Chapter 3

Word Count: 4,693

A/N: Things are moving forward. I think this is the last of the short chapters. After this I'm pretty sure they're ten to thirteen pages a piece.

Carson wondered what it felt like to be embarrassed by a kiss. Before the whole Hummel family went to shit he'd gotten plenty of playful kisses from friends and his parents. He'd never been embarrassed by those, not even the ones from Mildred as they were often followed by her making an ass of herself. It drew the attention away. But once they were in California the love went on hold and mom tried but she wasn't physically affectionate. He didn't have any friends that wanted to kiss him or any girls that were crazy and daring enough to plant on one him. They didn't see any other family members anymore and the company he kept now knew better than to touch him much more than a fleeting pat on the arm. He felt vaguely left out, like he was missing some integral part of being a teenager. Your mother was supposed to cuddle you close after an accident and kiss your cheeks and annoy the hell out of you.

Of course it wasn't quite normal for teenagers to know how many glasses of wine it took to make a grown woman think she was a movie star. Or how many glasses after that it took for the same woman to pass out. Carson gave his mom a lot of slack. It wasn't her fault she got into an accident. It wasn't her fault that she lost her memory. It wasn't her fault that her brain told her Kurt was a monster and Burt was a stranger. A lot of things that happened weren't her fault and she deserved to feel like shit about the hand dealt to her. That's why he tried to go with the flow and why he developed a healthy sarcastic wit. Normally he wouldn't be caught dead pinning for motherly love and affection but today wasn't a normal day. He'd been hospitalized for a grand total of three days and was patiently awaiting discharge papers. After which he would go home and sulk around the house with his mother and pointedly try not to beg to see Kurt. Even though he really, really wanted to see Kurt, more than he wanted embarrassing well meaning kisses, and more than he wanted his literary magazine to pick up.

Baring that first phone call during his feigned sleep, he'd yet to hear anything about being able to see his brother. He'd been denied a call to his grandmother as well, which stung more than he thought. Carson couldn't deny that it would be pointless. She couldn't remember who he was when he was standing in front of her and reminding her. But he still loved her, loved hearing her voice, and seeing her smile. Even if she didn't mean to, she'd make him feel better. A phone call though wouldn't really be smart. She'd just get confused and probably upset which would make him feel like an ass. So visiting her would have to wait until he was well enough to go to her. And as much as he was looking forward to it, he was dreading it. The Alzheimer's was already so bad that she had trouble recognizing him as a frequent visitor. Showing up with a vein patterned burn scar peeking out of his neckline and over the palm of his hand wouldn't help her remember. What he would give for a nice comforting hug from his grandmother. It was embarrassing.

"Are you ready to be released young man?" It was that elderly doctor. She had a wide smile on her face and a stack of papers in her hand. It was release forms, prescriptions, and care information.

"I'm very ready." Carson was very, very ready to be out of the hospital. As much as he wanted to avoid spending quality time at home with his mother it was at least a more entertaining prospect than spending the next week watching "Judge Judy" while nurses poked at him. Besides his mother and that one visit from Malerie he'd been alone. It was a blessing he guessed, better than his blackmail victims banding together to come kick him while he was down. He's not quite sure what to expect when he goes back to school. At best he can hope that his near death experience will put them in forgiving moods. He did after all still have all of the blackmail material. If Kurt did end up visiting him that had the potential to gain him even more sympathy. Not that he wanted it to get out. His business was his business, but it was a possibility. It would be idiotic of him to not consider it.

Carson was already dressed, poised and ready to bolt once he got the okay. His doctor insisted however that he needed one more look over. She checked his eyes and the burn along his chest. Then she pressed and prodded along his hand and fingers. He still couldn't feel his pinky and ring finger. She smiled encouragingly at him when he mentioned so. It was pointless. Carson knew he'd never regain feeling there. He was just happy to be able to move them. She babbled on and on about being aware of his body. He needed to note any numbness along his side. He needed to log any headaches and their duration. He needed to wear his glasses constantly to ensure any blurry vision is a result of the accident and not just naturally poor eyesight. And last but not least, he needed to be hyper aware of his non-feeling fingers. Any injuries there wouldn't be noticed until he actually saw them.

"I can leave now?"

"Where's your mother dear?"

Carson was about to open his mouth and list a whole host of likely places other than the hospital when his mother showed up in his doorway. "Right here doc. He's good to go?" She was sans bathrobe for once. She didn't look like she'd been drinking either. Small miracles that.

"Yes, right as...rain." The doctor trailed off with an awkward laugh and handed over his papers. His mother flipped through them and brought the prescriptions to the front while Carson scoffed and marched out of the room. He didn't wait for his mom to catch up or for the nurse standing by with the wheelchair. He'd run out if he had to. They'd given him a nice parting shot of something good and he was feeling bold. He pulled his sleeve down over his arm band and slowed himself to a casual stroll once he was out of his mom's line of sight. No one stopped him.

Outside was nice. It was bright and breezy, not a cloud in sight. His mom had driven his convertible to the hospital. He could see it in the far corner of the lot. There's a few people milling around the lot and a few nurses leaning against the wall smoking. He hadn't even realized he'd been prepared for an angry mob of teenagers until he felt relief at seeing none. It was entirely possible that nobody knew that he was getting out today or that they did know and they were waiting at his house. He couldn't see what they would gain from harassing him. Malerie still had copies of all of the blackmail materials and he had his own hidden at home. And he could play up his injuries and make himself into a helpless victim. But he was getting ahead of himself. No one wants to rock the boat. It's why he got so far with Clovergate to begin with.

There was a rush of cool air behind him then his mother was brushing past him with a wry smile and a handful of papers. "Let's get this show on the road." Now it made sense. They had to go to the pharmacy. She couldn't claim that she was a put together person with any confidence and honesty but she could play up the grieving mother now if she wanted. If nothing else it would get the perky Miss Future Ex-Phillips to lay off for a while. Carson strode past his mother and climbed into the front passenger seat. He looked all around his car to make sure everything was in the place he left it, then unbuckled the hood and pushed it back part of the way. "Really Carson?"

"I almost died mom. I want to see sunlight."

"You can see it through the window."

"I'd like to see it everywhere." He took a leaf out of Kurt's book and pouted instead of looking defensive. He didn't try that very often because it was pretty hit of miss but he tilted his shoulder just so to show off the tip of his scar. He tries his best to make his eyes big and watery behind his glasses but he has no real idea what he's doing. They stare at each other for a few seconds then she throws papers into the front seat and stomps off to pull back the roof. She mutters angrily and yanks more than she has to but Carson didn't look too much into it. If she didn't feel like doing it she wouldn't have done it.

Sheryl hurries back to the front seat and slams the door behind her, then leans to the side haughtily with a raised eyebrow. "Happy now?"

"Extremely." His deadpan delivery puts a smile on her face. They look at each other for a few minutes, just taking each other in with fondness. For all of her problems she was still a good person, not the best mother but she'd chosen him, remembered him, and that meant something. She's thinking along the same lines. For all of Carson's sass and brashness he's a good kid. He gets good grades and makes sure she gets the bills paid. As far as her life had fallen she still couldn't imagine living back in Lima. It was her and Carson against the world. At least for a little while longer.

Their moment was ruined by a hacking man off to their side. He hocks and spits and greenish wad onto the asphalt and effectively ends their train of thought. Carson pulls together his medical papers and shoves them into his glove box then lowers his seat so he can thoroughly enjoy the ride. His mom is quiet beside him and they take every back road between the hospital and the pharmacy. The feel of the sun against his face and the wind rushing at him is good. He feels the most alive he has in days, finally free from the stifling hospital room. He lets his mind empty and just enjoys being outside. If he tries hard enough he can pretend that he's getting a ride out of Clover. It feels good. He's not going to chalk it up to a new lease on life. If he had died everything would have gone back to the status quot. Being alive just means he can continue on the path he's already on. Right now it's just peaceful. He's got a good high going on with the pain meds and the air is crisp and smells like grass. The sun is bright and the radio isn't blasting top forty. Until he can get the hell out of Clover he lives for little moments like these.

When the car rolls to a stop Carson doesn't even try to get out. He blindly reaches into the glove box and hands his mother the papers then settles back into his seat. He pulls his glasses off and tucks them into the door and hums. His face is still turned up to catch the sun. Hopefully if he stays in the car with his eyes closed he'll look pathetic enough to ward off nosy gossip mongers. It's largely successful. The few people who pass by are content to just gawk at him from afar. It's a slow day with most people at church or at home watching football. Malerie will have to e-mail him her progress for the week so he can get on next week's issue of the paper. There's not much to report but he can't let it slip. If he can show Northwestern that he worked through an incident as graphic and rare as this he'll get the edge. The loss of feeling in two fingers might affect his typing rate but he doubts it. He hasn't noticed any loss in mobility. Once he'd noticed the loss in feeling he started moving them around like crazy, fascinated by the strange sensation of watching something happen to himself that he couldn't feel.

Inside the drug store Sheryl makes her way to the pharmacy counter with purpose. April is there, watching her stride up with wide eyes. Sheryl knows April's going to try to make a big deal about the whole thing. Because she cares. It makes her want to gag. Of course she cares, she cares about everyone. She's a bleeding heart Care Bear of a woman. And with Carson being the ex-stepson of her new beau there's no doubt she feels something. But it's not real concern. Not like what she feels as a mother. But she'll pretend it is. She'll play up her small amount of expected concern like she's some Mother Teresa who's far more willing and capable of taking care of Carson than his own drunken train wreck of a mother. Sheryl's not going to let that happen. She's the boss in all of this. She's going to take care of her son on her own.

Sheryl slaps the prescriptions down onto the counter and slides them across to Little Miss Innocent April. She just stands there for a moment with wide sad eyes then tries to reach out and take Sheryl's hand. It falls flat. Sheryl pulls back points down at the prescriptions. "My son needs those as soon as possible."

"Ms. Philips I'm so sorry for—"

"How about doing your job instead of feeling sorry." April looks like a wounded puppy at the remark but takes the slips and looks them over. She fills in all the paperwork on the computer then tells her they'll have everything ready in half an hour. Sheryl wants to say something else. She wants April to say something too so they can have a proper bitch fight but she doesn't bite. It'll have to wait until she comes to get the medication later. As she turns to leave her feet carry her to the alcohol but she stops. April is still watching her. She still has that sad little frown on her face. So Sheryl goes farther down the aisle and picks up a two liter of diet Coke and a two liter of Dr. Pepper then walks as casually as she can to the register. The cashier stares at her too. He's a scrawny red faced teenager so there's no doubt he goes to school with Carson. He's probably dying to ask her if there are scars or permanent damage but Sheryl won't give him the satisfaction. It's none of their business. Not April's, not this punk kid, not the three people scattered around behind her staring.

A little voice in the back of her head tells her it's Kurt's business. She wants to find the owner of that little voice and strangle it. Her, technically biological, other son does deserve to know what's going on. It pains her deeply to admit it but Kurt would probably be good for Carson. She gathered, very reluctantly, that Kurt was doing well in school and tended to believe the best in people. It made her wonder what the hell Burt was doing over there in Lima. It seemed impossible that the prissy, so obviously gay, little boy she left behind would turn out to be anything other than a complete evil bitch after growing up around Lima's finest. But he was apparently a shining beacon of light in an otherwise dismal town. Or so she'd been lead to believe.

The cashier was so distracted by her that he fumbled with the money and knocked over her sodas before handing them over. Normally she'd snipe at him but she was lost in thought. She really had no clue about what kind of life Kurt lived after she left. They had more money than her so Kurt probably didn't want for things like Carson sometimes did. And Burt's remarriage meant he had a shiny new mother to bond with, and a whole new brother. She knew things weren't perfect there. It was Lima. Your life wasn't perfect unless you were a rich white male with a truck and a trophy wife. Sheryl made her way out of the store and watched Carson try to nap in the front seat. Their life sucked. They had barely any money, no support system, and she had no prospects for a brighter future. Yeah a lot of it was her fault. But she felt entitled. Her life got torn to shreds. She became a stranger in her own body and home. She had to crush the hopes and dreams of a smiling little boy to get some peace. Her son almost died in a school parking lot. Burt should have been tripping all over himself to make her feel better about her situation and he hadn't. He'd given no leeway, doing no more than acknowledging that she'd had a difficult life. Burt fit in so well with Lima's definition of a success she could barely understand it. As she got into the car and took in Carson's face, relaxed and innocent looking, she knew why. It was Kurt. Lima must have really put him through it since she left.

"I got you diet Coke." Carson hums at her in thanks and rolls his head in her direction. She's struck with the sudden urge to poke his face, so she does. Carson grunts and turns away from her with a sneer but she pays it no mind. It's fun to wind him up. With him looking away Sheryl can try to picture Kurt sitting there. He'd probably be softer looking, more refined than Carson. She tried to think of him as a model and got the strange image of Carson stalking down a runway with a scowl on his face. But that faded away as quickly as it came and was replaced by something worse. All she could think of now was Carson's face covered in bruises and blood.

To get it out of her head she starts the car and peels out of the parking lot as fast as she can. Beside her Carson is yelling at her to be careful with his baby. Wrong thing to say, because she wasn't very careful with her babies was she? She couldn't suck it up and stay in Lima. She couldn't send cards or write letters. She couldn't pull herself out of the bottle long enough to be an active participant in Carson's life. She was a beat up junker of a car scraping across the pavement and waiting to die. The only way to do some good at this point would be to let Kurt come out for a visit. She didn't want to. God, how she didn't want to. She didn't want a living breathing reminder from her past walking around in her home sneering at stuff. She also didn't want to look at Kurt's face and see a heartbroken little boy yearning for a mother. But this wasn't about her. It was about Carson. Carson wore the pants in their family. Carson got things done. Carson almost died. And Carson wanted to see his brother. So he was going to, even if it killed her. She wasn't going to invite Burt though. There was only so much selflessness she could handle in a day.

Once they got to the house she helped hoist Carson out of the car and onto the couch. The full affect of the pain killers had kicked in some time in the parking lot of the pharmacy. She had him lying down and comfortable in no time. The trick to the couch was to turn at the hip and pull up your knees just so. He tried to say thanks or he tried to criticize her, it was hard to tell with his face squished into the cushions. With that done she went back outside and took a seat on her porch steps so she could call Burt. The sooner they got this thing in motion the sooner she could mention it to Carson and play up the good mother card.

The phone didn't ring for long. From what she remembered of Burt it would be just like him to be holding his cell at all times in the event of a crisis. He knew she'd cave, even though he hadn't said anything. The calm and sure way he argued Kurt's case told her he knew it. Because he obviously knew her so well. "Hey."

"Hey." For a moment Sheryl just chewed on her lip and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. They both knew what this was about. Why couldn't Burt just come out and make a suggestion so she could save face?

"When can he come out?"

"He?"

"Yeah, as in just him. When can he come out?"

"Do you remember his name?"

"Of course I do. I spent two years yelling it before I left." On the other end of the line Burt snorted. It was followed by a muffled thunk. He'd kicked something most likely. She didn't want to play this game. She was extending the olive branch and she damn well expected him to take it. She didn't want to jump through hoops to gain his approval.

"Humor me. You wanna talk about him you act like you know who he is."

"Fine! When can Kurt come out? Carson wants to see him and it won't break the bank to keep him for a few days."

"Money's not a problem Sheryl. I can send him with a card and some cash. I wouldn't put you out at a time like this." Burt makes it so hard for her to hate him. He's always been a good guy. After her accident he didn't ask to sleep in the same bed as her, he didn't get affectionate at her request, and he let her take Carson with minimal fuss. She'd left him with the impression that she'd come back some time soon but he let it go. He must have known. She hadn't exactly been subtle about her intent. And now he wasn't even asking about when he'd get to visit. He just assumed he'd be unwelcome and didn't push. It's moments like these when she regrets leaving him. If she had pushed aside her fear of Kurt and gotten proper counseling she could have been sitting pretty in Lima with a loving husband and a kid that didn't resent her.

"You gonna send him alone?"

"Alone...it's not that I don't trust him. He's a real responsible kid it's just...I don't think he'd be able to hold it together too well." Burt sighs and Sheryl can just picture him scratching the back of his neck and looking down at his toes.

"I'm not gonna yell at him Burt. Carson wouldn't let me."

"Its not just you Sheryl. He's been going through it here. It's better than last year. Dear God, last year was...but that's just...he won't act like there's a problem even if there is one."

"Then send someone with him."

"I don't have anyone to send. Mildred can't take care of herself let alone Kurt. Carole can't take off and Finn. I love the kid but he doesn't have the best track record with handling Kurt. And like hell I'm asking his boyfriend to go with him." So he did have a boyfriend. That was surprising. Not that he was gay, but that he actually found somebody. Besides that, they still had a problem on their hands. She was either going to have to wrangle Burt into letting Kurt come solo or they'd have to figure out who can ride with him. It'd be easiest on her if someone came along to keep Kurt busy but it wasn't looking like that was possible. Burt cycled through a list of close family friends and dismissed them all for one reason or another. They weren't touching the subject of Burt coming himself. It was the obvious solution she didn't want and Burt was tactful enough to ignore it.

"You workin' Sheryl?" Burt sounded tentative and hopeful. She knew where this was going. He wanted her and Carson to pack up and take a short vacation in the middle of nowhere Ohio. The Sheryl of last week would have laughed her ass off into the phone then followed it by a "fuck you". But the Sheryl of today had a little restraint. It would be a personal kind of hell to walk into the happy Hummel home and pretend they didn't all want to attack each other and cry. But she wasn't working. She didn't have anywhere to be and Carson had a free pass through the end of the month to be out of school. It'd be much easier for them to go to Kurt than the other way around. Then after they could high tail it back and not have to deal with the fallout. She'd be way out of the way of April's pitying looks and Neal's mocking judgment.

"Not at the moment."

"You could come out here. I'd send you tickets."

"Look Burt, nice as that sounds I don't want to play Brady Bunch with you and you're new family."

"Now come on Sheryl. Kurt and I both wanna see Carson and I wouldn't mind seein' you after all this time. I never stopped worrying about you."

"Wouldn't that make your new wife jealous?"

"Carole knows I love her. She's sore at me for not saying anything about you and Carson but we'll get through it. We talk. We've made it through crisis before." Crisis, like some other marital catastrophe. Sheryl fought the urge to cling to the tidbit and dig. Now wasn't the time.

"I still don't want to stay at—"

"We can put you up in a hotel. Lima's cheap for that kind of thing." You would know, goes unsaid. She spent quite a few nights in run down motels hiding from her supposed family before she finally left. "It'd mean a lot to the boys. They're growin' up Sheryl. You think the two of them are going to get an apartment together somewhere after they graduate? The two of them could barely manage sleeping in the same room as kids. They drove each other crazy. And you can't tell me they have similar interests in careers. They're gonna go their separate ways whether they like it or not. Kurt's not ready to accept that because he hasn't seen Carson in nearly a decade."

"Isn't this suppose to be about Carson and his brush with death?"

"You think Kurt hasn't had his near misses? I didn't call you because Kurt didn't end up in a hospital."

"Then how bad could it have been?"

"If I get a call it's not going to be from the hospital Sheryl. It's going to be from the morgue. Kurt wants to see the best in people because they only show him the worst. This will be good for both of them."

"I want food waiting for us when we get off the plane." She didn't wait for a reply. She hung up her phone and hurried to Carson's car. She'd have to pick up a suitcase before she got the medication. She didn't consider Lima a vacation but it could be a break. If things go too south she could always ride up to Columbus and let Carson decide if he wanted to finish out his stay with Burt or with her.