I seem to be veering far from the original plan... but here we go.
Bath after bath was inflicted on Sirius until it was decided that his slightly matted and semi louse ridden fur was not salvageable. By the end of the week he had been removed from his fur and left a slightly emaciated, pale pink, shivering dog with death in his eyes. Draco liked his naked pet and seemed pleased with the comical figure that Sirius struck. Luckily Lucius refused to have such a pathetic looking pet in their house, and a simple charm later his fur had come back in, darker and more silken than it had ever been in his life.
Narcissa looked pleased and stroked his long ears gently. "That's so much better, don't you think, Draco?" She smiled at her son who seemed non-pulsed by the beautiful example of canine beauty and simply grabbed Sirius by the collar in an attempt to pull himself up and go for a ride.
Sirius was amazed at his own patience with being constantly grabbed and pulled and pinched by the whiny little child, but figured it must be due to the fact that he was full and felt safe. In all of his generosity, he allowed for the little boy (his mother holding him around the waist) to take a short and clumsy ride around the hall. However Sirius flatly refused to give rides to Draco's 'playmate' Pansy, who came over once a week so that her and Draco's mothers could sit and plan their future wedding and gossip about all of the other pureblood, entitled women in their aristocratic strata. When Pansy was over, Sirius would hide, either under furniture or behind Narcissa. And he felt no shame taking shelter behind a woman. The child was a monster and had bitten Sirius on more than one occasion.
One such afternoon, while Pansy and Draco fought over intricate silver shapes and who would be the one to find the properly fitting hole in the box, Sirius had taken up his hiding on the couch beside is cousin. IF he could ignore her 'pureblood' idealist ways, she wasn't so bad and her long, perfectly manicured nails felt positively divine on his scalp. Even if the elves had announced him 'flea free' he swore he could still feel their tiny feet and teeth on him at times in places he could not reach without her help.
"You know Valfore," Pansy's mother, Persephone was talking and Sirius only half listening to the gossip, "he comes home from a long day of nothing, has a bit to drink and is out for the night. You're so lucky, 'Cissa to have a proper, handsome husband like Lucius. My old Valfore hardly has any passion anymore, even when I slip a bit of amortentia into his drinks." Persephone was a harsh looking woman with cruel eyes and hardly any lips or breasts. Sirius thought to himself that her husband might have the right idea in simply drinking himself to sleep.
Narcissa smiled sympathetically. "Lucius has never been what I would call 'passionate' either." She said glancing sidelong at the children as if to make sure that their young ears would not be able to hear such adult conversations, that frankly, Sirius was unsure if he wanted to listen to either.
"Really? With those fine, strong shoulders and big hands?" Persephone grinned wickedly, licking her nonexistent lips at the thought and Sirius felt ill. It was the constant scratching, and only that which kept him from flying away from the couch and finding a good place to lose his lunch.
Narcissa sighed softly, rubbing her thumb along the curve of Sirius' jaw. "Not like he used to be. He has… his little troubles."
"Little? Oh those are the worst kind." Persephone bemoaned, but could not contain an almost schoolgirl like giggle.
Laughing now also, but in a coyer, more lady like fashion, Narcissa shook her head. "No no, nothing like that. Every inch of Lucius is impressive and far from disappointing." She lowered her voice. "Some times he just… you know."
Sirius slunk off of the couch and beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen. He could not, and would not sit and listen to the women discus the skills and or physical attributes that they wish that their husbands possessed. Though he had to admit, as the house elf set some meat on the floor in a gilded dish for him, he was quite amused to hear of Lucius 'little' problem.
Though his stomach still had not settled from the ladies 'sexy talk' he found the strength to wolf down the food before him. He watched as one of the house elves left to greet a guest who had just arrived via floo. Following simply out of curiosity to see who else could be coming over, Sirius trotted after.
Two fine looking Italian men stood before the fireplace, lazily straightening their pinstriped suits and curling black hair. They carried a trunk between the two of them, it was heavy looking and all gilded leather and engraved. The taller of the two (and in Sirius' opinion the more handsome, though it was difficult to choose) floated the trunk down the hall with an effortless swish of his wand.
Sirius followed their slender, well dressed, backsides down the hall to Lucius' dressing room where the tall and pale man was nowhere in sight. Finding a comfortable place to lay, the animagus enjoyed the view as the two men pulled from their trunk a sleek black suit and dusted the non dusty lapels and argued softly to each other in Italian.
Finally feeling a need to grace his tailors with his presence, Lucius entered the room with a closely guarded smile and a nod to the men. "Ah, Finnuchi brothers, is it done then?" He touched the sleeve of the suit with two ivory fingers.
"This will be the final fitting, Missour Malfoy." The shorter brother said in his smooth, baritone voice.
"I need it by tonight. I have a meeting at Gringotts and I need to look immaculate."
"Oh, we make you look good." The taller said with a well oiled smile. "Now take your pants off."
Sirius watched the two cinnamon skinned brothers dress Lucius, hemming and pinning until the pureblood looked less like a wizard and more like a dark god. Sirius found it hard to take his eyes from the tailors and their firm backsides as they bent and stooped while they worked. Even though he had been almost two years in Azkaban without any human contact (physical or otherwise) and he found himself craving those simple lustful pleasures more each day, he found his gaze drifting from the two well toned Italian Adonis, to Lucius' slender body. There were no notable imperfections or any 'little problems' that the gossiping ladies had been speaking of. He was all alabaster skin and sinewy muscles and a steely gaze that comically drifted to the narrow backsides of the hard working brothers. It was the same lust heated gaze that Sirius felt in his own eyes.
A suspicion grew in Sirius, one so strange he could not put words to it until the fitting was complete and Lucius stood admiring his reflection in one of the many mirrors. "Perfect." He praised in a disinterested drawl. "I have a business meeting in Paris next week and will need another suit for it. Something with a hint of emerald I think."
"For our best customer, anything." The shorter brother said, grinning.
"I think it would be best if you retook my measurements."
"This will be Missour Malfoy's forty-eighth suit, your measurements have never changed." He was chuckling softy, but getting out a silken measure tape.
"My son just had his birthday and I partook of more than my share of deserts. I feel it is best… just in case." He stood stalk still while the brothers moved their nimble hands over his lithe body, never blinking even when they took the most indecent of measurements. When it was decided that, indeed, no inch on his perfect body had changed the two men left, smiling to each other.
Lucius sat back on a fainting couch, careful not to let his perfect new suit wrinkle. He sighed in a lustful, longing way and Sirius, with only one glance at the man's trousers that had become marginally too tight, finally understood what Narcissa meant by 'little problem'.