short update but don't worry more coming really soon!! thanks for the comments!!

Snow in fucking April—you have to love Canada. I grew up here, well spent the most of my childhood here. So it wasn't a complete shock to find Matthew had moved back. Our roots are all on this island—whatever family that was still alive lived in Comox, a town that was never as small as I remembered it as a child. We passed the population sign and I knew we were pretty close to the old house—where Sam had found out he was living now. It was scary how easily they could track him down, if they had found him so quickly I knew others were not far behind if not already there.

"Just off this road-- here on the right." I directed to Dean who still refused to look at me—angry since our last conversation. But in the moment I didn't care because there on a slight hill covered lightly by tree's was the house I grew up in. And like driving up to it after a school day the lights were all on, and I could see Matthew in the kitchen. We pulled into the drive and before I could get out Dean snapped the locks shut.

"What the fuck do you think your doing?" Even I could hear the sting in my voice, I sounded hard and unforgiving and it caused Sam to flinch back but not Dean. He didn't back away from me creating a safe distance he just turned his head around so he could face me better, finally looking at me again.

"First some ground rules." I remember what it felt like to have a level temper. That control was a comfort but if hell did anything to me it taught me what really mattered—when I was down there I thought about the things, the people that helped me remember what it was like to be human. I thought if I ever got out nothing would keep me from them, there'd be not limit to what I would do to see them once more. If it made me feel once more human.

"Fuck ground rules; you want to know why the angels want me? because their scared of what I can do. They'd rather have me on their side then well the obvious. If you don't unlock the doors right now I'll show you exactly what it is I do." Complete bullshit—Dean's stare was cold and hard, even though I couldn't hear him as clearly as Sam I figured he probably was weighing his options. If I was lying then the result was predictable, but if I was telling the truth he wasn't just risking himself but Sam too. The doors unlocked and I slid out in a hurry running across the snow covered front lawn in bare feet. I didn't bother knocking throwing myself through the front door to face Matthew. His face was indescribable.

"Hey kiddo" I smiled, his face altered into a more unforgiving expression. Throwing holy water in my face when nothing happened he quickly made a slash across my fore arm with what I'm assuming was a silver knife. God were dysfunctional. When nothing still he engulfed me into his arms, he'd grown almost to Sam's height now. He wasn't my little brother anymore that's for sure. While I was on my tippy toes holding on to Matt for dear life scared that he might disappear, Dean and Sam fell in behind me.

"Who's this?" Sam reached out to introduce himself but I cut in.

"Uh—this is Jake and Luke." Dean shot me a questioning look—I ignored it. The truth was during that seven hour long drive it took us to get here I had made up my mind it was for the best that Matt didn't know that Dean and Sam Winchester actually existed. That Dean's hell actually existed—that time moved unbearably slower in that hell. That would weigh on him.

"Jake and Luke?" He repeated.

"Mhmm, Jake and Luke" I pointed to each one of them assigning the names—Dean was Luke and Sam was Jake. "Their hunters, they found me." Always courteous Matt reached out and shook both of their hands, and gestured for them to sit down while grabbing them a beer and turning on the t.v. We moved into the kitchen.

"Care to tell me what the hell happened?" Matthew asked me the moment we were out of hearing range.

"I don't know Matt, I just woke up—one minute I was dying and then I was waking up in a motel room." That was one of the prettiest lies I'd ever told.

"No hell then at least not that you can remember?" I shook my head, he let out a breath that you could tell he was keeping in for a while, Guilt that he was keeping a hold of for eight months.

҉==

"The bathrooms just down the hall and towels are just in the hall closet here. You'll be sleeping/" He shoved me hard into the emptied guest bedroom closing the door quickly behind us.

"Who are you?" Dean had me cornered and he was not happy. I knew this was coming, all night he had been watching me while I caught up with Matt. While we all laughed including Sam he just kept his eyes glued to me—not scowling but not laughing a long either. I laughed lightly not sure how else to respond really. He slammed his hand into the wall beside me I straightened but did not flinch.

"Alright I may have told a little lie." I said with a big smile. He let out an aggravated growl. "You would have done the same if you were in my situation." He nodded and leant off the wall freeing me slightly but still remaining close.

"And why did you lie about our names?"

"Matthew's read the books, the ones about you. I didn't want him knowing everything." I moved around him and sat on the bed.

"You mean you didn't want him knowing about hell, I heard you lying to him. You told him you just remember waking up." Dean stated.

"I didn't want to put that sort of weight on him, he'd try to make up for those years." My voice shook off towards the end. Memories were always on the edge and once and while consuming me.

He took a seat beside me relaxing since the first time I'd met him. I took the time to look him over—admire him really. He looked tired; I would have liked to see him before all of this. I found myself wondering what he looked like when he smiled, what it sounded like when he laughed.

"I should be getting to bed. We'll figure the rest out tomorrow." I said finally breaking our long silence that never felt uncomfortable to keep. Before I could stand he grabbed my hand holding it the bed. On instinct I leant in gently touching my lips with his. He breathed out heavily—I'd craved this feeling in hell. Held onto the memory of it but no memory could feel like this, this lovely. I fell back and stood up.

"Goodnight Dean." I could feel him watch me leave but I didn't look back. I would have stayed but he didn't want it—not really, or he would have asked me, wouldn't he of?