Disclaimer: I don't own glee
Quinn texted Rachel "goodnight" the night before but didn't receive a response. She also typed her a "good morning" when she woke up. Even though Rachel wasn't answering all of her messages, she did answer one. And Santana told her that that was more than Rachel has given anyone else, so she was still hopeful. Besides, what Rachel did write was worth not responding to the rest of Quinn's messages.
At lunch, Quinn decided to text Rachel again.
From Quinn: I was hoping that when I return to school, you could practice with me so I will be up to date on everything you are working on in Glee.
She only waited ten minutes to send another message.
From Quinn: I'd ask you to help me with my homework too, but I've been lucky enough to have caught up. I have plenty of time on my hands, as you could imagine :)
As soon as she sent it, she regretted sending the smiley face at the end. She hoped Rachel didn't think it was forced or that she was just being polite or something. It's just that when she thinks of Rachel, she's happy so texting a smiley face just seemed natural to her.
From Quinn: The good news is that at least I will get to keep my position as Valedictorian.
Unexpectedly, her phone buzzed with a new message. Her face lit up immediately when Rachel's name appeared on the screen.
From Rachel: I'm number two in the class Quinn, and don't expect me to take it easy on you :)
Quinn's smile widened. Did Rachel just joke with her? Rachel replied and she sort of teased her.
From Quinn: I wouldn't expect anything else from Rachel Berry ;)
Okay, so a wink might have been a bit much but she didn't really care. She eagerly awaited a response, but it never came. She tossed her phone on the bed an hour later and sighed in disappointment. Maybe Rachel wasn't ready to joke around completely yet, but Quinn wouldn't give up.
Artie came after school just as he promised. Quinn had received a text from him confirming their plans so she had a nurse help her in the wheelchair for the first time. It frustrated her to no end that she couldn't do it herself, but she couldn't figure out how to move her body when only half of it would cooperate. And sitting in the chair felt foreign, not at all like she remembered from sophomore year when they were all in wheelchairs to better understand the difficulties of such a handicap. Handicap? She now despised that word. It made her feel less than human, like she wasn't good enough. It made it seem like people were judging her, why were they always judging her?
She was in a terrible mood when Artie finally did arrive. She had been wallowing in self pity for the last 45 minutes and it was truly getting to her and caused her to take her anger out on others. So much so that her mother walked out of the room in tears and no nurses have been by to check on her.
"Hey, Quinn." Artie greeted when he wheeled into the room. His dad dropped him off and was going to pick him up in two hours.
He immediately noticed the mood change in Quinn. He had been by often since the accident and though she was depressed and unresponsive before, she looked downright angry right now.
"Did you receive bad news from the doctors? I thought you were getting discharged soon?" He asked hesitantly.
She didn't answer so he scooted his chair closer to her, and placed his hand on hers. "Quinn, are you okay?"
He tilted his head forward to better see her face and could see tear stained cheeks. "Quinn, please talk to me."
"How do you do this? Every day. How…?" She trailed off as she angrily wiped at her teary eyes.
His shoulders sagged in understanding. Sure it had been years ago, but he went through the same self hatred that Quinn seemed to be going through. The self pity, the why me's. Artie sighed loudly before answering. "I don't know how not to, Quinn. I've only got two options and only one of them has me still alive."
Quinn's jaw fell open. "What do you mean?"
"I have to live like this, or not live at all. Those are my only two choices, though I admit that there are many days that it seems easier the other way. You know?"
Quinn looked at him slowly, her tears freely flowing. "When Mr. Shue asked if any of us ever considered…ending it, you didn't speak up."
He smiled sadly at her. "Sometimes I think that people only look at me with pity, and…" He shrugged. "I didn't want to give anyone another reason to feel pity for me."
Quinn took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as she wheeled her chair around so that she could face the boy. "People in glee would never pity you."
"Then what are you so scared of?" He asked with a raised brow.
She thought long and hard about his question, briefly remembering when a petite brunette asked her the same thing after Prom last year. What was Quinn so scared of?
"I'm scared…of not ever being good enough. I've been miserable for so long because I've pretended to be something that I wasn't and people still hated me for it. And now, with all the pretenses stripped bear, I'm more terrified that people won't like the real me."
Artie leaned forward and grabbed both of Quinn's hands. "I can think of at least 14 people who love you no matter what. We've seen you at your worst Quinn, and this is far from that. And like you said in your speech, we never stopped loving you."
Quinn's bottom lip started to quiver and her eyes started to water again. "What if I can't do this? All my life I've been told that God doesn't give you any more than you can handle. But what if this time he did? What if this time, I can't handle it?"
"You will? You know why? Because you are Quinn Fabray." He answered with a smile causing the blonde to laugh a little through her tears. "Kurt, Mercedes and Sam told us how you said that giving up was selfish and that it only hurt the people you left behind. Quinn, don't leave us behind."
She removed one of her hands from Artie's to wipe at her tears again. Then she sighed, loudly. "Do you ever get used to it? Does it ever get easier?" She asked anxiously.
"Some days are better than others. I don't sit around and wallow, but some days I just wish I could be more like everyone else."
She nodded. "Don't try to be like everyone else, Artie. I think you're perfect the way you are."
"Thank you."
They sat in silence for several minutes before Artie spoke up again. "When you're feeling up to it, there's a place I want to take you that I think will help you come to better terms with…everything."
"I'd like that." Quinn replied without hesitation.
They shared in small talk the rest of Artie's visit. He kept her up to date about the goings on in glee (though everyone who visited her seemed to do that too) and the latest gossip. Apparently, Sam and Mercedes were officially together (Life's too short and all that). Quinn noticed how Artie, like most everyone else, seemed to skip a certain brunette diva whenever they discussed glee.
When Artie left, Quinn was left alone in her now darkened hospital room. The sun had set and she was left with her own thoughts. Only now, she wasn't feeling as depressed as she had been before Artie visited her. He really was a good guy. As she thought about him, she remembered that his wish for the future was to see his kids grow up. She really hoped that he found someone and that he got to raise a family. He definitely deserved it.
She rolled her chair over to her bed and grabbed her phone to text Rachel.
From Quinn: Artie stopped by today, we had a nice cry.
Instantly she received a response.
From Rachel: Are you okay?
Quinn's heart swelled at the thought of Rachel worrying about her. She quickly replied.
From Quinn: I'm better now. Thanks for asking.
From Rachel: I wanted to reply sooner, about you wanting my assistance for glee. But the truth is I don't know how much help I'd be because I'm a little behind myself.
From Quinn: Then maybe we could help each other.
From Rachel: I'd like that.
From Quinn: Me too.
Quinn didn't receive another message so she sent Rachel a goodnight text and set her phone down. Then she buzzed for the nurse because she needed help getting into bed. Even though she still felt stupid needing to ask for such help, she wasn't as down as she was earlier. She went to sleep with a small smile on her lips and thoughts of Rachel in her mind.
The next day, Quinn texted Rachel a 'good morning' and then met with the doctors. Her doctor told her that she would be able to go home tomorrow, much to her relief. Judy was ecstatic.
When the doctor left the room, Judy began speaking excitedly. "Well, I have to work a bit this evening but how about I bring in a few movies and we watch them on your laptop. I'll bring that one you like about the girl who owns a flower shop."
"Sure Mom, that sounds good." Quinn responded neutrally. It wasn't that she wasn't looking forward to a marathon movie night with her mom, but all she could think about was that the sooner she got home then the sooner she could go to school and get to see Rachel.
"Are you okay Sweetie? I thought you'd be happier?" Judy asked with concern.
Quinn looked up at her mom, smile on her face. "Believe me I'm happy. Just thinking that I'll finally get to see Rachel soon."
Judy pressed her lips together in a tight line, and then licked them before speaking. "I don't want you to get your hopes up, Quinnie. Okay? I know that you've been texting her but it might be different when you actually see her and…"
"Don't you think I know that Mom?"
"I'm just looking out for you, Dear. I'm your mom, it's kind of my job." Judy smiled reassuringly. Then she clasped her hands together. "So, are we going to do that movie night or not?"
"Yes, definitely." Quinn smiled genuinely. She really did love her mom.
After lunch, Judy had to leave for work so once again Quinn grabbed her phone.
From Quinn: Rachel, I'm going home tomorrow!
From Rachel: That's so great, Quinn.
From Quinn: I don't know if they'll let me go right to school on Monday, but either way I'd like to schedule practice time. You and me.
From Rachel: I hope for your sake that you get to come back as soon as possible, I'm sure you're getting stir crazy.
From Rachel: Besides, I miss you.
Quinn stared at the last message for ages. Rachel misses her. Rachel missed seeing her in glee when she didn't join at the beginning of the year and Rachel misses her now. She was too stunned to respond, and Rachel didn't text back.
Quinn worked on homework the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. She also channel surfed on the TV but couldn't find anything worth watching. She glanced at the clock at 8PM and hoped her mom would get there soon. It was a rare day not to have visitors but she couldn't really fault her friends for having a life of their own.
"Why don't you hate me?"
It was the unmistakable voice of Rachel Berry, quietly whispered from the doorway. Quinn's head shot toward the beautiful brunette and she couldn't help smiling at her, then the girl's words hit Quinn so hard that they took her breath away. Rachel thought that Quinn should still hate her?
"Remember sophomore year that you told me you didn't hate me?" Quinn replied and watched as Rachel nodded ever so slightly. "Even after how horribly I treated you, you never once hated me. When I slapped you, you comforted me. I could never hate you Rachel."
The brunette walked hesitantly into the hospital room. "Surely your name calling, or even the slap, they don't even compare."
Quinn rolled her eyes and reached out her hand. "Come here."
Rachel did as she was told, and let the blonde take her hand. Quinn continued to explain. "I will only say this one more time, and I need you to believe me." She stared into Rachel's eyes and made sure the girl was listening. "None of this is your fault. I don't blame you. No one blames you. Okay?"
Rachel's eyes started to water, but she remained silent. Quinn squeezed her hand and continued. "You've got to start singing again in glee; even Santana is worried about you. They don't hate you, Rachel, they love you and they need you to stop hating yourself. I need you to stop hating yourself."
Rachel swallowed thickly, and then sobbed loudly. Quinn gently pulled the brunette onto the bed with her and held her while Rachel cried in her arms.
"I was just so scared that I'd lose you. I was scared that…" Rachel forced out through ragged breaths.
"Shhh. Don't, okay. I'm fine. Look at me. Feel me. I'm here Rachel and I'm not going anywhere." Quinn put every emotion she could into those words. She hoped Rachel was aware how serious she was about that statement. She was never going to leave the brunette. She applied to a school nearby just so she could follow her. She'd follow Rachel to the ends of the Earth if she asked her to.
Slowly the sobs turned to whimpers and Rachel's breathing evened out. "Don't you think that the roles should have been reversed, that I should be the one comforting you?"
Your being here does comfort me Rachel. Quinn thought to herself and so badly wanted to say aloud. She remembered how she told Rachel once that if the roles had been reversed, referring to Quinn's pregnancy, that she would have tortured the girl. Looks like that wasn't the case after all.
She was brought from her thoughts as Rachel tried to push herself away from Quinn and climb off the bed. However, both girls were interrupted by Judy's voice. "Sorry I'm late, but I brought the movies!"
Judy spoke as she entered, then her eyes found the scene in front of her. Rachel was crawling out of bed, out of Quinn's bed. "Rachel, right? It's so good to see you. I'm glad that you were able to visit, are you staying for movie night?"
Rachel shot a glance at Quinn who nodded eagerly. "Please stay."
Rachel nodded at Quinn before looking at Judy. "Good evening Ms. Fabray, I appreciate the invitation and I will take you up on the offer."
Judy smiled at the brunette before sitting in a chair opposite of her. "Please call me Judy."
Rachel smiled. Judy thrust the bag of movies at Quinn with a knowing smirk, causing the blonde to blush.
"So any movie preferences, Rachel?" Judy asked the brunette.
"Do you have any musicals?"
Quinn burst out in laughter causing Rachel to scowl at her before grinning and rolling her eyes. "Always the predictable one, huh?"
Judy watched the interaction with interest. Maybe her daughter had a chance with the girl after all. The elder Fabray turned on Quinn's laptop and reclaimed her chair. Quinn put in her favorite movie, hoping it would maybe get the wheels of possibility turning in Rachel's head. After all, the main character's name was Rachel.
As the movie was about to start, Rachel looked anxiously around the room. There was a large couch lining the wall but other than that there was no place to set. Quinn picked up on Rachel's dilemma immediately, and grabbed the girl's hand. Their fingers weren't laced together, but still the contact felt somewhat intimate. At least to Quinn.
Brown eyes were watching their connected hands, and then looked up to see hazel orbs penetrating her soul. She swallowed audibly.
"You could…" Quinn cleared her throat, trying to hide a grimace when her voice cracked. "We could share my bed…so you can see."
Rachel maintained eye contact with Quinn for a moment before glancing at Judy. Slowly she returned her eyes back on the blonde lying in the bed. "But I…I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't." Judy offered, trying to assist her daughter best she could.
Rachel nodded resolutely before gently climbing on the bed and cuddling up next to Quinn. "Is…is this okay?" She whispered hesitantly.
Quinn smiled brightly. "It's fine, Rach. Now, let's not miss any more of the movie."
Rachel smiled back before turning her head to the screen. She fell asleep just before the movie was over, her head resting on Quinn's chest. The blonde's breath hitched every time she looked down at the sleeping girl.
When the movie got done, Judy shut it off and took care of the laptop. "I think I'm going to head home." She looked at the sleeping brunette. "We wouldn't want to wake her." She smiled as she returned her gaze to her daughter.
Quinn blushed but smiled in response. Judy kissed her daughter goodbye and quietly exited the room after turning off the lights. This time Quinn didn't have to text Rachel goodnight, instead she was able to whisper it in her ear.