The First Time I

by sanalayla

The first time I heard the name Scorpius Malfoy was when I was nine. There I was, standing right next to Hogwarts Express and staring at it with utter longing. I'd watched James go the year before...

3. Fought

A/N: Okay, this chapter is WAAYY longer than the other ones. Originally, this story was just supposed to be snippets of their romance over the years, but this chapter was difficult to write in snippet form. I'm not sure if the other chapters will be this long, but they could be.

xxxxxx

The first time…

I got into a fight with Scorpius Malfoy was in my fourth year at Hogwarts and all the students had just been told that there would be a ball to celebrate Valentine's Day, open only to fourth years and older. In an effort to make things a little more 'modern', it had been decided that the girls would be asking the boys out, as opposed to the other way around.

The entire school was abuzz with excitement. Even the third-years were getting in on the excitement because they were convinced that some lonely girls would ask at least a few of the third-year boys to the ball. For me, the situation just seemed dire all around.

Both of my brothers were incredibly popular with the opposite sex. For as long as I could remember, random giggling girls would make excuses to talk to them in the halls or drop their books in their presence. This would force both James and Albie to stop what they were doing and help them pick it up (my brothers, for all their flaws, are well mannered with girls because they know my mother would hex them to the next century if they weren't). While James seemed to thrive under all the attention and took it as his due, Albie was a lot more reserved and shy about it.

So, it was rather surprising (or maybe not) that Albie was the first of them to get a real girlfriend. In his fifth year, he asked out a nice girl by the name of Sabena Kingston and they'd been together ever since. She'd been around for the holidays a couple of times, although she was never allowed to spend the night. (For some reason, my parents would always get an odd look on their faces when Albie would ask them, in a huff, "WHY NOT?" And my father's response was always the same, "Because I was once a sixth year, mate.")

Leading up to the dance, then, I was in a bit of a tight spot. James had fifteen girls ask him within the first day, and he basically had to start writing down the names all the girls, since he couldn't keep track. Of course, Sabena asked my brother immediately, who agreed in an instant.

Knowing that they seemed to understand these situations a lot better than I did, I headed over the Gryffindor table one morning, where Albie was sitting next to James, eating breakfast with him.

I plopped myself down and asked them for advice on how to go about getting my own date and they both looked at each other with confusion and asked me, rather politely, if I had a fever.

"No one is going to go out with you, Lils." Albie buttered a piece of toast and then proceeded to stuff almost the whole thing in his mouth. "Noasfs kjowie ffarr maooad."

"What?" I said, feeling revolted.

"He said, 'not if they know what's good for them'," James translated, as he took a bite of porridge. "After all, you're our sister."

Blinking a bit, I said in a perplexed tone, "I don't understand. What does that got to do with anything?"

"They're afraid of us," James said, the pride in his voice evident. "Know that we'll beat the piss out of them if they look at you funny."

"I see," I said, a little slowly. My temper was starting to rise. And that meant that I was about to have one of those moments were I channeled my mother, much to my own chagrin. "James Sirius Potter. Have you been scaring off boys from me? And YOU," I turned to Albie, who was looking a little terrified. "YOU have no right to say anything! You're constantly snogging Sabena and sticking your hand up her shirt!" At his look of surprise, I said, "That's right, I've seen you. And just be grateful that little tidbit of info hasn't made it into my owls to Mum and Dad."

James and Albie exchanged a long look. Then, finally, Albie said, "Er… excellent point, Lils. Why don't you ask Scorp?"

Taken aback by the quick turnaround, I was immediately suspicious. "What?"

James jumped in. "Yes. I think that's an excellent suggestion." At my raised brow, he added, "Think about it. He's the only bloke you know that's not your relative."

"That's not true," I muttered under my breath. "I know some Ravenclaws." But it was true; none of the boys in Ravenclaw had ever really become my good friends. I was much more friendly with the girls.

James fixed me with a stern look. "How well do you know these Ravenclaws? What are their names? And ages?"

I rolled my eyes. "Cool it with the big brother routine. Just so you know, you're not the reason guys don't ask me out." My friend, Jemma, had told me in our second year why all the guys treated me like a leper. "It's because of Dad."

At that, both my brothers exchanged a look again, but this time it was one of confusion.

"Come again?" James asked. "What does our father have to do with anything?"

"He's Harry Potter," I told them, with another eye roll. "The man took down the Darkest wizard the world has seen in centuries. When he was seventeen. Do you honestly think any boy at Hogwarts is going to want to go out with his daughter?"

"But that doesn't make any sense, Lils," Albie said, in a fairly reasonable tone. "James and I have had girls -."

"I know." My disgust was very clear. "For some reason, the girls don't seem to realize that Mum is actually a lot scarier than Dad. They should really be the ones scared."

"Well, then, it's pretty obvious, Lily. You should ask Scorpius." Albie drank down the rest of his orange juice and then grinned at me. "He's not afraid of Dad. Not too much, at least."

Later that night, I thought about my brother's advice and arrived at the conclusion that it was probably the best situation I could hope for under the circumstances. So, the next day, I made my way over to the Slytherin table and awkwardly tapped Scorpius on the shoulder.

His surprise evident, he turned towards me and said, "Lily. Good morning."

"Can we…." I looked around at the Slytherin table, which had gone completely silent when I'd approached him. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Immediately, he stood up. "Of course."

Two of the girls sitting down the table a bit giggled and sang, "Lily and Scorpy, sitting in a…."

"Shut it," Scorpius said to them in a cool voice and with a raised brow. The two immediately shut up. Then he turned to me and said, with a frown, "Let's go."

With my cheeks burning, I led him through the Great Hall, feeling as though every pair of eyes were on us. I really had no idea why. After all, Rose hung out with him all the time and she was in Gryffindor. Was it that big of a deal if a Ravenclaw girl talked to the bloke for a minute? Especially when the girl's own brothers were friends with the guy?

When we'd finally made it out into the hallways, I found an empty classroom and ushered him in. Then I turned to face him.

He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed in front of him, and one leg up as he rested a foot against the wall behind. His blonde hair had fallen into his eyes again and, for some odd reason, I felt a need to brush it back. I managed to restrain myself, though.

Scorpius broke the silence. "What is it, Lily?"

This was ridiculous. I'd known this boy since I was nine. And he'd spent many holidays with us over the years. Last summer, he'd spent a whole month at Godric's Hollow, even though I hadn't seen him much. I'd had Jemma over, so I'd been occupied with my own things. But, still, he'd been in my general vicinity! So, it really shouldn't be all that difficult.

I cleared my throat. "Uh… I was wondering. Would you…. Would you go to the Valentine's thing with me?"

Scorpius stared at me for a minute. One very long minute. And then said, in a rather flat voice, "No. I won't."

"Oh, good, I…." Then, I realized what he said and I stopped. "Wait, what?"

"I can't go to the dance with you," Scorpius said, in that flat tone again. "Sorry."

"Did someone already ask you, then?"

"No," he answered. Then, he hesitated and added, "Well, some girls have asked, but I'm not going with anyone."

I frowned. "Then, I don't understand. Why can't you just go with me?"

"It's…." Scorpius stared down at his shoes and then looked around the empty classroom. "It's complicated."

"What does that mean?" Then a thought occurred to me. "Is it because of Rose?"

His head snapped up and he met my gaze with genuine bafflement. "Rose? What do you mean?"

"Well, you two…." My voice trailed off. "Are you still pining over her? Because, let me tell you, she's pretty happy with Simon."

Scorpius let out a loud laugh. "No. Of course not. I'm not pining over your cousin." He smiled at me. "Rose and I only went out for about six months, Lils. And we both mutually ended it."

"Well, then," I began, feeling a little irritated that he was talking to me as though I were a child, "if you don't have another date and it's not about Rose, then what IS it?"

"Nothing. It's nothing," Scorpius said, vaguely. He was starting to look incredibly uncomfortable. He was glancing around the empty classroom as though he wanted to be looking at anyone but me.

"Am I that revolting?" I asked, somewhat desperately. "I mean, I know I'm not that much in the looks department, but I'm sure I'll look decent enough at the thing."

I'd never really harbored any delusions about my looks. Unlike my brothers, I'd inherited my mother's red hair and propensity towards freckling in the sun. To make matters more interesting, I'd also inherited my father's knobby knees and my mother's plain brown eyes.

(Al had gotten the jackpot of the gene pool; scoring not only my dad's green eyes, but also the dark hair and the perfect metabolism from my mother's side, as well as the height from my uncles. My other brother, James, had gotten the blue eyes from my uncles, as well as the dark hair and seeker's build from my father. Girls lined up in queues just to talk to him. Me? We've already established that guys kept a wide berth from my presence.)

Scorpius's eyes were wide with disbelief. "Revolting? How in the name of Merlin's white beard could you possibly think you're revolting?" He calmed down a bit, and then said, quietly, "No. I don't think you're revolting. You're quite lovely. It's just that…."

"What?"

"I think you should ask someone your own age." His motions abrupt, he turned away from me and started to head out the door. "Go with someone in your own year. I'm too old."

Now, I was beginning to get a little pissed off. I followed him out the door. "I'm not asking for your hand in marriage, Scorpius. I mean, honestly."

With gritted teeth, he turned towards me and began walking backwards, away from me, very quickly. "The answer is no, Lily. But good luck." Then he disappeared around the corner, leaving me fuming after him.

xxx

Later that night, I was in the library attempting to write a very long and boring essay on the Goblin Wars of 1290 for my History of Magic class, when one of the Hufflepuffs from my year came to my table. He sat down next to me and cleared his throat.

With more than a little irritation, I looked over at him and scowled. "What do you want, Hamish? I'm in the middle of something."

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go the ball with me," he said in a rush, looking about a bit nervously.

Taken aback, I dropped my quill. "What?" It took a second to recover, but then I did. "I… uh…. You do realize I'm supposed to ask you, right?"

"I know." He shifted in his seat a bit awkwardly. "But, you know, some guys are asking the girls, anyway, and I just thought…." His voice trailed off and he stuck his fingers under his collar, pulling at it uncomfortably.

"Hamish," I began, feeling more than a little confused, "you and I have had a grand total of maybe three conversations since we started at Hogwarts. Why on earth do you want to go with me?"

"I…." His eyes darted towards the back of the library, where a group of sixth years were talking and joking with each other. I immediately made out the person he was looking at.

"Scorpius Malfoy." My teeth gritted and I stood up, slamming the manuscript shut in front of me. Stalking towards him, I said, "I cannot believe you did this! What is wrong with you?"

Scorpius attempted - and failed - at looking innocent. "What? What do you mean?"

Taking in a deep breath, I looked around, a little wildly. My eyes landed on the first person I recognized. "Lysander!"

Lysander looked up with a start. In fact, everyone in the library looked up, because my voice had carried and, as libraries are wont to be, the place had been pretty silent before my bellow.

"Yeah, Lily?" Lysander had the customary calm expression on his face. He'd inherited it from his mother, who also never looked like anything could get her riled up. "What's going on?"

"Would you go to the Valentine's ball with me?" My eyes were trained on his and I prayed to every deity I could think of that he hadn't already said 'yes' to someone. It would be beyond humiliating, given that there were twenty students who were watching the entire conversation with abated breath.

Lysander nodded. "Of course. Why not?"

"Great, that's settled, then." Turning to give a triumphant look towards Scorpius's general direction. And, then, I couldn't stop myself from stating, under my breath, "And he's a year older than me. So take that."

I spun on my heel and stalked away before he could respond.

xxx

The next week, I took special care to get ready for the ball. The boys were required to wear dress robes, but the girls had been given permission to wear any formal dress they wanted. Since I'm not a dress type of girl, let alone a formal dress kind of girl, I'd had Jemma pick something out for me to wear. Delighted at the prospect of dressing me up as her personal doll, she'd spent hours pouring over catalogs until she finally found something and sent an owl off to my mother with the order information.

One of the other things I'd inherited from my mother was her early development in the chest area and her very generous curves. While my cousin Rose, at age sixteen, was still flat as pancakes, I had been wearing real bras since I was twelve. Normally, I hid my chest area under baggy jumpers and the many layers of my uniform (I was, after all, surrounded by about fifty male relatives of all ages and maturity levels a lot of the time), but Jemma had decided it was time to 'let the puppies out' in her words.

So that's how I found myself wearing a sleeveless, shimmering green dress that floated down to my ankles. It was also very low cut and showed an amount of cleavage that I had never even seen myself, let alone shown to other people. I kept yanking at the tight bodice, trying to get it higher.

"Stop it," Jemma hissed grabbing my hand for the umpteenth time. "It's silk. You'll tear it!"

I followed her out of the Ravenclaw common room. "It's uncomfortable."

She didn't respond. Instead, she walked up to Jack, a fourth year she was taking to the ball, and said hello. I looked around for Lysander and when I saw him walking towards me, I smiled.

Lysander looked me over and said, with a smile, "You look wonderful, Lily. So different from how you usually look." His eyes lingered on my chest and I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks, Ly. I'm going to choose to take that as a compliment." I'd known Lysander my entire life since his mother was my godmother and I'm partly named after her. We didn't know each other very well, though, since Luna's family travelled a lot and he attended Hogwarts before I did, so we didn't really have the same circle of friends. "By the way," I added, with a falsely sweet smile, "my eyes are up here."

He tore his eyes away from my very generous chest area and looked at me with confusion. "I know that."

Shaking my head, I walked ahead of him towards the Great Hall. "Forget it. Let's go."

After awhile, I forgot about my dress and actually started enjoying myself at the ball. It turned out that Lysander was a fairly accomplished dancer and he also enjoyed it, so I found myself being somewhat the belle of the ball.

I was just taking a break and waiting for Lysander to come back with a drink when my brothers arrived and saw me. They both headed my way and my brother James said to me, "Lily, you appear to have forgotten half your dress! Allow me." He started to shrug out of his outer dress robe and then Jemma appeared at my side.

"No, she hasn't," Jemma said, rather coolly. "That's the way the dress is."

James rolled his eyes. "I should have known you were behind this." With a scowl in my direction, "This is highly inappropriate. She's much too young to wear this kind of…. This kind of…." Words seemed to be failing him.

"Well, your mother is the one who sent it to her!" Jemma answered, her blue eyes flashing with anger. "Clearly, she didn't think Lily was too young."

Albus spoke for the first time. "Our mother?" Then he turned to James and said, "You reckon she showed it to Dad first?"

"Probably not," James answered, slowly. He was staring at Jemma, whose cheeks were red with anger. Then, abruptly, he turned away and said to Albus, "I need a drink."

Albus followed after him, with a reminder, "The drinks are non-alcoholic, mate."

"Then help me spike them! Honestly, are you a Potter or not?"

I watched them both walk away, bickering, and then turned to my best friend with a smile. "Thanks. I didn't want to deal with them."

"It's all right." She gave me a stiff smile. "You look beautiful, Lils. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Even though I'd been rather against the dress in the beginning, I couldn't help but feel as beautiful as she was telling me I was. And, so, the rest of the night passed by quite pleasantly and it was very late when Lysander and I made our way back to the Ravenclaw common room. We were holding hands and laughing with each other, reminiscing about times from our childhood.

"Do you remember," I said to him, with a giggle, as we stopped right in front of the entrance to my common room, "When Luna was convinced there was a Lampkin infestation in our Christmas tree? And she made our dads go out and get a new one on Christmas Eve? It's the only time I've ever seen my mum go off on yours."

"I remember." Lysander shook his head in bafflement. "I honestly don't understand where my mother gets things from half the time."

"Well," I replied, suddenly feeling disloyal, "Luna has discovered quite an assortment of creatures and plants over the years that no one knew about. So, she's getting it from somewhere. I reckon she's just too brilliant for us to understand."

He gave me a look and his lips tilted up in a slow smile. "That's a kind thing to say."

I shrugged. "She IS my godmother."

"Yes, she is that," Lysander responded, with a strange look on his face. "Lily, since she is and all…. Do you… would you mind terribly if I kissed you good night?" My flummoxed expression must have thrown him off, because he immediately said, "If it's too odd, I understand, of course…."

"No, no," I said quickly. "It's not odd at all." With a nervous look towards the floor, I blushed and said, "It's all right. I mean, we're not really related, you know."

"No, we're not," he said, and then he put his hand on the side of my face and tilted my head up towards his.

He leaned down to give me a gentle kiss on my lips and I moved closer to him, putting my hands on his shoulders, my fingers curling into the material of his dress robes. The pressure of his lips on mine were just starting to get a little harder when I heard a loud crashing sound behind us.

Lysander and I broke apart and I spun around to see what had caused the noise. There, standing a few feet away, was Scorpius. The sound had been his bottle of pumpkin juice falling to the ground, breaking the glass and splattering juice everywhere.

Since Lysander was always one to be calm in a crisis, he just said, "Malfoy. Are you all right?"

"I… yes…." Scorpius gave me a once-over, his gaze lingering on my dress, much like every other person's eyes had over the course of the evening. "I just came to talk to Lily, actually."

"Of course." Lysander pulled away from me and smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow, Lily. Thanks for a fun night."

"No problem," I answered, automatically. When Lysander had rounded the corner and disappeared, I looked at Scorpius and said, in a cool tone, "What did you need to talk about?"

Scorpius took a minute to pull out his wand and clean up the mess he'd just made. Then, he stepped towards me. "I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" I asked him, with a raised brow.

"For the situation with Hamish." Scorpius looked down at the floor, avoiding my gaze. "I shouldn't have done that. Gotten in the middle."

I was so amazed to actually hear an apology from a male who was around my brother's age that I responded, in a bright voice, "Oh, it's quite all right. It all worked out in the end. I think you were right, anyway. I was being a coward, going to you instead of really trying to find a real date. And it was a great evening." Thinking about it for a second, I added, jokingly, "Until you barged in on my first kiss, that is."

"That was your first kiss?" Scorpius burst out laughing. "Turnabouts fair play, then. You walked in on my first kiss."

Diverted, I looked up at him. "With Rose? That was your first kiss?" I thought back to that day. I'd known it was Rose's, but not his. "That's… surprising."

He looked confused. "Why?"

"I always thought you…" I blushed and smoothed some imaginary wrinkles on my dress. "I always figured you'd gone out with legions of girls and had tons of experience."

"Legions…?" Scorpius stared at my blankly and then started laughing again. "No. I'm not James, who has a different girl every week. Although," he added, in a thoughtful tone, "I guess I've gone out with more than Albus. To be honest, most guys don't start thinking about that stuff until their fourth year, and that's when Rose and I went out for six months. So, I wouldn't exactly use the word legions."

Nodding slightly, I turned my attention towards the door to the common room. People were starting to come back from the ball and door kept swinging open and shut. I'd be able to sneak through without having to answer a bloody riddle if I just walked in with someone else. So, I said to him, hastily, "I accept your apology. Good night."

As he echoed my sentiment, I headed into room, saying, "Wait up, Jem!"

So, he was already out of my mind by the time I'd gone upstairs, because I was too bursting with the news that I'd just had my first kiss. Scorpius was the last person on my mind.

The second time…

I fought with Scorpius Malfoy, I was in my fifth year and I'd just walked into the Ravenclaw common room to find my boyfriend hexed and lying on the ground, with Scorpius and my brother, Albus, standing over his body with their wands out and a satisfied look in their eyes.

I got down the floor next to Aidan, and saw that his legs had been locked together, and he had a bleeding lip and a black eye. "Aidan, are you all right?" I cried out, pulling out my wand. Quickly, I undid the hex and glared at my brother as I tried to help Aidan up.

Aidan moved away from me, turning down my help. "I'm all right, I'm all right." He shot Scorpius and Albie a dirty look. "What the hell is wrong with you two?"

"What's wrong with us?" Albus exclaimed. "You have hell of a lot of balls, McCormick! Did you think I wouldn't find out? Just because I'm not in Gryffindor and don't use your bathrooms?"

Confused, I looked back and forth between them. "What's going on? What are you talking about?"

"Tell her," Scorpius commanded, in a quiet and lethal voice. "Tell her."

Aidan's brows furrowed and he turned towards me. "I guess… they're talking about the boys' bathroom." His face flushed slightly and he dabbed at the blood on his lip. "Your name is on the wall; someone wrote something…."

"What," I asked in a whisper, my face a little white, "Did they write?"

"It's nothing, Lily," Aidan answered, his eyes looking at me imploringly. "I tried to wash it off, but the person must have enchanted it. It's just because they're jealous of you…." He looked at Albus with defiance. "I told you, I didn't write it."

"But you let it stay there," Scorpius answered, tersely. "And that's just as bad."

Feeling a little sick to my stomach, I stepped back and leaned against the wall. The Valentine's Day ball had been a turning point for me. Once the male population of Hogwarts saw that Lysander took me out and lived to see the next morning without a Howler coming from my father in retaliation, they all seemed to finally realize I was a girl.

Suddenly, I was being asked out by all the same boys who had ignored me for the first three years of Hogwarts. Or maybe they always would have sought me out, given that boys apparently didn't think about these things until fourth year, and they were just getting around to it.

In any case, it resulted in my popularity rising beyond belief and then I was in the same situation my brother, James, had always been in. I couldn't quite keep with all the requests and soon found myself just choosing to go out with guys as friends, as opposed to dating anyone seriously. This period in my life was also in conjunction with me suddenly deciding that I cared about how I looked, and I began to wear clothes that were more flattering and, every now and then, took time to style my hair and wear a little make-up.

In the beginning, James and Albus were very opposed to the idea of me dating and seemed to think I was going through guys a little too fast. But then there came an owl from my mother, who threatened them with a howler to beat all howlers if they didn't lay off of me.

Aidan had been the first serious boyfriend I'd had; there was something about the seventh year Gryffindor that had immediately attracted me to him. He was one of those all round popular boys who was both smart and very good at Quidditch. Given that he was a couple of years older than me, I'd been immensely flattered and amazed when he'd asked me out. And we'd been seeing each other steadily for about three months now and I'd even considered having sex with him.

Now, I looked at him, and could barely even believe I'd let him touch me, let alone the idea of going all the way. I said, in a cool tone, "You should have told me. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to feel bad," Aidan said. He shot a look of disgust towards my brother and Scorpius. "They shouldn't have told you either. It's not a big deal; they're just words."

"Just words! Why you -."

Albus shot forward with his wand up, but I cast a Shield charm so strong that he was thrown back against the wall.

"I can take care of myself, thank you," I told him, in an angry voice. Tears were threatening to spill down my cheeks and so I knew I needed to get out of there. To Aidan, I said, "You should have told me. I had a right to know. And now excuse me while I go in there and clean it up."

xxx

It took awhile, but I managed to hunt down a friend who was in Gryffindor and once I'd explained the situation to her, she was angry enough to help me break into the boys' bathroom.

Once there, we both stopped and stared in horror at what a boy had written there. Not to go into too much detail, but it had something to do with the Boy Who Lived and his daughter who did much more than live.

Teresa looked at me, her eyes spitting fire. "Who the hell wrote this? We have to tell Professor Longbottom. He's the head of Gryffindor house."

"I know that," I snapped at her. Shaking my head, I stated, emphatically, "There is no way we're telling Neville."

"Why not, Lily?" Her eyes were wide open in disbelief. "This is terrible. And it's not even true! You've barely had any boyfriends and you haven't even slept with anyone!" She lifted her wand and tried to start cleaning it off, but the basic cleaning spells we'd been taught didn't work. "We have to tell Professor Longbottom! He'll get to the bottom of this."

"He's my brother's godfather," I pointed out, through gritted teeth. "He'll feel compelled to tell my parents. And then they'll Floo down here before I can even blink. Right now, only a few guys in Gryffindor know about this. By the time it's all said and done, the entire school will know." My cheeks burned with embarrassment. "And I don't relish the entire school taking bets on my virginity status!"

"I guess." Teresa's tone was doubtful. "If you say so. But how in the bloody hell are we going to get it off?"

"I can clean it off," Scorpius said, from right behind us.

I whirled around and let out a huff. "No thank you, you've done enough damage."

Teresa looked between the two of us and then said, "Er… well, someone's got to do it, Lily. You and I can't." She walked towards the entrance and said, "I'll keep an eye for any wandering Gryffindors while you two sort it out."

There was silence between us for a moment and then I asked, rather caustically, "And how do you expect clean it? Aidan tried and it didn't work."

Scorpius ignored me and lifted his wand; he stared at the wall with intense concentration for a few minutes and, before long, I started to see the horrible words begin to fade.

When he was done, he looked towards me with a grim smile. "I pride myself on being just a touch more intelligent than your git of a boyfriend, Lily."

Pursing my lips, I looked up at him with a mixture of annoyance and disbelief. "Did you just do that entire spell silently? That's above N.E.W.T. levels." In fact, James had never really mastered it before leaving Hogwarts.

His lips twitched, as though he were about to smile. "Just about N.E.W.T. levels, actually. But I've been practicing with your father."

Then I remembered it was Scorpius's ambition to become an Auror and he'd spoken with my father about it in his sixth year. My father had looked over his O.W.L. results and had agreed to train him privately whenever my dad had some extra time during the holidays.

"Oh, right, I see. Where's Albie?" I asked, making a show of looking around. "A little odd to see Twiddledee without Twiddledum." It was a mean thing to say, but I was pissed off and embarrassed.

Scorpius looked utterly perplexed by my reference (probably because he'd never taken Muggle Studies like I had) and he replied, "Your brother had to be taken to the hospital ward. He hit his head pretty hard when he got hit with your Shield charm."

"Oh." I supposed I should have felt bad about that, but I too annoyed to feel it. "He deserves it. Unless you want to join him, I would suggest you stop butting into my life, as well." And then I made to sweep past him towards the exit.

Before I could, he moved forward and blocked my way. His eyes were blazing with anger as he looked down at me. "Why are you angry with ME? What did I do?"

"What did you DO?" I exclaimed. "Let me tell you something, Scorpius Malfoy, I do not need you or my brothers to fight for me. I am perfectly capable of doing it myself."

"I see that," Scorpius replied in an icy tone, "given this has been up here for two weeks and you've been snogging the living piss out of McCormick the entire time with absolutely no clue. You're doing a bang up job taking care of yourself, Lily."

"What do you care who I snog?" I said, hotly, crossing my arms. "You're not my brother. And - in case you hadn't noticed - between my brothers, cousins, uncles, and even Teddy, I have PLENTY of over-protective male relatives. I'm not hurting for more. If you really feel the need to adopt a little sister, then I suggest you find yourself a little orphan girl!"

Tears were starting to spring to my eyes, as it always happened when I was really angry, so I began to push past him to the door. The next thing I knew, he'd grasped my arm and pulled me back around to face him.

"Little sister?" He stared down at me with hard, fierce look. "I wish. Ah, Lily, I wish."

And then he pulled me closer to him and leaned down to kiss me. The kiss was hard at first, but then he gentled and I found myself swaying closer to him, my arms automatically winding around his neck. Tingles of awareness went through my entire body, all the energy and heat pooling together in my stomach. It was automatic: I was kissing him back with fervor, almost mindlessly. He was the first to break way, but his hands were still at my waist and he seemed just as out of breath as I was.

Stunned and silent, I just stood there for a second and then stumbled back a few steps. "What was that for?"

Scorpius closed his eyes and let out a soft curse. "I'm so sorry. I… this isn't how I…."

"No, no, forget it." With a quick shake of my head, I turned and headed towards the exit. "I have to go. This… um… this never happened."

And then, for the first time, I fully understood why I hadn't been sorted into Gryffindor.

Because I fled.

The third time….

I fought with Scorpius Malfoy was at my house, during Easter break in my sixth year. It had been awhile since I'd seen him, because I'd avoided him for rest of his seventh year (after the disastrous incident in the bathroom). Every time I saw him, my heart would do a somersault and my body would feel like it was about to burst into flames. And that scared me, so I decided it was best to just try to avoid seeing him.

As it was, we only had a few months left of the term and when I returned for my sixth year, he was no longer there. I got frequent updates on him, though, through my family. After leaving Hogwarts, he'd joined the Ministry in the Auror department, and Albus and my father would talk a lot about how brutal the training was and how busy Scorpius was, although he was apparently still around to join my family for dinner frequently.

So, this all led up to Easter break, which was the first time his visits to my house had coincided with one of my holidays.

It had not occurred to me to alter my 'avoid Scorpius at all costs' plan, even if we were at home together. My house is fairly large, so it was easy enough to be on a different floor than him most times, and at dinnertime, I would just make sure I was seated far, far away where no one would expect us to talk to each other or even look at each other. Since I'd brought Jemma home with me for the holidays, it was easy enough to focus on just on her and no one was any the wiser.

Then, one day, I happened to stumble upon a scene that I wanted to erase from my memory. There, in my room, was my brother James and he was halfway on top of Jemma, snogging the living daylights out of her.

"Oh, for the love of…!" I cried out and watched as James scrambled to get off of Jemma and she tried to button up her blouse. "Why is it that I'm always walking in on people making out in this house?"

"Get out, Lily," James said, in a low tone.

"It's MY room," I yelled out, suddenly feeling furious. I shot Jemma a dirty look. "And my bed!"

Jemma looked at James nervously and then me. "Lily, I wanted to tell you. But we…." She glanced at James, who let out a frustrated sigh. "We were just waiting for the right time."

"Well, this bloody well isn't it," I told her in a bitter voice. "I'm supposed to be your best friend!"

"I know! You are!" Jemma was moving closer to me, her eyes looking at me pleadingly. "Can we talk about this?"

"No, I have to go."

I turned and ran out of the room, then continuing running until I'd left the house far behind and found myself on a familiar trail that led out to our gardens. After a few minutes of sprinting, I stopped when I got to small part of gardens that housed a collection of lilies and roses.

When Rose and I were little, we used to play there all time, because that was our section. Our mothers had designed it as a homage to our names. As Rose got older, she stopped going there so much, but – for me – it was still one of the favorite parts of my house. I always come out here to read or to write, if the weather is nice enough.

I stopped and sat down heavily on a stone bench that was near a small fountain.

"Oh, Scrougify, Scrougify," I chanted under my breath. "Why can't that work on the last five minutes? Didn't want to see that. Let's just erase that bit. I wonder how the Oblivate spell works? Will it backfire if I do it on myself?"

"Why are you talking to yourself?" A quiet and amused voice asked me from my right.

I started and looked up at him. "What are you doing here?"

Scorpius sat down on the edge of the fountain, facing me. "I was already here. You blew right past me like there was a boggart on your trail."

"Oh." Remembering that I was supposed to be avoiding him, I got up to leave. "All right then."

"Lily." Scorpius's voice stopped me. "Why were you talking to yourself?"

"Because…." Hesitating a bit, I allowed myself to glance towards him. Then promptly looked away, because it was hard to look directly at him. After giving it some thought, I decided to tell him what was on my mind. He'd always been fairly easy to talk to; he was usually quiet and gave decent, welcome advice. Just because he'd once tried to stick his tongue down my throat did not mean I couldn't talk to him ever again, did it?

So, I told him about the scene I'd witnessed. I finished with, "For Merlin's sake, even their names are kind of the same. It's revolting."

Scorpius didn't look the least bit surprised. "Yeah. Jemma and James. I was wondering when you'd find out."

"When I'd find out?" Flabbergasted, I stared up at him. "When did you find out? And how long has this been going on? Why didn't they tell me?"

"Hard to imagine why, given that you're handling it so well," Scorpius answered, in a rather dry tone. At my dirty glare, he said, "From what Al told me, it started at Christmas. I don't know James as well as I know Al, but I think he's had a thing for Jem for a while."

I wrinkled my nose. "That's just… that's just wrong. She's only sixteen! He's almost twenty!"

Scorpius frowned. "Isn't she turning seventeen in a few weeks? And your brother's not turning twenty for another nine months; he just had his birthday."

I cast him a sharp glance. "That's just beside the point, isn't it?"

He gave me an odd look. "What, exactly, makes you against this? Their age difference or that your brother's interested in your best friend?"

"Is she even my best friend?" I asked him, feeling bewildered. "What if she just wanted to get in my brother's pants?" Then I made a face at the mental image those words conjured.

He laughed lightly. "Since you've been friends with her since you were both eleven, I should hope not." I didn't laugh back and he added, in more a serious tone, "There is no way Jemma could fake six years of friendship, Lily. You should give her more credit."

I kept silent and focused on the fountain, which wasn't running since it wasn't the summer, yet.

"Sometimes, you can't control who you have feelings for, Lil. Whether it be your sibling's best friend or…." Scorpius paused and finished, "Vice versa."

Vice versa? I looked towards him and made the connection. Best friend's sibling. "I have a boyfriend, Malfoy,"I told him in a warning tone.

"I know." Scorpius nodded and a small smile played on his lips. "Merlotte? Mason? Maggot or something?"

"It's Michael," I corrected, but I couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Michael Wright."

He crossed his arms across his chest and the smile dropped from his lips. "He's coming over for dinner tonight. Your mother told me."

"Yeah." I looked down at my trainers and scuffed at the ground a bit. He was the first boyfriend I'd brought home to meet my parents. "She's pretty excited."

"Right, I guess she is." There was an awkward silence and then he said, "You can't avoid me forever, Lily. At some point, we have to talk about it."

"That's what you think," I responded, pertly. With a grin, I started towards the house. "I'm excellent at avoiding."

Before I could leave, he grabbed my arm to stop me. "Well, I'm not." He scowled down at me and shook his head. "What is wrong with you? I know I wasn't the first person to kiss you, and it's not like you haven't gone out with anyone. Why are you being so immature about this?"

"Immature?" I cried out, fuming. If it was one thing I hated being called, it was that. Probably came with being the youngest and constantly told I was too young for everything. "I'm not the one being immature. You're the one who wants to get it on with your best friend's sister. I'm being the mature one who realizes it's stupid." I raised a brow, and stated, briskly, "You're like a brother to me."

"Really?" Instead of looking offended, he just smiled and released my arm. "You weren't kissing me like I was a brother to you."

"You just caught me by surprise."

"Right." Scorpius nodded and stepped back, a hard look in his eyes. "So, you react like that to everyone then? Michael?"

"That's none of your business," I retorted, sharply.

"If I'm like a brother to you, then why can't it be my business?"

I chewed on my bottom lip and stared up at him. Deciding that logic was the best way to go, I took a deep breath and stated, in a highly reasonable voice, "You've decided you like me because of all the time you've spent with my family. You really don't like me. I read a book about it."

His lips twitched, as though he were suppressing a smile. "You read a book."

"Yes." Feeling like he was finally listening to me, I continued, "I think you want me because I'm like forbidden fruit. The person who was always around and that you basically knew you couldn't have. Like Jemma. I'm sure she feels that same way about James."

"You know what I think?" Scorpius asked, slowly.

"What?" I eyed him warily.

"I think you read too much." He closed the distance between with a few steps. "I like you because you're pretty, funny, smart, and – most of the time – a nice person. You're fun to be around and you say the oddest things at the most insane moments, so I can't help but wonder what's going to happen next when I'm with you." He gazed down at me for a moment, his eyes straying down to my lips. Then, he added, in a terse voice, "And the fact that I've known you since you were ten is why I know those things. It's not why I made up those things." Scorpius stared down at me, not masking his frustration. "Your explanation is an insult to both of us."

Rendered completely mute (which was, admittedly, an odd occurrence for me) I just stared at him with my mouth slightly open in shock. He didn't wait for my response. Instead, he just moved past me towards the house, leaving me alone in the garden staring after him.

xxx

A few hours later, we were all sitting around the dinner table and Michael was sitting next to me, clearly quite nervous.

"It's such a coincidence," my mother said, suddenly, as she cut into her roast beef. "I dated someone named Michael when I was at Hogwarts. Remember that, Harry?"

My dad looked up from his own plate and answered, "Oh, yes, you did. I remember. He was a bit of an idiot."

"Harry," my mother said in a reproving tone. "He was quite intelligent. He was in Ravenclaw, remember? And he fought against the Carrows during my sixth year."

"So, then, he was a brave idiot," my father responded, but he was smiling. Then he turned to Michael and said, hurriedly, "Not that this means we think you're an idiot. Lily's told us all about you, and I suspect you're quite intelligent. She's an excellent judge of character."

My dad was trying to be nice, mainly to make up for the fact that people are intimidated by him, but his words just seemed to make Michael tense up even more.

"Er… yes, sir… I am intelligent," Michael responded and then seemed to think it was arrogant, because he quickly amended, "I mean, I'm all right. I'm not exactly…"

Putting my hand on his, I shot him a smile, in hopes that it would calm him down.

"So, how did you do on your OWLs, Wright?" Scorpius asked, abruptly, his eyes on my hand. "Do well?"

"I…." Michael looked over toward my dad again, who gave him a reassuring smile in return. "Well, to be honest, Potions gave me a fair amount of trouble. Just barely scraped together an A. I scored an E in Charms, though. And," he said, with a smile, "I made an O in Muggle Studies."

"Muggle Studies?" Scorpius said the words with a look of disdain. "That must have been so… difficult for you."

Feeling anger bubble up, I shot back, "It's not an easy class. I took Muggle Studies and I'm taking it at NEWT levels, too."

Michael cleared this throat. "I plan to have a career in the Muggle world, actually. I'm interested in Muggle and Wizard relationships. I'm not sure exactly what I want to do, but the subject has always interested me."

"So, basically, you have no ambition, then?" Scorpius said, his face settling into a haughty and arrogant mask. "Any Squibs in your family tree, by chance?"

"Scorpius!" My mother looked aghast, gazing at him as though she couldn't quite recognize him. "You know my father was the head of the Misuse for Muggle Artifacts Office. He's hardly a Squib!"

Scorpius barely even flicked a glance in my mother's direction. "Good point. So, then, are you planning to use Lily's connections to get a position?"

This time, it was my father who spoke. "Scorpius, that's enough." His voice was quiet, but firm. "Michael is a guest here."

At his words, Scorpius blinked and the arrogant look dropped. Looking slightly regretful, he said, "Of course. I'm sorry."

My mother wasn't so easily mollified. "Are you feeling all right, Scorpius?"

"No, I'm actually not." He got to his feet and said to my mother, "My apologies, Mrs. Potter. But I think I'll head up to my room."

After he'd left, everyone was quiet for a few minutes. James and Jemma were sitting together, and hadn't seemed to realize anything was amiss, because they kept looking at each other. Albus had a worried look on his face and exchanged a long look with my father. Michael just looked very uncomfortable and was focused on eating his peas.

My mother said, to no one in particular, "I have never seen him look more like a Malfoy. What has gotten into him?"

Pushing his chair, Albus stood up. "I'll go see what's going on."

"No, I'll go." My father stood up and said, to Michael, "I apologize. If you'll excuse me."

Albus settled back down in his chair and the rest of the meal passed fairly amicably, with my mother attempting to keep up a steady stream of conversation. But my heart wasn't in it, because my thoughts kept straying to upstairs, where my father was having a talk with Scorpius.

xxx

Much later that night, I'd said good night to Michael and he'd Floo'd away. I was sitting in my room and attempting to go over some Transfiguration notes, since I was due back at school soon and end of year exams were just around the corner. It was difficult to focus and so when I heard a knock on my door, I welcomed the interruption.

"Come in," I said, turning away from the desk just as my mother entered the room.

She came in and settled down on the bed. "Studying? You do realize you're on holiday, don't you?"

With a grin, I replied, "I didn't see you complaining when I got my OWL results."

"No, I guess I wasn't," she agreed, with a grin of her own. Then she became a little more serious. "I wanted to talk to you about Michael, dear. And… well… I wanted to give you this." She pulled a small flask from her pocket, in which there appeared to be a clear liquid.

Taking it from her, I squinted at it. "What is this?"

"A potion for birth control," my mother said, her tone utterly serious and devoid of any humor. "You need to take it twice a month."

I almost dropped it. "What?"

"It could be that I'm too late and I should have given this to you a couple of years ago," she gave a wry smile at that, "but you know how it is with parents. I guess you'll always be a baby to me, so I was in a bit of denial. I had hoped you'd…." my mother cleared her throat and looked around my room. "I had hoped you'd wait until you were much older, but I'm not dumb enough to think there aren't certain pressures on a girl and -."

"Mum!" I cut in, desperately embarrassed. "We don't need to do this. The Talk, I mean. I know… whatever it is one needs to know. They had a class at Hogwarts and everything."

My mum pursed her lips and attempted not to laugh. "Ah… there's a little more to it than what they teach you in that class, Lily."

"I know that." My cheeks burned and I picked up a small piece of parchment and started folding it into a tiny square. "Well, I mean… what do you mean?"

"I mean there are things like love, happiness, and the feeling of being with someone who cherishes you." Mum stood up and then started walking around my room. She picked up the small figurine in the shape of a unicorn that my brothers had given me as a Christmas present when I was nine and examined it. "Right now, I know that you have all these… physical feelings… going through you. But I think it's important you realize that there is more to sex than just the physical. There's an emotional connection and…."

I kind of tuned her out. Because I already knew that. That's why I hadn't been able to really 'seal the deal' (as Jemma would put it) with any of the guys I'd gone out with it. Sure, there was always a little under the shirt action, but it never really went beyond that.

"Lily," my mother gave me a sharp look. "This is important. Pay attention." She took her wand out. "I'm also going to teach you some basic contraceptive charms, just in case you've missed your dose of potion."

At that point, my brain began to rebel. "Uhh… no, thanks."

"Lily Luna Potter!" Mum rolled her eyes. "This is not a joke. The last thing you want to do is get pregnant at sixteen."

"I'm not going to do that," I exclaimed. "I'm not an idiot. I haven't even slept with him, yet."

"Yet," my mother repeated. She lowered her wand and then sat down on the edge of my bed. "So, you're thinking about it then?"

"Maybe, I don't know," I mumbled, avoiding her discerning gaze. Then, out of curiosity, I couldn't help but ask, "How old were you?"

"Eighteen," she responded with no hesitation. And then, she shot me the wicked grin that she's rather famous for. "Not that I wanted to wait that long. But your father's an honorable prat. And he was rather busy that year after he took down Voldemort. Apparently, he wanted the first time to be special, even though I kept telling him we could just go at it in a broom closet for all I cared."

"Oh dear Godric Gyffindor, MOTHER!" I closed my eyes in horror. "I don't need those kinds of details, thanks."

She was laughing. "You wouldn't be here if I wasn't attracted to your father." At my look of disgust, she shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Honestly, you may look exactly like me, but you are certainly your father's daughter. He can take down Death Eaters with the flick of a wand, but anything to do with the opposite sex and he's completely frozen."

I shook my head, but couldn't help but laugh. "I suppose."

"The point is," my mother continued, "that I probably would have slept with him when I was sixteen if there had been the opportunity. In your case, you don't have to worry about Michael going off to face the world's most powerful Dark wizard, so I reckon chances are high you won't wait until you're eighteen."

"Well, Michael's not like that." I answered, quickly. "I mean, he's not like how you were with Dad."

"Meaning?"

"I mean, he's not 'the one', I don't think." I looked at the tiny squared parchment in my hand. I couldn't fold it down anymore. "How did you even know? You fell in love with Dad when you were ten, for heaven's sake!"

"Everyone always says that." My mother let out a resigned sigh. "But that's not true, at all. When I was ten, I was intrigued by your father. Then, later on, we became friends. He dated Cho; I dated a few other guys. When we finally decided to get together, I was immensely attracted to him. As time went on, I realized my feelings for him were love and he realized the same thing about me." My mother picked at a loose thread on my bedspread and added, "It was a different time. We'd seen a lot of death. War. Torture. So, when a person felt love, they grabbed at it."

"How did you know it was love?"

"Mainly because your father made me feel differently than I felt with anyone." Mum looked a little amused. "Not just the physical; I was comfortable with him. I could be myself and we were good friends. My family loved him. He loved my family. No other man could really compare to him."

"Well, he is Harry Potter," I pointed out. "Everyone feels that way. That no man can compare to him." Suddenly feeling dejected, I threw the parchment in the dustbin. "I don't think I'm going to find a man like that."

"That's not why I love him, though," my mother said quietly. "When I see him, I don't see the Boy Who Lived. I see my Harry, the bloke who doesn't have a romantic bone in his body, but still attempts to be romantic for my sake. The man who loves my parents even more than I do; the father who would die for his children and the Auror who wakes up every day and fights to make the world a better place."

I didn't really know what to say to that, so I kept silent.

"Michael may not be that man," Mum pointed out. "Maybe you haven't even met that man. But I know that we don't live in that same world, anymore, Lils. So, you might not wait for him. Lord knows your brothers didn't wait." My mother rolled her eyes. "And if you choose not to wait, then I want you to take the necessary precautions, all right?"

I nodded. "All right."

"Good." She came to me and kissed my forehead gently. "And put your books away. Enjoy your holiday while you still can."

After she'd left, I tried to go to sleep, but sleep proved elusive. I kept thinking about my mother's words and what she'd said about how my father made her feel. I had a hazy, fuzzy picture in my mind about the man who would make me feel that way. When I finally closed my eyes, the hazy pictures went into sharp focus and I saw the picture of Scorpius, in the garden, telling me how he felt.

I didn't sleep a wink for the rest of the night.