Hi everyone. Bit of a time jump in this one.

Next chapter will will be in Christians point of view.

Thanks for the reviews, comments and messages. I had 32 inbox messages from people wanting to know if it's Hea lol

On with the story.

Cheers

GG89 xx

ANAS POV. ONE YEAR LATER.

"Come on, Ana. Let me stay the night" Matthew resumes his kissing of my neck but I gently push him away.

"Matthew, I'm just not ready. Please give me a little more time"

"OK. I'll give you more time but Ana, we have been seeing each other for over two months. We have been on over a dozen dates but you won't go any further that making out. I'm starting to think that you're not as invested in this relationship as I am?" He looks at me with hurt shining in his brown eyes and I really want to tell him that I do like him and I am invested in this relationship but the truth is, I'm just not.

"Matthew, I like you. I do, I'm just not ready to be intimate with you. Please understand this?"

He smiles down at me and then kisses me softly.

"OK, Baby I can wait" He turns before he can see the way I cringe when he call's me Baby.

He grabs his jacket and I walk him to the door.

"I'll call you tomorrow. Good night beautiful"

"Goodnight" I kiss him once and then close the door behind him with a sigh.

I walk around my tiny one bedroom apartment and clean up the take out containers that we used. Once I am finished with my mini clean up I grab a bottle of wine, forgoing the glass and flop down on the sofa. I uncork the wine and take a big chug. I thinks it's time to admit that I am so unhappy and that I may be borderline depressed.

After the night that I walked away from Christian I went to Georgia to my mothers. I was there for two days when a friend of Bob's who just happens to work at a major PR company in New York came to visit. We got talking and I told him I worked in publishing and he said if I ever needed a job had had connections. Big connections.

Before I could even let my brain think about it I accepted his help and put in my letter of resignation to Roach.

Within two weeks, my mother and Bob had helped me gets a small one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn and the day after I moved I started my new job.

I quickly worked my way up the ladder and now a year later I am a full fledged Editor with a corner office and an assistant.

Kate was gutted when I called her and told her I was moving but she has been out to visit me a few times and we talk on the phone regularly.

For the first month after I moved to New York, Christian bombarded me with flowers, Teddy's, phone calls, texts and even letters. When I boxed everything up and sent it back to him with a "Please stop" note he got the message and I haven't heard from him since. Kate won't mention him and I have forbidden myself to Google him.

I think part of the reason I sent him back all his stuff along with a bitchy note is because of how he brushed me off in those first two months we were broken up.

I think back to that time and my heart still hurts.

Christian won't speak to me. He won't answer any of my texts and my emails to him have all bounced.

I know I fucked up. I know I hurt him but I would do anything for him to take me back. It's ironic how all those times Christian chased me and now I am the one doing the chasing.

It's been three weeks since he threw me out. I went to Kate's with just the suitcase he had packed for me but the next morning I found all my stuff in boxes on the porch. I cried and cried when I saw all the things he had put in those boxes. It's like he wanted no part of me anymore. He even packed the silver framed photo of the two of us on the Grace that I had on my nightstand.

I am so incredibly sorry and remorseful for how I have acted. I don't know whats wrong with me. I think I need professional help. No, I know I need professional help. Who in their right mind throws away a relationship with Christian Grey?

I have tried several times to see Christian. I went to Escala but the codes to the elevator had been changed. I went to Grey House and waited out side the main doors but I forgot that Christian never uses the main door and I watched as he drove away in his R8.

Today I am going to walk straight into Grey House and demand that he see me. We love each other. I am not ready to let him go. I know I have a lot of grovelling to do but I will do anything.

After I fluff my hair and make sure that my purple dress is perfect, I grab my keys and then head off to Grey House. Today is the day I get my man back.

TWENTY MINUTES LATER.

"Let go of me you big bully!"

"I am sorry Miss Steele but this is a place of business and you're causing a scene!"

Lawrence continues to walk with me thrown across his shoulder until we are about one hundred feet from Grey House when he sets me down.

"What the hell Lawrence? You know me! It wasn't so many weeks ago that you walked in on me and Christian having sex on the piano! You know I am not some crazy lady so why the Hell did you throw me out?!"

"I am sorry Miss Steele but you are no longer on the approved visitors list so when the receptionist asked you to politely leave and you called her a "Dumb Blond Cow" I had no choice but to remove you"

"I just want to see, Christian" I start crying and he takes pity on me and hands me his handkerchief.

"I know Miss Steele but I am under orders" His voice is soft and soothing but it does nothing to help my sobs.

"When did he remove my name?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Steele but I can't tell you that"

"Can't you just help me get in? Come on, Lawrence. You know me and Christian are meant to be together. I know I made mistakes but I am here to say sorry and I will stay here all day long screaming up to the twentieth floor if I have too"

"What you do on public property is your choice Miss Steele but I can tell you it will do no good. Mr Grey left this morning for a business Trip to Italy"

The air is sucked out of my lungs.

"Italy?"

"Yes. I believe he mentioned the trip to you on several occasions and asked you to go with him"

He did ask me to go with him. Several times. I told him no each time because I was worried what Mr Roach would think of me taking time off to go gallivanting with the owner of the company.

The heavens open to match my mood and in a split second we are both drenched in rain water.

"I have to go. Goodbye Miss Steele" Lawrence turns to leave but stops.

"Ana?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry things did'tn work out with you and Mr Grey"

"Me too, Lawrence, Me Too" He turns and walks back into Grey House leaving me stood on the side walk soaked to the skin. I trudge back to my car and just sit behind the steering wheel for what seemed like hours just crying my eyes out.

This pain in my heart is growing more and more. I miss Christian so much but him changing the codes, blocking my email and taking me off of the proscribed list speaks volumes.

Christian has given up on me. I am not ready to give up on him but I need to stop pestering him. Maybe a few weeks off will be best for us. When he gets back from Italy I will try again. I will do anything to get him back. I know I have made mistakes but so did he at the start of our relationship. I had to deal with Ex subs and Ex Domms. I know I have been a brat but me acting like a child is in no way the same as him running to Elena.

He's done it twice in our relationship. Once when we had a fight about his controlling ways and once when I admitted that I forgot to take my pill one day and he went ballistic. After he had calmed down and the pregnancy test he made me take came up negative I told him that Elena was my hard limit.

If push came to shove, I could handle belts, whips and canes if it's what Christian ultimately wanted. But that Pedo Bitch Troll is the one hard limit I have imposed. He cant have me and run off to her so I gave him that ultimatum and he said he chose me every single time.

I am confident that we will be OK because there is nothing aprt from the bitch troll that we cant come back from.

I leave Grey House feeling more optimistic than I have in three weeks.

We will be OK. He just needs time.

Just Time.

I think back to that day at Grey House with regrets. I should have gotten on a plane to Italy and went to his hotel. I know in my heart we would have gotten back together had I done that but I stayed away, thinking time was what he needed but with that time he went and saw Elena.

Walking away from Christian and refusing to listen to him after I left is the biggest regret in my life. I thought that distance would help heal my heart but instead it just got worse.

I miss Christian so much that I pretty much cry ever single night.

I want to call him and beg him to take me back but my pride won't allow me to do it. I know I said that Elena was a hard limit and I could not live with her in his life but nothing could be worse than this consent pain that I am always in.

The last time I called him it did not go too good. I drunk dialed him about six weeks after we broke up. I got his voicemail and could not help but let my smart mouth run away with me.

"Wellll Heloooo Mr Grey...hic...Um...I was supposed to talk to you, fine sir. Not your phone...Why didn't you answer? is it cus...cus...I'm such a bitch? Probably. I am a bitch...a big one. I sorry bout...about...the bracelet. S'not your fault my mind made me feel like a whore. It was weally weally sweet of you...I miss you...Miss you so fuckin much...I miss your kisses...and you cock...I weally miss that...I haven't been laid in...cant even memeber...are you getting laid? I hope not. Yous is mine Christian Grey...all mine...no one elses...you better not be with someone else...I'll fuck that bitch up...come get me and we can have sex if you're horny...I'm horny...I'm going to touch myself...thinking of you...I'm doing it now...KATE GET OUT...NO ITS NOT CHRISTIAN...NO KATE GIVE ME THE PHONE I NEEDS TO TELL HIM HOW MUCH HE TURNS ME ON..."

Thankfully Christian was out with Elliott that night and Kate drove to the bar they were at and while Christian was in the bathroom, she deleted my voicemail after I cried and screamed at her to help me get out of the mess I and a bottle of wine had gotten me into.

I met Matthew at a publishing conference in Manhattan. He asked me out for as drink and I was particularly lonely that night so I said yes. We had dinner and drinks and then the next day he asked me to dinner and I said yes. He is a really nice guy and we have so much in common but he's not Christian.

I wish I could have my time over because there are so many things I would do differently.

When I think of the way I would react when Christian would spend money on me I cringe. Over the last year I have finally realized that money is nothing to Christian so him spending $100,000 on a bracelet for me is that same as a normal guy spending $10 on a bracelet from Walmart. Gifts always made me feel uncomfortable but then I had a reality check and a slap up the side of the head when for Valentines day Matthew got me... nothing. Nada. Not even a card. He told me that Valentines day was a holiday made by Hallmark and he doesn't buy into that consumerism.

It was a far cry from my last Valentines day with a man. Christian whisked us off to Napa Valley for three days where we stayed at a vineyard and he treated me like a princess the full time we were there.

Also I regret how I used to act when Christian would visit me at the office. At the time I was worried how people would view me because I was going out with the big boss. What an Ass I really was!

My biggest regret? Not saying Yes the first time Christian asked me to marry him. We would have been happily married now. Maybe thinking about starting a family. Instead I am in a crappy apartment on the other side of the country from everyone I love.

When my bottle of wine is completely empty I come to the drunken conclusion that its time for me to get my life back on track and that means getting Christian back.

I can not go on with out him. I refuse to make this my life. This deep seeded need to have him.

But first I need to break it off with Matthew. I never should have gone out with him in the first place. Not when my heart and soul belong to another man.

I grab my jacket, purse and keys and then make the eight block walk to Matthews apartment. I climb up the small flight of stairs and go to knock on the door when a noise from inside stops me.

Is that? Is that a head board banging against the wall? I had enough animal sex with Christian to know what that sound is. The female voice screaming at the top of her lungs "Oh God Matthew Harder" is a dead give away to what they are doing.

My boyfriend is on the other side of this door having sex with another woman and I feel nothing. I am not angry or pissed off. If anything this is better for me because now I don't feel bad about breaking up with him.

I take out a pen and bit of paper from my bag and scrawl the words

"This is not working for me anymore. I hope you're happy with whoever is in there with you. Ana"

I leave his building and I feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders.

This was a great start to sorting my life out. Tomorrow morning I am going to put in a transfer request to our Seattle branch.

I just hope when I do get back to Seattle that Christian is willing to hear me out and give me another chance. Its a big risk, uprooting my whole life and moving across the country without even calling Christian first but I know that if he even gave me a small inclination that he did not want me back then I would never leave New York and I would be stuck here forever.

The next morning I put in my transfer request and two days later it gets approved. I make the move to Seattle at the end of the week. I already called Kate and she said I can move back into her old house. She moved in with Elliott a few months back but kept her house because she could not bare to part with it.

I asked Kate not to tell anyone I am coming back and she promised but I have the feeling that she wanted to tell me something but she was holding it back.

Come Friday morning I am packed and on my way to JFK to catch my flight.

I am very nervous. What if Christian doesn't want me? What if he has moved on? What if he hates me? No, Christian is not like that.

I just have to bite the bullet and do this. Christian told me I needed to grow up. Well, I'm grown now. I realize my mistakes and I will apologize for my childish behavior.

It's time for me to get my life back and my life is Christian.