Atleast3olives: Your wait is over!
Jay12234: I'm glad you enjoy it! Sorry for the wait on this one
.39: Beggars can't be choosers. Lol.
Guest: THANK YOU! Finally someone actually voted. So long chapters it is!
Guest: Thanks for understanding buddy!
Dr. Hmm: We? What do you mean we? Are there more than one of you! Ohnoooeeesss! That would cause a subatomic collision of the molecules in the fizz of all the orange soda in the world and the only thing that could stop it would be mentos but they'd just blow everything up anyway!
A/N:Fun Fact: "Blutsauger" means "blood sucker" in German! Again Always give me feedback! I absolutely love it!
"Oi! Mate. You in there?" the Medic's eyes slowly flickered open. He was propped up against a wall. Looking down he saw his "Quick-fix" pointing at his legs, lying on the floor, held into the on position by the barrel of a sniper rifle. The "hitman's heatmaker" to be exact. He felt himself become slowly rejuvenating. He tried to get up.
"Hey! You're awake! Don't try to move," a figure, no the Sniper placed his hands over his shoulders to prevent him from moving, "you got hit pretty bad. That bloody wanker knew what he was doing." The BLU. The Heavy. The Heavy had done this to him.
"Where… where is the… h-Heavy?" the Medic struggled to get the words out, "Did… we… get him?"
"Yeah mate, we got 'em. That last pull from your 'amputator' finished him off."
"How long have I… have I been unconscious for?"
"About seven minutes." The Medic once again tried to lift him self up. This time the Sniper only observed him, not stopping him. Soon though the world began to spin around him nauseatingly. He began to stumble and fall. "Woah doc, no need to go rushing things. Your still pretty hurt." The Medic couldn't wait. He looked over at his "quick-fix" again. The tip was sparkling like a firework on the 4th of July.
"Flick the switch." The Sniper looked confused at first, but then at the medi-gun in understanding. "uhhhhh," the Australlian began. " Second one from the front, left side, just below the meter." The Sniper flicked the right switch. Immediately the "quick-fix" began emanating a bright red light. A similar glow pulsed around the Medic. He felt a surge of energy and soon hopped up to his feet, easy-peasy, with a smile on his face.
"Let's practice medicine!" The now healed German hefted his "quick-fix" and pointed at the Sniper's still not fully healed wounds. He pushed the main lever forward and watched as the healing-beam fixed him like magic. Well for all the Medic knew it could be magic. The "quick-fix" was not of his design. The administrator had given it to him for having had captured the enemy intelligence four times in one day.
In exactly 4.2 seconds the Sniper's wounds were fully healed. Now the Sniper felt quite happy as well. It was almost like his "pyrovision goggles" had been equipped suddenly. He grinned excessively.
"Mate! I've got an idea!" the Sniper said excitedly.
"Vat is it! My jolly good friend!" strange. The Medic had never said "jolly" before. How strange? *Well there is a first time for everything I suppose* he thought.
"Well. What if we just killed ourselves?! I mean, really, our colleagues are all dead, so why don't we join them?! We could have a tea party in heaven!"
The Medic though about for a moment, "Vhy not?! I think zat iz a perfect idea!" *Something is off* "How should we die zis time?" *Hold on. I didn't say that! What is going on hear?* a confused look joined the smile on the German's face. It looked almost demonic.
"I say we stab ourselves!" a confused look washed over Sniper's face as well. But the smile remained. Sniper raised his left hand, "Tribalman's Shiv" prepared for gutting. *No this isn't right at all* the Aussy thought. His right hand shot up and grabbed his own wrist. *No! I'm not dying today!* *But of course I am.* *No, I'm not!* *Yes!* *No* *yes* *NO!*
The doctor simply stood there watching the Sniper try to win a one-man arm wrestle against himself. *That looks like fun* He then stepped forward to help in the fight. *But which hand do I help?* He looked back and forth between them. One of them had a knife. He didn't really like knives, he was more of a saw person. He decided to help the non-armed (buh dum tsss). He grabbed the knife-wielding one and pulled with all his might. The arm was strong though. *Maybe if I show it a saw it will calm down and learn to like them?* He picked up his "amputator" and looked back to lefty. *hmmm. He can't hold it. He has his hands full at the moment (buh dum tsss). I'll just put it on him.* The Medic jabbed the bonesaw through the wrist of lefty. It dropped the knife. *see it's already giving up its past belief. Another successful procedure.*
The Sniper screamed in pain. He sang the song of hatred. You know the one. It's the one that consists mostly of four letter words. Sometimes the lyrics change.
Righty won the battle and the smile disappeared from the Sniper's face. Now he had to help the Medic. You know. To return the favor.
The RED picked up his fallen "Shiv" this time in his right hand, and slashed the Medic leg open. The Medic stopped smiling as well.
"Sniper! Oh mein gott! I hate you so much! Thank you though!" within a few seconds the Medic was okay due to his regeneration, "Now it's your time Herr Sniper" he quikly fixed up his teammate with his "Quick-fix" (buh dum tsss! Laugh already goddammit!)
"Aye thanks mate!" the Sniper checked his wrist for any more damages. There were none, "Well time to move on."
They started to walk down the spiral ramp but then realized something.
"Oi, what just happened?"
"I do not know Sniper. And quite frankly I don't veally care." They both dismissed the thought and continued walking. When they reached the bottom they were greeted by the large barrel of a rocket launcher.
"Maggots!" the BLU Soldier said, "you are the only ones left! I will fight you with honor as Sun Tzu would!" He tossed aside his rocket launcher and pulled his trusty "Market Gardener" off his belt, "I am Painis Cupcake!" He tilted his back so they could see his full grin and eyes under his helmet, "I will eat you!"
Without hesitation the Medic stabbed Painis with his "amputator." But nothing happended. The Soldier looked at him, "I will not fight you sister! I only fight warriors!" The Medic looked offended.
"Fine then! Sniper! Good luck!" he then sat down like it was nothing. After all what was he going to do. Painis Cupcake could easily kill all of them. The only that held him back was the Soldier whom he had possessed, who was determined to retain his honor.
So then it began. The RED Sniper and BLU Sol.. erm… Painis Cupcake, went at it with the Medic on the sidelines.
The Sniper faked a slash to the left but quickly spun and attacked from the right side only to be met by Cupcake's "Paincake" which is what he called the "Shovel" It pushed forward and threw the Sniper back who did a backwards somersault and hopped back up again. It was already upon him though for it had used its powers to teleport in front of him. It smashed down forwards with the "Paincake" which was now glowing with pure energy. Sniper deflected the blow with his "Shiv" and rammed it with his shoulder. It staggered back, surprised by the attack.
You could almost hear the "boss fight music" playing in the background. No, wait. You could hear it. The Medic noticed a small radio attached the Painis Cupcakes's back. It looked suspiciously like the Scout's "Boston Boombringer." On it were the words "Painis Partier" painted on with yellow paint. Sometimes you never knew what to expect from it.
Quickly the Sniper dodged another blow form Painis. However Painis then stepped on Sniper's foot and pushed him forward, causing him to trip and stumble to the ground.
"Maggot!" Cupcake swung down with atomic force. The Australian rolled out of the way though and the "Paincake" became stuck in the cement ground. Frowning as it tried to pull it out, Painis realized his precious was lost. Turning around with a deep frown on his face it pointed at the Sniper's "Tribalman's Shiv" and it turn to a stuffed kitten.
"Really!" The Sniper threw it to the ground and raised his fists. He swung forward with his right hand and blocked a punch with his left. Painis parried the Sniper's fist like a sword and counter with an uppercut which caught Sniper in the jaw. This however only enraged him and he let a thousand quick punches all of which caught it in the gut. It fell down to the floor in agony and whispered his last words, "You.. were a… g-good coffee cake" then its tounge rolled out and he closed his eyes. Then a little soldier ghost floated out of it and into the ceiling.
"Vell," the Medic said, "zat vas rather odd."
"You're telling me," Sniper replied, "let's get outta here." They started to walk away. Intelligence in hand because, well… old habits die hard.
"I don't think so tireur d'élite," a small butterfly knife embed itself into the Sniper's back, "did you forget about me?" Sniper fell to the ground, screaming in pain. Before the Medic could do anything he was shot in the head with an ambassador. He too fell to the ground. "and that was for the flying saw!" The BLU Spy flicked his cigarette onto the Medic. He obviously thought he was dead. He then walked out of the room. The only evidence that he had been there was the trademark balisong in a certain merc's backside.
"Mate," the Sniper was just barely hanging on, "I don't know if you're dead, but if you aren't… I'm sorry." Then he faded away. A lone tear shed itself from the Medic's closed eyes. He had lost yet another teammate. He could already feel his regeneration start to heal him. He had barely survived himself. He pushed himself up with all his strength and turned his "Quick-fix" to the Sniper. He slid the lever forward slowly. The beam didn't come out. Sniper was dead.
After about two hours of sobbing while the Medic rejuvenated he was ready for revenge. This time everyone would die. The German doctor would become infamous yet again. This time, nobody was safe. Not even the announcer. He could tell she had left the building when he made this decision. She knew. Soon, so would all of BLU.
He stormed out of the room with his "blutsauger" and his fallen friend's "Tribalman's Shiv." He left his "quick-fix" behind. He wasn't healing anyone anymore.
Just outside the intel was the resupply room. He checked there first. Inside he found none other than BLU Spy. He appeared to be dozing off. Of course he didn't expect anyone to be alive to harm him. Very quietly the Medic stepped in front of him. He then tapped on his shoulder.
The BLU double agent was greeted with none other than the RED Medic's bloodcrazed face. His face showed the most emotion it ever had. Specifically the emotion of fear. "How?!" he said frightened.
"Regeneration, Arschloch. And now you will pay!" lifting his "blutsauger" to the foe's face he let a burst five needles puncture the Spy's mask and flesh underneath. While the Frenchman was clutching his face desperately trying to remove the syringes the Medic very calmly walked behind him and very slowly slid the butterfly knife into the Spy's back. He knew just the right place to put it so he would not feel it until it moved up or down and he slid it there with surgical precision. When the Spy was done plucking out the syringes the mad scientist flicked the knife sending a sudden wave of pain all the way through the BLU's body. He fell to the ground spasaming in pure agony. Finally the Medic thrust the Sniper's "Tribalman's Shiv" into the Spy's neck. He twisted a full 360 degrees then yanked it out. The BLU Spy choked on his own blood and then bled to death. But not before the Medic made sure that the knife in the Spy's back had been slid all the way through him and out the other side.
"Zat, Vas doctor assisted homicide!" he let out a long and maniacal laugh. *Now! Who is next!* his question was answered when the pyro walked into resupply. It looked at the Medic then at the Spy, then it ran. It didn't get far for the medic had pulled the Spy's "ambassador" out of his pocket and shot the pyrotechnician in the back of the knee. He fell to the ground clutching at his injured leg.
"mmph mmph mmmpphhrim," it said through its mask. The Medic walked up to it with the Sniper's "Shiv"
"Now then," he spoke in sarcastic voice, "let's see whats underneath that mask. I'm sorry friend but I'll just have to cut it off you in order to tell!" The Medic straddled the fallen Pyro. He swung the knife and decapitated the Pyro, "oops! I missed!" yet another throaty laugh was realeased form his through. Blood spurted from its jugular coating the Medic's labcoat and face. He didn't care. There were more patients that required aid.
"Dummkopf!" a voice said behind him. The BLU Medic.
"How delightful! A man of equal expertise!" the RED dropped his weapons except for his "Blutsauger." The BLU did the same but he had only his "overdose." The RED doctor fired twenty syringes at his counterpart but then unsuspectingly threw his gun. While the BLU version was dodging the slow moving syringes he did not see the flying gun. He was hit on the nose and he started bleeding. Then the RED Medic tackled him to the ground and slammed his fists into his face. Even though they were equals, the RED had an advantage, madness. At this moment in time madness was driving him forward and nothing could stop that not even five Painis Cupcakes or five thousand Merasmuses. Delivering one last uppercut the RED Medic used all his energy in one punch which was worth it to see the BLU's head go flying across the room and bouncing off the wall.
"My diagnosis. A VERY severe headache! HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahaha." Nothing could stop the Medic now, NOTHING! Except for maybe…
"Mate," it was the BLU Sniper. He was clutching at his sides, severely injured. No wait. The Medic rubbed his eyes and looked again. It was the RED Sniper.
"How… How are you still alive?" the Medic asked, madness leaving his mind.
"You killed him!" the Sniper asked.
"Yes, komrade, I did. I did it for you!"
"Why?" he asked confused.
"To avenge you." The RED Sniper now stood in front of the Medic.
"What?" The Sniper fell to his knees.
"I thought you were dead!" the Medic said with relief. He was now resisting the urge to blink back tears. Eventually he could hold it no longer. He blinked. And before him kneeled the BLU Sniper. His tears had washed away the blood he had put into them when he rubbed his eyes with his blood soaked gloves. Then unexpectedly, while the Medic was recovering from the shock, the BLU Sniper slashed the RED Medic's side open. He knew he would not regenerate from that one. He had already lost too much blood.
They fell to the ground simultaneously. Everyone was dead. The Medic had killed them all in his maddened onslaught.