A/N: Yay! Thank you all for your simply marvelous reviews! Here is the reward: Chapter three! lol more Mello vs. Psychiatrist (who may or may not get a name in the foreseeable future, but probably not), and Near prankage... attempts. xD Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Still, I don't own.
Chapter 3: Happy Fun Aspirin Time
"Mello, this will go a lot more smoothly if you just cooperate." The psychiatrist rubbed her temples exhaustedly. Ten minutes into the session, and she was getting a migraine. This was some sort of record.
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Mello rolled his eyes. "If I was willing to cooperate I wouldn't be here."
"Exactly! And am I right in assuming you don't want to be here?"
"Duh."
"Then maybe you should cooperate!"
"Maybe you should stop asking stupid questions."
"I have been following the method set down by extremely prestigious pyschiatric minds all over the world!"
"Well, maybe it's you then. Maybe you just suck." Mello shrugged. For the first time in her career, the psychiatrist felt like bashing her head against a wall. Instead, she took several deep breaths, mentally counted to ten, and decided to try a new tactic.
"Mello, let's try talking about you. What do you like?" The psychiatrist asked in what she probably thought was a friendly manner.
"Chocolate." Mello responded automatically.
"...Chocolate." The psychiatrist wasn't sure whether she should scribble that down or not. She decided to be on the safe side and hurriedly made note of it. "Alright, now, what don't you like?" Mello was just about to say 'Near' when something stopped him. Surprised, he thought about this for a second before realizing what had stopped him was the fact that he did like Near. Oh shit, not a good time for revelations like this.
"I don't like Brat Camp." Mello's mind supplied for him quickly enough that the psychiatrist didn't notice the lapse. The psychiatrist did, however, feel the urge to curse. Time to switch tactics again.
"Alright, Mello I'm going to show you a series of pictures, I want you to tell me what they look like to you." The psychiatrist reached down into her briefcase, pulling out a folder and then a card. She held it up. "What does this look like?"
"An ink blot." Mello stated blandly.
"Ok that's it I'm getting some fucking Aspirin."
Dinnertime at Whammy's was six o'clock sharp. All the children made their way to the dining room, where Roger sat at the head of the table along with some of the nurses. This evening didn't seem like it would be different than any other. No one could have predicted the scenes that were to follow. Actually that's not entirely correct; someone could have predicted them. Two someones, in fact.
"Alright get ready."
"I am ready. I'm holding the jar, the water gun is under my shirt. I've had them like this for the past two minutes."
"Can you just stop being so literal? For just five minutes?" Matt groaned.
"Is that necessary for the plan to work?"
"...Just shut up."
All the children seated themselves around the table. Hardly anyone noticed the absence of Matt or Near, and those that did dismissed it as Matt playing his video games and Near putting puzzles together in his playroom. Completely unaware, totally vulnerable. Prey, ready for the slaughter.
"Now what?" Near asked.
"Wait for Roger to sit down first. Then just run in, throw the bugs, and start spraying people." Matt explained. "Simple as that."
"If you say so."
"I do."
PHHHOOOT! Went the whoopie cushion as Roger took his seat. Several of the children immediately got the giggles, attempting to cover them up with hiccups or coughs. Near burst in the door... actually to be entirely accurate, Near nervously shuffled in through the door, and half-heartedly threw a few handfuls of worms at the girls, who immediately began screaming and leaping up in panic. The jar slipped out of Near's hand and went rolling across the floor, scattering worms and spiders everywhere. Shrieking females (and a few males) darted about, trying to avoid the insects that were actually just as freaked out as they were. Roger got to his feet, as did the nurses, trying to settle everyone down.
That's when Near pulled out the water gun and started squirting. Unfortunately, as it turned out, Near had really really bad aim when it came to long range. So he ended up just drowning most of the bugs on the floor. Still, when people started slipping on the water it did produce a satisfying effect of... well, pandemonium. Except now Near's socks were all wet, which was quite uncomfortable. But oh well, sacrifices must be made.
Mello's session for the day was declared over, although Mello suspected that had more to do with the fact that the psychiatrist was getting drugged up on Aspirin than that he'd actually run out the clock. The tempermental blonde was shown to his new 'dorm room,' a cabin containing two other boys in about the middle of the small camp. His things had been delivered while he was talking with the psychiatrist, and he found his new roomates clustered curiously around his bags as he walked in. Heaven help them if they'd touched his chocolate. Mello cleared his throat loudly, in a pretty good imitation of Roger, only more intimidating. The boys leapt back, whirling to stare at him.
"Uh... hi." A brunette with a runny nose waved nervously. "I'm Jimmy. That's Darryl."
"What are you doing with my stuff?" Mello raised an eyebrow. Darryl, a raven-haired boy who if his size was anything to go by was probably pushing fourteen, actually shifted uncomfortably under Mello's steely teal gaze.
"We were just looking... I swear we didn't touch anything." He replied.
"You'd better hope not." Mello brushed past them, examining his luggage. It didn't seem any the worse for wear, so he unzipped it and dug out a chocolate bar. Tearing off the wrapper, Mello sighed blissfully as he bit into the sweet.
"Hey can we have some...?" Jimmy ventured.
"Hell no." Mello snarled, actually causing the mousey boy to leap back.
"Er... so what's your name anyway?" Darryl asked.
"Mello. What is this, twenty questions?" Mello threw himself down on his bed next to his bags, stretching languidly.
"What kind of name is Mello?" Jimmy appeared to have found some reserve stock of courage.
"My name. Duh." Mello rolled his eyes. "Don't you dorks have anything better to do?"
"Hey, like it or not you're stuck here with us until you've done your time. We might as well make the best of it and be friends." Darryl pointed out.
"I don't make friends with losers." Mello countered boredly.
"We aren't losers!" Jimmy shouted angrily. Mello rolled his eyes again.
"Suuure. Jeeze what're you guys even in for, throwing water balloons at the family pet?" The blonde drawled derisively. Jimmy looked uncomfortable, apparently Mello had hit the nail on the head there.
"Actually I set off a cherry bomb in the girl's bathroom at my school." Darryl shrugged. Mello glanced over at him briefly.
"Really?"
"Yeah, you should've heard them scream. Why, what'd you do Mr. High-and-Mighty?" Darryl said, his confidence rising at the recognition.
"Laxatives in the punch bowl, cut a girl's hair while she was sleeping, painted over self-portraits of other kids, locked a kid in his room for five hours, and almost set fire to the backyard gardens." Mello spouted off expertly. "And that's just the stuff I got caught for." There was a long period of silence. Finally Mello's curiosity got the better of him and he looked over to see what effect his words had induced.
Darryl and Jimmy were gazing at him with a sort of worshipping awe.
"Man... you're like, our god." Jimmy said finally.
"Damn straight." Mello sniffed, finishing off his chocolate bar and reaching for another.
"Near, I don't know who put you up to this, but someone had to have." Roger said, examining carefully the pale boy standing before his desk. Near didn't look particularly concerned. To be honest he didn't care at all. He was just waiting for Roger to start doling out the punishments. "Come on, just tell me what's going on."
"Apparently pranks are fun, because many children are willing to risk getting in trouble for them. I wanted to try it." Near shrugged. Roger deadpanned.
"To be honest Near, I'm not even sure how to begin punishing you. You've always been so well-behaved, frankly I am shocked and horrified. Really though you don't even do very much, so all I can say is that you are confined to your room until further notice." Roger sighed sadly. Another good kid lost to the dark side.
"What if I say no?" Near asked. Roger paused.
"I beg your pardon?" The caretaker blinked, not quite comprehending, at Near.
"What if I refuse to go to my room, or stay there?" The pale boy elaborated calmly.
"Than I shall have to take further action in punishing you." Roger replied darkly. What Near really wanted to ask was what the criteria would be to make Roger mad enough to send him to Brat Camp as well. But that didn't seem like it would go over well, and in fact would likely prevent Roger from sending him there. Not to mention all the odd questions that would be provoked. No, Near would just have to improvise.
"I see. Well, goodbye then." Near said curtly, turning to the door and exiting once more, leaving a befuddled and disconcerted Roger behind. Near climbed the stairs to his room slowly, now was the time to regroup and form a new strategy. Now that he had the basics of troublemaking down, Near felt he could start formulating his own plans. Matt met him on the second floor next to the stairs.
"Well?" The redhead questioned expectantly.
"We're making progress." Near replied simply. "However, I want to discuss the possibilties of obtaining fireworks this early in the year."
TBC...
A/N: Who doesn't love fireworks? xDDD Man Roger better cave quickly or the whole Orphanage might become dust in the wind... lol! Mello found some new sidekicks! Granted they can't possibly replace Matt, but whatever. Every great antagonist needs a few goons. Mello sooo God. DO NOT ARGUE WITH MY RABID FANGIRLISM! xDD Review now please!