Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction

Mythos

By Kraven Ergeist

Chapter Three

For a moment, I thought I had woken up from a bad dream. I lifted my head off the clubroom table, and saw Mikuru darning a scarf, saw Koizumi putting the Othello board away, saw Haruhi tinkering at the computer, saw Yuki reading by the window…

I looked at Koizumi and blinked. "Was I asleep?"

He turned to me, smiled and shrugged his shoulders, but otherwise said nothing.

I blinked and turned to look at Mikuru. "How long was I out?"

She said nothing. She just smiled at me and continued knitting her scarf.

I blinked. "What's going on here?"

"There is insufficient data to replicate their exact responses, so their vocal functions have not been activated."

The voice had been Yuki's. But it hadn't come from Yuki, at least, not the one sitting by the window. Her lips hadn't moved. But the voice had come from everywhere, it resounded throughout the entire room.

That moment I mentioned earlier where I thought I'd woken up from a dream? Yeah, that was pretty much over by now.

"Yuki?" I called out, getting to my feet. I paced around the room, touching each of the club members by the shoulder, and each of them, even Haruhi, only reacted by smiling at me and continuing to do what they were doing. "What's going on? Where am I? Are we in your mind?"

The Yuki reading by the window turned her head towards me. Though her lips didn't move, I still heard her voice.

"You may think of it as such. This is the compendium of all the data I've been able to obtain during my stay in your realm. As you can see, it is still incomplete."

I stood over what should have been Yuki reading by the window as I tried to regain my bearings.

"What…what happened yesterday? When you…when you kissed me?"

"After we performed the kiss, all of my human functions were shut down."

Obviously.

"Why?"

"Because I chose to."

Ok, that one wasn't my first guess.

"What? Why?"

"It was the only viable option," Yuki's voice echoed. "In my time gathering data on your plain, I sought to gain as much knowledge as was necessary to become as human as physically possible. I arrived at the conclusion that this was a futile endeavor."

"Why?"

Suddenly, the clubroom around me vanished.

I staggered for a moment, before I realized where I'd been taken: just outside the school building. But it looked just the way it did that time Haruhi and I got sucked into closed space.

Then I saw the lurking giants of light and I froze.

"Yuki? What's going on here!?"

I took a few steps back before realizing the giant was heading my direction. I looked to where it was going and I saw two familiar figures.

I blinked, before realizing who they were.

"Haruhi…" I voiced. My mouth refused to speak the name of the other, but it was me. Haruhi and I. Or at least, a copy of Haruhi and I. And I knew exactly what was about to happen.

I kissed her. And then the world vanished.

The world around me disappeared and I found myself back in the clubroom, this time, with only Yuki.

"I have sampled data from all fields of human venture," Yuki's voice said. "Academia, politics, economics, entertainment, science, architecture…all of it could be quantified, all of it could be summarized. All of the functions adhered to patterns that could be broken down and stored for data. But the core of human behavior, the synapses that fire in the human nervous system, the cognitive persona that makes you human…it eluded me. The closest calculations could only be broken down to generalizations, averages and trend lines."

I stared in utter confusion. "What are you saying?"

"Based on what I've gained on human interaction, intersexual relationships generally adhered to monogamous pairings. When you performed a kiss with Haruhi, I had assumed that such a pairing had taken place. This was a good thing – it would entail Haruhi's continued satisfaction."

The Yuki I could see turned her head, but her lips still refused to move.

"But then, you and I kissed…"

I caught myself blushing. "It wasn't that big of a deal. You should know from all that shoujo manga you read that, uh…human pairing is constantly shifting."

Yuki's head nodded.

"Yes. At first, I had overlooked this as simple flaws in human character. But when I considered the emotions involved, the natural human reactions in my own body…I came to the conclusion that this course of action could not continue."

"Why?"

Yuki remained still, her voice silent, though something about her complexion looked troubled.

"The degree of reaction I felt at our kissing was significant. And it brought about a dynamic series of revelations. The realization that the action entailed a deep mutual emotional significance intrigued me. It startled me when I realized that already, subconscious desires had begun forming in the body which previously had been entirely under my control."

I blushed as it dawned on me what she was implying. "Um, that's…that's nothing to be afraid of, Yuki. That's just part of what it means to be human."

Yuki shook her head as her voice went on. "There is more. The fact remained clear that while you and I share that deep emotional significance, you also shared emotional significance with Asahina Mikuru, and more importantly, with Haruhi Suzumiya."

I stared, aghast. "Are you telling me that you're jealous of Haruhi?"

"What I am telling you that if I were continue to exist, with these physical reactions escalating at the level that they are, there is a risk that the natural urges of this body might momentarily seize control in a volatile situation. Should that happen, Haruhi's reaction will be incalculable. There would be no telling what she might do."

I blinked. Was she saying that her own, human emotions were a liability to monitoring Haruhi?

"But still…" I breathed. "Just because there's a risk doesn't mean you need to cease existing as you did until yesterday. All you have to do is ask, and Mikuru, Koizumi and I will be able to keep anything you do under wraps."

"There is another, less pertinent reason for choosing this inevitability," Yuki's voice resounded. "The sensation evoked from the very idea of our connection causing trouble induces a very unpleasant feeling. It is…the word you would use is pain."

My mouth was dry. "Pain? This…being together hurts you?"

"Inexplicably so. Vastly more so than the damage inflicted on me by Asakura even."

This I understood. Yuki was not a creature of emotions. And while she had been prepared for physical pain, such that her fight with Asakura hadn't hurt at all, she was not prepared for emotional pain, because she simply didn't understand emotion.

"I have concluded that to be human, one must not only understand this pain, but embrace it. I cannot. I am unable even to understand a pain that stems from emotions, for I am unable to understand emotions at all. In this, I came to the realization that the unknown aspect of human behavior that eluded came from these emotions. Just as with you shifting your pairing between Haruhi and myself, human beings are entirely inconsistent. You are entirely immeasurable, unquantifiable, and unreliable because of your emotions."

Yuki turned her eyes downwards.

"I am a being of data. Precision and accuracy are the yin and yang of my existence. Without measurement, without quantification, without consistency, I am nothing. I am entirely incapable of understanding humanity, and due to the very nature of my makeup, I will never be able to."

I was lost for words. She seemed to have argued herself into a hole, with no way for me to dig her out.

"So…you won't come back with me?"

Yuki shook her head, her voice still a thought in the air.

"Haruhi's going to notice," I said. "You'll be missed."

"Another Data Thought Entity shall take my place."

"You'll still be missed," I said, strongly.

Yuki's eyes flickered and I could tell that she got my meaning.

"Kyon…" her voice said, quietly as ever. "You should return to your plain of existence. I imagine Koizumi's hold over the bridge between our world is losing strength."

I shook my head. "I'm not going without you, Nagato."

Yuki nodded. "Then you leave me no choice."

My heart caught in my throat as I moved before I could think. In the space where I had just been, Yuki had placed her hands on a desk, which shimmered and disappeared.

"N-Nagato!?" I yelped, stepping away from her. "What are you doing? Are you trying to kill me!?"

"No," she whispered, her unspeaking body approaching me steadily. "I will purge your data from our plain of existence. You will be forced back into your own world."

I idly wondered if that desk she had touched had suddenly reappeared in Yuki's apartment next to my body and what Koizumi and Mikuru thought of it.

I reacted a bit too slowly after Yuki's next attack, and I instinctively grabbed her by the wrists before her hands could touch me.

I grunted. For a girl this size, she was incredibly powerful, but I reminded myself that this wasn't her body.

"If you do not return, Haruhi will be greatly upset," Yuki's voice echoed. "You must return, Kyon."

I glared back at her. "I told you…I'm not leaving without you, Yuki!"

At the use of her first name, I saw her eyes flicker again, the tension in her arms weakening. I leapt at the chance and pushed away from her, dashing out of the clubroom door and barreling down the hall.

Though her body simply walked towards me, Yuki's voice was everywhere.

"I control all the data in this sector, Kyon. Running is useless."

Then, just as I turned a corner in the hallway, her body appeared out of nowhere, standing before me.

"Gah!" I recoiled in shock, falling back on my haunches.

"You must go back, Kyon," Yuki's voice said.

I scrambled to my feet and dashed in the other direction.

It was like a scene out of a horror movie. Yuki would just appear where she pleased. I couldn't escape her. Outside the school, she was there. Out on the street, she was there. No matter where I ran, she followed. She wasn't even trying to touch me. She was just appearing where ever I went.

She was trying to persuade me to go willingly, I realized. She must not have wanted our last moments together to be one of discontent.

Well, I could take advantage of that. She said that this was a compendium of all her knowledge that she'd gained of our world. Which meant that every bit of reality was her domain. But it also meant that it could only consist of places that she knew. Which meant that there was one place I knew that she couldn't.

It was a gamble. Either it would be blocked off, or…

I was running full out, down the street, with Yuki appearing at every corner, her voice simply repeating that phrase, "You must go back, Kyon."

When I'd reached my destination, I shot her visage a defiant look.

"I told you…" I reached forward and opened the door. "I'm not leaving without you!"

I stepped through my front door.

And into nothingness.

Yuki had never been to my house before. So she could have no knowledge of what was inside. Which meant either it would be closed off, the same way the walls around closed space were, or it would open up to the rest of the Data Thought Entity world.

Based on the enormous white expanse of nothing, I was willing to believe the latter.

Of course, now I was even more screwed. Yuki had no control here, and I was an alien amongst whatever Data Thought Entities I encountered. I had no idea what anyone (could Thought Entities be considered "ones?") would do should they run into me.

Would they kill me?

"Kyon?"

It was a voice I recognized, but I wasn't sure from where.

"It is you, isn't it?"

Suddenly, the whiteness around me turned into a classroom.

And then I saw a familiar sheen of blue hair, and suddenly my heart was in my throat.

"A-Asakura!?"

It was the exact same classroom she had sealed off to try to kill me. If Yuki hadn't interfered back then, I wouldn't have made it.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Now Yuki was in no position to help me!

"Long time no see," the former class rep said.

I took a step back. "Are you going to kill me?"

She shrugged. "Now why would I do that? It's not like killing you will have any effect on Haruhi Suzumiya. Under the current circumstances, I can just leave things as they are to achieve the exact same effect."

She giggled cutely. I was so not falling for it.

"Besides," she said, "Things are just too interesting now! I mean, you and Yuki? I'd have never guessed you'd show any interest in her. I suppose you feel like you owe her some kind of debt?"

I frowned. "What's it to you? I just want her to come home."

Asakura grinned. "But she is home."

"You know what I mean! My home."

Asakura just sighed. "Well, have you really considered Yuki's feeling on the matter?"

I blinked. "What?"

Asakura paced the confines of the room, running her hands over the wood of the chairs.

"Yuki's only had three years to mature on your world. But we needed someone who was most likely to interact with Haruhi, so she had to be her equivalent age. This isn't how things normally go, so she's going through some rather complicated experiences. Normally, she would have had twelve more years to mature and compound her knowledge, but in her current state, she's confused and scared, and you're only making things worse by coming here."

I held my arms out. "But how was I supposed to help her if I couldn't even talk to here!?"

"It's not your responsibility to help her."

I grabbed Asakura by the shoulders. "Yes it is!"

Her eyes widened, and something told me I'd just given away far more than I should have.

"Oh my…you really do have feelings for her, don't you?"

I took my hands off her. "I…I don't know. Damn it, this was supposed to be simple! We were just supposed to explore her emotions, this wasn't supposed to turn into a matter of whether or not she'll even be with us anymore!"

Asakura smiled. "But do you like her?"

I groaned. "I told you, I don't know! But…I would have at least like to have been given the chance to find out!"

For a while, she said nothing at all. I noticed that while Yuki's voice had come from nowhere, Asakura had chosen to speak through her own body.

"Asakura?" I asked. "How is it that you acted so convincingly normal, while Yuki's always had to struggle? Is it just because you're older?"

She nodded. "Indeed. Thought Entities exist on a higher plain of existence than carbon based life forms, but we are able to interact with those on lower dimensions, if in a limited way. Imagine, if you will, a two dimensional world of two dimensional life forms. They exist on what would be the equivalent of a sheet of paper. Now, in order for you to interact with them, you could, say, stamp your thumb into some ink and make a thumbprint. This would be your two dimensional representation in this two dimensional world. The Nagato Yuki that you know is merely a thumbprint of what she truly is. To us, you are like drawings on a sheet of paper. Which is why monitoring Haruhi Suzumiya is so important. Somehow, her existence is tied in with all levels of reality, and all of existence is potentially at her beck and call."

I sat down in one of the chairs. "So killing me, to you, was like little more than erasing a drawing on a sheet of paper."

She nodded. "Yes. But at the moment, I am no longer inclined to erase you, as you put it."

I groaned. "Cause it wouldn't serve a purpose?"

"No," she smiled. "Because it would make Yuki sad."

I blinked. "Huh?"

"You said that you'd like to be given the chance to find out whether or not you liked her?"

All I could do was nod.

Asakura smiled. "Good. I've been in communiqué with her since forming this data sector. I have told her that you will agree to return to your world once your conditions are met."

I just gapped. "What conditions?"

But Asakura just disappeared. In her place was Yuki.

"Nagato…" I breathed.

She turned her eyes up to meet mine, and this time, spoke through her mouth.

"Kyon," she said. "Asakura said that once your conditions were met, you would return to your world?"

I frowned. So, Asakura hadn't told her either. Figured.

"Yes," I said, getting to my feet.

"What were your conditions?"

"I'm not sure," I said, stepping over to her.

I could have been dreaming, but I could have sworn she was blushing at my approach. Maybe it was the ambient light from outside the window. Why Asakura had made it into sunset was beyond me. Maybe she just wanted to set the mood. Despite their rivalry in the past, she seemed to display some sort of sisterly affection towards Yuki.

Or maybe I was just imagining things. Who was I to analyze the inner workings of an alien?

"Now, why don't you explain to me again…why don't you want to come back with me?"

Yuki didn't make eye contact. "I would risk disrupting Suzumiya Haruhi's resolve. She displays a distinct interest in you, and my presence would only serve to hinder the progress of this pattern."

"And why is that?"

"Because when I am in your presence, my body behaves…strangely…" Finally, she made eye contact. "Even now, I find it difficult not to continue our…experimentation from before…"

God, why did she have to be so cute!?

"Unless I am able to obtain complete control over my actions, I cannot allow myself to interfere with you or Haruhi. And I cannot hope to completely my human guise until I do."

I just shook my head. "Nagato, being a human means being subject to those sorts of urges. You can't hope to have full and complete control a hundred percent of the time. Not if you hope to be human."

"I am not human," she said simply. "I am a Data Thought Entity. More to the point, you and Haruhi are both human, and more suited for each other."

"Listen," I said. "Haruhi may have some bizarre interest in me. God knows, I don't see it, but even if she does…have you considered that I might be interested in someone else?"

This time, Yuki did blush. I was sure of it!

"That would be…unwise…"

"So be unwise!" I cried. "Humans are fallible by nature! But we still manage to live our lives. We can't just give up because we can't stand our own weaknesses."

"I am unable to comply with this," Yuki said. "I am a Data Thought Entity, my virtues are precision and accuracy. Any being that does not adhere to this structure is beyond my ability to comprehend."

That's when it hit me.

"Listen," I said. "Asakura said that Data Thought Entities exist on a higher plain of existence. That means that you're infinitely more complex than we are. But it also means that human beings are infinitely simpler. You're overcomplicating what should be a simple matter."

Yuki blinked. "I fail to comprehend."

I shook my head. It was just so obvious! How had I missed it?

"You don't need to understand or even control your emotions in order to be human! You don't need to be quantifiable or consistent or accurate or precise! You don't need to change one iota from the way you were the first moment I laid eyes on you!"

Yuki still clearly did not understand.

"Until you revealed your true nature, Nagato, I had thought you to be human. And you were plenty unquantifiable as far as I could see. You were clearly inconsistent with the rest of the club. I could sooner understand Haruhi than understand you, Nagato!"

She still did not reply.

"All this time, you were reading those books, trying to understand what it meant to be human… But all along, it was reading those books that made you human!"

Had I not been keenly focused on her, I would have missed the sharp intake of breath.

"You don't have to have some form of knowledge or understanding to be a human being! You just need to be! To be yourself! To be an individual! To me, to everyone that knows you, Nagato Yuki is a quiet, soft-spoken human girl who likes to read and play computer games. That's all you need to be, Nagato! You only need to be who you are!"

I was gasping now, staring her in the face.

"And that's all I need from you, Nagato. We all do. We all need our Nagato Yuki to come back and sit in her spot by the window and to keep reading. Because that's who you are! And that's…that's the girl that I want to get to know better. That's the girl that I want to spend more time, go the library with, to sit and eat and drink with at the cafeteria…that's all I want, Nagato…"

For a while, she was silent. We simply sat there, facing each other. My breath was slowing down, and I was beginning to wonder if anything I'd said had affected her.

Finally, she opened her mouth. "Kyon…I-"

"Your conditions have been met," a taunting voice said.

And all at once, my heart sank.

"Wait!" I shouted getting to my feet. "No!"

I reached out for Yuki, who was staring back at me with confused eyes. Her hand came up, and I was close, just barely close enough to brush our fingertips together.

I could hear Asakura giggling in the background. "You said that you'd return once you figured out how much you cared about Yuki. From what I can see, you've definitely reached a decision."

Suddenly my whole body was yanked backwards, and I felt Yuki's fingertips disappear.

"No!" I shouted. "Nagato!"

I felt myself fall backwards, out of nothingness, and Yuki was staring back at me, watching me disappear, the look on her face an unmistakable expression of sorrow.

All at once, I was awake again, back in the real world, gasping for breath. My hands, sticky with sweat, released from Yuki's forehead, and I recoiled backwards, my back thudding against the far wall.

I could see Mikuru suddenly flinch as I awoke, and Koizumi panting, sweat dripping down his forehead.

"No!" I gasped, my voice hoarse and raspy for some reason. "Send me back! I almost reached her!"

Koizumi held up his hand. "Kyon…I've exhausted my reserves. Please, we can try again later."

"No!" I shouted, grabbed him by the shoulders. "She was just about to tell me! Please, you have to send me back! Now!"

"Kyon…" Mikuru stuttered. "You've been gone for over an hour. Koizumi's power wasn't meant to last that long."

I was still gasping for breath. I hung my head in defeat. "I was so close…so close to finally reaching…"

Then a familiar voice broke me out of my slump.

"Kyon…"

It couldn't be. It couldn't happen just like that, could it!? Surely, it was just a trick! For all I knew, Asakura was still messing with my head. Maybe she hadn't actually sent me back, but just to another data representation-

"Kyon…"

I turned around. And sure enough, there she was, lifting her head off the pillow to take in her surroundings.

"Nagato!" I shouted, dropping to my knees before her, taking her by the shoulders. "Oh, thank God, Nagato…"

She wasn't looking at me, she was still eying her surroundings, as if unsure of where she was. "I am…at my apartment…?"

Mikuru suddenly threw her arms around the girl. "Nagato! I'm so glad you're back! We were all so worried!"

Koizumi snickered from behind me. "Some of us more than others."

I ignored him. "How did you make it back? I thought you'd decided to stay in your own world?"

She finally turned her eyes towards mine. "I did."

I looked down as her hand reached out to grab hold of mine.

"It would seem that I was…inconsistent?"

I could only sigh with relief. She had decided to stay! All the shock and worry about the thought of losing hold of her suddenly fell from my shoulders, and I just collapsed, wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"Thank you…" I whispered.

I might have imagined it, but I could swear that I felt her arms tighten around me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mikuru fidgeting uneasily. "Um…we can leave if you want…"

Koizumi sighed. "Are you sure we should? I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea."

"Koizumi," I said sternly, turning around to look him in the eye.

He stared me down, ready to take on a stream of insults.

"Thank you for helping me," I said, suddenly smiling.

That caught the guy off guard. "I…uh…you're welcome…"

Yuki nodded. "I would like to thank you too."

Koizumi scratched his head. "Well, what else are ESPers for? Besides, thanks to Kyon's little stunt, my entire agency now knows how to travel to Data Thought Entity space. I imagine our two kinds will be meeting more regularly from now on, won't we, Nagato?"

"Yes," she said with a nod.

"Umm…" Mikuru interjected. "Koizumi…don't you think we should get going?"

He just shrugged. "Should we? I don't exactly think we should leave these two alone together."

"Koizumi!" Mikuru shouted cutely, her eyes squeezed shut. The use of the "kun" at the end of his name only made it sound cuter.

"Right, right, let's go," he said, getting to his feet. Mikuru herded him out the door, before turning to bow her head, whispering "ganbatte" before fleeing in embarrassment.

Just what exactly did she think Yuki and I had planned anyway!?

"Kyon…"

I turned to look at the girl I'd just gone to the ends of the Earth and beyond to get back.

"Nagato…" I smiled. "What…what made you come back?"

She just blinked. "The…pain I mentioned before…the pain I felt at the thought of our union becoming a problem…"

I nodded. "Yeah?"

"I…I felt it again," she said, barely above a whisper. "Just as you left. And it continued to grow with your continued absence. So I decided to return."

I stared at her. "Just like that?"

Yuki nodded. "Yes."

I sighed. She was still lying down on her futon, and I was still kneeling by her side. I wasn't sure what to do at the point.

So I kept talking.

"You remember, back when we first met, you invited me over to your apartment?"

Yuki nodded.

"I didn't know what to expect," I said, my cheeks starting to feel warmer. "But a part of me was entertaining the idea that you had…well…that you were planning on confessing or something…"

Yuki blinked. "Confessing to what?"

I sighed. "You know…confessing your feelings."

Yuki's eyes fluttered, which I'd learned was as close as she got to, what with Mikuru, would be an all out gasp of surprise.

"Were you considering…experimenting with human emotion?"

I blushed. "I…yeah…"

"I see…"

I sighed, looking away. "I was sort of…playing with the idea of doing that right now, actually…"

Yuki nodded, lowering her eyes. "I see. Then you may."

I blinked, looking straight at her face, which was lowered. And this time it was dark out – it wasn't a trick of the light. She was definitely blushing.

I kissed her.

"I'm glad you're back, Nagato…"

I felt her arms encircle my shoulders as she returned the kiss.

"Call me Yuki."