how cold the world really was. She couldn't hold on forever.

Two weeks later, Haley filed for divorce.

END FLASHBACK

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
xxxx

She nervously played with her thumbs as she stared out the plane window. They were landing and soon she would be in Tree Hill, the town that she hadn't returned to since leaving 5 years ago. She hadn't been to Tree Hill since High School graduation and she was scared. She hadn't kept in contact with Nathan, Brooke, or Lucas over the years. She had kept in small contact with Haley and was aware of the divorce, although it was still a hard concept to swallow. It made no sense to her at all. She didn't know what to expect from anyone. Surely, they were not the same people. She had fucked things up majorly with Brooke. They had yet to resolve their falling out during senior year. She realized after months of pining for Lucas that they weren't meant to be because he would always love Brooke and that she would never measure up to Brooke. She left Tree Hill to ease the heart break and pain that she had left behind. They had come a long way in the past four years and she hoped that they could finally push things aside and work on Brooke's recovery together. All 4 of them.

"Peyton."

The blonde snapped around at the familiar sound.

"Hey stranger," she smiled as she dropped her bags and wrapped her arms around the blonde that she once had immense feelings for. "How is she?" she asked once he pulled away and gathered her bags.

"She's not coping well. Well, I mean she pretends that she is but she's not. She's so broken and I can't fix her all by myself. I need you and Haley."

"And Nathan too," the blonde insisted as Lucas dropped her bags into the truck of his car.

"Look Peyton," Lucas turned to the tortured artist as he started the engine. "I don't know what Haley told you but things are messy between her and Nathan."

"They can put their shit aside for Brooke!" Peyton exclaimed with disbelief. "I don't even know if Brooke will talk to me but I'm trying. I'm putting a high school grudge behind me for the sake of my best friend and they can do the same for her!"

"Nathan might not even be willing to help," Lucas answered as she began to pull out of the parking lot. "He doesn't even know about Brooke being home yet and he was so upset when she left."

"Drop me off at his house," Peyton insisted harshly as she glanced over at the blonde.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me Luke. You take my bags over to Haley's place and I will talk to Nathan. Brooke needs him too!"

"Fine," he huffed as he pulled a quick U-turn and headed towards Nathan's house.

"I'm coming!" Nathan hollered as he jogged over to the door and pulled it open, an annoyed expression spread across his face.

"Geez, do you have to knock like fifty times and that loud?" Nathan growled. "Peyton?"

"Hey buddy," she laughed as he opened his arms for her. "How are you holding up?"

"I've seen better days," he shrugged as he let her in. "Care to tell me why you're here? I haven't seen you in like three years."

"Luke called me," she answered as she sat on the couch.

"You mean Luke as in my brother, Luke?"

"Yeah," she nodded as he handed her a glass of water.

"I didn't know you two were on speaking terms."

"Haley made him call me," she answered nonchalantly as she took a long sip of water.

"Why?" Nathan questioned as he joined the blonde on the couch. "I mean you and Haley haven't talked much in the last few years either."

"It's about Brooke…"

"Peyton," Nathan offered her a small smile and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I know that you love Brooke and she will always be your best friend but she hasn't been to Tree Hill in five years. Nobody has seen or heard from her in five years. I mean other than on TV or in magazines…"

"No, Nathan," Peyton shook her head, blonde curls falling into her face. "She's here."

"What?" he turned to her, surprise creeping across his face. "What the hell are you talking about Peyton? She disappeared five years ago without a trace or a single phone call. She just vanished."

"She showed up on Luke's doorstep the other day. She was attacked Nathan."

"Excuse me?"

"Look Nate, I just got here and I have yet to see Brooke but she needs our help. You and I know her better than anyone. We have been friends with her since we were eight years old Nate, we are practically like siblings and her mother hired someone to attack her. We can't just ignore the fact that she is broken because of some high school grudge. You need to let it go and help Brooke get through this because I know that you are still that guy."

"Victoria attacked her?" It came out as a croak but Peyton didn't miss the anger brewing in Nathan's voice.

She nodded and Nathan's fist collided with the coffee table. "That bitch! If I ever see her face, she will be fucking dead. You understand me? Fucking dead!"

"There's the Nathan I know. The Nathan that would protect his friends no matter what," Peyton smiled as she stood up and grabbed her coat. "Now take me over to Luke's. We have a damaged brunette to tend to."

AN: I'M BACK! Yes, I know it's been super long but the month of January has been extremely hard for me. I've had three diploma exams and two in class finals on top of numerous essays, quizzes, and unit finals. But I am done with semester one and I only have two classes, one of which is through distance learning and does not require me to actually be at school. This means that I will have so much free time to update considering I'm done school by ten o'clock. I hope that I didn't lose any readers because of my absence but I promise that updates will be much faster now and I will work like hell to catch up. Next chapter will be Julian's introduction, BREYTON AND BRATHAN interaction as well as more Brucas of course and a flashback of Naley's divorce. Also, did anyone watch the latest episode of One Tree Hill? I hate how they go from Brooke almost dying to having a bachelorette party. I mean the episode was super funny, not gonna lie I haven't laughed that hard on the show ever but still they could've put another episode in between where Brooke and the others deal with her damn near dying. It upsets me that all the other core 5 characters have been in the hospital and had life threatening accidents and then finally it happens to Brooke and then bam next week she's riding a mechanical bull at her bachelorette party. I mean come one, that's just not cool. With that being said, I am SUPER excited for Brulian's wedding tomorrow. Anyways, that's enough of my rambling. The song used is 'It's Been Awhile' by Staind. It's possibly one of my all time favorite songs. Love it. Please review and lemme know what you thought. Reviews=Speedier updates.